Do good fences make good neighbors?

[Deleted User]

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

ShesSoCold

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

[Deleted User]

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

Maggie0829

I would say no.

What happens if the fence needs to be repaired?  Who pays for it?  Do you split that cost as well? And then what happens if one of you moves?  Do you then have to cover the full cost of the fence because the new neighbors are like "yeah, no" to sharing the costs?

And I don't know about your area but I thought that if you put up a fence then that fence must be on your property.  Meaning just because this portion of the fence will be right at your property line doesn't mean that you should have to share the costs.  It is their decision to put the fence up, not yours so why would you pay for something that you didn't want or need or ask for?

southernbelle0915

Meh, I guess it depends on if you like what she picked out. If I liked it and had the money, sure whatever. But if I didn't like it and/or couldn't afford it, then I'd say no.

Maggie0829

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

[Deleted User]

southernbelle0915 said:

Meh, I guess it depends on if you like what she picked out. If I liked it and had the money, sure whatever. But if I didn't like it and/or couldn't afford it, then I'd say no.

I don't just have $400 laying around.  And if I did, I have many many other things I could spend it on.  Don't we always tell people that you're not allowed to spend other people's money?  Why is she trying to spend mine?  She already paid the $50 permit fee, so they're getting the fence whether we fork over the money or not.

emmaaa

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

So I can just email her and say, "We've decided not to contribute to the fence you've selected."  And we're done?  I'm a city girl (never become friends with your neighbors) living in suburbia and don't want to create enemies.

Maggie0829

adk19 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

So I can just email her and say, "We've decided not to contribute to the fence you've selected."  And we're done?  I'm a city girl (never become friends with your neighbors) living in suburbia and don't want to create enemies.

Pretty much.  Or you could just say "We talked it over and decided not to contribute."

I'm a suburb girl and never in my wildest imagination would I ever consider asking my neighbor what yours asked of you.  My fence = I pay for it.  Not, my fence = ooh I will just try and push some of the cost onto my neighbors since they happen to live right next door.

[Deleted User]

emmaaa said:

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

There already is a fence there.  She wants to replace it.  The current fence is fine, though unattractive, and they're replacing it all around their entire yard.  The side that is shared with us is mostly between our two garages and seems pointless, especially since neither of us have young children or pets.  AND since we already share a driveway, the fence is only along one third of our yard line.  They use our half of the driveway all the time, we never use theirs.  I guess they need us more than we need them, huh?

Maggie0829

adk19 said:

emmaaa said:

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

There already is a fence there.  She wants to replace it.  The current fence is fine, though unattractive, and they're replacing it all around their entire yard.  The side that is shared with us is mostly between our two garages and seems pointless, especially since neither of us have young children or pets.  AND since we already share a driveway, the fence is only along one third of our yard line.  They use our half of the driveway all the time, we never use theirs.  I guess they need us more than we need them, huh?

Do they not realize that this isn't actually a shared fence but rather THEIR fence that just so happens to butt up to your property line?

sparklepants41

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

So I can just email her and say, "We've decided not to contribute to the fence you've selected."  And we're done?  I'm a city girl (never become friends with your neighbors) living in suburbia and don't want to create enemies.

Pretty much.  Or you could just say "We talked it over and decided not to contribute."

I'm a suburb girl and never in my wildest imagination would I ever consider asking my neighbor what yours asked of you.  My fence = I pay for it.  Not, my fence = ooh I will just try and push some of the cost onto my neighbors since they happen to live right next door.

Exactly. Whose property line is it on? Who purchased it initially? Are there fence poles? If so, if they are facing your neighbor, it is your neighbor's fence and therefore their responsibility to replace. 

emmaaa

adk19 said:

emmaaa said:

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

There already is a fence there.  She wants to replace it.  The current fence is fine, though unattractive, and they're replacing it all around their entire yard.  The side that is shared with us is mostly between our two garages and seems pointless, especially since neither of us have young children or pets.  AND since we already share a driveway, the fence is only along one third of our yard line.  They use our half of the driveway all the time, we never use theirs.  I guess they need us more than we need them, huh?

I'm sorry, I misread that! Then I would definitely not contribute.

OliveOilsMom

I think she should have asked well before, since she already has a contractor and the permit.  I would probably be inclined to pay for my half since I like having fenced in yards, but that is solely my feelings on fencing.  I also don't see the harm in asking your neighbor that shares the fence, if they would contribute to their portion of the fence, they are free to say no.

