Planning Anxiety vs. Procrastination

AJC430

Hey ladies! I'm about 8 months out and - have very little done. 

We got engaged Christmas Eve, 2015 and didn't set a date/budget for a while (there were a lot of moving parts) until April this year. 

Date is April 2016. But looking at my checklist, I have very little done! I have to send my STDs out soon but we don't take engagement photos until the end of September. 

I think I'm still in lala land a bit when it comes to the wedding, like I can't still believe that it's happening and making plans for it just seems like I'm doing too much too far in advance. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you do your planning strictly by the checklist? 

novella1186

AJC430 said:

Hey ladies! I'm about 8 months out and - have very little done. 

We got engaged Christmas Eve, 2015 and didn't set a date/budget for a while (there were a lot of moving parts). 

Date is April 2016. But looking at my checklist, I have very little done! I have to send my STDs out soon but we don't take engagement photos until the end of September. 

I think I'm still in lala land a bit when it comes to the wedding, like I can't still believe that it's happening and making plans for it just seems like I'm doing too much in advance. 

Has anyone else experienced this? Did you do your planning strictly by the checklist? 

I love to plan and get things done in advance, so I got a lot done ahead of time. (ETA by ahead of time, I mean we set our date for more than a year and a half after we got engaged, so by the time we had a year to go we had a lot of the big things booked already). However, I eventually hit a point where I was sick of all of it and did not want to do a thing, so I started procrastinating on everything. It happens. 

I used some online checklists as guidelines because for the most part I had no idea what needed to be done when, but I didn't follow them entirely because some stuff worked out better by doing it on my own timeline. 

It did help a lot for me to write my own lists down, and I usually did a weekly list so I didn't get too overwhelmed. For example: All I need to do for this week is book the venue, research caterers, and choose a general color scheme. 

All I need to do next week is contact caterers, set up tastings, and research bands/DJs. 

If I just gave myself a few things to do at a time and didn't put too much on my plate, it all got done and wasn't stressful. 

AJC430

Thanks - I forgot to mention that setting a date was like pulling teeth - and dealing with my FMIL (who is not the planning type) and parents regarding the budget. So there were a lot of unhappy feelings after we got engaged because we were all moving at different paces. 

[Deleted User]

Honestly, I hired a planner to help us organize.  I knew I was smart enough to put together a plan or download a check list or whatever, but I love that my planner says, "Feeley, do this this month."  I didn't have to guess what to do when or worry if I was doing something too soon or too late.

You can get a LOT done in 8 months, but I do suggest you start getting to work in a more focused way now.  I think it's great when people take time to just "be engaged," we did too since we got engaged about 18 months before what will be our wedding next month.

That said, around the 10/11 month mark, our planner started to give us more to do / research / decide on etc.  So far we are not "scrambling" to get things done.  On a scale of 1-10, I'm at a 2.75 for being nervous about the music getting done (no DJ- mp3player for us) because it was my fiance's major project to work on and he procrastinated a bit.  He has about half of the songs loaded, so still has a decent number to do (we're ripping a lot from CDs and then buying the rest online) and then he needs to organize them at least a little bit to make sure we're not "jumping around" during dinner (we're not playing that song, but you get my drift).  We have 32 days to go- I think he'll make it, but I would have probably had it done by now...

I wouldn't panic right now, but I would say get to work!  Good luck!

AJC430

Thank you!! I am nervous right now because I can't believe it's really happening! 

[Deleted User]

This isn't anything to be nervous about unless you have some thoughts brewing about not getting married.

It REALLY does help if you remember that all you NEED at the end of the day is your SO, an officiant, the license, and witnesses (if needed in your state).  As far as the reception goes, you need to provide food and drink (even if it's just punch and cake; make sure it's not a meal time if you do this), a seat for every ass, appropriate temperature / weather plans / back-ups, and a thankful attitude for your guests.  Everything else is just extra- and hey, do as many extras for your guests (first) and you/your SO as you wish to and can afford.

