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Sending STD to VIP only, hurt feelings or are we okay?

We are going to be sending out STDs to our VIPs soonish. My Fi has an elderly great aunt he is close with. She basically raised his mom as his grandmother died when Fmil was young. He is not as close with the rest of that side of the family. Is it okay to send a STD to his Great Aunt but not the rest of the family? They will be invited, assuming everything stays on track budget wise, but we don't want to get in an awkward situation if we have to cut the guest list. She is the matriarch of that side of the family so people may see it when they go to visit her and I am afraid they will feel left out. I am still waiting on Fmil to give me the total number of people on that side, their names, and their addresses. She says it is around 15 people. Out of all our guests, these live the closest and will probably not be using overnight accommodations.

Sorry if this has been covered in previous posts, I wasn't able to dig anything up that seemed relevant.

Re: Sending STD to VIP only, hurt feelings or are we okay?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Seeing as they could possibly be cut from the guest list if something happens regarding your budget/plans I would not send them a STD.  Could this possibly cause some hurt feelings?  Sure. But you shouldn't send them a STD just to prevent hurt feelings because then you are stuck inviting them when you may not want to.

    [Deleted User]
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    You shouldn't sened STDs to anyone who may be cut from the guest list. The hard, no exceptions, rule is that STDs must be followed by invitations. Since the great aunt is absolutely on the guest list, you may send her a STD. 

    The other option is to contact her to give her the information and make sure she has transportation to the wedding. Also contact her care giver if she has one.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2015

    Only send save-the-dates to people who you know for absolute certain that you will invite.  If the great-aunt is such a person, then you can send her a save-the-date.  If it is not absolutely certain that anybody else in the family will be invited, then don't send them save-the-dates-just invitations at the appropriate time.

    If anyone brings it up, your FI can tell them (he should be the one to do it), "We just wanted to make sure she knows she's invited with enough advance time for her to make the appropriate arrangements to attend if she's going to." There's no need to justify why she would get a save-the-date but not other members of the family.

  • Thank you all.

  • We did STDs to our VIPs. We did have a couple of people question it but there was no hurt feelings. It was more curiosity of if they were going to be invited (kinda rude but I brushed it off). I just replied with invitations won't be coming out for a couple more months and we are still finalizing things.
    11/21/2012 - Chapter 1: The Text
    10/23/2014 - Chapter 2: The Proposal
    11/21/2015 - Chapter 3: The Wedding

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