Since you don't care about the current fence and don't want to pay, then say no.  I think saying "Joyce, I'm so sorry, but we have other projects around the house that we are focusing our attention to now.  So we will be unable to assist in paying for the fence."  If she tries to pull the pay over time, then just say, "I'm sorry, but that would still interrupt our current projects."

anjemon

OliveOilsMom said:

I think she should have asked well before, since she already has a contractor and the permit.  I would probably be inclined to pay for my half since I like having fenced in yards, but that is solely my feelings on fencing.  I also don't see the harm in asking your neighbor that shares the fence, if they would contribute to their portion of the fence, they are free to say no.

Since you don't care about the current fence and don't want to pay, then say no.  I think saying "Joyce, I'm so sorry, but we have other projects around the house that we are focusing our attention to now.  So we will be unable to assist in paying for the fence."  If she tries to pull the pay over time, then just say, "I'm sorry, but that would still interrupt our current projects."

I like this response. I would also say you can turn down an offer of monthly payments with something along the lines of "thank you for the offer but we don't like to owe money to our friends and neighbors". It's generally a bad idea and I think she should understand that.

[Deleted User]

http://st.hzcdn.com/simgs/46e25b5204af2ee9_8-6956/home-design.jpg

Our driveway is kinda like this (I hope the link works, I just used google images.)  So the fence doesn't even fence in the whole yard.  Unless I were to put a fence down the middle of the driveway or across the driveway towards the back, I would never have a fenced yard.  And if I did, I wouldn't choose a picket fence for between the yards.  If I'm putting up a fence, I want a, "I don't talk to my neighbors, make this as tall and opaque as possible" fence.

sparklepants41

emmaaa said:

adk19 said:

emmaaa said:

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

There already is a fence there.  She wants to replace it.  The current fence is fine, though unattractive, and they're replacing it all around their entire yard.  The side that is shared with us is mostly between our two garages and seems pointless, especially since neither of us have young children or pets.  AND since we already share a driveway, the fence is only along one third of our yard line.  They use our half of the driveway all the time, we never use theirs.  I guess they need us more than we need them, huh?

I'm sorry, I misread that! Then I would definitely not contribute.

Whoops. I misread as well. It's her fence. If she wants to replace her own fence that's on her. If she had expected you to help her with the cost of the fence that separates her yard from yours, she should have consulted you about fence options first.

But personally, I wouldn't contribute regardless of whether she had consulted me or not.

labro

OliveOilsMom said:

I think she should have asked well before, since she already has a contractor and the permit.  I would probably be inclined to pay for my half since I like having fenced in yards, but that is solely my feelings on fencing.  I also don't see the harm in asking your neighbor that shares the fence, if they would contribute to their portion of the fence, they are free to say no.

Since you don't care about the current fence and don't want to pay, then say no.  I think saying "Joyce, I'm so sorry, but we have other projects around the house that we are focusing our attention to now.  So we will be unable to assist in paying for the fence."  If she tries to pull the pay over time, then just say, "I'm sorry, but that would still interrupt our current projects."

This is kind of how I feel too and I really like the wording here too. But we like having a fenced in yard and our neighbors see the benefit of it (they have dogs too). We've discussed potentially re-doing the fence in the future with the neighbors, but if they said "No, we can't." then H and I would still be cool with it and would probably proceed on our own if it was something we really wanted to do. Currently, we share the fence maintenance...if a tree/branch falls from our side and damages the fence we cover the cost/help repair but if it's a tree/branch from our neighbor's side then they cover the cost of the fix.

[Deleted User]

sparklepants41 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

So I can just email her and say, "We've decided not to contribute to the fence you've selected."  And we're done?  I'm a city girl (never become friends with your neighbors) living in suburbia and don't want to create enemies.

Pretty much.  Or you could just say "We talked it over and decided not to contribute."

I'm a suburb girl and never in my wildest imagination would I ever consider asking my neighbor what yours asked of you.  My fence = I pay for it.  Not, my fence = ooh I will just try and push some of the cost onto my neighbors since they happen to live right next door.

Exactly. Whose property line is it on? Who purchased it initially? Are there fence poles? If so, if they are facing your neighbor, it is your neighbor's fence and therefore their responsibility to replace. 

No idea whose property it is on.  No idea who purchased it initially.  We bought the house last September.  It matches the fence along the back and other side of their yard, so I'd say that they did it.  It might actually be ON the property line rather than in their yard.  It's hard to know whose yard it faces since it's one of those 'shadow box' fences that has pickets on both sides.  If we don't play along will we get "more yard" because the new fence will have to be entirely on their property?

kvruns

do you have a fence on any other side of the yard or is it just this small section between the two garages and she wants to replace it? If it is still functional and not looking like it will fall down or would somehow stop doing whatever it is supposed to be doing then I'd say thanks but no thanks.

