Fill the gap? Catholic Wedding and Reception issues. HELP!

ShesSoCold

Knottie31628346 said:

I know I asked for advice and understand people are going to say what they want. I think everything has got narrowed down now and I hope people see that I'm not a horrible hag who doesn't care about my guest. I just wanted options because I am trying to do whatever I can to move the wedding back. These decisions are out of my control and I'm trying to make the best of it.

I actually was not set on a date. My FI is a teacher and we knew it would be best to do it before he had school again. So 1yr engagement = Summer. The summer I get married is insane b/c I have 2 relatives who live in different countries and could only manage to come back between July-August. So the only weekend in August that would work was the 1st weekend. My bridesmaid's sister is getting married that weekend. So then I was looking at July. My best friend is getting married in July and so I had to work with her set date/honeymoon. My date happened kind of by default. So called the reception venues and as stated before ended up with the one I have now. 

banana468 said:

It sounds like you were set on a date or you booked the church before checking to see what reception venues were available.   Let this be a note to lurkers in the future - don't book anything until you know that BOTH will work for your timing needs.   And part of the needs mean that you need to host your guests for the entire time. 

By the way: this is an internet forum where you asked for advice.   It may not be what you want to hear but that hardly means it's bad.   And remember, on an internet forum, people don't keep opinions to themselves.   There is no "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  That happens when you ask your guests if they really disliked the gap you forced upon them. 

So basically you chose to inconvenience your entire guest list based on a few people. Makes sense.

MyNameIsNot

Look, you created this problem through your own poor planning. You chose a venue that does not work with your ceremony location.

The responsible good host would realize the mistake and fix it, by moving the reception to another venue that works with the time constraints imposed by the church. 

I get that you adamantly refuse to do so, and that you're offering a thousand excuses why you won't. That's your prerogative, but it's still rude. You can come up with whatever excuse you like, but a gap is always rude and always avoidable. 

Asking this board to help you be rude to your guests is like asking a group of priests to help you cheat on your husband. It's just not going to happen. 

snowywinter

If there's a restaurant across the street, why can't you ask if you can hold your reception there? For that matter, are there really only 3 halls, rec centers, theaters, or anything else in the 50-mile radius???? I find that so hard to believe. I've been to a wedding reception at a high school before in the cornfields of Iowa and it was fine. Have you looked into options like that or are you only looking at hotels and actual reception halls?

I would bet that if you post the general area, we could help you out with some options.

snowywinter

climbingwife said:

So because of your "dream", your guests will have to suffer through a 3 hour gap. Do you not see how selfish and rude that is? 

Eh, I think a gap is terrible, but a couple having their wedding at their dream venue when they're paying the bill is not selfish, in my opinion. They're not forcing their guests to attend. They're saying this is where we're having it and there will be a gap. People can choose to attend any or part of the day. Selfish would be not warning guests ahead of time because you're afraid they'll decline.

climbingsingle

snowywinter said:

climbingwife said:

So because of your "dream", your guests will have to suffer through a 3 hour gap. Do you not see how selfish and rude that is? 

Eh, I think a gap is terrible, but a couple having their wedding at their dream venue when they're paying the bill is not selfish, in my opinion. They're not forcing their guests to attend. They're saying this is where we're having it and there will be a gap. People can choose to attend any or part of the day. Selfish would be not warning guests ahead of time because you're afraid they'll decline.

Are you kidding? They selfishly picked venues without considering their guests. 

snowywinter

climbingwife said:

snowywinter said:

climbingwife said:

So because of your "dream", your guests will have to suffer through a 3 hour gap. Do you not see how selfish and rude that is? 

Eh, I think a gap is terrible, but a couple having their wedding at their dream venue when they're paying the bill is not selfish, in my opinion. They're not forcing their guests to attend. They're saying this is where we're having it and there will be a gap. People can choose to attend any or part of the day. Selfish would be not warning guests ahead of time because you're afraid they'll decline.

Are you kidding? They selfishly picked venues without considering their guests. 

