Is it rude to get married on a Thursday?

[Deleted User]

My wedding is on a Thursday in October (no holiday) we chose it because it was less expensive and most of our guests word in trades (security, hair, nails, retail, ect) where weekends are the times they are busiest. I also thought it would be,less expensive for our OOT guests to fly as opposed to,flying on a weekend. I was told recently by a client, who is not invited but asked for details on my wedding when she saw my ring, that this was bad ettiqutte as people would have to take off work an extra day since the wedding goes late (it's over at 10. We are,leaving for our honeymoon before it ends, it's a 4 hour ceremony/reception total so no after party or day after hooplah) Am I being rude?

aurianna

It's not "rude" to have a wedding on a weeknight. It's just important to realize that more people may decline.

You have to take your guest list into account.
If most of your guests are in town and truly work more on the weekend than during the week, this really may be best for your crowd.

If you have a good number of OOT guests, however, this can be really tough on them, because they'll probably need to take one, if not two, days off work.

Also, while Wednesday and Thursday are often cheap travel days, Friday is generally the most expensive day to fly, along with Sunday. But if you live somewhere where OOT guests might want to sight see on Friday and flyout on Saturday it could work.

So again, not "rude." Just possibly inconvenient depending on your crowd. And only you really know your crowd.

artbyallie

Not rude providing you don't get mad at anyone for declining. But that applies in general since a wedding invitation is not a subpoena.

ETA: And also providing you cleared the date/time with your VIPs first. But again, that applies to all wedding dates.

SP29

As above- not rude, but you may have more declines.

It's a know your crowd thing, and check with your VIPs first. 

Myself- would probably mean I would take 2 days off of work, but I would consider it the same as any wedding. Do I have the time (vacation time) and money to travel and attend? 

lyndausvi

It's not rude, but short sighted for your OOT guests flying in.       

If they have to fly in most people will fly in the day before just to be safe.  Lord knows planes are delayed, then add in getting from the airport to where they are staying.  Then to the venue.  Well the average traveler isn't going to fly in the day of the wedding because there are too many variables that might make them miss the wedding.

  So that means they will be taking off Wednesday to travel.  Thursday for the wedding.  Friday to travel home.  And Friday is often the most expensive day to travel.

Again, it's not rude per se, just not very convenient either.    It's more of a know your crowd type thing.  If you only have a few OOT guests flying in it would not be as big of a deal if more than half are flying in.

southernbelle0915

Technically, it's not against etiquette. You COULD get married on a Wednesday morning... But lots of people will probably decline.

Personally, I have "gift grab" in the back of my mind when I get an invitation for an OOT, week night wedding. I'm sure that's not always the case, but it always crosses my mind. I find these about as annoying as holiday/holiday weekend weddings.

CMGragain

There is nothing wrong with a Thursday night wedding, or any other date.

[Deleted User]

As a bride who is getting married on a Tuesday, I see no problem in this. Sure, some guests could decline, but it sounds like you are considering a variety of schedules and planning something that could be best for a variety of individuals. Good luck!

APDSS22

In my group, we're still talking about a wedding years later because it was on a Thurs. The bride and groom just HAD to get married on this super special date. While an invitation is not a subpoena, we wanted to be supportive so we drove the 8.5 hours to the wedding and made it work. What the bride and groom didn't do was consider their guest list. The majority of us were young professionals with 0 vacation time at our first jobs.

Now, having a wedding on a weeknight is not against etiquette. It might, however, be inconvenient for a lot of guests depending on their travel and schedules. It looks like you've taken that into account OP, so you should be good.

charlotte989875

I agree with PPs, there is nothing inherently rude about getting married on a Thursday. Sounds like many of your guests work weekends so this may work out fine. My sister is getting married on a weekday between Christmas and New Years (January 30). Most of our family works in academia or other fields that close down this week so it works out really good for us in that we don't actually have to take time off for the wedding. However they realize this is not the case for everyone and understand there may be more declines. They also do not have many OOT guest (maybe one or two couples). Only you know your guest list and whether this really is something that will work for a large portion of your guest list.

