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Etiquette

Website Etiquette and Other ?s

I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)?

1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website?

2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2.

3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here.

Any suggestions are appreciated!

Re: Website Etiquette and Other ?s

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

    1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)?  I had an outdoor wedding.  First one in both of our families.  We put something like "the wedding will be on the actual beach.  There will be a shoe valet available.    Jackets and ties are not required".     Was the last part against etiquette?  Yep, did I care?  No.  Our guests were confused because they had only gone to church weddings and they always dress up.  DH wasn't even wearing a suit, jacket or even tie.   I didn't care what they wore, but also thought the men might feel a little odd  being more dressed then the groom.     Worked out for us.

    1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website? IMO yes. You should never state who is NOT invited.

    2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2.    I'v never seen this done on an RSVP, I think it's odd.   However, I come from a family who can read an envelope.  Only those names on the envelope are invited.   Seems straight forward too me, but I've been on here long enough to know that common sense is not all that common.

    3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here.   I've never once thought about check-in times at hotels and weddings.  They are 2 separate things and do not need to be coordinated IMO.  As a guest I can figure out how to check-in to a hotel and get to the wedding dressed.  If check-in time is after the ceremony NBD.

    Any suggestions are appreciated!







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lc07
  • I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

    1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)? It's fine to give guests a sense of the weather and venue on your website so that they can choose their attire appropriately. For example, you could say: "The ceremony will be outdoors, and the weather could be unpredictable. We recommend you bring layers." Do NOT state any sort of dress code unless you are having a true black-tie affair (which you're not); adults can generally figure out how to dress for a wedding based on the style of the invitations/website and the venue (which they can look up).

    You mention it's an outdoor fall ceremony; do you have a backup plan in place in case of inclement weather? 

    1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website? Yes, it is bad etiquette. Address your invites to the people you want to invite. If you only want to invite adults, that's absolutely fine, but you should never state who is not invited (i.e. kids). 

    2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2. See above - address your invitations to the people you ARE inviting, and if anyone RSVPs with +1's or their kids on the invite, you simply call them up and let them know that there was a misunderstanding and you will unfortunately not be able to accommodate extra guests. An alternative to you filling in the number of seats reserved would be to include a line for guests to fill out that says "Number attending: ___". If anyone puts in a number greater than the number of people you invited, you call them up (see above sentence for wording). IMPORTANT NOTE: Anyone in a relationship needs to be invited with their significant other by name. Plus one's are for truly single guests, and while not required are a nice gesture if you have the space and budget.

    3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here. I think it's nice for guests to be able to check in to their hotel if possible before the ceremony, unless it's a morning ceremony (in which case they probably stayed the night before, or the wedding will be over at a reasonable hour and they can check in after). But etiquette-wise, I don't really think it's a big deal.

    Any suggestions are appreciated!
    See answers in red.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

    1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)?

    1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website?

    2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2.

    3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here.

    Any suggestions are appreciated!
    Question 1:  I think I would just include information about the ceremony and maybe even a weather blip and let your guests take it from there.  It's considered rude to tell adults how to dress for any occasion, trust that they can figure it out on their own.

    As for the children and a dress code caviat, I wouldn't put it on the website either unless it was the rule of  the site.  For example, you're getting married in a country club that requires everyone is over 18 and wears a sport coat.  But even then, I'd word it very carefully and make sure to attribute it to the venue and not your personal choice.  Let the no children thing be word of mouth.

    Question 2:  I got nothing:).  I'm inviting plus ones but I can see how and why you'd feel that way.  Just make sure the invitations are clearly labeled for the people invited i.e. Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and not John Smith and Family.

    Question 3:  I don't think it's important at all.  Again, adults can figure these things out.  However, if you plan on including a shuttle from hotel to the ceremony, it is something you should consider for logistical purposes.

    And gaps are just:
      image
    image
  • 1. I would not say sleeves/comfortable shoes on the website.
    However in the pages about your wedding, you can mention it's outdoor. You can mention the terrain. You could probably also mention the average temperature that time of year.


    1b. Definitely bad to say adult-only anywhere, even on the website.
    What we did, which I think is ok, is on a guest info page we said something like, "If you should need to travel with your children, the hotel has a list of childcare recommendations available upon request." I feel like it pretty much said "your kids can't come," without saying it directly.

    2. This isn't a big deal. 1 seat(s) is fine. If it really bothers you, invite everyone with a +1 even if they are single. Or skip the reserved seat option on your RSVP card (though it's really handy for hitting the idea home that the kids aren't invited).

    3. I think it's always better if guests have option to check-in before or after the wedding. But sometimes there is only so much wiggle room a hotel can give. This one isn't an end of the world sort of thing IMO.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

    1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)?  Unless you are having a true black tie ceremony you never mention a dress code.  Your guests aren't idiots.  They are more then capable of choosing the appropriate attire for your wedding.

    1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website?  You never state who is not invited.  You simply address the invites to those who you want to invite.  If they include their kids on their RSVPs then you have to call them up and apologize for any confusion but that the invite was only for such and such, and the kids cannot be accommodated. 