The best thing I did for myself was to generally keep in perspective that this is one day.  A very special day, but one ca still be married even w/o a chocolate fountain, or a veil, or favors, etc.  What makes it special is the actual marriage and in my case, all of the people who will be coming to share that day with us.  Even if you have a private ceremony, it'll be just as special for you w/o guests because you're marrying the person you love the most.

Hang in there.  The ladies here are brutally honest (a good thing!) and smart (also a good thing).  They'll steer you straight when you find yourself over-thinking or taking a wrong turn.

princessleia22

I had a lot of things that got done at the beginning, about a year in advance, like booking venue & vendors... all those things that really need to be done early on. Dress shopping was included in that early push.  Then I did almost nothing until about 2 months before the wedding. I didn't need to know favors, decorations, any of that crap until right before the wedding, so they got put off until the end.  I had about 6 months of feeling like I was slacking because I did absolutely nothing wedding related, but there wasn't anything that needed to be done during that time.

lnixon8

Like novella I needed to take a break too. It was great.

I didn't use the checklist religiously but it is a good place to start. I liked the budgeting tool more. I would say get your top priorities done first: whatever you're willing to spend the most money on, or least likely to budge on, make sure that gets DONE. For me that meant church and catering.

If you don't really care about getting your cake, dj, or video let I would worry about that later.Towards the end I was saying buh-bye to things I didn't care about: diy centerpieces, programs, etc. 

Don't worry about getting things done too far in advance... as long as your under a year away I think the more you can get done now the better.

novella1186

FeeleyToBe said:

This isn't anything to be nervous about unless you have some thoughts brewing about not getting married.

It REALLY does help if you remember that all you NEED at the end of the day is your SO, an officiant, the license, and witnesses (if needed in your state).  As far as the reception goes, you need to provide food and drink (even if it's just punch and cake; make sure it's not a meal time if you do this), a seat for every ass, appropriate temperature / weather plans / back-ups, and a thankful attitude for your guests.  Everything else is just extra- and hey, do as many extras for your guests (first) and you/your SO as you wish to and can afford.

The best thing I did for myself was to generally keep in perspective that this is one day.  A very special day, but one ca still be married even w/o a chocolate fountain, or a veil, or favors, etc.  What makes it special is the actual marriage and in my case, all of the people who will be coming to share that day with us.  Even if you have a private ceremony, it'll be just as special for you w/o guests because you're marrying the person you love the most.

Hang in there.  The ladies here are brutally honest (a good thing!) and smart (also a good thing).  They'll steer you straight when you find yourself over-thinking or taking a wrong turn.

YES!!! I think way too many people lose perspective. I always said leading up to our wedding that all I need is my FI (now H) and officiant. Everything else is just extra. 

AJC430

I think because I've been engaged for so long (feels so long at least) that it almost feels like the day will never come! I know that's a crazy thought, but I feel like I'm in the twilight zone - a perpetual period of time where we're almost married but not quite. 

julieanne912

I planned the entire thing in 7 months (engaged in Feb, getting married in 3 days), so the checklist wasn't always applicable.  I did find it helpful if I looked at it more as an "order of events" versus having to get things done by a specific date.  

My #1 priority was locking down the venue.  Affordable venues here are pretty hard to find and they book up fast.  So I did that first.... like literally had it reserved less than a week after we got engaged.  In hindsight should have done budget and guest list first, but sounds like you've already done that.

I didn't use pictures for my STDs because I didn't have a photographer by the time we sent them out at the 6 month mark.  We didn't even do our engagement pics til June.  Also remember STDs are not mandatory so you don't even have to do them (but I know they're fun to do!)

I think at this point, just worry about locking down your vendors.  I would say you'd want to have them all set by about the 6 month mark.  Everything else after that just do little by little... you're in good shape!

kvruns

I'm not normally a procrastinator but I definitely left a lot until the last 4ish months before the wedding. Venue was nailed down about 10 months ahead, and dress about 9 months but other than that it was more last minute.  Conceptually I knew what was needed and did research but didn't make as many firm decisions and sign on the dotted line until the 4 months or so ahead.