I don't get how that's seflish, assuming they host the gap. It's THEIR wedding. The only people who have to attend are them. Everyone else can decline. Look, I get it -- guests should be taken care of and hosted properly and this poster should host her guests during the gap. But a wedding isn't only about the guests, especially considering that beyond your VIPs, you have zero idea who -- or if anyone -- will attend at the time you're booking venues. To suggest it's seflish to pick a venue important to the B&G is selfish because it's more inconvenient for guests who CHOOSE to attend, then we should also extend that to include anyone who gets married at a DW is selfish, anyone who gets married on a Friday is selfish, anyone who gets married on a cruise is selfish. All of these things make it more difficult on guests. But again, guests aren't required to attend. So long as you host the ones who do attend, I don't find anything selfish about choosing venues you want.

climbingsingle

snowywinter said:

climbingwife said:

snowywinter said:

climbingwife said:

So because of your "dream", your guests will have to suffer through a 3 hour gap. Do you not see how selfish and rude that is? 

Eh, I think a gap is terrible, but a couple having their wedding at their dream venue when they're paying the bill is not selfish, in my opinion. They're not forcing their guests to attend. They're saying this is where we're having it and there will be a gap. People can choose to attend any or part of the day. Selfish would be not warning guests ahead of time because you're afraid they'll decline.

Are you kidding? They selfishly picked venues without considering their guests. 

I don't get how that's seflish, assuming they host the gap. It's THEIR wedding. The only people who have to attend are them. Everyone else can decline. Look, I get it -- guests should be taken care of and hosted properly and this poster should host her guests during the gap. But a wedding isn't only about the guests, especially considering that beyond your VIPs, you have zero idea who -- or if anyone -- will attend at the time you're booking venues. To suggest it's seflish to pick a venue important to the B&G is selfish because it's more inconvenient for guests who CHOOSE to attend, then we should also extend that to include anyone who gets married at a DW is selfish, anyone who gets married on a Friday is selfish, anyone who gets married on a cruise is selfish. All of these things make it more difficult on guests. But again, guests aren't required to attend. So long as you host the ones who do attend, I don't find anything selfish about choosing venues you want.

It becomes selfish when you inconvenience people because of your choices. It's really not that hard to understand. 

Let's say I wanted to get married on top of a waterfall, because it was my favorite waterfall in the whole world, and I had visited this waterfall all of my life. But you have to hike 20 minutes to get there, and when you do, you have to remain standing for my ceremony. It would be selfish of me to choose this venue, and it would make me a shitty host. 

snowywinter

climbingwife said:

snowywinter said:

climbingwife said:

snowywinter said:

climbingwife said:

So because of your "dream", your guests will have to suffer through a 3 hour gap. Do you not see how selfish and rude that is? 

Eh, I think a gap is terrible, but a couple having their wedding at their dream venue when they're paying the bill is not selfish, in my opinion. They're not forcing their guests to attend. They're saying this is where we're having it and there will be a gap. People can choose to attend any or part of the day. Selfish would be not warning guests ahead of time because you're afraid they'll decline.

Are you kidding? They selfishly picked venues without considering their guests. 

I don't get how that's seflish, assuming they host the gap. It's THEIR wedding. The only people who have to attend are them. Everyone else can decline. Look, I get it -- guests should be taken care of and hosted properly and this poster should host her guests during the gap. But a wedding isn't only about the guests, especially considering that beyond your VIPs, you have zero idea who -- or if anyone -- will attend at the time you're booking venues. To suggest it's seflish to pick a venue important to the B&G is selfish because it's more inconvenient for guests who CHOOSE to attend, then we should also extend that to include anyone who gets married at a DW is selfish, anyone who gets married on a Friday is selfish, anyone who gets married on a cruise is selfish. All of these things make it more difficult on guests. But again, guests aren't required to attend. So long as you host the ones who do attend, I don't find anything selfish about choosing venues you want.

It becomes selfish when you inconvenience people because of your choices. It's really not that hard to understand. 

Let's say I wanted to get married on top of a waterfall, because it was my favorite waterfall in the whole world, and I had visited this waterfall all of my life. But you have to hike 20 minutes to get there, and when you do, you have to remain standing for my ceremony. It would be selfish of me to choose this venue, and it would make me a shitty host. 

But I wouldn't have to attend. Again, it only becomes selfish if you don't tell people that's what they're getting. By the reverse, it could be that it's the most beautiful waterfall ever and I'm thrilled you chose it and I love to hike so no problem. If you TELL me and I choose to attend, that's MY choice. If I'm not a hiker (and I'm not) and think that's a ridiculous place for a wedding, I decline. That's why RSVP cards exist. But I would never suggest that someone shouldn't have their dream wedding because it's not convenient for me. I had a good friend get married in Paris and another who got married in Venice. I couldn't afford to attend either wedding because it was inconvenient and expensive for me. But I never thought they were selfish for choosing to have the wedding they wanted. Both had a big decline rate, but that's what happens when you choose a venue like that.

