"Hosting" at home? (NWR)

luckya23

So my friend typically "hosts" a holiday party at a restaurant for her friends, and they all pay a per person price to the restaurant. (Or maybe she gathers the money, I'm not sure, I don't usually want to pay that much for a meal with people I don't know - it's typically 75-100 pp)

She is now thinking of having it at her apartment, but hiring a caterer, and splitting the catering charge with the attendees. 

This just seems wrong to me.  There's a difference between paying for a "party meal" at a restaurant and a meal at home, no matter who cooked it.

What do you think?

ETA: She is thinking it would be about $600, and 7-10 attendees.

Maggie0829

So is it more like she "hosts" as in coordinates all the specifics but everyone has agreed upon a price and has agreed to split the price?  Or is it more like she plans and invites everyone and then says "oh and it will be $X/person"?

If it is the former then I would say it is fine since everyone is in agreement, but if it is the latter I wouldn't be okay with it whether it was at her house or at a restaurant.

MrsMack10612

I would never dream of charging my guests to come to my home for a party.  We always "overhost" our parties.  More food and booze - we eat very well for several days after.

Often our guests will ask what can they bring - our response is nothing but if you feel you must - a beverage of choice, but that's as far as our guests involvement in the F&B for a party at my house goes.

STARMOON44

That's absurd.

luckya23

Maggie0829 said:

So is it more like she "hosts" as in coordinates all the specifics but everyone has agreed upon a price and has agreed to split the price?  Or is it more like she plans and invites everyone and then says "oh and it will be $X/person"?

If it is the former then I would say it is fine since everyone is in agreement, but if it is the latter I wouldn't be okay with it whether it was at her house or at a restaurant.

I guess in a way since she does it every year for the last 6-7 years, everyone knows what to expect.  But it's really more like the latter, she tells how much per person.  The last couple years was toward the higher end because she chose open bar, but since I'm good with 1 or maybe 2 drinks - not even close to "worth it"!

Adding: She is also having a "Friendsgiving" at home this year, so at most a few weeks before the holiday party, and she is doing most of the food but also potluck for that.  So it's the catering that she thinks make it "fair to charge." 

Maggie0829

luckya23 said:

Maggie0829 said:

So is it more like she "hosts" as in coordinates all the specifics but everyone has agreed upon a price and has agreed to split the price?  Or is it more like she plans and invites everyone and then says "oh and it will be $X/person"?

If it is the former then I would say it is fine since everyone is in agreement, but if it is the latter I wouldn't be okay with it whether it was at her house or at a restaurant.

I guess in a way since she does it every year for the last 6-7 years, everyone knows what to expect.  But it's really more like the latter, she tells how much per person.  The last couple years was toward the higher end because she chose open bar, but since I'm good with 1 or maybe 2 drinks - not even close to "worth it"!

Adding: She is also having a "Friendsgiving" at home this year, so at most a few weeks before the holiday party, and she is doing most of the food but also potluck for that.  So it's the catering that she thinks make it "fair to charge." 

Oh, then yeah, not cool.

kvruns

uh weird! if we're sitting in your apartment I'm not paying a ton of money for my meal, even if it is catered! I'll chip in for pizza, I'll bring stuff for a pitch-in, but I'm not paying $50-100 to eat a catered meal in your house, especially when you are hosting another free event in a few weeks.

julieanne912

You're not hosting anything if people have to pay.   Whenever we have a party at our house I always have enough food for everyone to at least munch on, and we have one basic alcoholic beverage (usually beer) and some basic non-alcoholic drinks as well.  I will also open up wine, and people can use whatever's in our liquor collection to drink too.  When we do the invites (Usually just on Facebook), we tell them what we're providing, and say feel free to bring anything else you like, since everyone always asks what they can bring.  H's friends ALWAYS bring more beer, no matter what we provide.  Like an entire 12-18 pack.  I think that's the Wyoming equivalent of a hostess gift.  

