Wedding Bands

lovemesomemonster

I have a question about the men's wedding band and who picked it out. My FI picked mine out completely by himself and it's beautiful, I had no idea what he was going to do or even that he was going to pop the question. I took him in to try on some different rings to see what he liked and have a good feel for it, but he never made a decision because he's all about saving money. I'm going to buy it and we both liked the same band, but should I confirm with him that it is what he wants?  Did you make the ultimate decision on the band or did he pick it out? 

Just for reference, every time his ring comes up he tells me to go to the dollar store. It's all about money with him, and yes, we can afford it.

Maggie0829

We looked at his rings together and he ultimately made the choice.  I wanted him to be completely sure about it since it is something that he will wear for the rest of his life (unless he loses it).

For your situation I would just go with your gut.  Since you two looked at rings together and you had a good idea of what he liked then I would pick whatever ring you think would be best.  Since he is so hung up on the cost of it, I doubt you would really get any straight answer out of him.

lovemesomemonster

Maggie0829 said:

We looked at his rings together and he ultimately made the choice.  I wanted him to be completely sure about it since it is something that he will wear for the rest of his life (unless he loses it).

For your situation I would just go with your gut.  Since you two looked at rings together and you had a good idea of what he liked then I would pick whatever ring you think would be best.  Since he is so hung up on the cost of it, I doubt you would really get any straight answer out of him.

Thank you, that reassures me a little that I should just do it! This is the story of my life with him and I think you are right, I'm never going to get a straight answer out of him. 

I also want to let everyone know that I am in NO way bashing my FI, he's super smart with his money and I'm thankful that he is, it can just be frustrating at times like this. We looked at a lot of them and he really liked one, then he turned the price tag over and said "maybe", which is where we have been stuck.

teddygirl9

Do you think he has a price point in mind? You could maybe try etsy, or e-weddingbands.com if you already know his style. You might be able to find a slightly cheaper, still nice one.  

lovemesomemonster

teddygirl9 said:

Do you think he has a price point in mind? You could maybe try etsy, or e-weddingbands.com if you already know his style. You might be able to find a slightly cheaper, still nice one.  

It's not really about affording it or him having a price point, if he doesn't think something is a necessity he can't understand spending any money on it. Not to mention I'm paying for it! If I asked him for a price point he would say $1.

CMGragain

Just buy the one he liked.

Are you OK with your FI's attitude about spending money?  Money arguments can be a cause of marriage failure.  I see some possible red flags.  Who will make the financial decisions after you are married?  Some people use money as a control mechanism.  I hope you are OK with this.

lovemesomemonster

CMGragain said:

Just buy the one he liked.

Are you OK with your FI's attitude about spending money?  Money arguments can be a cause of marriage failure.  I see some possible red flags.  Who will make the financial decisions after you are married?  Some people use money as a control mechanism.  I hope you are OK with this.

Thank you for your concern but we are just fine in our relationship when it comes to money. We have had 6.5yrs of practice and bought two houses complete with remodels to get it figured out. I like to spend and he brings me back to reality, he likes to save and I help him see that it's OK to spend some on fun and vacations so we balance each other well. 

labro

CMGragain said:

Just buy the one he liked.

Are you OK with your FI's attitude about spending money?  Money arguments can be a cause of marriage failure.  I see some possible red flags.  Who will make the financial decisions after you are married?  Some people use money as a control mechanism.  I hope you are OK with this.

"Potential red flags" kind of feels like a stretch here. Not everyone is going to be the samw type of spender or saver. As long as there is good communication and honesty, you'll generally be fine. H is the serious saver and I'm a spender but we balance each other out. He's taught me how to save and I've taught him that it's ok to let go sometimes.

@lovemesomemonster my h is the same way. He's all about the price tag and never spending a dime if he can help it. You seem to have a good idea of what ring he liked so I say go for it. When we shopped, my h did pick out his ring but I think I had to tell him to just forget about to cost for 5 minutes and choose the one he loved most since he would be the one wearing it.