I had another friend who chose to have an outdoor wedding and reception in mid-July in Florida. No way was I going to attend. It's hot as hell and it's outdoors. But again, I know it's not all about me or other guests. It's the couple who's paying, so they get to choose where it is (they're the ones who will always remember and reminisce and share photos; it's just not as important to anyone else) and the rest of us get to choose whether or not to attend. I declined. No big deal.

Viczaesar

OP, please type your responses below the other person's post when you quote someone, not above it.

STARMOON44

Have your reception at the restaurant then? If it's right there I don't see how you can say there are only 3 venues.

PrettyGirlLost

1st, your church is not just trying to be a pain in the ass when you were told that in order to have picture after the ceremony you need to have your ceremony at X time- it's likely due to the fact that they need to set up and prepare for another mass.  So don't be surprised if you are not permitted to take pictures after your ceremony, especially considering you lied to the church about the pictures to begin with.

2nd, you need to eliminate that gap, or else you really need to host your guests during that time.  Have you already signed a contract with your venue and do you already have a deposit down?  If not, you should find a different venue.

If deposits have already been paid, then I think you should talk with the attached hotel about renting a conference room or suite over there and then hosting a very extended cocktail hour for the 3 hours prior to your reception. That means you need to pay for food and drinks for your guests during that time.  Then at 5pm, your reception needs to begin and dinner should be served. . . don't have an additional hour of "cocktail hour" at that point in time.

I'd also try and fit in a receiving line, either outside the church or prior to your reception to help eat up some time.

What in the hell are you and your WP going to be doing for 3 hours prior to the reception?  Pictures will not take 3 hours.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie31628346 said:

I know I asked for advice and understand people are going to say what they want. I think everything has got narrowed down now and I hope people see that I'm not a horrible hag who doesn't care about my guest. I just wanted options because I am trying to do whatever I can to move the wedding back. These decisions are out of my control and I'm trying to make the best of it.

I actually was not set on a date. My FI is a teacher and we knew it would be best to do it before he had school again. So 1yr engagement = Summer. The summer I get married is insane b/c I have 2 relatives who live in different countries and could only manage to come back between July-August. So the only weekend in August that would work was the 1st weekend. My bridesmaid's sister is getting married that weekend. So then I was looking at July. My best friend is getting married in July and so I had to work with her set date/honeymoon. My date happened kind of by default. So called the reception venues and as stated before ended up with the one I have now. 

banana468 said:

It sounds like you were set on a date or you booked the church before checking to see what reception venues were available.   Let this be a note to lurkers in the future - don't book anything until you know that BOTH will work for your timing needs.   And part of the needs mean that you need to host your guests for the entire time. 

By the way: this is an internet forum where you asked for advice.   It may not be what you want to hear but that hardly means it's bad.   And remember, on an internet forum, people don't keep opinions to themselves.   There is no "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  That happens when you ask your guests if they really disliked the gap you forced upon them. 

1. I've read through both posts now and no one has been rude, or even remotely close to snarky; you're just getting answers you don't want to hear. I thought some of the responses to my first post were rude too, until I took their advice and learned a ton about how to properly host.
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2. I don't think anyone thinks you're a "horrible hag", just admit you put your vision of getting married in your hometown, at your families church this summer ahead of the comfort of your guests. My FI is a teacher and we're having a winter wedding, which significantly cuts down our availability. But we checked our date with our VIPs and OOTers, and to boot are doing everything possible to make our wedding as convenient as possible for our guests. We negotiated a hotel deal that offered a shuttle without passing the cost onto our guests. We are hiring a valet so our guests don't have to walk 2 blocks from the lot to the venue. We booked the ceremony and reception at the same place so if it snows people can limit their driving. And we're doing a first look so we can spend our cocktail hour with them as well.

You live in a small town but don't know anyone with a beautiful barn? Don't know anyone with a chauffeurs license who can shuttle the drinkers with the van you rented? Can't wait until the following summer so you can be first in to book at your church and your reception?

Heffalump

I have thoughts.