Curious, are you not staying for all of your reception? Because that is definitely something I would side-eye.

JediElizabeth

APDSS22 said:

In my group, we're still talking about a wedding years later because it was on a Thurs. The bride and groom just HAD to get married on this super special date. While an invitation is not a subpoena, we wanted to be supportive so we drove the 8.5 hours to the wedding and made it work. What the bride and groom didn't do was consider their guest list. The majority of us were young professionals with 0 vacation time at our first jobs. Now, having a wedding on a weeknight is not against etiquette. It might, however, be inconvenient for a lot of guests depending on their travel and schedules. It looks like you've taken that into account OP, so you should be good.

Was it a silly date (like pi day or their first date or something) or a date that worked for their VIPs (families) and their budget, but not necessarily all of their friends? I actually think it's a lot more rude to decide to go to something knowing it's an inconvenience, and then complain about that same inconvenience years later. If you don't want to go, just don't. 

APDSS22

JediElizabeth said:

APDSS22 said:

In my group, we're still talking about a wedding years later because it was on a Thurs. The bride and groom just HAD to get married on this super special date. While an invitation is not a subpoena, we wanted to be supportive so we drove the 8.5 hours to the wedding and made it work. What the bride and groom didn't do was consider their guest list. The majority of us were young professionals with 0 vacation time at our first jobs.

Now, having a wedding on a weeknight is not against etiquette. It might, however, be inconvenient for a lot of guests depending on their travel and schedules. It looks like you've taken that into account OP, so you should be good.

Was it a silly date (like pi day or their first date or something) or a date that worked for their VIPs (families) and their budget, but not necessarily all of their friends? I actually think it's a lot more rude to decide to go to something knowing it's an inconvenience, and then complain about that same inconvenience years later. If you don't want to go, just don't. 

It was a "lucky number" date. And the fact that it was an inconvenient day of the week was only part of what made that wedding so horrific. It's one of those "oh remember the wedding we went to where Mike lost his pants the night before?" stories. My point was that consideration of your guest list is important.

[Deleted User]

We are leaving 30 mins before the reception ends (it can change however nothing set in stone except the time people need to be out. Its a state park) we wanted to go back to the hotel change, check out and drive to Florida where we will be honeymooning. Of course we can stay the whole way through to make sure everyone gets out ok. Our date works for ourvips and all the guests we invite will know we understand if they can't come. So far though we've had an overwhelming non official (haven't sent invites or save the dates yet) response that people will be coming.

lyndausvi

Each to their own, but weddings take a lot of you.  90% of the couples will tell you how exhausted they were after the wedding.  Plus most hotels will require you to pay for the whole night if you are checking out that late. 

 I would just stay at the hotel and start your trip to FL the next day.

AddieCake

It sounds like Thursday works well for your guests. I agree with Lynda; I would wait until the next morning to head to FL.

ILoveBeachMusic

I have no problem with them leaving 30 minutes before the time people have to be gone. That was actually normal until recently (before the B&G are often hosting). When parents were hosting, B&G would often leave in a send off kind of fashion. Then the guest would linger for a bit and leave afterwards. I don't see this as a problem. If the Thursday works for your VIPs go for it.

charlotte989875

30 minutes before the end and a big send off wouldn't be a big deal to me, I would take that as the end of the night and leave. I probably wouldn't stay around and mingle after that though. Any longer than that and I would probably wonder why you were leaving, but expecting your guests to stay and hang out. Not against etiquette (that I know of others correct me if I'm wrong) but when B&G leave the reception it signals to me the end of the party.

Do you have a coordinator or staff at the park to make sure that everyone leaves on time and everything gets cleaned up?