If someone invited me to a party/dinner at their house, but asked me to fork over money for catered food, I'd probably decline.  I can make good food at home without spending $100.  

My only guess is, your friend is actually tired of "hosting" this party, but maybe feels obligated to continue it.  

ryanandjoe4

luckya23 said:

So my friend typically "hosts" a holiday party at a restaurant for her friends, and they all pay a per person price to the restaurant. (Or maybe she gathers the money, I'm not sure, I don't usually want to pay that much for a meal with people I don't know - it's typically 75-100 pp)

She is now thinking of having it at her apartment, but hiring a caterer, and splitting the catering charge with the attendees. 

This just seems wrong to me.  There's a difference between paying for a "party meal" at a restaurant and a meal at home, no matter who cooked it.

What do you think?

ETA: She is thinking it would be about $600, and 7-10 attendees.

What the hell is she having catered in! We are doing a backyard BBQ for the RD tomorrow and we are catering for 20 people it is about $300...

CMGragain

I belong to a ladies' social group that does this, but the person who provides the place for the party is not the hostess.  The party is usually a fundraiser, and members understand this.  It is something that is planned by the group, not the individual.
Your friend is being rude and inappropriate.

MrsMack10612

ryanandjoe4 said:

luckya23 said:

So my friend typically "hosts" a holiday party at a restaurant for her friends, and they all pay a per person price to the restaurant. (Or maybe she gathers the money, I'm not sure, I don't usually want to pay that much for a meal with people I don't know - it's typically 75-100 pp)

She is now thinking of having it at her apartment, but hiring a caterer, and splitting the catering charge with the attendees. 

This just seems wrong to me.  There's a difference between paying for a "party meal" at a restaurant and a meal at home, no matter who cooked it.

What do you think?

ETA: She is thinking it would be about $600, and 7-10 attendees.

What the hell is she having catered in! We are doing a backyard BBQ for the RD tomorrow and we are catering for 20 people it is about $300...

We hosted 20+ people for a BBQ a few years ago.  We had ribs, brisket, chicken, burgers, dogs, all the sides, plus a New England Clambake and it didn't cost us $600.

ryanandjoe4

MrsMack10612 said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

luckya23 said:

So my friend typically "hosts" a holiday party at a restaurant for her friends, and they all pay a per person price to the restaurant. (Or maybe she gathers the money, I'm not sure, I don't usually want to pay that much for a meal with people I don't know - it's typically 75-100 pp)

She is now thinking of having it at her apartment, but hiring a caterer, and splitting the catering charge with the attendees. 

This just seems wrong to me.  There's a difference between paying for a "party meal" at a restaurant and a meal at home, no matter who cooked it.

What do you think?

ETA: She is thinking it would be about $600, and 7-10 attendees.

What the hell is she having catered in! We are doing a backyard BBQ for the RD tomorrow and we are catering for 20 people it is about $300...

We hosted 20+ people for a BBQ a few years ago.  We had ribs, brisket, chicken, burgers, dogs, all the sides, plus a New England Clambake and it didn't cost us $600.

for $86-$60 a person I better get a Filet Mignon that is perfect, and served to my table... We only spend this if we are out at a really really nice restaurant or we drink a lot at one of our usual places. it is very very rare.. we are cheap tho, like to cook ourselves meals..

thefanciestbeckler

This is crazy talk to me! I would never dream of asking people to help pay for something like that. I think it is completely inappropriate.

PrettyGirlLost

Maggie0829 said:

So is it more like she "hosts" as in coordinates all the specifics but everyone has agreed upon a price and has agreed to split the price?  Or is it more like she plans and invites everyone and then says "oh and it will be $X/person"?

If it is the former then I would say it is fine since everyone is in agreement, but if it is the latter I wouldn't be okay with it whether it was at her house or at a restaurant.

This.

Hosting means she pays, whether at her house or in a restaurant.  If you all were ok with paying for your own meal at the restaurants before, then I don't see why you wouldn't be ok with paying for your catered meal at her house.