Stupid Anxiety (sorry... long...)

wrigleyville

Does anyone else feel this way sometimes?

I just bought a car. My monthly budget has become really tight, but I have credit cards in case of an emergency, and the budget will loosen up quite a bit when I pay off three bills over the next few months.

I have a job I like. I've been there for about six months, and there's no sign I'm going to lose this job. My boss keeps using future tense when talking to me and praised me quite a bit last Friday.

However, since I just bought the car last week, I'm still full of anxiety and near-panic that I'm going to lose my job, which means I won't be able to afford my bills, which means my credit will go in the toilet again (after spending four years repairing it), etc, etc.

It's baseless anxiety. I have NO reason to believe I'm going to lose my job. None. On the other hand, my brain keeps saying, "Nothing is guaranteed! You can't count on that!" and other stupid thoughts.

I know I'm being stupid. I know it's ridiculous. But I can't stop.

My boss told me I can work extra hours, so I'm going to work as much overtime as possible. I've also cut as many expenses as possible, no matter how small. Netflix is only $8/month, but I hardly ever watch it anymore, so there it went.

I should definitely see a therapist, as I've gone through a divorce, getting a new job, moving into a new place, losing my pets (ex-H has them... mutual decision), and now this (big) new expense. That's a LOT of life changes in just several weeks. On the other hand, I can't afford a therapist, even the ones who do sliding scales. :P 

Will this feeling pass? I'm hoping it will, once I get a couple car payments under my belt and pay off those other bills. I just hate thinking I'm going to feel this way for the next few months. Ugh.

I think a big part of it is adjusting to having one income again. When I was with H, I had that security blanket (his huge savings account, his huge income, and having someone to come home to and distract me and make me feel safe and secure). Now that I'm alone again, with no pets, it's just this quiet house and me alone with my thoughts.

STARMOON44

Since you can't afford therapy yet, what about other stress reduction tactics? Not talking about cutting expenses or budgeting (in a way that's just feeding the anxiety) but things like square breathing, yoga, walking every day etc. personally I always think "no but wait this time I just need to fix bad situation!!!" but actually trying to calm down always needs to be my first step.

[Deleted User]

Yep. This is me except I work at a company where they WANT you to constantly trying feel like you're going to be fired. It's so toxic. I am also the primary earner in my house. Fiance would still be with his parents if I didn't pay the rent, utilities, groceries... he can only afford to pay his bills and even so, when he has medical procedures many times still has to ask them for help. ETA so I feel a lot of pressure to not make us destitute. We're working on building up our savings but it's not where either of us want it yet...

I started meditating earlier this year and it's helped a lot. It's not a quick fix- it takes time to learn how to calm your mind, and even then there are days you can't turn your brain off. I still recommend doing it.

The book Mindfulness in Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana is a good one.

thefanciestbeckler

I feel you. I have struggled with anxiety for a few years now. For me, it is not usually about money or about my job, but it still is usually over things that I have no control over or have no reason to feel anxious about.

You have had a lot of major life changes recently. It is very normal to feel anxious for a while after going through so much. A couple of years ago, my parents got divorced after 28 years of marriage. It was sudden and unexpected. My father left my mom for another woman and ended up getting engaged while he and my mom were still married. He married his now wife 30 days after his divorce to my mom was final. I was not invited to the wedding, but my brother was. On top of all of this, he became very verbally aggressive and cut every one of his family members out of his life - including me (but not my brother) and his 89 year old mother.

You'd better believe I had a lot of anxiety during this time! It does get better. I'm getting my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy right now, and one of my professors taught us a great breathing technique that really helps. It's called "Take 5". Breath in slowly for 5 seconds, let the air fill your lungs completely. Then, hold it for 5 seconds. Blow the air out through your mouth for 5 seconds. Repeat this 5 times. It sounds weird, but it really does help. It slows your heart rate down and floods your body with oxygen, which helps with anxiety.

I hope this helps!! sorry you are going through so much.

thisismynickname2

OP does your employer benefits include an Employee Assistance Program? That could help for no-cost counseling. 

Sending a big hug your way  

OliveOilsMom

Does your job have any sort of connection to free therapy sessions?  Maybe just getting to talk to someone a few times could help you feel more relaxed.  I think PPs suggestions of meditation is good and something you can learn to do without spending much money.   Look into different ways to meditate online.

Is there anyway you could get a small pet?  Like a fish or something that doesn't need a lot of money to care for it?  Just having something else to take care of could help you.

thefanciestbeckler

thisismynickname said:

OP does your employer benefits include an Employee Assistance Program? That could help for no-cost counseling. 

