Boss Driving me to Drink!

lovemesomemonster

This is most likely a vent, just need to get it out there!

I have been working remotely for almost two years now, the first year everything was great, I got to travel and my supervisor was awesome, just let me get my stuff done. At the beginning of this year I was moved to a new position (it was that or find a new job) and the department I was moved to got a new boss. He seemed like he would be good at first, told us that he's pretty hands off. Things have been on a downward spiral ever since and I'm getting to the point that I can't stand my job anymore!

He has implemented all of these tools that we need to fill out, we have a site that we update all of the progress on our projects on which is fine, it's how we communicate to the rest of the department. Then he started daily meetings, we take 15min in the morning to say what we did yesterday and what we are doing today (are we in high school?). While these are a tad annoying I can get over it. Now he wants to be on all emails so he can see what we are doing, and asks to be invited to EVERY meeting we have. I can tell he's not thrilled with having someone work remotely but he has started even addressing me like I am a child instead of an adult professional. He really gives no guidance, instead just uses buzz words when you ask him a question, and nit picks things like a word he didn't like in a presentation. I feel like he is just looking for something to do and I'm sick of having someone breathing down my neck all the time. If I wasn't getting my work done you would hear about it from my stakeholders! 

So long story short, I have about had it, I don't particularly love this new job anyways, and the boss is driving me out. I have tried talking to him about it and it's like it just goes in one ear and out the other. 

Anyone else have to deal with something like this at work? How did you stay motivated? 

[Deleted User]

I don't have a micromanaging boss; I can go for weeks w/o talking to mine and I sit about 25 yards from her office.

That said, I am not motivated where I'm at either.  I don't need constant daily praise but when the ONLY feedback you get from your "internal customers" is complaints delivered at the top of their lungs and peppered with implications of how stupid you are, it gets really old really fast.

Honestly, I'm kind of just hanging on until after I'm married.  Going to try to make it until next June when my 3 year mark is up and then start looking.  I do what I need to do but unlike other places I've worked, I don't give anything extra any more.  I leave at 4:30 on the dot every day, I don't take my laptop home, and I can't even remember the last time I touched my work cell.  It sits on a charger at my house and it hasn't moved for months except for me to dust.

If he's not responding, you can't expect that he will.  You can try to escalate over his head but that all depends on how well you think that would go over.  Sounds like it is in fact time to find a new job.

kvruns

my old boss was like that, super micromanager and eventually drove us all away. I played her games more than some because I'm a peace keeper but it gets really annoying. She was mostly a control freak and that is why she did it although I think that she was also wanting to say hyperinvolved as a CYA type of thing so nothing could come down on her that we did wrong.

lovemesomemonster

@FreeleyToBe sounds like you are in a not so fun situation either, I used to be in sales so I understand the constant negative all day long. The difference for me in that job was my boss left me alone to get stuff done and Iiked the other people I worked with. I agree, time for a new job and I have talked to FI about it. I could go up the chain and I get along with the director really well but at the end of the day he will still be the boss and I will still have to deal with him. My last straw was him making cracks about how he tracks us on IM to make sure we are working.. REALLY!?

@kvruns I don't understand why a person in management can't understand that the best way to lead people is to NOT be on top of them all the time! We are adults and were hired for a reason, let us do our job and be there to help guide when necessary and remove road blocks if needed. Today I have stepped into immature territory and have literally put him on EVERY email, even if it's just a small tactical thing.. enjoy the over communication.

anjemon

That really sucks. I'm sorry. I have mostly found that in situations like that your manager is unlikely to change. You could try and go over his head or something, but usually the management sticks together and nothing changes.

Also I totally feel you on the "what I did yesterday/today" meetings. That was a fad that went through my current place of work. It's called OOBEYA here and some consulting firm came in and implemented it. Luckily very few of my weekly meetings continued on in that format. From what I hear it's not that helpful. It's only really nice in one of my groups where a lot of what we do effects each other and there are some long standing issues. So it's nice to have people who know every detail and can help, but it's crap in cross functional meetings (IMO).

lovemesomemonster

anjemon said:

That really sucks. I'm sorry. I have mostly found that in situations like that your manager is unlikely to change. You could try and go over his head or something, but usually the management sticks together and nothing changes.

