Etiquette

Is this okay- or tacky? STD

So my fiancé and I got engaged at the end of March. I had originally thought that I would not send save the dates out, even though most of his family is from out of town, and maybe I should. We are getting married April 16, 2016.

My question is: is it weird or tacky to send our save the dates out in the form of a Christmas card in late Nov./Dec. or is that too close to when I should be sending invites? Also, when should invites be sent for our April wedding?

KnotRiley
«1

Re: Is this okay- or tacky? STD

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    So my fiancé and I got engaged at the end of March. I had originally thought that I would not send save the dates out, even though most of his family is from out of town, and maybe I should. We are getting married April 16, 2016.

    My question is: is it weird or tacky to send our save the dates out in the form of a Christmas card in late Nov./Dec. or is that too close to when I should be sending invites? Also, when should invites be sent for our April wedding?

    Invitations are sent about eight weeks in advance. I don't know if it's technically against etiquette but I wouldn't send a STD/Christmas card hybrid. Keep 'em separate. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    changingmylastnameSP29southernbelle0915
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you don't want to send STDs you don't have to.  If your FI wants to make sure that his out of town family are aware of they date he can simply call them up or send them a "hey what's up" email that also notes the date of your wedding.

    changingmylastnameInLoveInQueenssouthernbelle0915
  • Are STD's a must? Still thinking of not sending them, can't decide.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Are STD's a must? Still thinking of not sending them, can't decide.

    No they are not a must. 

    SP29
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    So your invites would be going out around mid-Feb. I think save the dates 2 months before that is too close. I would send them at the 5-6 month point at the latest (month of October pretty much).

    I agree, I think I would keep them separate, but mostly because I really love Christmas cards and writing personal messages about the holidays and wishes for the new year, etc. lol. I'm sentimental that way. I think save the dates tend to be like form letters and not personalized. I also prefer real cards over photo Christmas cards for that reason - I like to at least get a real signature! 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Are STD's a must? Still thinking of not sending them, can't decide.

    Nope they are optional. Also keep in mind anyone you do send a STD to must be invited so only send them to people if you are sure. ie. out of town family would probably be safe but if it's like co-workers unless they would have to travel i'd recommend not doing i since stuff happens with jobs.

    I second people that I wouldn't send them with the holiday card. I'd try to get it out before or wait until after though if you are waiting until after personally I'd just skip them. If there are certain people you know of who will need to travel or might have to apply extra early for time off (ie. military) then give them a quick call and let them know.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm getting married 2 weeks before you in a somewhat destination wedding.  Our planner advised us to send save the dates no later than early November, so our OOT guests can plan for travel.  She also said we should wait for invitations until the 2nd-3rd week of January, because it could be easily lost in the mess of Christmas cards. The only reason she advised to send invitations so early is that 80% of the guest list is OOT, so it would still give guests time to book their flights/hotel before rates increased.

    Usually, the actual invitations go out about 8 weeks prior to the event.

    Agree with PP that guests may not realize it's also a save the date if you combine them with your Christmas card.
  • We did mostly e-save the dates, since we wanted to spread the word but didn't want to spend money on it.  I designed something reasonably nice in Publisher and sent it as an attachment.  Then, for some of our guests that don't really use the internet as much or that we didn't have an email for, we just printed that on normal paper and mailed it to them.  Since, as PP said, they're optional, I didn't care about doing them online or having them professionally designed. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I'm not a fan of combining save-the-dates with holiday mailings, so I'd send them separately.

    October sounds to me like the right time to do it-it's far enough in advance of your wedding (but not too far) and it won't get mixed up with holiday mailings.

  • I'm getting married the same day! I put mine in the mail today. I'm doing a destination wedding so everyone has to travel. I plan on sending my invites at the end of December or Early January. My venue requires a head count a little before so I want the RSVP's back kind of early. Hope this helps!
    changingmylastname
  • Hi there! Why don't set up a wedding website- send that to all the people you would have sent out a save the date to. That way they know they are invited and know all the details :) 
    changingmylastnameKnottie98935522
  • STDs are not required. You could also verbally let your guests know about your wedding date. 

    If you do send STDs, keep them separate from Christmas cards. 
  • scribe95 said:

    My October wedding was out of town for most guests so I included a STD insert in my Christmas cards. It worked wonderfully.Saved postage, everyone got the info.

    Isn't 10 months in advance a little *too* early for STDs?
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2015
    My October wedding was out of town for most guests so I included a STD insert in my Christmas cards. It worked wonderfully.Saved postage, everyone got the info.
    Isn't 10 months in advance a little *too* early for STDs?
    Not at all. If you have your venue booked, you can send them at any time (though if you send more than 1 year out, people will probably mix up the years). 

    If you have people traveling - particularly from very far away - it's best to tell them as far out as possible. I have two ex-pat friends in Europe and China, and (as per their requests) they already have our wedding in their calendars so they have the option of planning their annual trips home that spring (though it's currently 18 mos out).
    SP29
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    10 months is not at all too early.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • STDs should be sent 6 months in advance

    Any earlier than that, people forget
  • I've seen STDs sent up to a year in advance (which I think is fine), particularly when it involves extended travel and lodgings. 