I've heard of people sharing before if it is mutually beneficial, mostly if they both are wanting to put up a fence and it saves money just having one or something

Maggie0829

adk19 said:

sparklepants41 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

So I can just email her and say, "We've decided not to contribute to the fence you've selected."  And we're done?  I'm a city girl (never become friends with your neighbors) living in suburbia and don't want to create enemies.

Pretty much.  Or you could just say "We talked it over and decided not to contribute."

I'm a suburb girl and never in my wildest imagination would I ever consider asking my neighbor what yours asked of you.  My fence = I pay for it.  Not, my fence = ooh I will just try and push some of the cost onto my neighbors since they happen to live right next door.

Exactly. Whose property line is it on? Who purchased it initially? Are there fence poles? If so, if they are facing your neighbor, it is your neighbor's fence and therefore their responsibility to replace. 

No idea whose property it is on.  No idea who purchased it initially.  We bought the house last September.  It matches the fence along the back and other side of their yard, so I'd say that they did it.  It might actually be ON the property line rather than in their yard.  It's hard to know whose yard it faces since it's one of those 'shadow box' fences that has pickets on both sides.  If we don't play along will we get "more yard" because the new fence will have to be entirely on their property?

I don't think that it is okay to place a fence on (as in half on one side and half on the other) property line.  I doubt that you can get a permit to do that mainly because of property line issues. Typically the fence is on one persons property.  For example H and I live in a town home.  If our neighbors have a fence to the property line and we wanted to get a fence for our yard we would not share the part of the fence that has already been erected on the neighbors property.  But rather we would have a full fence built (so there would be two fence sides, side by side) around our yard within our property line.

And how far off the property line the fence has to be really depends on your city and what regulations they have in place.  Some fences can go right up to, but not over the property line.  So no you may not get "more" yard if that is how they have the fence built.  Even if they move the fence in 2 feet from their property line it may look like you get more yard but in reality you don't because there is still that imaginary property line.

ETA:  And I am not sure but when you bought your home it should have been noted as to whether the fence was your property or not.  If it wasn't noted that the fence was part of your property it is probably safe to assume that it is the property of your neighbors.

sparklepants41

adk19 said:

sparklepants41 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

Maggie0829 said:

adk19 said:

ShesSoCold said:

adk19 said:

Yesterday after work, the nice lady who lives next door stopped by.  She wanted to ask if we wanted to split the cost of our common fence.  That side will cost $860, she said we'd only need to pay $400.  I don't want to.  Do I have to say yes?  Or can I say no?  If so, how?

Details.  The fence currently up is perfectly fine if unattractive.  Most of it is in the 5 feet of lawn between our two garages, so I don't see the point of a fence at all.  We already share a driveway, so the fence is really only along the back third of our our yard.  The only place where it makes sense to have a fence is behind their basketball hoop, but even then, city regulations say that the fence can only be 4 feet tall.  Basically, I'm being asked to give my neighbor $400 to hire a contractor I had no say in choosing to put up a fence style I have no say in selecting at a time of year I had no say in choosing.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't do it.

Any particular detail make you decide that or all of it?  I don't yet know which way FH is leaning, and I'd like to know what to tell him.  I also want to say no, but I kinda want to know How to say no.  Because, "it's not in our budget right now," might lead into, "oh, well you can pay us $100 a month for the next 4 months."  So, how do I say no and keep our neighborly relationship?

You don't have to give an explanation for saying no.

But I think it is kind of presumptous of this neighbor to even ask you to help pay for a portion of THEIR fence that THEY want.  They are getting the fence for their needs and wants so why on earth would you have to contribute at all?

So I can just email her and say, "We've decided not to contribute to the fence you've selected."  And we're done?  I'm a city girl (never become friends with your neighbors) living in suburbia and don't want to create enemies.

Pretty much.  Or you could just say "We talked it over and decided not to contribute."

I'm a suburb girl and never in my wildest imagination would I ever consider asking my neighbor what yours asked of you.  My fence = I pay for it.  Not, my fence = ooh I will just try and push some of the cost onto my neighbors since they happen to live right next door.

Exactly. Whose property line is it on? Who purchased it initially? Are there fence poles? If so, if they are facing your neighbor, it is your neighbor's fence and therefore their responsibility to replace. 

No idea whose property it is on.  No idea who purchased it initially.  We bought the house last September.  It matches the fence along the back and other side of their yard, so I'd say that they did it.  It might actually be ON the property line rather than in their yard.  It's hard to know whose yard it faces since it's one of those 'shadow box' fences that has pickets on both sides.  If we don't play along will we get "more yard" because the new fence will have to be entirely on their property?

