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Etiquette

Implying a more unplugged wedding? Can it be done politely?

I didn't want to add to the "This Hot Mess" discussion on the Snarky Brides thread, but I had this question and wanted to ask nonetheless:

I want an unplugged ceremony, but mostly because I don't like pictures of myself. I never allow tags on facebook, and i generally won't let people take my picture if I have a choice. We're hiring a professional photog because my FI is insisting, but otherwise I'm not down for pics, during the ceremony or after. However, I'm not going to ask anyone to not take out their cameras/phones/etc. 

Is it ok if we just forego the wedding hashtag (which we're not doing no matter what), and if anyone asks tell them "oh, we're hoping people are dancing/watching/whatever instead of taking pictures" or "we're relying on the professional pics - you know how much I hate pictures anyway" (almost everyone does)? Is it like not asking for cash, when you can just offhandedly mention saving up without outright telling someone to do something? 

Is there a polite way to imply that I read too much Susan Sontag in college (and goodness do I hate how people who say "live in the moment instead of taking pics" don't often get that reference!) and I really don't want people behind their cameras for the ceremony?
KnotRiley

Re: Implying a more unplugged wedding? Can it be done politely?

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have no idea who Susan Sontag is.

    You don't have to have an Instagram hashtag.  However, that and the off hand comments you mentioned above won't really keep people from taking photos of you or asking to take photos with you.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I'm also not a big fan of having my picture taken.  I always feel like I look like a fat, pasty, sweaty mess.  Even in freezing temperatures.  :)

    Unfortunately, weddings seem to be one of those "pictures required" type situations.  You can certainly do your best to dodge the candids and limit the pro pics to whatever you (or your FI) deem absolutely necessary.

    Don't worry about the in the moment nonsense either.  I actually figure folks are more in the moment when taking pics because they are paying attention to take them.  If you are having a religious ceremony in a house of worship, perhaps you could get your clergy-person to "conspire" with you that only pro pics are permitted in the church (wink wink nudge nudge).

    Mostly I would just let it go.  It's going to happen and there's really not too much you can do about it without sounding a little bridezilla-ish and overbearing.  You're going to be so busy and focused on your wedding day you probably won't even notice that much.  If you already don't allow yourself to be tagged on FB, that's about all you can do.  

     

  • Given the popularity of the 'selfie,' I don't think 'almost everyone' hates pictures.

    That said, you are really not going to notice anyone taking pictures during your wedding. It would be rude to explicitly ask people not to take them (barring a venue restriction, as some churches don't permit flashes to be used or even ban pictures entirely), so just don't bring it up and enjoy the day without thinking about pictures.

    Have your FB settings to where you have to approve being tagged and just decline.
    image
  • I like how this wedding hashtag stuff has gotten so popular that couples feel that they're obligated to have one.

    I agree with others that there's not much you can do, and you really won't notice people taking pics.  Just untag any ones you're tagged in.

    SaveSave
    Maggie0829
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Set your fb settings that if you are tagged in a photo you have to approve the tag. I have mine set that way already...bitches post some crazy shit from college for TBT.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    HeffalumpPrettyGirlLost
  • Given the popularity of the 'selfie,' I don't think 'almost everyone' hates pictures.

    That said, you are really not going to notice anyone taking pictures during your wedding. It would be rude to explicitly ask people not to take them (barring a venue restriction, as some churches don't permit flashes to be used or even ban pictures entirely), so just don't bring it up and enjoy the day without thinking about pictures.

    Have your FB settings to where you have to approve being tagged and just decline.
    Sorry...I mean almost everyone I know knows that I hate pictures. I'll never let them take mine, and I never take selfies. I'm pretty vocal about it. :)
  • Unfortunately there is not much you can do. Yes, don't have a hashtag (I didn't even realize that was such a popular thing) and change your FB account settings so guests can't tag you.

    But really, if someone wants to use their phone, they will. I would trust adults to act like adults and not play on their phone during the ceremony.

