Etiquette on Bridal Showers for Private Ceremony/Large Reception

[Deleted User]

Hi Everyone! 

My fiance and I have decided to have a private ceremony with family-only and the only friends invited would be those in the wedding party.  The ceremony will have a total guest count at 25-30 people.  We are then going to have a reception/celebration for all the extended family and friends about 6 to 8 weeks later. 

Since we are doing things a little more non-traditional, what is the etiquette on having a bridal shower?  Can I only invite those that are invited to the actual ceremony, or is it open to all those invited to the reception? Or would it be in better taste to just scratch the bridal shower altogether?

 

ShesSoCold

Knottie1427814517 said:

Hi Everyone! 

My fiance and I have decided to have a private ceremony with family-only and the only friends invited would be those in the wedding party.  The ceremony will have a total guest count at 25-30 people.  We are then going to have a reception/celebration for all the extended family and friends about 6 to 8 weeks later. 

Since we are doing things a little more non-traditional, what is the etiquette on having a bridal shower?  Can I only invite those that are invited to the actual ceremony, or is it open to all those invited to the reception? Or would it be in better taste to just scratch the bridal shower altogether?

 

The bolded is correct, but only if some offers to host a shower for you. If no one offers, you don't get one. You could also decline if anyone offers, but I do not believe it would be in poor taste to have a small shower with those invited to the actual wedding.

artbyallie

Also, the celebration weeks later is not a reception and should not be treated as such beyond the basics of hosting etiquette (sufficient chairs, food, bathroom facilities and so on). You should not wear a wedding dress, have spotlight dances or any other wedding-specific things. Cake is okay, though. Definitely have cake.

[Deleted User]

artbyallie said:

Also, the celebration weeks later is not a reception and should not be treated as such beyond the basics of hosting etiquette (sufficient chairs, food, bathroom facilities and so on). You should not wear a wedding dress, have spotlight dances or any other wedding-specific things. Cake is okay, though. Definitely have cake.

artbyallie, It's quite frankly none of your business what I do at the celebration, considering I did not ask for advice regarding that subject.  I'm literally just asking about the bridal shower. 

LondonLisa

Knottie1427814517 said:

artbyallie said:

Also, the celebration weeks later is not a reception and should not be treated as such beyond the basics of hosting etiquette (sufficient chairs, food, bathroom facilities and so on). You should not wear a wedding dress, have spotlight dances or any other wedding-specific things. Cake is okay, though. Definitely have cake.

artbyallie, It's quite frankly none of your business what I do at the celebration, considering I did not ask for advice regarding that subject.  I'm literally just asking about the bridal shower. 


Wow, pump your breaks with the hostility! @artbyallie is correct. Your wedding is the day you get married. You need to host something immediately after your ceremony even if it is just cake and tea. That is your wedding and reception.

As for your 1st question, yes, if someone offers to throw you a shower you can only invite the people that are invited to your wedding.

Your party weeks later is just that- a party. It is not your wedding. You shouldn't have a shower or registry for just a party. You wouldn't have a shower/registry for a birthday or housewarming so it is inappropriate for this party also.

onefootinthebayou

Knottie1427814517 said:

artbyallie said:

Also, the celebration weeks later is not a reception and should not be treated as such beyond the basics of hosting etiquette (sufficient chairs, food, bathroom facilities and so on). You should not wear a wedding dress, have spotlight dances or any other wedding-specific things. Cake is okay, though. Definitely have cake.

artbyallie, It's quite frankly none of your business what I do at the celebration, considering I did not ask for advice regarding that subject.  I'm literally just asking about the bridal shower. 

She was doing you a favor by explaining the proper etiquette around this type of arrangement.  It would be wise to listen lest you wish to offend your friends & family by doing something rude.  You came here to ask advice, so it's not an unreasonable assumption that you are interested in learning what is acceptable in polite society. 

artbyallie

Knottie1427814517 said:

artbyallie said:

Also, the celebration weeks later is not a reception and should not be treated as such beyond the basics of hosting etiquette (sufficient chairs, food, bathroom facilities and so on). You should not wear a wedding dress, have spotlight dances or any other wedding-specific things. Cake is okay, though. Definitely have cake.

artbyallie, It's quite frankly none of your business what I do at the celebration, considering I did not ask for advice regarding that subject.  I'm literally just asking about the bridal shower. 

Translation: I'm wearing a wedding dress and doing all the bridal things even though it's 100% against etiquette.

Look, you can't tell people how to respond. We can and will comment on whatever details you include in your post. And we do this out of care and concern for you, because we do not want you to offend your friends and family or treat them poorly in some way.

CMGragain

I think I responded to your question on another board.

After your ceremony, you ARE going to take your guests out to dinner or lunch, aren't you?  This would be your wedding reception.  You only get one.  It is a thank you to your friends and relatives who came to your ceremony.
Only the people who are invited to your wedding and reception afterwards can be invited to a shower.
You can have as many parties to celebrate as you wish, but they are not a part of your wedding.  You get ONE DAY.

climbingsingle

Only people that are witnessing your ceremony should be invited to your shower. And yes, PPs are correct. A reception is something you host directly after your wedding. What you're having is a celebration of marriage. 

And you should be hosting your ceremony guests in some way, even if it's just cake and punch afterwards.