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Asking about SOs

Knottie1440365793Knottie1440365793 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my fiance and I have decided not to really do any +1. I don't feel bad about this because everyone we're inviting will know at least a few friends, so no one will be left with no one to talk to. 

My issue is that I have a ton of cousins that I'm not sure if they have SOs or not. If they do (we live in different states, so it's very possible that I've never met them and I can't trust FB), I want to make sure they're invited. 

Is there a nice way to ask if someone is in a relationship without them thinking that they're getting a +1? 
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Re: Asking about SOs

  • dramamonkeydramamonkey member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    In the case of cousins, could you ask aunts/uncles?
    "Hey Aunt Suzy! We're working on our guest list, and I wasn't sure if cousin Bobby was dating anyone- if it is, I want to be sure to invite him/her."

    Or ask your parent to ask their subblings.

    "Dad, do you know if cousin Bobby is dating anyone? Can you ask Aunt Suzy?"

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Knottie1440365793 said:
    So my fiance and I have decided not to really do any +1. I don't feel bad about this because everyone we're inviting will know at least a few friends, so no one will be left with no one to talk to. 

    My issue is that I have a ton of cousins that I'm not sure if they have SOs or not. If they do (we live in different states, so it's very possible that I've never met them and I can't trust FB), I want to make sure they're invited. 

    Is there a nice way to ask if someone is in a relationship without them thinking that they're getting a +1? 
    Are you dating anyone?  I'd like to be sure to include him/her on the invitation to our wedding.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I just ask MIL, she knows EVERYTHING that goes on in DH's family.   Between my mom and aunt I had my side taken care of.

    Every family has a "knows everything" person.  I would go to them.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie1440365793 said:
    So my fiance and I have decided not to really do any +1. I don't feel bad about this because everyone we're inviting will know at least a few friends, so no one will be left with no one to talk to. 

    My issue is that I have a ton of cousins that I'm not sure if they have SOs or not. If they do (we live in different states, so it's very possible that I've never met them and I can't trust FB), I want to make sure they're invited. 

    Is there a nice way to ask if someone is in a relationship without them thinking that they're getting a +1? 
    You just ask them.  You don't need to worry about them assuming they are getting a Plus 1.  They should know based on how the invitations are addressed that they are not getting a Plus One.

    We did not give single guests a Plus One at our wedding either, for the same reasons- everyone knew multiple family or friends at the wedding.  Prior to sending out invitations FI contacted all of his cousins (over 20) via FB and let them know we were getting ready to send out or invitations and could they please confirm their addresses and let us know if they are seeing anyone.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Knottie1440365793 said:
    So my fiance and I have decided not to really do any +1. I don't feel bad about this because everyone we're inviting will know at least a few friends, so no one will be left with no one to talk to. 

    My issue is that I have a ton of cousins that I'm not sure if they have SOs or not. If they do (we live in different states, so it's very possible that I've never met them and I can't trust FB), I want to make sure they're invited. 

    Is there a nice way to ask if someone is in a relationship without them thinking that they're getting a +1? 
    You just ask them.  You don't need to worry about them assuming they are getting a Plus 1.  They should know based on how the invitations are addressed that they are not getting a Plus One.

    We did not give single guests a Plus One at our wedding either, for the same reasons- everyone knew multiple family or friends at the wedding.  Prior to sending out invitations FI contacted all of his cousins (over 20) via FB and let them know we were getting ready to send out or invitations and could they please confirm their addresses and let us know if they are seeing anyone.
    If you do this, especially over facebook, please be sure to do it as a personal message.  I once got a mass email requesting my most current address from a PPD bride.  I knew that the woman had my most current address and if she didn't she could contact me by an individually addressed email, facebook message, phone call, text, or she could use any of those same methods with my mother to get my address.  I ended up not getting an invitation to her PPD at all (but did get a mass email from the groom's sister a week before the PPD letting me know that they were getting drinks at X bar on X day prior to the wedding if I wanted to join them.)  All kinds of tacky.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    adk19 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Knottie1440365793 said:
    So my fiance and I have decided not to really do any +1. I don't feel bad about this because everyone we're inviting will know at least a few friends, so no one will be left with no one to talk to. 

    My issue is that I have a ton of cousins that I'm not sure if they have SOs or not. If they do (we live in different states, so it's very possible that I've never met them and I can't trust FB), I want to make sure they're invited. 

    Is there a nice way to ask if someone is in a relationship without them thinking that they're getting a +1? 
    You just ask them.  You don't need to worry about them assuming they are getting a Plus 1.  They should know based on how the invitations are addressed that they are not getting a Plus One.

    We did not give single guests a Plus One at our wedding either, for the same reasons- everyone knew multiple family or friends at the wedding.  Prior to sending out invitations FI contacted all of his cousins (over 20) via FB and let them know we were getting ready to send out or invitations and could they please confirm their addresses and let us know if they are seeing anyone.
    If you do this, especially over facebook, please be sure to do it as a personal message.  I once got a mass email requesting my most current address from a PPD bride.  I knew that the woman had my most current address and if she didn't she could contact me by an individually addressed email, facebook message, phone call, text, or she could use any of those same methods with my mother to get my address.  I ended up not getting an invitation to her PPD at all (but did get a mass email from the groom's sister a week before the PPD letting me know that they were getting drinks at X bar on X day prior to the wedding if I wanted to join them.)  All kinds of tacky.
    Well yeah, he PM'd each one.  I think others he emailed individually, but yeah, there was no mass email of public FB post.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    adk19 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Knottie1440365793 said:
    So my fiance and I have decided not to really do any +1. I don't feel bad about this because everyone we're inviting will know at least a few friends, so no one will be left with no one to talk to. 

    My issue is that I have a ton of cousins that I'm not sure if they have SOs or not. If they do (we live in different states, so it's very possible that I've never met them and I can't trust FB), I want to make sure they're invited. 

    Is there a nice way to ask if someone is in a relationship without them thinking that they're getting a +1? 
    You just ask them.  You don't need to worry about them assuming they are getting a Plus 1.  They should know based on how the invitations are addressed that they are not getting a Plus One.

    We did not give single guests a Plus One at our wedding either, for the same reasons- everyone knew multiple family or friends at the wedding.  Prior to sending out invitations FI contacted all of his cousins (over 20) via FB and let them know we were getting ready to send out or invitations and could they please confirm their addresses and let us know if they are seeing anyone.
    If you do this, especially over facebook, please be sure to do it as a personal message.  I once got a mass email requesting my most current address from a PPD bride.  I knew that the woman had my most current address and if she didn't she could contact me by an individually addressed email, facebook message, phone call, text, or she could use any of those same methods with my mother to get my address.  I ended up not getting an invitation to her PPD at all (but did get a mass email from the groom's sister a week before the PPD letting me know that they were getting drinks at X bar on X day prior to the wedding if I wanted to join them.)  All kinds of tacky.
    Well yeah, he PM'd each one.  I think others he emailed individually, but yeah, there was no mass email of public FB post.
    I had no doubt that you did it right.  I was just putting it out there for lurkers.
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