1) OP, this "horrible hag" stuff is just immature drama queen bullshit.  My six year old does that when I tell her something she doesn't like.  (I.e. "You lose iPad for the rest of the day because I told you to clean up your room and you didn't." Her: "WELL I GUESS I'M JUST THE WORST DAUGHTER EVER AND NOBODY LOVES ME AND YOU'RE MEAN BECAUSE YOU TOOK THE IPAD AWAY!"  [flounce])

2. I have to agree with PP's:  this choice of ceremony site is selfish if it means the only way you can do it is to impose a gap on your guests.  You are literally putting your own "vision" ahead of their convenience.  I can't think of a better definition of selfish.

3.  BIL and SIL got married in a teeny-tiny town that I don't think had any reception venues, in the way that people normally think of them.  They had a ceremony in their church, and because it was nice out, they hosted cake and punch in a park across the street.  (Backup plan was fellowship hall, in case of bad weather.)  It wasn't some big blowout, but they hosted everyone well, and it was nice. 

People who think they don't have options aren't thinking very creatively.  There may not be any way to make your first choice church work with your first choice venue on your first choice date.  That's when you, as a couple, have to compromise in order to be good hosts.

lembaslover

Knottie31628346 said:

• Why? Because I live in a small town where I was able to reserve the ONLY venue for a reception near by that offered hotels attached (to be considerate to guests and prevent drunk driving). This is not your problem, your guests are adults and should be able to decide how they can both drink and get transportation safely. Cab, DD, stop drinking a bit before leaving etc... See other replies from me to see other reasons why I am doing what I am doing with my reception please. It includes a limit of options-location location location...this isn't LA or a big city. This is the definition of small town. OK it's not a big city so no cabs but people can still have a DD or choose to cut themselves off and not drive drunk.
• I am already fibbing to my priest (Lord, help me) because he said if we wanted to take pictures AFTER the ceremony, then we would have to move the wedding UP to 1pm...If we wanted to dismiss everyone pew by pew it would have to be moved UP another half hour to 12:30.... ---We are taking pictures after the wedding because I don't want to see my FI until the alter (call me old fashioned) and we would like to dismiss everyone pew by pew because I love the intimacy of that with the guests. If you're lying to your priest how important is your religion to you? Thou shalt not lie and that counts full out lies as well as fibs, little white lies, and I even think it includes leaving out information if it is intentional. I should have worded this differently because I have not intentionally left out information for him. So "fibbing" sounds horrible. Do not question the importance of my religion or faith because of a simple miss worded situation online. I have not talked to him for a while in our meetings for the wedding. When he first told us what we could and couldn't do and what that would mean for the ceremony times I automatically decided at all cost I would have the wedding at the latest time possible. The more I have thought about it, the more I disagree with that and I AM going to tell him my decision in the next scheduled meeting. I'm not questioning your faith, you did say you were leaving things out and fibbing which is in my opinion a lie and therefore you are being hypocritical claiming your faith is more important than your guests comfort when you are choosing to do something against your faith for your own gain.

 B.) I have been so frustrated with this situation because I am trying my absolute best to get the times moved but neither are budging. So this is where I am begging you to censor your comments and PLEASE provide helpful solutions to what I can do to provide some sort of entertainment or options for my guest. If you're frustrated by it imagine being your guest who has no control over a 3 hour gap. Believe it or not you do have control so change your venue, change your times, change who marries you (You can go with a JP- a what? Justice of the Peace, you don't need to be married by a priest there are many other options out there if your priest refuses to work with your time schedule).  I have been at a wedding with the same time gap and at first I was not enthusiastic about it but that's just it, I couldn't do anything about it so there was absolutely no point in getting worked up about it. We went and played pool and made funny memories while we waited. 

