Is 2 years too long to plan?

WriterBrideUK

Hi All,

My FI and I got engaged in July and I started planning almost straight away. When I say planning, I mean putting serious thought into what kind of wedding we want, researching venues, etc - not actually booking anything. I viewed some venues last week (with my Dad, because the wedding will be about a 4 hour drive away from where we currently live and my FI had to work - he'll view at a later date). We're thinking of making bookings and putting down the deposit on our venue by the end of this year. We want to get married in summer 2017.

Am I mad for planning this soon? We'll be moving next year, to close to where we'll get married - it's where I'm from originally and all of my family are there. So that will be time-consuming and stressful. Plus I want to DIY a lot of stuff for the wedding - partly to keep costs down, but mostly because I enjoy that kind of thing. Also, we figure that the more time we have, the more flexibility we'll have in terms of keeping in budget. Not to mention, I'm really indecisive so the more time I have to make my mind up, the better lol.

I just find myself feeling a little self-conscious when people ask...in case it seems ridiculous to be planning already. Other people I know seem to get married around a year after they get engaged so it seems natural for them to plan straight away.

What do you guys think? Did anyone here plan for that long? Or maybe longer?

Thanks xx

monkeysip

We had a two year engagement, and in the first year, I really just looked for ideas.  We booked our church about 15 months in advance, and we looked at a few venues around that time.  But we couldn't book our venue until a year anyway.  

I think its fine to start just looking and thinking about the big picture now.  BUDGET, venue, approximate guest list, etc.  But don't get so wrapped up in details yet.  You'll burn out.  DON'T do things like buy a dress or choose your wedding party 2 years in advance.  Those things should wait until around the 1 year mark or even later.

WriterBrideUK

monkeysip said:

We had a two year engagement, and in the first year, I really just looked for ideas.  We booked our church about 15 months in advance, and we looked at a few venues around that time.  But we couldn't book our venue until a year anyway.  

I think its fine to start just looking and thinking about the big picture now.  BUDGET, venue, approximate guest list, etc.  But don't get so wrapped up in details yet.  You'll burn out.  DON'T do things like buy a dress or choose your wedding party 2 years in advance.  Those things should wait until around the 1 year mark or even later.

Thanks for this! Yes, it's mostly ideas for me, with the exception of the venue. I won't be making any hard decisions until next year. And I realise, particularly with the little things, it's easy to burn out, plus I might change my mind. It's really hard because I'm so excited and I want to do everything now, ha ha!

The one thing I've done, stupidly and sort of accidentally, is choose my wedding party too early. More because my friends and I have discussed weddings previously and it's all just been sort of assumed. I've never actually directly asked. Stupid of me, I know, but I'm ok with the assumed selection, luckily

ShesSoCold

I was engaged for two years too. We used the first year to get passed stupid ideas and have real decisions on big things like budget and location so when we bought and booked things, we were ready to with no second guesses. It was nice to worry about one thing at a time and not be rushed with anything.

hellohkb

Nope. We got engaged early November 2013 and we're getting married this upcoming January. We booked our venue right away (like February or March 2014) but the rest of the time was perfect to shoot around ideas. I'm so glad we had a long engagement. It gave us time to know what we really wanted, learned the proper etiquette, and save up extra money. It also helped me learn what I really wanted in a wedd g dress, oddly enough.

kimmiinthemitten

We have an 18 month engagement and we immediately started looking at our budget, guest list, venue, and caterers.  

Depending on where you are, some of these things may book early!  We have a December 2016 date; I called 22 venues, spoke to 13, and of them only 4 had both of our ideal dates available!  Our catering company has a contract for a corporate holiday party on one of the dates as well.

WriterBrideUK

Oh good, I'm not mad then! I guess time is flying by anyway. By the time we book the venue, at the end of this year, it will be 18 months away, and like you say, venues get booked up. And I'm learning loads from these forums. I'm really enjoying the planning so it's no bad thing for me

Thanks all for your replies - I feel reassured now xx

Pupatella

I don't think it's too early to start planning. And if you find your perfect venue, and they allow you to book over a year in advance, I say go for it!

We will have about a 13 month engagement. I am so glad that we had over a year to plan everything, as I had very few stresses regarding planning. Also, I feel like a lot of the little details are already together 2 months in advance (and I have done a lot of the little details myself over the year).