    As for photos, that is hard. People like to take photos at weddings for them self too, even if they don't post/tag on FB. Even if you don't like photos of yourself, doesn't mean your family and friends wouldn't like a photo of you getting married.

    On the day of, I assure you that you won't notice. My dad offered to set up his video camera on a tripod so we could get a video of the ceremony. As it is not professional quality, you can hear people quietly chatting during sections of the ceremony, our little niece chattering away, the odd camera sound.... I noticed none of that during the ceremony. In addition to our professional photographers, guests took pictures of us with their cameras or using their phones, and I can't remember a time where I thought, "Oh, so and so is trying to take a picture of me". 
    JediElizabeth
  • Maybe just get over it? Like, this doesn't matter. And you could just decide to not care and move on with life.
    InLoveInQueens
  • SP29 said:
    Unfortunately there is not much you can do. Yes, don't have a hashtag (I didn't even realize that was such a popular thing) and change your FB account settings so guests can't tag you.

    But really, if someone wants to use their phone, they will. I would trust adults to act like adults and not play on their phone during the ceremony.

    As for photos, that is hard. People like to take photos at weddings for them self too, even if they don't post/tag on FB. Even if you don't like photos of yourself, doesn't mean your family and friends wouldn't like a photo of you getting married.

    On the day of, I assure you that you won't notice. My dad offered to set up his video camera on a tripod so we could get a video of the ceremony. As it is not professional quality, you can hear people quietly chatting during sections of the ceremony, our little niece chattering away, the odd camera sound.... I noticed none of that during the ceremony. In addition to our professional photographers, guests took pictures of us with their cameras or using their phones, and I can't remember a time where I thought, "Oh, so and so is trying to take a picture of me". 
    Thank you! This does make me feel a lot better. :)

    I have a while, too....my FI is trying to get me to get over the picture thing (he wants way more of us) so maybe I'll try to desensitize myself a bit. 
    SP29
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    monkeysip said:
    I like how this wedding hashtag stuff has gotten so popular that couples feel that they're obligated to have one.

    I agree with others that there's not much you can do, and you really won't notice people taking pics.  Just untag any ones you're tagged in.
    I was thinking the same thing!  

  • I honestly despise having my picture taken and I, like you, was apprehensive about wedding photos. I ended up liking probably 90% of the photos from our wedding, including the blurry phone camera shots that people took the trouble of printing out and sending to us. It just seems to work out that way for some reason. :) 

    I also never noticed any of the pictures or video being taken during the ceremony and several people sent us phone videos of the entire thing afterward! I wouldn't worry too much about it.

    We didn't do a hashtag and I have my Facebook set so that I have to approve a tag. That's really about all you can do. I would hope that most people might allow you the courtesy of being the one to post pictures of your own wedding first, but after all it's an event they are experiencing too, so...there's not much you can do to stop them.
    JediElizabeth
  • I think that wedding hashtags are completely ridiculous.  So I'm on the side of "just don't have one, and untag yourself from FB pictures if you want to."
    YogaSandy
  • JCocco219JCocco219 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    I have actually seen pictures of several weddings recently where they have a framed picture/poster that all guests see when entering the ceremony with a saying about having an unplugged wedding.  I actually think it is kind of a good idea.  You have a professional there taking professional pictures that you have a better chance of liking than the random candid shots of your "bad angle".  I am sure if you google you can find something not nasty to write on it and simply let people know you want them to enjoy the wedding and ceremony and not be focused on taking pictures and posting pictures.

    People will take pictures in the reception because they like to have pictures for themselves, and those you can untag yourself in if you happen to be tagged.
  • JCocco219 said:
    I have actually seen pictures of several weddings recently where they have a framed picture/poster that all guests see when entering the ceremony with a saying about having an unplugged wedding.  I actually think it is kind of a good idea.  You have a professional there taking professional pictures that you have a better chance of liking than the random candid shots of your "bad angle".  I am sure if you google you can find something not nasty to write on it and simply let people know you want them to enjoy the wedding and ceremony and not be focused on taking pictures and posting pictures.