Sorry this isn't he advice you want to hear (see my comments in green) but it's all your choice on if you want to properly host your guest or not. No one on this board is going to tell you oh it's ok to have a 3hr gap since you HAVE to because you don't HAVE to.  It's not really advice. You've neglected that I am going to have a gap. Best case scenario the priest will finally budge and move the wedding to 2:30 (a wedding hasn't been at 3pm in 50+ years at our church). So if that's the case... it's about an hour wait with all the drive time/wait time after the ceremony. They still have to wait. I have given you advice, my advice was to eliminate the gap and I gave you suggestions for doing so, change of venues, change of officiant, etc... You are just choosing to ignore the advice that everyone is giving you to remove the gap. Just because no one has had a wedding later than 3pm in 50+ years (hell I don't care if it's 500+ years) doesn't mean yours has to be that way. You are acting like you don't have a choice and well maybe it's too late now but you did have a choice. There is nothing you could do in your 2 hr gap that would make me as a guest happy. Free booze will make me tolerate it but not be happy about it. However if the free booze isn't where the reception is well then I'm still unhappy because I have to drive to another location. 

redoryx

OP, I'm not really entirely sure what you want from this post and from us. We aren't going to tell you how to "fill" the gap so if that's what you're looking for, you are wasting your time and ours. That doesn't mean we were unhelpful -- our not giving you the answer you want doesn't mean we didn't answer your question. 

AddieCake

The obvious answer is that you need a bounce house.

Knottie67623562

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. See if there is a food truck or something like that you can use during the break. It will be fine and everyone will enjoy your wedding regardless of the timeline. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

snowywinter

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

Knottie67623562

snowywinter said:

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

No one in my family would appreciate an afternoon reception out of "convenience" to them. 

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie67623562 said:

snowywinter said:

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

No one in my family would appreciate an afternoon reception out of "convenience" to them. 

Yes people would much rather sit around a strange town in dress clothes twiddling their thumbs for hours. I mean weekends are too long anyways, who doesn't have 10 spare hours to kill?

banana468

Knottie67623562 said:

snowywinter said:

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

No one in my family would appreciate an afternoon reception out of "convenience" to them. 

But they appreciate a wasted afternoon? You have an interesting family.

BTW, DH and I are Catholic and have been to only 2 weddings with gaps. And believe me when I say that no one found them pleasing.

I made it through unmedicated childbirth twice. That doesn't mean it was nice. I can deal with a gap but I'll still think that the hosts could have done better.

JoanE2012

Knottie67623562 said:

snowywinter said:

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

No one in my family would appreciate an afternoon reception out of "convenience" to them. 

Well that's odd.  I value my time, don't you?

With a gap, no one is going to tell the bride and groom of course - but I guarantee you there are unhappy guests that are rumbling behind their back.

And don't blame religion for a gap.  That's a poor excuse for a couple's selfishness of refusing to have an afternoon reception and insisting on an evening reception.

MobKaz

Knottie67623562 said:

snowywinter said:

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

No one in my family would appreciate an afternoon reception out of "convenience" to them. 

Well then your family is incredibly rude and ungrateful. I would absolutely appreciate if someone wanted to thank me for attending their wedding by immediately hosting a wonderful afternoon of friends, family, food, and beverage. 

If your friend had an ice cream truck outside following her ceremony, she did so because she knew her gap was rude and inconsiderate.  She was making an attempt to alleviate the suffering her gap caused.

Heffalump

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. See if there is a food truck or something like that you can use during the break. It will be fine and everyone will enjoy your wedding regardless of the timeline. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

DUDE.  I grew up in a Catholic family.  That cousin with the big gap I mentioned earlier?  It was noteworthy because it was unusual, she was the exception.  Everyone else managed to figure it out so that their reception began immediately after the ceremony ended.  (Allowing for travel time, which wasn't much in any of them.)  My cousin just celebrated her 15th anniversary, her kids are in middle school, and everyone still talks about her wedding and "that really long hospitality suite thing" because it was annoying and inconvenient and not the norm.

Pupatella

Knottie31628346 said:

Okay so 1st (I've had a post before close to this and got EATEN up by rude comments), I am a very considerate person and not happy at all that we have a lengthy gap between the wedding and ceremony so instead of focusing on commenting about how rude I am, please comment with something to help.

1. I am getting married at my childhood church and the priest will not allow us to begin the wedding any later than 1:30pm
2. Our venue is not going to let us begin anything before 5pm.
3. There is going to be a 2 hour gap for guest because the drive time and length of wedding.

BEFORE you answer please read:

A.) I can not change the location of my ceremony or the reception. 

• Why? Because I live in a small town where I was able to reserve the ONLY venue for a reception near by that offered hotels attached (to be considerate to guests and prevent drunk driving).
  