Nothing wrong with starting early, and getting everything together little by little, I think that is super smart.

I will say that my FI and I are anxious to get the show on the road already, but I think that is a normal feeling whether you have a two year engagement, or a six month engagement.

Good luck and enjoy this exciting time in your life!!

lnixon8

Nothing wrong with starting early- I was glad I had 18 months. Don't send out save the dates to people you're sort of close to or just met...you might not want to invite them when it comes to actually inviting people. Also remember that DIY doesn't mean saving money.

You'll love these baords- good luck!

kvruns

You said you are really indecisive, when you finally do make a decision will you stick with it? That would be my only concern with the long planning, will you end up putting down money or making DIY things and then change your mind 6 months later? That would be my only concern. 

For me personally planning for 18-24 months would have driven me crazy. We had a year and I got tired of thinking about things or having it in the back of my mind despite the fact that we kept things pretty low key.  2 years would have killed me!

MrsMack10612

We had a 3 year engagement.  I think the first year was spent with ideas, coming up with budget, how we were going to save, that sort of thing.

We wanted to book venues and hotel blocks as early as possible because we live in a high tourist area for the time of year we wanted to get married in.  I think we had most of that taken care of 2 years out, or maybe 18 months.  

We had a very clear idea, pretty quickly, of what we wanted.  By getting the big stuff out of the way early, it made planning and getting everything together really stress free.

novella1186

We were engaged for a little over a year and a half, and started planning right away. We booked our venue that far out; at first I thought it might be too soon but then we realized the venue we wanted was already getting booked up nearly 2 years out, so we were glad we were still able to snag one of the few dates that were left. 

We also got lucky with a few vendors by booking early because they were raising their prices the following year, but when we signed we were locked into the lower price. And we got first pick of the vendors we really wanted (we were able to get a very in-demand photographer and bluegrass band) because it was early enough that the were still free. 

I agree that it's too early to think about details, but getting the big stuff out of the way isn't a bad idea. Plus, since you have so much time, you can do things one at a time. We booked our venue in December, our band in January, our caterer in March, etc. Slow-paced and stress-free with plenty of time to do research and think through everything. 

MyNameIsNot

We were engaged for about 21 months. We started with budget and guest list, and were able to book our venue 18 months out. After that, we didn't do much other than look at ideas until we were closer to the 9 month mark.

I will caution you with the WP. It's great if you have long time friends and don't end up wanting to break up with one of them a year later, but there's also the other side of wanting to add someone later. Especially with moving, you may find that you get closer to an old friend or that you make a new friend that you want to add. If it's well known that your bridal party is set now, asking someone else a year from now would be an after-thought. Try to downplay the WP aspect for now. 

pinkcow13

We were engaged for nearly 2 years. We got engaged in September of 2013 and had our venue booked by December (started going to places in October). We discussed budget and number of guests, and type of wedding we wanted. Then we started looking at venues. We're in NYC, so a lot of venues book WAY in advance which is why we wanted to look early. We also booked our photographer on the early side. IMHO it's never too soon to start planning, I think it helps relieve some of the stress later on.

Knottie1430965129

FI and I got engaged in Dec 2013 and our wedding is May 2016. It took us almost a full year to find our perfect venue, and we finally booked in Nov 2014, but at that point there was only 1 weekend left in the month we wanted, so it pays to have more time! It also helped having a long engagement because I was in nursing school, so with the added stress of classes, clinicals, boards, it was nice to be able to pick up on wedding things "at my leisure" and knock smaller things like DJ, photographer, florist out in a weekend (after much consideration and looking through reviews/portfolios, and previous events of course). 

WriterBrideUK

Thanks all for your replies. It sounds as if most who had the extra time appreciated it!

kvruns said:

You said you are really indecisive, when you finally do make a decision will you stick with it? That would be my only concern with the long planning, will you end up putting down money or making DIY things and then change your mind 6 months later? That would be my only concern. 

For me personally planning for 18-24 months would have driven me crazy. We had a year and I got tired of thinking about things or having it in the back of my mind despite the fact that we kept things pretty low key.  2 years would have killed me!

I think I'll be ok with the big things. I've always wanted to get married in this particular church, and the reception venue is very 'me'. FI likes them both too, from what he's seen so far, anyway. But you're right about the smaller things - I've already changed my mind on a couple of things! I figure the extra time allows me to have lots of ideas and mull them over until I come to a decision that I know I'll stick with. I know what I'm like so I'll be careful not to buy something the day after I think of it lol.