It also depends on how picky you are about certain things and how vendors are in your area.  For example we didn't even look at cakes/cupcakes until 4-5 months head and didn't finalize it until about 6 weeks ahead. We knew any of the places would be able to accommodate the cupcakes so it didn't matter but for some places you have to lock it down much further in advance. Same with food, we were using a restaurant to cater and they all said they didn't need much lead time so it wasn't nailed down until like 5 weeks ahead.

lyndausvi

I never even saw a check list.   We got engaged.  Picked a venue, which in turn picked our date.     

We were OOT, so we did have to planner a little soon on things just do to logistics.  We popped in town 10 months out where we bang out the florist, menu, photographer and my and the BM's dresses.  The photographer's package came with an e-pic session which we planned for the next day.   Would not have one otherwise.

We did STD because is was OOT for everyone and it was a resort town.  Most people can skip them.  We sent the STD at 9 months out.

Then there really wasn't much I did.  I think invitations and music was about it.  I popped back into town 3 months out where I firmed up some things. Cake, flowers, addressed invitations (but did not send them). I also had my one and only alteration and my shower.

9 weeks out my mom dropped the invites and RSVPs started coming in.    Every few days as RSVPs came in I started the table card list and seating chart.  Maybe a few minutes each time.  

 I guess about 4-6 weeks out I started on paper stuff like programs, OOT bags, welcome card, stickers for our candy bar containers.

By 2 weeks out the bulk of the stuff was done.  I flew to the location 7 days out. We tied up loose ends. For example, I had to have all the paper stuff printed. I could not do that where I lived.  Since it was all done I just had to go to the printers with my stick usb card. Didn't take much time.    I had to tweak the seating chart due to some cancellations.  

The last week was pretty stress-free for me. I had a little work everyday, but for the most people I socialized with various guests all week.  At times I was drinking wine, socializing while tying table cards to the starfish.

AJC430

@lyndausvi sounds like a relaxing adventure! I always thought most people sent out STDs - but now that I think about it, some weddings I were invited to recently didn't have them. Things that make you go hmm!

julieanne912

AJC430 said:

@lyndausvi sounds like a relaxing adventure! I always thought most people sent out STDs - but now that I think about it, some weddings I were invited to recently didn't have them. Things that make you go hmm!

I honestly wouldn't have done them in hindsight, or at least just limited to VIPs or people who had to travel a decent distance.  

thisismynickname2

Not to add to anyone's stress, but you also have to be careful about which checklist you use. That's one thing that's great about the community here--- this community advises you get your budget and your guest list figured out first!

I picked up a local wedding magazine recently and saw the general checklist and realized--- because I've been through it and stick around here--- that their checklist was logistically wrong and encouraged bad etiquette! Eek! 

It was like, "set your date! pick your venue! figure out your guestlist! nudge your [whomever] to start working on their toasts!" What??

FTR, the checklist here on TK was particularly helpful due to its level of detail. 

thefanciestbeckler

julieanne912 said:

AJC430 said:

@lyndausvi sounds like a relaxing adventure! I always thought most people sent out STDs - but now that I think about it, some weddings I were invited to recently didn't have them. Things that make you go hmm!

I honestly wouldn't have done them in hindsight, or at least just limited to VIPs or people who had to travel a decent distance.  

I agree with Julieanne. Bear in mind that you have to pay for postage for STD's as well as invitations (and RSVP cards if you're doing the kind they mail back). That can get really expensive!!

anjemon

julieanne912 said:

AJC430 said:

@lyndausvi sounds like a relaxing adventure! I always thought most people sent out STDs - but now that I think about it, some weddings I were invited to recently didn't have them. Things that make you go hmm!

I honestly wouldn't have done them in hindsight, or at least just limited to VIPs or people who had to travel a decent distance.  

I ended up doing this more because we didn't have a bunch of addresses and our STDs were also sort of our holiday cards. But it was really smart. It let us decide in leisure if we really wanted my Mom's cousins to come and I could add some friends before sending invitations.

It also only took our photographer about 2 weeks to get our engagement pictures back. So OP, if you're really on top of ordering your STDs you might be able to get them out by the end of October (which is about when you want to send them out).