Moms and Maids

Maid of Honor Rejection

Dear Fellow Brides,

I could use some advice. This summer my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. As such, my fiance and I are having a very small wedding (25 people). It will be very very simple and I won't be having a bridal party, but for the sake of my Church I do need to have a witness/official maid of honor. Right now my dad is the priority and there will be no planning for the MOH, no showers, bachelorettes, etc. I don't even care what she wears. All she has to do is witness the wedding and be sure I don't trip on my dress. So.....I asked my best friend of 12 years if she would do this for me.....and she said no......she didn't give a reason. I was so shocked I didn't know what to even say or what to ask. She knows that my family is overwhelmed right now and I thought she would be there for me in this simple way. Just hurt. Any advice on how to handle the situation?

Re: Maid of Honor Rejection

  • Just tell her that you can't wait to see her at the wedding regardless and move on. Maybe have your mom sign if you're close to her.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm sorry to hear about your father.  

    I understand you are disappointed.  Sadly there isn't really anything you can do if she doesn't want to be a MOH.  Some people just do not like being in wedding parties.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm very sorry, both for your father and the rejection. I hope that in spite of these things your wedding is a happy occasion.
    JediElizabethHeffalump
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Oh, wow. I'm really sorry about your dad, and that's so strange about your best friend. I second having your mom sign.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Dear Fellow Brides,

    I could use some advice. This summer my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. As such, my fiance and I are having a very small wedding (25 people). It will be very very simple and I won't be having a bridal party, but for the sake of my Church I do need to have a witness/official maid of honor. Right now my dad is the priority and there will be no planning for the MOH, no showers, bachelorettes, etc. I don't even care what she wears. All she has to do is witness the wedding and be sure I don't trip on my dress. So.....I asked my best friend of 12 years if she would do this for me.....and she said no......she didn't give a reason. I was so shocked I didn't know what to even say or what to ask. She knows that my family is overwhelmed right now and I thought she would be there for me in this simple way. Just hurt. Any advice on how to handle the situation?
    I agree with PPs, it sucks about your friend, but let her know you are still happy to see her at your intimate wedding. I'm sorry about your father as well. I second PP about asking your mom or another relative that you are close to to sign. Maybe even your father if he is up for it?
    image
  • Any one of your 25 guests can sign as the Witness.  Heartbreaking as it is that your best friend said no, be thankful for their honesty.  If she's you're best friend, down the road after the wedding you could casually approach the subject, but really, it's not worth it because it could potentially shine light on rather uncomfortable things or it could be something so trivial it's more shocking (i.e. not comfortable with anything religious - nothing at all to do with you!)..
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  • That is very strange about your friend. However, I think it would be best not to say anything further to her about it, at least for the time being. You really don't have anything to gain from asking why she said no or even going out of your way to say you can't wait to see her at the wedding. Any discussion you have with her is just keeping the focus on the fact that she declined being your MOH, and right now your focus should be (and I'm sure it is) on planning your wedding and being there for your dad. Just ask another close friend or relative to be your witness, and don't worry about having an "official" MOH. You don't really need one.




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    MairePoppy
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm so sorry that you are going through both of these situations.

    Does your church actually require you to have a MOH? When I was married in the Greek Orthodox Church, I was not required to have a MOH as long as my (now ex) H had a best man who was also Greek Orthodox and in good standing with the church. It was mandatory in order for us to be married in the church unlike civil marriages where any sober 18+ year old adult could be our witness.
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