Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

My fiance and traditions

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this so if I'm wrong, I'll move it (or miss can move it) My fiance is sober almost 2 years. He lost A LOT of friends making this move. He also recently cut ties with his father, mother, and brothers. None of who are good people. They are not invited to the wedding. This leaves him with no one to stand up with him ( he has Navy friends who he hasn't seen in 10 years except on Facebook and know him as a partier). And no mother for the mother/son dance. I've ordered to not do a father daughter dance but he thinks it's important since my dad and I are,working on out or relationship (long story). He is dragging his feet on asking his old friends because he "didn't do anything with his life" after he left the Navy. He's 90% disabled. I can live without certain traditions but I want my 2 best friends standing next to me when I marry this amazing man. I just don't want him to feel like a loser (his words) l. This is breaking my heart that he feels this low.

Re: My fiance and traditions

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I understand you are trying to make your FI feel comfortable and respect his wishes. But just remember that not all traditions are necessary.

    There is no requirement your FI has to have the same amount of people on his side as you do. You could still have your two best friends stand with you even if he doesn't have anyone or he could just have the one person who he is closest with. Whoever he chooses to ask should be his closest friends. He doesn't need to ask them just to make sides even.

    As far as the mother/son and father/daughter dances, neither are required. Neither of you need to feel pressured to do it. With that being said, you can have a Father/Daughter dance even if he doesn't have a Mother/Son dance. Or you could make sure you and your dad share a dance during the reception, it doesn't have to be spotlight.

    justsie[Deleted User]lc07
  • None of what you are concerned about are requirements.  As far as the WP, try to remember that though they are "your" friends, they are standing there with BOTH of you.  A marriage is two becoming one.  A person cannot be in a WP and stand for one but not the other...

    If I am understanding correctly, your FI is struggling because he no longer has a "support" system.  It can be painful not being able to think of someone to ask to be in a WP.  Remind your FI that the most important person to stand next to him will be.
    [Deleted User]
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm not sure this is the right place to post this so if I'm wrong, I'll move it (or miss can move it) My fiance is sober almost 2 years. He lost A LOT of friends making this move. He also recently cut ties with his father, mother, and brothers. None of who are good people. They are not invited to the wedding. This leaves him with no one to stand up with him ( he has Navy friends who he hasn't seen in 10 years except on Facebook and know him as a partier). And no mother for the mother/son dance. I've ordered to not do a father daughter dance but he thinks it's important since my dad and I are,working on out or relationship (long story). He is dragging his feet on asking his old friends because he "didn't do anything with his life" after he left the Navy. He's 90% disabled. I can live without certain traditions but I want my 2 best friends standing next to me when I marry this amazing man. I just don't want him to feel like a loser (his words) l. This is breaking my heart that he feels this low.

    I think what your saying is FI is self concious because you want to have 2 bridesmaids while he has no groomsman.  Why don't you have your girlfriends do the processional and instead of standing next to you, they can sit in the front row?  That way you have your BM and honor your friends without making it glaringly obvious that your FI has none.

    Also, there are many ways to honor your father at your wedding without the traditional dance.  Ask him to be a speaker, walk you down the aisle, get him a boutineer, etc.  

    And congrats to your FI!  2 years is great!!
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    [Deleted User]emmaaa
  • Thank you all, these are great ideas. We talked a little more and he feels better today.one of my WP is male and I asked if he wanted him to stand up on his side, he said no and that he'll ask some friends from when he was a kid. He was having a blue day. Worst comes to worst and he can't find anyone, my WP won't mind at all where they stand or sit or what have you.
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