in-laws unhappy... HELP

msuprincess04

CMGragain said:

Let's stop feeding the troll.  It doesn't really want an answer. It just likes to argue.

That seems uncalled for.

GlamQueenBride

msuprincess04 said:

CMGragain said:

Let's stop feeding the troll.  It doesn't really want an answer. It just likes to argue.

That seems uncalled for.

Thanks. But consider the source. That poster is someone who takes pleasure in calling herself selfish. Shouldn't be a surprise that she'd reply that way when she doesn't truly get the definition of the word.

Jells2dot0

 

KESB2016 said:

msuprincess04 said:

CMGragain said:

Let's stop feeding the troll.  It doesn't really want an answer. It just likes to argue.

That seems uncalled for.

Thanks. But consider the source. That poster is someone who takes pleasure in calling herself selfish. Shouldn't be a surprise that she'd reply that way when she doesn't truly get the definition of the word.

Maybe the troll comment was off, but I do think that CMGr deserves to be a little bit selfish IRL.

GlamQueenBride

Jells2dot0 said:

 

KESB2016 said:

msuprincess04 said:

CMGragain said:

Let's stop feeding the troll.  It doesn't really want an answer. It just likes to argue.

That seems uncalled for.

Thanks. But consider the source. That poster is someone who takes pleasure in calling herself selfish. Shouldn't be a surprise that she'd reply that way when she doesn't truly get the definition of the word.

Maybe the troll comment was off, but I do think that CMGr deserves to be a little bit selfish IRL.

I don't know a thing about her to say whether or not she deserves to be selfish. What I do know is that most of the world doesn't think of the word selfish as a good thing and neither does the dictionary. And that was the crux of the argument.

ready2wed59

The question was never if I was being selfish or if I had a right to be.  My question was how to make my FIL feel better about the situation.  They have no reason to not come, in fact they enjoy traveling and do it often, they are simply upset by the fact that we chose a destination and they didn't get to have a say so in the matter.  The idea of a destination was brought up before hand and they were all for it, but because we chose and they didn't they now hate the idea. 

thisismynickname2

ready2wed59 said:

The question was never if I was being selfish or if I had a right to be.  My question was how to make my FIL feel better about the situation.  They have no reason to not come, in fact they enjoy traveling and do it often, they are simply upset by the fact that we chose a destination and they didn't get to have a say so in the matter.  The idea of a destination was brought up before hand and they were all for it, but because we chose and they didn't they now hate the idea. 

Hi OP, 

Unfortunately we really don't know your family so it's hard to advise here. They could have appeared like they were all for the idea and now reality has hit and they're not so comfortable. 

For example, my sister wanted to get married in England, where our entire side of the family lives (her in-laws are in the States). Had my sister said to me one day, "Wouldn't it be great to get married in England?" I would have replied, "Yeah! It would be great!" But you know what she did instead? She told me, "We're getting married in England next year." WTF? I was 25 and kind of poor. That was a ton of money for me. As her sister, I am a VIP. I was really upset!

As it turned out, she didn't get married there, so it became a moot point. 

But my point to you is, people can be enthused about an idea but when the idea becomes a reality, people can realize that something is a hassle and they don't want to do it. 

As these folks are your future in-laws, and not just some friends, you may have to do some serious smoothing over. Offer to pay for flights, hotel rooms, something. Or, you can call their bluff: "We'll miss you." Only you know them well enough to know what'll smooth over the situation. 

ShesSoCold

thisismynickname said:

ready2wed59 said:

The question was never if I was being selfish or if I had a right to be.  My question was how to make my FIL feel better about the situation.  They have no reason to not come, in fact they enjoy traveling and do it often, they are simply upset by the fact that we chose a destination and they didn't get to have a say so in the matter.  The idea of a destination was brought up before hand and they were all for it, but because we chose and they didn't they now hate the idea. 

Hi OP, 

Unfortunately we really don't know your family so it's hard to advise here. They could have appeared like they were all for the idea and now reality has hit and they're not so comfortable. 

For example, my sister wanted to get married in England, where our entire side of the family lives (her in-laws are in the States). Had my sister said to me one day, "Wouldn't it be great to get married in England?" I would have replied, "Yeah! It would be great!" But you know what she did instead? She told me, "We're getting married in England next year." WTF? I was 25 and kind of poor. That was a ton of money for me. As her sister, I am a VIP. I was really upset!

As it turned out, she didn't get married there, so it became a moot point. 

But my point to you is, people can be enthused about an idea but when the idea becomes a reality, people can realize that something is a hassle and they don't want to do it. 

As these folks are your future in-laws, and not just some friends, you may have to do some serious smoothing over. Offer to pay for flights, hotel rooms, something. Or, you can call their bluff: "We'll miss you." Only you know them well enough to know what'll smooth over the situation. 

Quoted for truth, especially the bolded. My H and I had planned a DW and for his dad's family, the cost would have been very difficult so we offered to help. His mom, on the other hand, was just being an ass so we told her we'd miss her when she said she wasn't coming.

holyguacamole79

I got lost reading through all the comments, so forgive me if this has already been brought up ... what does your FI think about this???

CMGragain

ready2wed59 said:

The question was never if I was being selfish or if I had a right to be.  My question was how to make my FIL feel better about the situation.  They have no reason to not come, in fact they enjoy traveling and do it often, they are simply upset by the fact that we chose a destination and they didn't get to have a say so in the matter.  The idea of a destination was brought up before hand and they were all for it, but because we chose and they didn't they now hate the idea. 

You don't really know that this is why they are upset.  Have you asked them?