Supporting through a Job Hunt

OwlNurse

My BF's been working at a seasonal job that he's really enjoyed, and they adore him there.  It's groundskeeping so there's no finite date he'll be let go, it depends on when we get our first snow.

We polished up his resume two months ago, and it looks great.  I asked him how the job search was going.  He hasn't applied to any new jobs.  At all.  That sweet angel, I felt like shaking him.  I explained my anxieties about budgeting, paying rent which increases if we renew our lease, and my wanting to focus on paying off my student loans.  He said that he'll find a job, and that he has enough savings to pay his share of rent for 2-3 months, but I still haven't seen him applying anywhere.  Money is just money, but I don't like feeling like I'm in the dark.

I'd love some suggestions on how to be supportive during this job hunt, and maybe any advice on being the more financially stable partner.  

laurejohn

First of all, I would say you need at least a year's worth of finances as a buffer - 3 months will go by quickly! At your place of employment, do you see anything he could possibly do? If so, maybe you can recommend him for a job there (and if your place of work offers it, you'll get a referral bonus). Obviously you don't want to shove a million job postings in his face, but maybe there are a couple of listings you can find for him without overwhelming him. Your concerns are valid, so definitely keep expressing them!

OwlNurse

Thanks, Laurejohn!

In the past, I've looked around at job openings at my work and at other places, but many times the job posting didn't fit him 100%.  The worst that'll happen is you don't get it, but he stressed that he didn't want to waste their time.  That was in terms of his degree, mind you, not temp work.

I think he wants to tackle the job hunt on his terms, without my meddling or advice, and his ego is fragile about that in particular.  

cu97tiger

The situation is tricky, but is representative of the things that come in life that put a strain on relationships. It's a good time for you to be honest with him that 2-3 months of savings doesn't make you feel very comfortable in this economy. You could frame it as knowing that the job market is tough for everyone, not that you think HE'LL have a hard time getting a job, necessarily. 

Continue to be supportive, and talk with him about a plan. If he says he isn't going to start looking until the temp job is done, you can be honest if that makes you uncomfortable. Relationships are all about compromise, so hopefully he'll be worth starting the search sooner to ease your concerns.

OwlNurse

@cu97tiger

I was able to talk to him a little tonight, and ask if he was waiting until this job is done.  He admitted he'd just procrastinated, and we tentatively came up with a plan where I'll check in once a week to encourage him.  So I can't say I'm ecstatic but it's progress.  Thank you!

QueenOfGlitz

Make sure to try and be patient. It can be stressful - but it will only make things worse to have your stress on his shoulders as well!

How are things going now?

Edit: Curious for an update.

OwlNurse

Happy to say that BF applied to a really promising job this weekend, and plans to continue applying each weekend.  So, I'll check in on Sunday evenings or so to see how it's going.  I think he really just needed a kick in the pants, to be honest.

Thanks for checking in, @QueenofGlitz!