Also I totally feel you on the "what I did yesterday/today" meetings. That was a fad that went through my current place of work. It's called OOBEYA here and some consulting firm came in and implemented it. Luckily very few of my weekly meetings continued on in that format. From what I hear it's not that helpful. It's only really nice in one of my groups where a lot of what we do effects each other and there are some long standing issues. So it's nice to have people who know every detail and can help, but it's crap in cross functional meetings (IMO).

I can see how they would be helpful for a team that is all working on one project. However, we all work on our own projects and if I have a roadblock I need help removing I will most likely ask for the help when I need it, not save it for the daily stand up meeting. He tried to put some other tool in place also that would track your activities for the month and you move them to in progress and done etc. We all shot that down really fast, it would work if you all work on one project and everyone can pick up tasks but for separate projects it's just a waste of time.

anjemon

lovemesomemonster said:

anjemon said:

That really sucks. I'm sorry. I have mostly found that in situations like that your manager is unlikely to change. You could try and go over his head or something, but usually the management sticks together and nothing changes.

Also I totally feel you on the "what I did yesterday/today" meetings. That was a fad that went through my current place of work. It's called OOBEYA here and some consulting firm came in and implemented it. Luckily very few of my weekly meetings continued on in that format. From what I hear it's not that helpful. It's only really nice in one of my groups where a lot of what we do effects each other and there are some long standing issues. So it's nice to have people who know every detail and can help, but it's crap in cross functional meetings (IMO).

I can see how they would be helpful for a team that is all working on one project. However, we all work on our own projects and if I have a roadblock I need help removing I will most likely ask for the help when I need it, not save it for the daily stand up meeting. He tried to put some other tool in place also that would track your activities for the month and you move them to in progress and done etc. We all shot that down really fast, it would work if you all work on one project and everyone can pick up tasks but for separate projects it's just a waste of time.

Yeah, when you're doing separate tasks it's not that helpful. And that tracking tool sounds like the one my boss just implemented. But it's for tracking things across our whole group so our department head can know when there are issues or if things are late. It's a pain in the butt, but it is pretty understandable so we're dealing right now. Of course this is the third tracking tool of it's kind since I've started. They're hard to maintain.

novella1186

So honestly when I read the title of your OP I immediately pictured your boss driving you around town as your DD while you got drunk and I was like "Ha, awesome." 

But yeah, that sucks. I have a new boss who's in Switzerland so communicating is a bit difficult, but he insists on having teleconferences with me all the damn time. And then he gets busy and misses the meeting so I sit there and wait for nothing and waste time. I met with my previous boss maybe once per month or she'd send a quick email just to make sure everything was going ok. New boss wants to talk to me multiple times a week and it's always a big waste of time. Annoying. 

I think if you already tried talking to your boss and it didn't get through to him, I'd be looking for a new job. But I'd also try to tell him something like "this meeting isn't necessary and is taking me away from x project, which is due by y date. I'm going to spend my time on that instead of sitting in meetings." 

lovemesomemonster

novella1186 said:

So honestly when I read the title of your OP I immediately pictured your boss driving you around town as your DD while you got drunk and I was like "Ha, awesome." 

But yeah, that sucks. I have a new boss who's in Switzerland so communicating is a bit difficult, but he insists on having teleconferences with me all the damn time. And then he gets busy and misses the meeting so I sit there and wait for nothing and waste time. I met with my previous boss maybe once per month or she'd send a quick email just to make sure everything was going ok. New boss wants to talk to me multiple times a week and it's always a big waste of time. Annoying. 

I think if you already tried talking to your boss and it didn't get through to him, I'd be looking for a new job. But I'd also try to tell him something like "this meeting isn't necessary and is taking me away from x project, which is due by y date. I'm going to spend my time on that instead of sitting in meetings." 