    2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2.  Um, you are making this into a bigger deal then it needs to be.  If you invite a truly single guest and do not extend them a plus one then obviously they will only have one seat reserved for them.  And they would most likely understand that a couple would have two seats reserved for them.

    3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here.  Is it nice if the check-in time is before the beginning of the ceremony?  Sure, but it certainly isn't required.  Most hotels allow patrons to check-in when they arrive and to store their bags at the bellhop stand if their rooms are not ready.  Guests can either run back to the hotel to put their bags in their rooms before heading to the reception or they will just deal with it once the event is over with.  Again, this is not something that you really need to worry about.  Your guests will decide what is best for them regarding overnight stays and when to arrive.

    Oh and your friend is being very rude with his 3 hour gap so please don't turn to him for etiquette advice.

    Any suggestions are appreciated!


    [Deleted User]

  • You mention it's an outdoor fall ceremony; do you have a backup plan in place in case of inclement weather? 


    See answers in red.
    Yep, if there is a drop of rain, we have an indoor area that is part of our rental. Thanks for your comments!
    kimmiinthemittensouthernbelle0915
  • edited October 2015

    And gaps are just:
      image
    Ha, trust me when he told me the timeline my face may have scrunched a little, but I don't want to butt in.
    InLoveInQueens
  • PP have pretty much covered 1.

    2. What I did was just write the invited guests names on the rsvp card and then had them initial their meal choices. So it looked like:

    Mr. and Mrs. Smith

    Please Initial your meal choices below:

    __Steak
    __Fish
    __Veggie

    For single guests I wrote and guest and was lucky enough that those who chose to accept their plus 1s wrote in their guests name but if they hadn't I would have called them and asked. There weren't many single people so I figured if a few of them didn't give me the names it wouldn't take that long to call and ask.

    3. I hate gaps. We just went to a wedding where there was one and we went back to the hotel and it was fine for my FI who just flopped on the bed and relaxed but my hair and makeup were all done and I didnt' want to wrinkle my dress so I just sat awkwardly working on the seating chart for our wedding.

    But anyways I don't think it's a big deal. I was going to be just a couple of hours early for checkin to go to one wedding so I just called the hotel ahead of time and asked for early checkin and it wasn't a problem. I know one time I was way before checkin for a hotel (not due to a wedding just flight schedule for a NYC trip) and the hotel just locked my bags in their office I came back that night to check in and grabbed my bags. I think it's nice that you have your start time after checkin but these people are adults they know if they are going to need time at a hotel before to either come the night before, inquire about early checkin, etc...
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited October 2015
     
    1. As a guest, what I would enjoy seeing on your website is if the wedding is outside and if it's on grass or gravel versus cement. Also listing what the average temp is for that area at that time of year would be great. I know what my comfort level is in different temps, with knowing that the temps will be in your area, I'll be able to pack accordingly based on my comfort level. What my comfort level is, maybe totally different then another guest. For example, I'm good in cool weather, while my best friend wears a sweater to Dairy Queen in the summer.

    1b. You shouldn't need to list adult only on website, guests should know that they can't bring their kids based on how invites are addressed

    2. I didn't have this issue, so I'm no help with this one

    3. If you think the majority of your guests who are  coming in from out town would be more likely to come in on Saturday, it would be nice if it was possible, if you can have the ceremony start after check in. This way your guests can check in, drop off luggage & change into their clothes instead of having to travel in their nice clothes. If it's not possible due to the availability of the ceremony site, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me as a guest, but if you could advise the hotel where you booked rooms that many of the guests may not check in until late, that would be nice.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    1. Dress code should be mentioned only if it's 'black tie' or if the venue has a dress code that will apply to the wedding guests. You can describe the location of the ceremony on the website - garden, sandy beach, meadow. This is useful info. IDK about mentioning that it might be chilly - give guests some credit for having common sense. 

    Don't mention on your website that the reception is adults only. 

    2. I don't really like the idea of adding __ seats have been reserved in your honor. Guests should know exactly who is invited based on the names you put on the invitations.Good manners dictate they not add anyone else to the RSVP. But this is a know your crowd type of thing. If you think you may have some guests who might bring their own guests, this is an okay solution. It makes no difference if you're inviting a single.

    3. Guests are responsible for their own travel and lodging arrangements. They can ask for early/late check in if neccessary.
                       
    southernbelle0915
  • I think PPs have most covered. For #2, we're just putting the names of the invitees on the envelopes, and then asking the guests to note the number they're RSVPing for.

    If someone RSVPs for more than they were allotted, we'll call them about it after the RSVP due date - mainly because if there are a lot of declines, we'll probably give them the extra space and just get the date's name for the seating. Sure, it would be rude of them to add people in, but if we can afford it (or need it to hit our venue minimum), we'll just go with it.

    Otherwise, we'll call and let them know that we only allocated space for them, and we're very sorry about the misunderstanding but will they still come alone?
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2015
    1. Dress code should be mentioned only if it's 'black tie' or if the venue has a dress code that will apply to the wedding guests. You can describe the location of the ceremony on the website - garden, sandy beach, meadow. This is useful info. IDK about mentioning that it might be chilly - give guests some credit for having common sense. 

