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Etiquette

Guest (Couple) Does not want to attend Reception, but just Ceremony, for stupid reason.

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Re: Guest (Couple) Does not want to attend Reception, but just Ceremony, for stupid reason.

  • I'm with JediElizabeth on this.

    Vegan doesn't have to mean some crazy meal that no one has ever heard of or eaten before. Stuffed peppers, rice, pasta with tomato sauce.... all very normal. I think it was rude of these guests to say they wouldn't come because the meal choice was vegan. 


  • Oh no trust me- I totally get there is huge variety of vegan food. I just think most people have a very strong perception around vegan food in general that makes them hesitant to eat it- and again, that's totally their hang up, y'all are right.

    I guess I'm thinking of this as a kind of "know your crowd" type of issue and if I knew that realistically half the people I was inviting aren't going to be excited about eating a vegan entree I would avoid doing a mealtime reception. I inferred from PP's post that since two people relatively close to her were vocally against eating vegan (which again, super rude of them) that that was likely reflective of the tone of her family/friend group in general. 

    When I was planning my wedding dinner I actually made a post on here- I wanted to do lamb, duck and a vegan option for my entree choices. A bunch of people said it was not a good idea to have two "out there" meat options because, despite the fact that I knew my family would love those, I knew H's family doesn't eat like that. I knew our chef could make delicious and accessible versions of those entrees, but I had to admit that realistically no amount of factual deliciousness was going to overcome picky eaters' mental blocks about eating those type of foods, and so I was convinced to do either chicken and lamb or duck and beef (I went with the latter). I still suspect one or two people were not pumped with any of the options, but I ultimately was happy I chose foods that appealed to the vast majority of my guests because I knew they had a more enjoyable night as a result.

    Anyway, I stand by my suggestion to go with a non-mealtime reception for the PP, but for a completely different reason- judging by her other post (and subsequent DD) she has some serious budget reworking to do to find a way to include the 30 guests she disinvited. Vegan cake and punch it is!




    MesmrEwe
  • MandyMost said:
    We had a guest tell us that they were only planning to stay for cocktail hour after the ceremony at most, since they had just had a baby and this was essentially their first time out without the baby. However, they did RSVP yes to the whole event. 

    Thank goodness we went with the written RSVP and not their verbal decline, since they stayed for dinner and quite a bit of dancing afterwards!

    So definitely go by what they put on the response card, regardless of what they tell you ahead of time. 

    We had a similar situation with our wedding. One couple RSVPed that they were coming to the ceremony but couldn't stay for dinner because of another commitment. They changed their mind the night of. During cocktail hour they asked the venue staff to get them two more chairs and place settings at the table their friends were sitting at. Thankfully we had a buffet, so there was food for them. I'd be very careful about this, especially if you're having a plated dinner, unless you know 100% for sure that she won't be staying (and it sounds like you don't).

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  • edited October 2015

    In reply to the 3 questions asked:

     1. Would you recommend using a DJ for the ceremony music, or hiring separate musicians?

    2. What's a good local flower place?

    3. I'm super nervous about having everyone watch me as I walk down the aisle. What did you do to keep yourself composed?

    That's all.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    In reply to the 3 questions asked:

     1. Would you recommend using a DJ for the ceremony music, or hiring separate musicians?

    2. What's a good local flower place?

    3. I'm super nervous about having everyone watch me as I walk down the aisle. What did you do to keep yourself composed?

    That's all.

    @zerostarzombie - I think you are on the wrong thread.

    MesmrEwe
  • Sorry, this was supposed to be a reply. I am, the vegan example just took over. :p
    [Deleted User]
  • Spoonsey said:
    Out of curiosity, what were the three questions you asked her, and what were her answers? Considering how she's treated those closest to her during her wedding planning, maybe you want to reconsider her advice, or at least get a second opinion ;)

    In reply to the 3 questions asked:

     1. Would you recommend using a DJ for the ceremony music, or hiring separate musicians?

    2. What's a good local flower place?

    3. I'm super nervous about having everyone watch me as I walk down the aisle. What did you do to keep yourself composed?

    That's all.

  • Thank you for everyone's input. I will let her and her husband decide at the time of the RSVPs, and take it from there. Right now, I'm keeping my guard up, and I have stopped asking her wedding related things.
    SP29JediElizabeth
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