I wish that was the case!!! Work place meetings make me cringe, I personally think that 10% of the time they are worth going to, the other 90% of the time it could have been handled in 5 minutes instead of an hour long discussion.

novella1186

lovemesomemonster said:

novella1186 said:

So honestly when I read the title of your OP I immediately pictured your boss driving you around town as your DD while you got drunk and I was like "Ha, awesome." 

But yeah, that sucks. I have a new boss who's in Switzerland so communicating is a bit difficult, but he insists on having teleconferences with me all the damn time. And then he gets busy and misses the meeting so I sit there and wait for nothing and waste time. I met with my previous boss maybe once per month or she'd send a quick email just to make sure everything was going ok. New boss wants to talk to me multiple times a week and it's always a big waste of time. Annoying. 

I think if you already tried talking to your boss and it didn't get through to him, I'd be looking for a new job. But I'd also try to tell him something like "this meeting isn't necessary and is taking me away from x project, which is due by y date. I'm going to spend my time on that instead of sitting in meetings." 

I wish that was the case!!! Work place meetings make me cringe, I personally think that 10% of the time they are worth going to, the other 90% of the time it could have been handled in 5 minutes instead of an hour long discussion.

And handled in a quick email. 

That's how they all are with my new boss. He could email me a question and I could answer and that would cover more than what we cover in a half hour phone call. Ugh. 

peachy13

Sorry OP, that's a tough situation. My boss used to be like that too and since I'm super passive, I just kind of waited for it to get better on its own, which it did, eventually. We were so out of sync when I first started and even though I had only just arrived, I was definitely wondering if I should look for another job. Basically she thought I was incompetent and I thought she was micromanaging me too much. It was a pain but I started jotting down everything I could in a notepad designated specifically for my boss, so that if she said something contradicting, I could show her my notes. She got the hint that she could trust me as an employee and starting coming around to leaving me alone, our work relationship took about 6 months to settle and now it's 2 years later and things are smooth and good. 

Do other people in your department feel the same way as you? It might be helpful to get together with them to talk about strageties. 

redheadbride15

Oh God I feel your pain. I hate micro-managers. My boss gets anxious about things sometimes and gets super-controlling for these times, but other times I won't hear from her for months. We have an upcoming grant deadline and I swear she has been in my office 10 times today to go over some little thing or other and emails me at least twice a day to ask for the most recent draft of what I'm writing so she can review it. I'm like "Hey, lady - I have 2 doctorate degrees and 15 years of experience in this field. Let me do my thing and I'll give it to you when I'm finished!" She drives away collaborators by trying to micro-manage what they do even when they're full established professors at other institutions.

My poor DH had a similar experience to you at the job just prior to his current one. His old boss left and was replaced by a micro-manager who he did NOT get along with. He struggled for about a year and ultimately resigned before he had a new job lined up because he was so miserable. Turns out to have been a good thing because his current job has been great. So... to look on the bright side, this may just be opening up new wonderful opportunities for you!

lovemesomemonster

Thanks everyone, I really enjoyed the words of encouragement! I have talked to my FI about it as well and this may be the big push we needed to go in a more risky direction we have been talking about for years. He would love to get into flipping houses, he has the knowledge of construction to make this possible and we have already bought and remodeled two foreclosed homes. We had talked about me getting my real estate license to make this easier and even without flipping houses, real estate is something I have wanted to get into. I got a part time job as a day of coordinator for the major resort up here that I start tomorrow and if I'm a good enough fit with the team she will turn it into a full time position sometime closer to April of next year. So, I either stick it out until next year or we take that leap and I give notice and get into the two weeks of classes to do real estate. 

Jen4948

Yes. I dealt with it by sucking it up at work because I get accused of "attitude" and insubordination if I have any other reaction, and by job hunting on the quiet.

doclago

Find a new job.....it sounds like it is creating undo stress. The stress will make you sick. Leave now, while you can leave on decent terms rather than when you are angry.

Alternative would be to address the Boss' boss about, preferably in person with emails to back up your thoughts. You can't go in and talk about your "feelings". You ned to present evidence to back up your facts/experiences.