Sending a big hug your way  

This is a great idea! I know the bank I work for has an EAP. You could also try looking at schools. For example, we have a counseling school in my city and a lot of the students become interns there to build up hours. They charge next to nothing, but they are completely trained and qualified to counsel people.

lembaslover

thisismynickname said:

OP does your employer benefits include an Employee Assistance Program? That could help for no-cost counseling. 

Sending a big hug your way  

This is what I was going to suggest. My Employer has EAP and it helped me get 8 free sessions of counselling when I needed it. I believe they also have just a hotline service which you can call at any time and speak to a counselor. I believe some health insurances may offer this or a similar program as well.

You've gone through a lot recently so it's not wonder you've got some anxiety. You mention you lost your pets and now the house is empty, have you considered getting another pet? I know you plan to work overtime so perhaps a dog or cat isn't the best choice but there are other animals which can be great companions and require a much smaller time commitment. You can tell from my username that I'm probably biased but hamsters are definitely one of these. They sleep all day naturally so mine is up and with me in the mornings while I'm getting ready and at night when I'm winding down and watching TV. My fiance thought I was a little nuts until he got to know my hamster and saw how he really is a great companion especially for a busy person. 

That being said they are obviously not right for everyone but I really think animals bring a lot of stress relief and happiness to people. So I recommend researching a few pets and see if one will fit your life. My parents love parakeets, my grandma had a fish tank that brought her a lot of happiness. Just be sure you know and can provide for the needs of the pet. For me pets have really helped pull me out of the darkest times of my life because it gives me something besides myself to care about and focus on.

arrippa

I had the same anxiety when I bought my car. Suddenly, I felt the pressure of getting fired so I can continue to pay off my car. Then I would start to spiral. What helped was breaking down what would happen if I unexpectedly lost my job. After realizing that I would be okay if that happened, the anxiety went away.

madamerwin

I totally feel you. I have serious money anxiety issues, probably stemming from the fact that we didn't have much money growing up and my mom was a stress case about money (not that I blame her, she was raising 4 kids on an almost full-time basis). Whenever H tells me about an upcoming bill, or when I notice our checking account is getting really low, I panic. I start thinking, "Oh my god, we are never going to have a financial cushion, we're going to end up on the streets."

Before I met H, I had gotten myself into a very comfortable financial situation, where I always had a few months' salary in my savings account and I made very few frivolous purchases. H comes from a much more financially stable family, and he pretty much always tells me not to worry, it will work out. But seriously, whenever he tells me he bought something unnecessary, I start to panic. I am a very frugal person, I very rarely buy anything frivolous. I bought myself a $95 Seahawks jersey a few weeks ago, and I actually still feel guilty about spending money on something unnecessary. 

H is the opposite. He can justify any purchase, which occasionally drives me batshit crazy. No, we do not NEED a tow package for the truck. No, we do not NEED a new weed eater. We have very different concepts of want vs. need, but I like to think my frugal ways are rubbing off on him, albeit slowly.

I highly recommend therapy when you're in a position to afford it... It helped me learn to cope with my anxiety. Running also really helped me (as I'm sure any cardio exercise would). 

wrigleyville

engagedhamstermom said:

thisismynickname said:

OP does your employer benefits include an Employee Assistance Program? That could help for no-cost counseling. 

Sending a big hug your way  

This is what I was going to suggest. My Employer has EAP and it helped me get 8 free sessions of counselling when I needed it. I believe they also have just a hotline service which you can call at any time and speak to a counselor. I believe some health insurances may offer this or a similar program as well.

You've gone through a lot recently so it's not wonder you've got some anxiety. You mention you lost your pets and now the house is empty, have you considered getting another pet? I know you plan to work overtime so perhaps a dog or cat isn't the best choice but there are other animals which can be great companions and require a much smaller time commitment. You can tell from my username that I'm probably biased but hamsters are definitely one of these. They sleep all day naturally so mine is up and with me in the mornings while I'm getting ready and at night when I'm winding down and watching TV. My fiance thought I was a little nuts until he got to know my hamster and saw how he really is a great companion especially for a busy person. 

That being said they are obviously not right for everyone but I really think animals bring a lot of stress relief and happiness to people. So I recommend researching a few pets and see if one will fit your life. My parents love parakeets, my grandma had a fish tank that brought her a lot of happiness. Just be sure you know and can provide for the needs of the pet. For me pets have really helped pull me out of the darkest times of my life because it gives me something besides myself to care about and focus on.

I've definitely considered getting a hamster since they're really cute, would give me something to pet/love when I get home, and are also independent enough to where I wouldn't feel guilty being at work all day or out of town on occasional weekends.

I'm not officially hired into my job yet, so I don't have access to their EAP. I'm pretty sure the company has one, though. If so, I'm definitely going to take advantage of it.

I may look for an evening support group in the meantime. I know the Chicago area has tons.

Thanks for listening, everyone.