    People will take pictures in the reception because they like to have pictures for themselves, and those you can untag yourself in if you happen to be tagged.

    Your about to be attacked for this opinion, even if your venue asks your to do it, they will all think it is rude..
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  • JCocco219 said:
    I have actually seen pictures of several weddings recently where they have a framed picture/poster that all guests see when entering the ceremony with a saying about having an unplugged wedding.  I actually think it is kind of a good idea.  You have a professional there taking professional pictures that you have a better chance of liking than the random candid shots of your "bad angle".  I am sure if you google you can find something not nasty to write on it and simply let people know you want them to enjoy the wedding and ceremony and not be focused on taking pictures and posting pictures.

    People will take pictures in the reception because they like to have pictures for themselves, and those you can untag yourself in if you happen to be tagged.

    Your about to be attacked for this opinion, even if your venue asks your to do it, they will all think it is rude..
    I think we all know that "attacked" is being dramatic.  Yes, people are going to disagree with you for reasons that have been pointed out a whole bunch - but trying to prevent people from expressing their differing opinion on this by calling it an attack is not going to go over well.

    FWIW, most of us feel like it is micro-manage-y and a tad controlling to dictate this "unplugged" thing when in truth it makes very little difference in the outcome of the ceremony/day/whole experience.  It's all really much ado about nothing IMO.  
    SP29PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829[Deleted User]
  • And IMO there may be a good reason like strict church rules, that ask you to let your guests know.. Just saying no one will agree with this and will simply make the same arguments over and over why they don't like it..
    JCocco219 said:
    I have actually seen pictures of several weddings recently where they have a framed picture/poster that all guests see when entering the ceremony with a saying about having an unplugged wedding.  I actually think it is kind of a good idea.  You have a professional there taking professional pictures that you have a better chance of liking than the random candid shots of your "bad angle".  I am sure if you google you can find something not nasty to write on it and simply let people know you want them to enjoy the wedding and ceremony and not be focused on taking pictures and posting pictures.

    People will take pictures in the reception because they like to have pictures for themselves, and those you can untag yourself in if you happen to be tagged.

    Your about to be attacked for this opinion, even if your venue asks your to do it, they will all think it is rude..
    I think we all know that "attacked" is being dramatic.  Yes, people are going to disagree with you for reasons that have been pointed out a whole bunch - but trying to prevent people from expressing their differing opinion on this by calling it an attack is not going to go over well.

    FWIW, most of us feel like it is micro-manage-y and a tad controlling to dictate this "unplugged" thing when in truth it makes very little difference in the outcome of the ceremony/day/whole experience.  It's all really much ado about nothing IMO.  

    Sorry for having some sarcasm.. Go ahead have your opinion but just don't continue to argue with someone when they are different and or provide reason as to why..
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  • And IMO there may be a good reason like strict church rules, that ask you to let your guests know.. Just saying no one will agree with this and will simply make the same arguments over and over why they don't like it..
    JCocco219 said:
    I have actually seen pictures of several weddings recently where they have a framed picture/poster that all guests see when entering the ceremony with a saying about having an unplugged wedding.  I actually think it is kind of a good idea.  You have a professional there taking professional pictures that you have a better chance of liking than the random candid shots of your "bad angle".  I am sure if you google you can find something not nasty to write on it and simply let people know you want them to enjoy the wedding and ceremony and not be focused on taking pictures and posting pictures.

    People will take pictures in the reception because they like to have pictures for themselves, and those you can untag yourself in if you happen to be tagged.

    Your about to be attacked for this opinion, even if your venue asks your to do it, they will all think it is rude..
    I think we all know that "attacked" is being dramatic.  Yes, people are going to disagree with you for reasons that have been pointed out a whole bunch - but trying to prevent people from expressing their differing opinion on this by calling it an attack is not going to go over well.

    FWIW, most of us feel like it is micro-manage-y and a tad controlling to dictate this "unplugged" thing when in truth it makes very little difference in the outcome of the ceremony/day/whole experience.  It's all really much ado about nothing IMO.  