MyNameIsNot said:

I will caution you with the WP. It's great if you have long time friends and don't end up wanting to break up with one of them a year later, but there's also the other side of wanting to add someone later. Especially with moving, you may find that you get closer to an old friend or that you make a new friend that you want to add. If it's well known that your bridal party is set now, asking someone else a year from now would be an after-thought. Try to downplay the WP aspect for now. 

I have to say, although I'm feeling ok about it, it would be the one thing I'd advise anyone on (and I'm only 2 months in lol!). If I could turn back time, I would never have discussed bridesmaids with my friends before actually being engaged. It was so stupid - I had no idea how my outlook might changed once I was. Two of them are my younger sisters, so that's fine. Another two, I've been close to for 14 and 16 years, and are like sisters to me. I know that could change but if it does, I've got bigger problems than my bridesmaids. The other is a close friend I've known for about 5 years. She's the only one I've had any doubts over. But she's definitely assumed she's in, and I've gone along with that, so that's how it is! I know it would mean the world to her, and she's such a loyal, kind person to have as a friend, and has been there for me so much, that I feel it's only right. I guess my doubts have come about only because she's not quite in the 'sister' category like the others. Plus one of the other bridesmaids has a sister, who I used to be very close with - I still am, we have a strong bond, but just don't see each other much. So I feel a bit weird that the 5yr friend is bridesmaid over her, unless I have 6 (which I'm not totally against). But you're definitely right, I'm going to downplay the bridesmaid thing for now, and ask them officially when I know for sure! Phew, that was a bit of a ramble!

KeyToHisHeart2017

My FI and I got engaged in May and are talking about a Spring/Summer 2017 wedding. Mainly because I've been in school for 2 years and haven't really worked so when I graduate in December we will be able to save money to pay for it. We researched a few venues and we have it narrowed down to 2 based on reviews and pictures but haven't actually gone to see them yet. We don't want to do that until we set a date. As of right now we are mostly just throwing ideas around in random conversation about what kind of wedding we want, and colors, and everything else. I don't have much helpful information, but I'm glad you asked so that I can get some information as well! Good luck in planning!

APDSS22

My husband and I were engaged for almost exactly 2 and a half years.  We had been talking marriage long before that so the engagement just made it official.  I don't think I booked anything other than my venues (church and reception space) any more than a year out.  I think we started talking to the priest earlier.  The first year was mostly just budgeting everything out and trying to pull more shifts to get more money to play around with.  I might have started a rough guest list just to start pulling that together earlier rather than later.  Then just looking at things and trying to decide what DH and I wanted for our wedding.

With a long engagement, do be careful who you talk about your wedding with.  A lot of people will assume they are invited and you don't want to have that awkward conversation when it's getting close to your wedding date that unfortunately even though you have spoken of nothing but your dream wedding since you got engaged, that person is not actually invited.  Also, if you haven't actually said something along the lines of "of COURSE you're going to be my bridesmaid! What do you think about taffeta?"  You should downplay the bridesmaid thing.  All sorts of things happen.  People can change, even people you have known forever.  You don't want your only two options to be never speak to someone again or have a bridesmaid you can't stand. 

And I second what PP have said.  Do not send out STDs too early.  Do not send STDs to anyone you are not 100% positive NEED to know that information that far in advance.  Keep it to VIPs like close family that you can't get out of inviting and anyone you have basically asked to be a bridesmaid.  And work out the budget for everything before you start telling people they are invited because it happens way too often on here that someone verbally invited a bunch of people and then figured out they couldn't actually afford to host those people and they want a way to "get out of it politely".  There is no such thing.

[Deleted User]

Well if it works for you, then 2 years is perfectly fine. A 2 year engagement doesn't necessarily mean a 2 year intense planning. Sometimes, the first year is for saving up followed by the year of the actual preparation, researching, booking, etc. 

ScottishSarah

We had 2.5 years planning.  We booked the venue straight away (and even then didn't get our first choice of date - no biggie) and the celebrant.  I tried to hold off on other things just in case I changed my mind.  We still managed to verbally invite some people that we don't really see any more (like workmates that have left the company) but we're obviously stuck with that now, so take that as a cautionary tale!