40-Plus Brides

How to deal with a Jealous Mother

corrieb17corrieb17 member
First Anniversary
edited October 2015 in 40-Plus Brides


my fiancé and I are on a tight budget.  We are looking at possibly eloping in Las Vegas. But I would love to have a reception at home.  Especially because my grandmother can travel.  I was speaking to my dad about this and I love the idea of having a small DIY reception with cocktails at my dads farm. The problem is my mother hates my dad.  My parents are happily divorced but my mom tends to get over dramatic and jealous that we (my siblings and I) like my dad better.  Which isn't the case.  I am not very close to my dad and step mom but I do have a love of a small country wedding.  I was telling this to my parents and my mom was not sure what I could do other than have it at the boring hall in the small town that I grew up in which I am not thrilled about.  My dad offered his place and said he would pay for a small reception with a tent at his place which is really what I want.  But how do I tell my mom this without hurting her feelings.  It has nothing to do with loving one parent more than the other , it has to do with what I pictured as my perfect wedding day.  Really afraid she won't see it that way

Re: How to deal with a Jealous Mother

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2015
    You cannot fix your broken family.  Go with the celebration party (not your wedding reception!) that you want.  Mom will have to deal with it.
    Elopements do not have wedding receptions.
    [Deleted User]Becca&Shannon
  • Have the celebration that works for you-wherever that happens to be. If it's on your dad's farm, then go ahead and invite your mother and leave the ball in her court about whether or not she attends. Don't try to "explain" to her why you chose that venue. It will be up to her to put on her big girl panties and accept or decline the invitation. If she isn't able to put aside her feelings about your dad for one day to be happy for you, then that reflects on her, not on you.
  • IMO, find a different location for the celebration party.  Really, if you know your Mom & Dad hate eachother, is it really a wise idea to have the party at his place and not expect her to perceive things in a certain way about you and your siblings.  There's a difference in "put aside your differences for one day" and "you're asking her to not only put aside her differences, but you're asking her to spend that entire time on his property - there's a boundary and one you really should be respectful of.."

     Farm weddings - it's still a farm, especially if it's a working farm there are a lot of things to factor in.  There is also the cost of rentals, temperature control/guest comfort, bathrooms, getting the space ready, food safety, chilling drinks, weather plan (what if it storms, what if the livestock if it's a working farm need every fan on them because of how hot it is - I was a guest at that wedding where it was 110 in the shade with zero wind nor ability to keep the ice actual ice), power supply, logistics of outdoor events, getting the space cleaned up and ready, getting the property as a whole ready, parking, local ordinances, etc. 

    One thought - what about "Eloping at Home" instead of Vegas - Find a location a little further out from where you're at that would still fit your vision of the day that your VIP's can travel to that's on neutral ground.  Say 1-3 hour radius of "home".  You're better off with a farm/park/historical site that hosts weddings routinely and has the logistical nightmares worked out for you.  There's also a little less anxiety when it comes to things like your Mom & Dad being in the same area together.  Etc.  Only you know your situation, but really running off to Vegas isn't exactly the cheapest wedding option out there!

  • This is YOUR time. You do what you want. IF they can't get along then she doesn't come.....if they don't get along it really doesn't matter where you have your celebration. 

    mom sounds like she needs some therapy with a good psychiatrist. 
  • Can you "bribe" mom with something?  Tell her if she sucks it up & is the bigger person by letting you have the reception you want at the farm she can make a toast, or pick out your cake, or do something else that really matters to her?  Just make her feel important. 
  • Totally OT, but your title reads "How to deal with a Je" on the board.  My brain insist on filling in "How to deal with a Je(hovah's Witness)".  Sorry.  It makes me giggle every time I see it.
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