Child-free wedding means my sister is refusing to attend as her children won't be invited ...

[Deleted User]

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!

ILoveBeachMusic

jacques27 said:

Deleted User said:

Thanks for all the comments. My sister's kids are 5, 7, and 8 and are in bed by 7pm. Dinner would be served at 7pm with everything wrapped up by 9pm (what I consider a reasonable hour for a weeknight) because there will be no dancing, just dinner. Most of our friends work in jobs that are flexible and both sets of parents completely approve of a weeknight event. Would start at 6pm with a short wedding ceremony and dinner following at a location just down the street from the ceremony. Most of the people that would be coming are routinely out with clients even later than 9pm or they work shift work in which case they could be off the next day (like a weekend). Appreciate all the different view points and opinions.

Really, out of curiosity then, what makes this "not kid friendly" that a parent could not either decide to cut out before dessert to get the kids home or give a special dispensation to extend bedtime for one night.  Do they have profound mental illness or intellectual disabilities where being around people is difficult for them?  My family was taking me out to nice restaurants from the age of 3 and I ordered for myself, usually off the adult menu because that's the kind of food I liked.  I've been attending plays and symphonies since the age of 5.  Children, especially children age 4 and up are capable of sitting and eating dinner.  Can the restaurant not make buttered noodles or something with simple tomato sauce if they are that picky?  Is having every single person eating an "authentic" Italian meal worth telling three children old enough to understand they are being excluded from their aunt's wedding because they don't like pasta puttanesca and not having your sister there?

I mean, you can do what you want.  You don't have to have children there.  But you can't make your sister be completely cool with it - you just have to own your decision and understand not everyone will like it, agree, or even understand.  And you have to decide if the benefit is worth the consequence or whether you can just simply trust your sister to be a good parent and remove the children if they start to act up, carry a granola bar in her purse if there is truly nothing to eat, and bring a coloring book and some crayons if for some reason three school age children are truly truly incapable of behaving and staying engaged for three hours (which I find hard to believe is the case).

Seriously, I think you are putting your "vision" above all else. I am assuming you will be in a private dining room at the restaurant so if the children get up and walk around a bit it wouldn't be the end of the world. My daughter's rehearsal dinner was at an upscale Italian restaurant. There were 3 children present: the flower girl, her younger brother and the child of a wedding party member. They were also the only children at the wedding (except the ring bearer who couldn't attend the RD). I believe the FG and her brother had a simplified pasta meal and the other child, a toddler, had food brought by his parents. This was a dinner for about 50 people. Did anyone care that the kids didn't eat the gnocchi with wild boar sauce, salmon or beef, or the flight of gelato that the adults ate? No. Everyone enjoyed being together to celebrate a wedding of friends and family. If I were your sister, I'd be pretty peeved if you weren't at least giving me the option to make the decision of whether or not my children attend your wedding.

[Deleted User]

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!

mileybangerz

Just remember

[Deleted User]

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!!

mileybangerz

The restaurant that we are having the reception at serves upscale Italian food that most kids (my nieces and nephew especially) would not appreciate. We want to stay very authentic and not ask the restaurant to make chicken fingers etc. The fact that it is just a short civil ceremony and then dinner with no dancing makes me think that most kids would find it very boring and then not having food to their liking would be the icing on the cake. Bored children can end up cranky.

Staying authentically douchey ......

lyndausvi

Deleted User said:

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!!

mileybangerz

Can you not read?  She has posted the above multiple times now.  I'm assuming that is code for stop responding.  

mileybangerz

Deleted User said:

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!!

mileybangerz

Can you not read?  She has posted the above multiple times now.  I'm assuming that is code for stop responding.  

She even posted it on my wall. Lol.

lyndausvi

mileybangerz said:

Deleted User said:

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!!

mileybangerz

Can you not read?  She has posted the above multiple times now.  I'm assuming that is code for stop responding.  

She even posted it on my wall. Lol.

I guess the little red notification is too much to ignore.

ILoveBeachMusic

lyndausvi said:

Deleted User said:

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!!

mileybangerz

Can you not read?  She has posted the above multiple times now.  I'm assuming that is code for stop responding.  

I guess she got mad because no one told her how to get her sister to attend without the kids. Some people can't accept the consequences of their actions.

mileybangerz

lyndausvi said:

Deleted User said:

Thanks everyone! We have made our decision and moved forward with wedding planning. Really appreciate the different view points and thoughts. I never thought I would actually get responses to my question, so pleasantly surprised.

Happy wedding planning!!

mileybangerz

Can you not read?  She has posted the above multiple times now.  I'm assuming that is code for stop responding.  

I guess she got mad because no one told her how to get her sister to attend without the kids. Some people can't accept the consequences of their actions.

--------- Box --------- I mean, the sister is CRAZY to not attend this AUTHENTIC wedding with VISION! Screw the kids!

jacques27

Duh, Miley.  Take a hint!