    Don't mention on your website that the reception is adults only. 

    2. I don't really like the idea of adding __ seats have been reserved in your honor. Guests should know exactly who is invited based on the names you put on the invitations.Good manners dictate they not add anyone else to the RSVP. But this is a know your crowd type of thing. If you think you may have some guests who might bring their own guests, this is an okay solution. It makes no difference if you're inviting a single.

    3. Guests are responsible for their own travel and lodging arrangements. They can ask for early/late check in if neccessary.
    See this is where I think local knowledge comes into play.  


    Yes, I can read a weather report, but sometimes things like a light breeze off the ocean can make things a little chilly can be useful to someone from OOT since they are not generally on weather reports.  

    Our county straddles a mountain range.   Often the weather reports and advisories are for that part of the county, not ours.  We tend to be a little warmer and have less snow/rain.   If the average OOT person looked up our weather they would not know that information.

    Location of the venue can make a difference.  You can be at our lodge and be fine, but be cold down at our river cabin at the exact same time of the day.  Distance between the 2 places is a 1/4 mile.   The lodge is about 300 feet higher and faces west.  Lots of sun which keeps it warmer longer.  The River cabin is by... you guessed it by the river.  It's nestled in more of a valley area, under the trees and stops getting sun way before the lodge does.  It's cooler much earlier there then the lodge. The river causes a breezing effect too (that right now is bringing down the odor of pot from a pot farm upstream).

    Now we live about 3 miles away from the club, more in the valley.  It's warmer and drier then the lodge.  The lodge is about 500 feet higher then we are.  Right now DH goes to work and they have to scrape their cars of frost, we haven't had that yet where we are.   3 miles away, that's it.

    Just my $0.02 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

    1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)?

    Only mention dress code if it is black tie or a venue requirement (i.e. country club that requires jackets). Let adults dress themselves. Some people wear heels no matter the terrain ;)

    What would be appropriate, is to state information about the venue. Such as the ceremony will be outside, on grass. 

    Adults can figure it out from there. I never travel somewhere without checking the weather forecast. They should know if they need to bring a jacket or shawl. 

    Our venue had an outdoor covered veranda that we had access to all night, so we let guests know about that. 

    1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website?

    Yes. Never mention who isn't invited. Address to invitations to who is. 

    2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2.

    We did do this, because I saw it as a recommendation, but I don't think it's necessary. We also had a meal choice, so there was a line to check which meal each guest wanted. 

    3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here.

    I don't think this really matters. While it might be nice to check in prior to an event starting, it's not a requirement as hotels allow check in at any time. Actually, we stayed in a hotel on our wedding night and we didn't check in to our suite until 2 AM! 

    In your friend's case, while gaps are ICK, I would still only book a room Saturday night and use that 3 gap to check in. 

    Any suggestions are appreciated!

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2015
    I've hung around here for a little bit, hopefully long enough that I'm not asking anything super-obvious, but here are a couple questions I can't seem to find a solid answer to:

    1. Is it bad etiquette to address things on the website that you can't put on the invite? Specifically, is it OK to mention what the dress will be? I'm having an early-fall outdoor ceremony-if I can't state 'formal', 'semi-formal', etc., would I mention things like comfortable shoes, or that sleeves may be a good idea (for the benefit of some out-of-state guests, several of whom have never been to the city the ceremony is in)?

    You can mention the type of ground you will be on and the temperatures.  As to dress code, I would only do this if the wedding is black tie or white tie and/or your venue has specific requirements.  Beyond that, the time of day and the cardstock, fonts, and graphics of your invitation should give your guests a sense of how formally to dress for the wedding.

    1(b). Is it bad etiquette to mention an adult-only ceremony on the website?

    Yes. It's never appropriate to indicate who is not invited to a wedding or other event.


    2. For RSVP cards, I've heard on other boards that it is suggested to put a line that says something to the effect of 'We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor' and then fill in the number to encourage guests not to add plus ones. I feel kind of odd hand-writing in '1' for some people, as it seems to highlight the fact that others clearly got 2.

    If you're not giving plus-ones to unattached singles, then this isn't odd-you are letting them know that no, they can't bring guests of their choice.  But be sure to indicate that 2 seats are reserved for everyone who is in a relationship. 

    3. How important is it for a wedding to start after check-in time at the selected hotel block? Right now I have an hour and fifteen minutes between check-in time and Saturday ceremony start (the venue is 10 minutes away from the hotel), however an acquaintance of mine is starting his Saturday ceremony at 2pm with a 4pm check-in time. I assume he assumes that out of town guests will be spending the night Friday? They have a 3-hourish gap, however, with the cocktail hour not starting until 6, which makes me think guests would rather have the option of just booking a Saturday night room. I may be over-thinking things here.

    This is something I think you'll need to let your guests work out for themselves.  They'll presumably be arriving at different times because their jobs, their travel distance, traffic conditions, and other needs dictate when they'll get there.

    Any suggestions are appreciated!
    My answers are in bold.
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