• I can not go to a different church or priest because our parishes share priests and the rules and priest are all the same within a 30 mile radius. 
• I am already fibbing to my priest (Lord, help me) because he said if we wanted to take pictures AFTER the ceremony, then we would have to move the wedding UP to 1pm...If we wanted to dismiss everyone pew by pew it would have to be moved UP another half hour to 12:30.... ---We are taking pictures after the wedding because I don't want to see my FI until the alter (call me old fashioned) and we would like to dismiss everyone pew by pew because I love the intimacy of that with the guests. 

 B.) I have been so frustrated with this situation because I am trying my absolute best to get the times moved but neither are budging. So this is where I am begging you to censor your comments and PLEASE provide helpful solutions to what I can do to provide some sort of entertainment or options for my guest.

It seems like you are unable to budge your ceremony time, or your reception start time. And you are also unable to change your venues.

So now you have a 2 hour gap...either host a 2 hour cocktail hour at a nearby restaurant or hotel (as others have mentioned).  Or host a 2 hour cocktail hour at a relatives home nearby (if this is an option). Also, if you have the cocktail hour at a restaurant, I think it's completely acceptable to have a limited menu of appetizer options available, as well as a limited drink menu (beer and wine for example).

Then when your reception starts, skip the cocktail hour and go right into the dinner portion.

FWIW: I would not lie, or leave out any information, when talking to your priest.

Also, if you are just looking to hear "It's your day, and your guests will be very understanding of the gap, and will take care of themselves" TK is not the board to post these questions to.

ETA: If a restaurant, or home is not an option, what about having a couple of food trucks come that serve appetizers and drinks? Would the church let you use the community hall for 2 hours so people could eat and mingle there?

lyndausvi

I'm going against the grain here.  I hate gaps.  However, I get sometimes options are limited. Especially when you have to deal with the Catholic Church's policies and you live in a small town.  

It's not ideal, but I would find a place to host people.  A family home, another room at the venue.  Something.

Good luck still being able to start at 1:30 pm and still do a pew release and pictures.  Sorry, but I don't see that happening.   Every Catholic coordinator I've dealt with around the country works on a strict timeline.    If your wedding is at 1:30 pm.  They except you to be out by 2:45-3pm.   They are NOT going to let you do a 30 minute pew release then a 30 minute photo shoot.  That would put you getting out of the church at 3:30 pm.  I just don't see it happening.      Sorry.

Personally, I would skip the pew release, but that's just me.      Are  you having a full mass?  The Catholic church my SIL got married in gave you 2 choices.    Either a receiving line at the back of the church or communion.  You could not have both.  

Maybe you can ask to skip communion to get your pew release?   The also only got about 10 minutes to take pictures inside.  So just they just did pictures of just them inside, then all the other pictures were done outside of the church.  

If you have the wedding at 1:15-1:30 by the time they get out of church it will be 2:30-2:45 pm.  Add in a 30-40 min travel time your gap is down to about 2 hours.  Still not great, but better then 3 hours.

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap.   I grew up Catholic- we never had gaps at our weddings.  My family and their close friends find them to be rude.  I married a Catholic- no gaps in his family's weddings either.  I had a full Catholic mass wedding- no gap.  We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. No, but YOU as the bride and groom are in full control of the time you pick to have your reception and the venue where you choose to have your reception.  The gaps are NOT a Catholic Thing- they are a rude Bride and Groom who wants to have an evening reception thing.  People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. See if there is a food truck or something like that you can use during the break. It will be fine and everyone will enjoy your wedding regardless of the timeline. No, not necessarily.  Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, Yes, because they are a huge fucking waste of my time as a guest and 100% avoidable.  it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

PrettyGirlLost

banana468 said:

snowywinter said:

Knottie67623562 said:

Growing up in a Catholic family, I can't recall any wedding that I've been to that DIDN'T have a gap. We all survived. No one thought it was rude, because that's the way it goes-- the church doesn't just let you pick a "convenient" time for them to marry you. People can skip the church if they have an issue with it. A friend of mine had an ice cream truck outside of the church after the ceremony to entertain people for a bit. I assure you that no one will "suffer" through your gap. Everyone is so dramatic about gaps on this website, it literally baffled me the first time I read that on here because it is so normal to me. 

No, people won't "suffer." But they will side-eye you for it. A gap is rude because you leave people with nothing to do and you also make sure your wedding takes up THEIR whole day. There's nothing about a gap that's pleasant for your guests. No, you can't pick any time you want at the church, but you most certainly CAN pick any time you want to have your reception. The key is to pick a venue that will let you hold your reception at the time you picked.