I'm not a kid person.  I like individual kids and I basically treat them like tiny adults in the sense I don't like every single adult and I don't like every single kid and I don't pretend otherwise.  But there are awesome adults who I enjoy and awesome kids I enjoy.  But even as not a "kid person" I have at least been around enough of them to know that they are humans with feelings and interests and likes and dislikes and no two kids are the same.  And a child is not going to "ruin" a wedding just because they are a child.  In fact, they have the potential to make things awesome.  One of the best people I know is an eight year old with so many awesome hobbies and interesting stories it puts adults to shame.  I'd much rather hang out with him than a lot of adults.

After hanging out here long enough, I've learned that:
1.  "Not kid friendly" means "I am not friendly/hate kids/have never taken time to get to know a kid" because there is nothing unfriendly about dinner (even with drinking involved), socializing, and dancing.  Kids can handle those things - in fact, socializing and witnessing events like these is how they become socialized and learn appropriate adult interactions.

2.  "I don't want to serve chicken fingers" means "It never occurred to me that children, like all humans, can like varied foods."

3.  "They'll be bored/crying/screaming" means "I read Lord of the Flies one too many times in high school and it never occurred to me that children come with parents who would actually be the ones who have to worry about the children and, you know, parent them cause that's what they do and civilization will in fact not collapse into turmoil."

[Deleted User]

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'd like to stop the commenting on this question as we've moved on to other planning aspects. For those interested, my nieces and nephew will be invited and my sister has actually decided that they will not attend for the reasons that I was concerned about their attendance.

Hope everyone gets enjoyment out of planning their dream wedding!

Viczaesar

Deleted User said:

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'd like to stop the commenting on this question as we've moved on to other planning aspects. For those interested, my nieces and nephew will be invited and my sister has actually decided that they will not attend for the reasons that I was concerned about their attendance.

Hope everyone gets enjoyment out of planning their dream wedding!

Nope, you don't get to tell people how to post.  I'm glad it worked out with your sister though.

CMGragain

Once you post on an open internet board, people are free to comment on your posts - and to judge you.  You cannot close a thread.  You cannot stop people from sharing their opinions.

mileybangerz

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'd like to stop the commenting on this question as we've moved on to other planning aspects. For those interested, my nieces and nephew will be invited and my sister has actually decided that they will not attend for the reasons that I was concerned about their attendance.

Hope everyone gets enjoyment out of planning their dream wedding!

Glad you changed your mind!

GlamQueenBride

I get that you've moved on, but I just have to say as someone who constantly says that the bride and groom's vision matters and they should get to do what they want if it isn't rude to their guests, this is truly just too much. I can't believe anyone would rather their sister miss their wedding than inviting their own nieces and nephews. Most caterers can arrange a child's plate, but that goes against your vision???? What the hell??

You planned a Tuesday night wedding, made it child-free, and now you're upset that your sister can't attend? I'd be surprised if you get many guests at all.

ILoveBeachMusic

Deleted User said:

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'd like to stop the commenting on this question as we've moved on to other planning aspects. For those interested, my nieces and nephew will be invited and my sister has actually decided that they will not attend for the reasons that I was concerned about their attendance.

Hope everyone gets enjoyment out of planning their dream wedding!

I'm glad you let your sister make the decision. Good luck with your wedding.

aurianna

Now I'm just sitting here trying to think what even a picky kid could eat at an Italian restaurant.
Pizza, spaghetti and meatballs (or any smaller noodle with meatballs or meat sauce), chicken parm and garlic bread all come to mind. But maybe I get that those maybe aren't "authentic."

I still wonder if your sister would attend if the wedding weren't on a Tuesday. But I know we can't mess with the vision.

STARMOON44

The restaurant that we are having the reception at serves upscale Italian food that most kids (my nieces and nephew especially) would not appreciate. We want to stay very authentic and not ask the restaurant to make chicken fingers etc. The fact that it is just a short civil ceremony and then dinner with no dancing makes me think that most kids would find it very boring and then not having food to their liking would be the icing on the cake. Bored children can end up cranky.

Staying authentically douchey ......

**Removed for TOS Violation** 

monkeysip

aurianna said:

Now I'm just sitting here trying to think what even a picky kid could eat at an Italian restaurant.
Pizza, spaghetti and meatballs (or any smaller noodle with meatballs or meat sauce), chicken parm and garlic bread all come to mind. But maybe I get that those maybe aren't "authentic."

I still wonder if your sister would attend if the wedding weren't on a Tuesday. But I know we can't mess with the vision.

She said this was an UPSCALE italian restaurant.  They don't serve peasant food like spaghetti or chicken parm.  And the kids wouldn't "appreciate" the fine cuisine.  She's not going to let guests attend her wedding whose palette's cannot appreciate such exquisite food!

mileybangerz

monkeysip said:

aurianna said:

Now I'm just sitting here trying to think what even a picky kid could eat at an Italian restaurant.
Pizza, spaghetti and meatballs (or any smaller noodle with meatballs or meat sauce), chicken parm and garlic bread all come to mind. But maybe I get that those maybe aren't "authentic."