    Sorry for having some sarcasm.. Go ahead have your opinion but just don't continue to argue with someone when they are different and or provide reason as to why..
    I like sarcasm just fine but believe me, the word "attacked" gets overused/thrown around here a lot when someone presents an unpopular viewpoint and they get called out for it.  I've seen a lot of snark on these boards, but none of it, even the most pointed and sarcastic, could ever be classified as an attack.  
    PrettyGirlLost
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ryanandjoe, FYI, I'm fine if you want to argue in this thread just so I don't get notified on the "This hot mess" thread anymore ;) 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2015
    If it is a venue restriction (like no flash photography), this is something your officiant can mention, or simply state it at the bottom of your programs, "the venue does not allow flash photography". But please don't use some cutesy poem about being "in the moment". 

    Otherwise allow adults to be adults. 

    If a guest wants a picture of you getting married, what is so wrong with that? The guest doesn't have to give the picture to "you". 

    We had a situation where we didn't receive our professional wedding photos until 7 months after the wedding, after multiple contacts and a registered letter warning legal action would be taken. We were worried we may never see our photos. In this case- those guest photos would have been all we had. 
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    SP29 said:
    If it is a venue restriction (like no flash photography), this is something your officiant can mention, or simply state it at the bottom of your programs, "the venue does not allow flash photography". But please don't use some cutesy poem about being "in the moment". 

    Otherwise allow adults to be adults. 

    If a guest wants a picture of you getting married, what is so wrong with that? The guest doesn't have to give the picture to "you". 

    We had a situation where we didn't receive our professional wedding photos until 7 months after the wedding, after multiple contacts and a registered letter warning legal action would be taken. We were worried we may never see our photos. In this case- those guest photos would have been all we had. 

    But that guest may give it to someone or post it online, against the OP's wishes.  Which is wrong.

    That said, I otherwise agree that there shouldn't be any cutesy poems about being in the moment or other attempts to prevent guests from taking photos unless there are venue restrictions.

  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    I've stated this before. DH is an amazing amateur photographer. He works with his mentor - a professional photographer. The mentor, however, used to have a full time job, as we live in a small community and one would never be able to make a living on photography alone. Mentor did our wedding. DH actually did my BFFs wedding about six years ago. Mentor is now retired. Mentor still takes forever to get pictures back. He is also a huge perfectionist and spends eons editing them.

    Mentor was hired for my brother's wedding three years ago. DH also took tonnes of photos (with his camera and various lenses, not his phone). We left the wedding at around 9:00pm. DH went home and edited a crapload of pics until after 3 am. He was able to give them to SIL at brunch the next morning. She was able to get beautiful pics of her wedding (probably) two months (maybe more - don't know how long theirs took. Ours took about six months, but he worked full time then) before their professional photos. Some of DH's are they're favourites and that they've had blown up and printed.

    Had she (I'm sure this would've rated about a 0 on my brother's GAF meter) said unplugged because she wanted us to be in the moment (I would've told her she doesn't need to give a yoga instructor instructions on being in the moment), she would not have had all those pics early that she treasured so much. Not that SIL would have ever suggested it.

    ETA the pics the next morning were a surprise.
    PupatellaSP29[Deleted User]
  • I did go to a wedding where the priest did ask people to turn off their cellphones and not take pictures or anything. Don't know if it was the bride/groom's request or not but out of respect for the church everyone complied and I didn't think it was rude because ... church. So ... I don't really know what I'm saying except that if an officiant in a house of worship tells me not to use my phone in the place I'm not going to and be totally okay with that fact.

    That being said, I went to a secular Mormon wedding for FI's best friend while FI was deployed. We spoke to the Bishop ahead of time and he gave me special permission to use the phone to skype/take photos for FI of the ceremony. 

    Again, don't know what I'm saying except that there are circumstances in which to put away the phone and circumstances in which to take it out and no need for shitty poems in either case. 

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
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