No one in my family would appreciate an afternoon reception out of "convenience" to them. 

But they appreciate a wasted afternoon? You have an interesting family. BTW, DH and I are Catholic and have been to only 2 weddings with gaps. And believe me when I say that no one found them pleasing. I made it through unmedicated childbirth twice. That doesn't mean it was nice. I can deal with a gap but I'll still think that the hosts could have done better.

The only weddings I have been to with gaps have been non Catholic weddings. . .

MobKaz

lyndausvi said:

I'm going against the grain here.  I hate gaps.  However, I get sometimes options are limited. Especially when you have to deal with the Catholic Church's policies and you live in a small town.  

It's not ideal, but I would find a place to host people.  A family home, another room at the venue.  Something.

Good luck still being able to start at 1:30 pm and still do a pew release and pictures.  Sorry, but I don't see that happening.   Every Catholic coordinator I've dealt with around the country works on a strict timeline.    If your wedding is at 1:30 pm.  They except you to be out by 2:45-3pm.   They are NOT going to let you do a 30 minute pew release then a 30 minute photo shoot.  That would put you getting out of the church at 3:30 pm.  I just don't see it happening.      Sorry.

Personally, I would skip the pew release, but that's just me.      Are  you having a full mass?  The Catholic church my SIL got married in gave you 2 choices.    Either a receiving line at the back of the church or communion.  You could not have both.  

Maybe you can ask to skip communion to get your pew release?   The also only got about 10 minutes to take pictures inside.  So just they just did pictures of just them inside, then all the other pictures were done outside of the church.  

If you have the wedding at 1:15-1:30 by the time they get out of church it will be 2:30-2:45 pm.  Add in a 30-40 min travel time your gap is down to about 2 hours.  Still not great, but better then 3 hours.

This is NOT a Catholic Church policy issue.  The issue is that the OP, and brides in general, do not start their wedding planning process by checking with their church first.  It is also not a Catholic Church policy; it is a parish based decision.  DD was not only able to have a later mass time on Saturday, she could dismiss row by row AND take pictures afterward.

I cannot believe anyone desiring to marry in the Catholic faith would choose to skip Communion.  Receiving the sacrament together as man and wife for the first time, even if the husband is not Catholic and receives a blessing, is the most significant component of the ceremony, in my opinion.

MyNameIsNot

MobKaz said:

lyndausvi said:

I'm going against the grain here.  I hate gaps.  However, I get sometimes options are limited. Especially when you have to deal with the Catholic Church's policies and you live in a small town.  

It's not ideal, but I would find a place to host people.  A family home, another room at the venue.  Something.

Good luck still being able to start at 1:30 pm and still do a pew release and pictures.  Sorry, but I don't see that happening.   Every Catholic coordinator I've dealt with around the country works on a strict timeline.    If your wedding is at 1:30 pm.  They except you to be out by 2:45-3pm.   They are NOT going to let you do a 30 minute pew release then a 30 minute photo shoot.  That would put you getting out of the church at 3:30 pm.  I just don't see it happening.      Sorry.

Personally, I would skip the pew release, but that's just me.      Are  you having a full mass?  The Catholic church my SIL got married in gave you 2 choices.    Either a receiving line at the back of the church or communion.  You could not have both.  

Maybe you can ask to skip communion to get your pew release?   The also only got about 10 minutes to take pictures inside.  So just they just did pictures of just them inside, then all the other pictures were done outside of the church.  

If you have the wedding at 1:15-1:30 by the time they get out of church it will be 2:30-2:45 pm.  Add in a 30-40 min travel time your gap is down to about 2 hours.  Still not great, but better then 3 hours.

This is NOT a Catholic Church policy issue.  The issue is that the OP, and brides in general, do not start their wedding planning process by checking with their church first.  It is also not a Catholic Church policy; it is a parish based decision.  DD was not only able to have a later mass time on Saturday, she could dismiss row by row AND take pictures afterward.

I cannot believe anyone desiring to marry in the Catholic faith would choose to skip Communion.  Receiving the sacrament together as man and wife for the first time, even if the husband is not Catholic and receives a blessing, is the most significant component of the ceremony, in my opinion.

OP already said that she is not having a full mass. The marriage ceremony with the mass does not include communion.