    Besides confusing your guest if you send a STD more than a year in advance, as long as you aren't requiring your guest to RSVP any earlier than the usual invitation time frame, I don't think it is rude to give your guests more notice. 

    Of course though, this advance notice can be verbal too. 
  • We actually did do this. We used our engagement pictures on the Christmas card and put the save the date info off to the side. We then ONLY sent the xmas cards to those we knew we'd be inviting. Worked out great for us. We were at the right times though so I'm not sure if it'd work for everyone it just happened to time wise fall right for us.
  • So my fiancé and I got engaged at the end of March. I had originally thought that I would not send save the dates out, even though most of his family is from out of town, and maybe I should. We are getting married April 16, 2016.

    My question is: is it weird or tacky to send our save the dates out in the form of a Christmas card in late Nov./Dec. or is that too close to when I should be sending invites? Also, when should invites be sent for our April wedding?

    I've read that if you are having many out of state/town guests who will have to arrange travel save the dates should be sent out about 8 months prior to the wedding...This means in your case they should have been sent out in August. Since people have to arrange travel it's best to give them as much notice as possible. I would not wait til November personally. 

    Our wedding is June of next year and due to travel for guests, people getting time off of work and choosing an outfit (it's a themed event and we are inviting guests to dress in theme) we have decided to send invites out this month, allowing the full 8 months for everyone to plan.

  • So my fiancé and I got engaged at the end of March. I had originally thought that I would not send save the dates out, even though most of his family is from out of town, and maybe I should. We are getting married April 16, 2016.

    My question is: is it weird or tacky to send our save the dates out in the form of a Christmas card in late Nov./Dec. or is that too close to when I should be sending invites? Also, when should invites be sent for our April wedding?

    I've read that if you are having many out of state/town guests who will have to arrange travel save the dates should be sent out about 8 months prior to the wedding...This means in your case they should have been sent out in August. Since people have to arrange travel it's best to give them as much notice as possible. I would not wait til November personally. 

    Our wedding is June of next year and due to travel for guests, people getting time off of work and choosing an outfit (it's a themed event and we are inviting guests to dress in theme) we have decided to send invites out this month, allowing the full 8 months for everyone to plan.
    Invites or Save the Dates? STDs are good, but don't send invites out that early! It's rude to ask guests to make a decision and RSVP (and then remember they RSVPed) so far out!
    [Deleted User]SP29redoryxsouthernbelle0915
  • For the guests that are going to have to travel, it would be ideal for them to get their STD (if you do them) around now. This way they can plan for the trip financially & with vacation time. I know the company my sister works for, she has to have vacation time in for 2016 by the end of November. Now if she asks for it after that time, she may still get it, but it's not a gurantee if someone else already put in for it by the deadline. I know April may not seem like a prime vacation time, but in my area, that is prime spring break season so much of the time off is already taken by parents who need to be home for their kids during break.

  • My October wedding was out of town for most guests so I included a STD insert in my Christmas cards. It worked wonderfully.Saved postage, everyone got the info.
    Isn't 10 months in advance a little *too* early for STDs?
    Not at all. If you have your venue booked, you can send them at any time (though if you send more than 1 year out, people will probably mix up the years). 

    If you have people traveling - particularly from very far away - it's best to tell them as far out as possible. I have two ex-pat friends in Europe and China, and (as per their requests) they already have our wedding in their calendars so they have the option of planning their annual trips home that spring (though it's currently 18 mos out).
    I don't know why I had it in my head that STDs should be sent 6-8 months in advance.... maybe because the appropriate time frame for actual invites is 6-8 weeks? I don't know, I can't explain myself sometime. Thank you for the correction (everyone who responded)!
    JediElizabethPrettyGirlLost
  • I've gotten a STD card inside a holiday card - you can send at the same time just make them two separate pieces
  • STDs should be sent 6 months in advance

    Any earlier than that, people forget

    See, there's this new fangled thing called a calendar where people can make sure they remember important dates. 

    There's also this other newfangled thing called a refrigerator where people can use these nifty devices we call magnets to adhere the STD to the front so that it's always there in their line of sight.
    image
    InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    redoryx said:
    STDs should be sent 6 months in advance

    Any earlier than that, people forget

    See, there's this new fangled thing called a calendar where people can make sure they remember important dates. 

    There's also this other newfangled thing called a refrigerator where people can use these nifty devices we call magnets to adhere the STD to the front so that it's always there in their line of sight.
    Yeah. . . the whole point of a STD is to get the info out there to your VIP guests ASAP so they can plan to block off time to attend your wedding, if they want to.

    So it makes sense to send them 1 year to 9 months prior to your actual wedding.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    InLoveInQueensredoryxSTARMOON44
  • Save the dates are usually sent 8 months in advance. I would think about sending them soon.
  • I agree with other posters that you should probably send your invites out earlier than 8 weeks, I'm talking about sending mine 3-3.5 months before the wedding because we also have many OOT guests.
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