Your neighbor just seems completely unreasonable. She took on this project, decided a budget, pulled a permit in her name, and the fence is going around her entire yard. You have every right to decline.

kvruns

adk19 said:

emmaaa said:

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

There already is a fence there.  She wants to replace it.  The current fence is fine, though unattractive, and they're replacing it all around their entire yard.  The side that is shared with us is mostly between our two garages and seems pointless, especially since neither of us have young children or pets.  AND since we already share a driveway, the fence is only along one third of our yard line.  They use our half of the driveway all the time, we never use theirs.  I guess they need us more than we need them, huh?

That's your answer right there.  I personally don't like the "no we don't want to contribute" response because it sounds as if you should be contributing to but you are choosing not to. This is their fence/their idea, so I would just reply saying: We are ok with the fence as it is and do not feel like it needs to be replaced. If you choose to replace it you can but we will not be paying since we do not see a need for replacement.

as for whether or not it will cause friction, who knows. That has more to do with personalities and general interactions as opposed to a suburbia mindset. You saying no to the fence could make them turn cold toward you the same that them parking on your 1/2 of the driveway (or vice versa) could have.

[Deleted User]

Nope.

thefanciestbeckler

This was very presumptuous of her... If she wants a new fence, she needs to pay for it. I grew up in suburbia. This is not a normal thing that people do. I would never approach my neighbors and ask them to help pay for a fence.

KatWAG

We have an angry little dog. So when we moved to suburbia we knew we would need a fence.

We picked a fence and its design. Then H went to the 3 neighbors that would be affect and told them our plans. We would build it completely on our property and pay for it. However if our neighbors wanted, we offered to take down the side of their fence that would face our new fence. This prevents them from having to look at 2 fences.

I would never ask a neighbor to help pay for something I wanted. There is no reason to feel guilty declining.

southernbelle0915

adk19 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Meh, I guess it depends on if you like what she picked out. If I liked it and had the money, sure whatever. But if I didn't like it and/or couldn't afford it, then I'd say no.

I don't just have $400 laying around.  And if I did, I have many many other things I could spend it on.  Don't we always tell people that you're not allowed to spend other people's money?  Why is she trying to spend mine?  She already paid the $50 permit fee, so they're getting the fence whether we fork over the money or not.

Ok, then say that. "Hi neighbor, we have other financial obligations*, so we don't want to contribute to the fence you are building."   *If you want to add in here "and we are fine with the current fence", then do it.

I mean, you asked for thoughts, so those are mine.

novella1186

I would definitely say no, and your neighbor should be fine with a no (I say should because any reasonable person would be, but then again any reasonable person wouldn't have asked someone else to pay for their shit) 

We're in the process of putting a fence around our new yard since there isn't one at all yet and we have 2 dogs. We just got the quote yesterday and it's huge. So the first thing we thought was "Ok, where can we cut back on spending? What can we put off buying for now?" We DEFINITELY never jumped to "Well let's just ask the neighbors to pay for some of it!" No. Absolutely not. 

sparklepants41

I'm thinking your neighbors had a honeyfund.

[Deleted User]

kvruns said:

adk19 said:

emmaaa said:

i would say no. If you never really wanted a fence, then why pay for one now. I would just tell her that y'all are not interested but appreciate her thinking of you. You could also tell her that if she wants to put a fence up, you wouldn't be opposed to it but you also don't want to pay for something that you could live without.

There already is a fence there.  She wants to replace it.  The current fence is fine, though unattractive, and they're replacing it all around their entire yard.  The side that is shared with us is mostly between our two garages and seems pointless, especially since neither of us have young children or pets.  AND since we already share a driveway, the fence is only along one third of our yard line.  They use our half of the driveway all the time, we never use theirs.  I guess they need us more than we need them, huh?

That's your answer right there.  I personally don't like the "no we don't want to contribute" response because it sounds as if you should be contributing to but you are choosing not to. This is their fence/their idea, so I would just reply saying: We are ok with the fence as it is and do not feel like it needs to be replaced. If you choose to replace it you can but we will not be paying since we do not see a need for replacement.

as for whether or not it will cause friction, who knows. That has more to do with personalities and general interactions as opposed to a suburbia mindset. You saying no to the fence could make them turn cold toward you the same that them parking on your 1/2 of the driveway (or vice versa) could have.

Thanks.  I think this is the wording I will use.  

I actually think the husband was embarrassed that his wife was asking us.  He went quickly into the house while she was outside talking to me about it.  It was funny because she specifically mentioned that the neighbor on the Other side was going to be contributing to her portion as well.  But I don't think she's even going to mention it to the back neighbor.  I agree that this whole thing is very presumptuous on her part and I will feel no remorse in declining.