CMGragain

lovemesomemonster said:

CMGragain said:

Just buy the one he liked.

Are you OK with your FI's attitude about spending money?  Money arguments can be a cause of marriage failure.  I see some possible red flags.  Who will make the financial decisions after you are married?  Some people use money as a control mechanism.  I hope you are OK with this.

Thank you for your concern but we are just fine in our relationship when it comes to money. We have had 6.5yrs of practice and bought two houses complete with remodels to get it figured out. I like to spend and he brings me back to reality, he likes to save and I help him see that it's OK to spend some on fun and vacations so we balance each other well. 

Glad to hear this.  You had me worried!

kvruns

we went together and he picked it out. Thankfully I liked it too hehe but at the end of the day he's wearing it not me. If he doesn't seem to have strong opinions and you know he liked a certain one I'd order it since it sounds like he wont be proactively doing it or telling you to order it

lovemesomemonster

Thanks everyone! I find it interesting that (in my case) he got to pick out mine but then we feel like they need to be involved with their own. I think I am going to just go for it, there was one that we both really liked and I had them write it down and put it in my file. 

@labro it sounds like you two are just like us with the money thing, I personally think it's a good arrangement, without them we would be having fun all the time with no savings, and without us they would never have any fun

julieanne912

We went together to pick out both our bands.  He originally was convinced he wanted these elk antler/wood/metal bands I found online, but once we found out they could never be sized, he opted against that.

I think if you already know what he wants, just go ahead and buy it.  

H and I are the opposite of you guys.  I'm the extreme frugal saver and he's the spender.  I think that's the way many marriages are... and it ends up making for a good team.  Recently, I convinced him that pulling a second loan out on our house so he could build an outbuilding to store our camper in was a bad idea.  He convinces me that spending money on fun experiences like sporting events and concerts is a good idea, which it is because I always have fun and let off some steam.  

lovemesomemonster

labro said:

Just buy the one he liked.

Are you OK with your FI's attitude about spending money?  Money arguments can be a cause of marriage failure.  I see some possible red flags.  Who will make the financial decisions after you are married?  Some people use money as a control mechanism.  I hope you are OK with this.

"Potential red flags" kind of feels like a stretch here. Not everyone is going to be the samw type of spender or saver. As long as there is good communication and honesty, you'll generally be fine. H is the serious saver and I'm a spender but we balance each other out. He's taught me how to save and I've taught him that it's ok to let go sometimes. @lovemesomemonster my h is the same way. He's all about the price tag and never spending a dime if he can help it. You seem to have a good idea of what ring he liked so I say go for it. When we shopped, my h did pick out his ring but I think I had to tell him to just forget about to cost for 5 minutes and choose the one he loved most since he would be the one wearing it.

I feel like most of the things that are called out as "potential red flags" on these boards are a bit of a stretch. Not everyone's relationship is the same, and you can't honestly know the dynamics between two people from a couple of posts on a public site. There is more than one way to interpret things that are typed, and there is always someone willing to make anything negative. 

[Deleted User]

He picked it out himself. He had his mind set on what he wanted and it took several stores to find the one he wanted. I know I'm crazy, but I was just happy that it didn't look anything like his wedding band from his first marriage.

MandTFebruary62011

I am sure you've already made up your mind but I say go for it.  He bought you something you love, I think we girls get too much in weddings and he deserves to feel special too!  Especially if you can afford it.  For the record, I'm like him in my relationship.  I like how we balance each other and I always appreciate what my fiance gets for me, even if I'm having tiny panic attacks because I simply wouldn't spend that money on myself and wouldn't ask him to do it either.  It sounds like you have a good history and know what he will like.  Congrats! You're almost marrrrrrried!

lovemesomemonster

Thanks @MandTFebruary62011 we do have a good history and are 100% ready for this! Buying two houses together really made us learn about how each of us looks at finances! I went for it and got the ring he originally liked, I am really excited to get it in!