I still wonder if your sister would attend if the wedding weren't on a Tuesday. But I know we can't mess with the vision.

She said this was an UPSCALE italian restaurant.  They don't serve peasant food like spaghetti or chicken parm.  And the kids wouldn't "appreciate" the fine cuisine.  She's not going to let guests attend her wedding whose palette's cannot appreciate such exquisite food!

_______________
Wait, will they have fried mozzarella sticks?

aurianna

mileybangerz said:

aurianna said:

Now I'm just sitting here trying to think what even a picky kid could eat at an Italian restaurant.
Pizza, spaghetti and meatballs (or any smaller noodle with meatballs or meat sauce), chicken parm and garlic bread all come to mind. But maybe I get that those maybe aren't "authentic."

I still wonder if your sister would attend if the wedding weren't on a Tuesday. But I know we can't mess with the vision.

She said this was an UPSCALE italian restaurant.  They don't serve peasant food like spaghetti or chicken parm.  And the kids wouldn't "appreciate" the fine cuisine.  She's not going to let guests attend her wedding whose palette's cannot appreciate such exquisite food!

_______________ Wait, will they have fried mozzarella sticks?

Maaaan. Maybe it's the pregnancy talking but boy am I craving some peasant mozzarella sticks now.

IrishPirate60

Almost two pages of comments and no one mentioned the highly searchable Knottiest name? [Deleted User] you may want to do some editing.

Heffalump

jacques27 said:

themosthappy91 said:

I'm surprised at the number of people who have said they'd have way more trouble finding a sitter on a weeknight- when I was in high school I was routinely babysitting until 11 or 12 at night on weeknights. My parents just figured I was going to be up that late at home anyway so why not let me be making money, as long as whoever I was sitting for could drive me home after because they were sure to be dead asleep at that time. Guess I should have been charging way more!

PP's have it covered- though there's nothing technically wrong with your plan, your guests are probably going to feel annoyed at the fact you're having your wedding late at night on a weeknight. 

I have a few family members in high school.  They routinely don't get home until 5:30-6:00 on a weeknight due to sports, marching band, play practice etc.  They come home, eat dinner, and then routinely have 3-4 hours of homework to do every night.  Unless the kids are so young they are expected to sleep the entire time, not many parents I know would be cool with just having a babysitter who literally sits and ignores their kids the whole time because they have homework.  Add in most parents want CPR certified and high school students not taking on babysitting gigs like they used to, it's just harder to find good babysitters.  And expensive - average for only one child is $12.50-14.50/hr.  I really don't blame parents for being reluctant.  It's really not just as easy as "Well, just get a babysitter."

This.  We can't even find a high school age babysitter, all of our sitters are teachers from DS's DC (or my mom, when we're really lucky and it works for both of our schedules) because around here, all of the highschoolers are at practice, studying, etc.  And because we have DC teachers, we usually can't even get them until DC is closed, which means weeknights are tough.

[Deleted User]

hmm sounds more like the OP stomped her feet and threw out "its MY wedding" sister got mad and said screw you then we aren't coming. Since it's a very small wedding and as you said your having dinner down the street sounds to me like you are purposely excluding your nieces and nephews. I'd probably say screw you too.  If it's ONLY down the street and it's ONLY a small ceremony then why do you care so much if ONLY your nieces and nephews came to a family event I really see ZERO vision of your wedding other then the need to control everything.  Happy wedding planning.

banana468

I'm not sure why asking for chicken fingers or plain pasta has any detrimental effect at all.   If anything it may improve things.

mileybangerz

banana468 said:

I'm not sure why asking for chicken fingers or plain pasta has any detrimental effect at all.   If anything it may improve things.

I was at a wedding last year where one of the bridesmaids had just found out that she was pregnant and was dealing with a sensitive stomach (naturally).  One of the children's options was chicken fingers and that was the only thing that didn't make her nauseous.  She pulled aside the caterer and asked if they'd give her a children's plate since she had such a sensitive appetite.

Maggie0829

banana468 said:

I'm not sure why asking for chicken fingers or plain pasta has any detrimental effect at all.   If anything it may improve things.

Because it will ruin the AUTHENTICITY Banana!  Geesh!

*Barbie*

5-8yo in bed at 7pm? that's insanity. 

my 4yo (almost 5) daughter has an 8-830pm bedtime, which we don't have an issue extending on weekends or special occasions. She wouldn't have any issue eating an "adult" meal if there wasn't a childrens' menu available. (Maybe this is odd - but avocado is basically the only food that she really doesn't seem to like, and I give that a pass since she eats basically everything else.) I don't really understand how people expect to expand a child's palate when all they feed them is pizza/chicken fingers/mac n cheese/fries. I'm sure of all menu choices, Italian is probably one of the most "kid-friendly" even if the kids *are* picky eaters. 

I'd decline if I was local because it's impossible to get a sitter on a weeknight - otherwise I'd attend alone and my H would just stay at home with our kid.