Baby/Wedding..postpone?

ammierae

Hi All J

 I am going to sound like a crazy person here, but honestly just looking for some input!

Fiance and I have been together 5 years, engaged over a year, we finally just decided to start wedding planning earlier this year for next July. But now…we want to try for another baby. Our son is already 4… I don’t really want to wait another year and then try. (Yes, I know, i’ve done it all wrong)

I have been thinking of every possible option…do we have late fall-winter wedding next year, wail until  summer 2017, elope? I think my brain is going to explode.

[Deleted User]

My vote is get married, but only because I have never had a biological clock that's been ticking away. 

julieanne912

If you're ok with eloping, why not just do it now? There's no guarantees you will get pregnant on your timeline and if you all already know you want to get married, why not just get it done sooner than later? If you want a wedding with your family and friends present, you don't need tons of time to plan a perfectly nice wedding.

STARMOON44

Get married this Friday? Get married in 3 years? Get married 8 months pregnant?

The only things that matter are what you two want and can afford.

Maggie0829

If I were you I would want to do one thing at a time.  So I would have my wedding and then work on having baby number 2.

But really this is a decision for you and your FI to make.  What is more important to you?  Having another baby now or getting married now?  Or you could be a pregnant bride. Just remember that pregnancy doesn't always happen in your proposed timeline.

And you don't need a year to plan a lovely wedding.  You could easily plan one in 6 or less months.

charlottesmom0626

I guess just what everyone else said.

You have a lot of options; you can have a simple courthouse ceremony with a nice lunch pretty much anytime, and invite whoever. Doesn't really matter if you're pregnant, if that's what you want..Or you can plan a big fancy traditional elaborate wedding, and if you're pregnant then just alter the dress or don't buy one until closer to the date, etc. Or you can elope whenever.

We internet strangers can't really tell you what's right for your family.

My personal opinion: I'd want to have my kids closer in age, so if it was me, I'd probably opt for a nice simple ceremony with close friends and family and a lunch after, regardless of being pregnant or not and work on the baby making during the process. I'd probably plan it 2 months out or so, so there's enough notice for everyone important to make it, but close enough that a dress will fit regardless.

AprilH81

Unless you need a long time to plan the wedding in order to save money you can mostly likely plan a lovely wedding in less than 6 months, especially if you don't have your heart set on one particular venue or "vision".

I planned our wedding in just under 7 months and there was a lot of downtime in there after the vendors had all been booked.

Winter is "low season" for weddings in most areas and there are deals to be had, and even if you don't get a deal you are most likely to get your favorite vendors because they won't be booked solid like they are in peak season.

madamerwin

That's a very tough (and very personal) decision! I can see wanting to do the baby thing ASAP since your son is already four, but that's because I personally wouldn't want anything larger than a four year age gap between kids. Not saying it's for certain, but there's evidence out there that gaps or 5+ years cause kids to grow up more as functional only children - and they won't really be as close to their siblings.

That said, my next-oldest sibling is 4 years older than me, and we're super close. And I'm also very close to my sister who is 6 years older than me, so science and facts don't always equal reality.

All that said, I would probably opt for a small wedding soon (courthouse? Immediate family only? 30 of your nearest and dearest at a restaurant?) and just start the baby-making now. If you plan to get married in 3-6 months, you won't be gigantically pregnant at your wedding, if you're pregnant by then at all.

I get your "want-it-all-now" attitude; H and I started going through IVF screening in the midst of wedding planning. It wasn't FUN, but we really didn't want to delay.

TheCheeseWench

I would just add in that if you were to consider overlapping the two, you need to factor in how you felt during each trimester of your first pregnancy. Working on the babymaking

charlottesmom0626 said:

I guess just what everyone else said.

You have a lot of options; you can have a simple courthouse ceremony with a nice lunch pretty much anytime, and invite whoever. Doesn't really matter if you're pregnant, if that's what you want..Or you can plan a big fancy traditional elaborate wedding, and if you're pregnant then just alter the dress or don't buy one until closer to the date, etc. Or you can elope whenever.

We internet strangers can't really tell you what's right for your family.

My personal opinion: I'd want to have my kids closer in age, so if it was me, I'd probably opt for a nice simple ceremony with close friends and family and a lunch after, regardless of being pregnant or not and work on the baby making during the process. I'd probably plan it 2 months out or so, so there's enough notice for everyone important to make it, but close enough that a dress will fit regardless.

I would just add in that if you were to consider overlapping the two, you need to factor in how you felt during each trimester of your first pregnancy. Working on the babymaking could result in some serious fatigue/hormonal stress/hurling-your-guts-out for several weeks even if you aren't showing enough to affect your wardrobe. Also, you never can be assured that the second pregnancy will follow suit to the first, so you would need to be prepared for that as well. I have a friend who had 2 easy pregnancies, and then puked pretty much every single day for the entirety of her 3rd. Not awesome for your wedding day. If it were me, I'd elope. Save the cash for baby expenses.

ammierae

Thank you all!   Yes, I definitely know I want to start on the baby making   I'm thinking going on Vacation in the middle of winter is sounding better and better.