[Deleted User]

The staff takes care of clean up and break down, now that I'm thinking of it, we may have to stay to make sure everyone is out. I have to double check whe, the coordinator leaves.
If the trip was 8 hrs or less I'd wait til the next day but it's going to be a long drive. I work overnights and have a day job, so being to tired won't be a problem. Its a short wedding, ceremony at 6, reception ends at 10. We'll sleep till about 12 ish. Hair and make up at 3, photgrapher at 4 guests arrive at 530. I want to be at the venue by 5 to help organize things. MOH and bridesman have offered to help get things set up (signs centerpieces and favors) of we wait until the next day we will have lost a day and we think it's super romantic to watch the sunrise on our way to our honeymoon.

Heffalump

lyndausvi said:

Each to their own, but weddings take a lot of you.  90% of the couples will tell you how exhausted they were after the wedding.  Plus most hotels will require you to pay for the whole night if you are checking out that late. 

 I would just stay at the hotel and start your trip to FL the next day.

This.  We actually had a daytime wedding, and by the time it was over, DH and I both just crashed the rest of the day.  And it wasn't actually "late" when it was over, but we were just done for the day. 

marie2785

BaileySanders said:

The staff takes care of clean up and break down, now that I'm thinking of it, we may have to stay to make sure everyone is out. I have to double check whe, the coordinator leaves. If the trip was 8 hrs or less I'd wait til the next day but it's going to be a long drive. I work overnights and have a day job, so being to tired won't be a problem. Its a short wedding, ceremony at 6, reception ends at 10. We'll sleep till about 12 ish. Hair and make up at 3, photgrapher at 4 guests arrive at 530. I want to be at the venue by 5 to help organize things. MOH and bridesman have offered to help get things set up (signs centerpieces and favors) of we wait until the next day we will have lost a day and we think it's super romantic to watch the sunrise on our way to our honeymoon.

Hopefully you're a calm person. I had 10 hrs set aside to sleep the night before my wedding and I thought I'd be fine. I slept about 3 of them before waking up, puking from nerves and going to Starbucks to distract myself. And this was AFTER taking a xanax.  After our wedding and reception husband and I went back to the hotel room and fell asleep promptly. I still had hairpins in my hair when I woke up the next day.  

I recommend playing it by ear--you may be totally fine and sleep great, but plan for being nervous and not sleeping well/being stuck at the venue late/etc. 

lyndausvi

marie2785 said:

BaileySanders said:

The staff takes care of clean up and break down, now that I'm thinking of it, we may have to stay to make sure everyone is out. I have to double check whe, the coordinator leaves. If the trip was 8 hrs or less I'd wait til the next day but it's going to be a long drive. I work overnights and have a day job, so being to tired won't be a problem. Its a short wedding, ceremony at 6, reception ends at 10. We'll sleep till about 12 ish. Hair and make up at 3, photgrapher at 4 guests arrive at 530. I want to be at the venue by 5 to help organize things. MOH and bridesman have offered to help get things set up (signs centerpieces and favors) of we wait until the next day we will have lost a day and we think it's super romantic to watch the sunrise on our way to our honeymoon.

Hopefully you're a calm person. I had 10 hrs set aside to sleep the night before my wedding and I thought I'd be fine. I slept about 3 of them before waking up, puking from nerves and going to Starbucks to distract myself. And this was AFTER taking a xanax.  After our wedding and reception husband and I went back to the hotel room and fell asleep promptly. I still had hairpins in my hair when I woke up the next day.  

I recommend playing it by ear--you may be totally fine and sleep great, but plan for being nervous and not sleeping well/being stuck at the venue late/etc. 

assuming she is getting married close to home her drive takes them on I-10 to get to FL.  Trust me, you do NOT want to be sleepy and tired driving over those 18-something miles of swamps between Baton Rouge and New Orleans with no way to get off.  That ride sucks. Many people have lost their lives on that strip do to being too tired.

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I'm a safety girl.

levioosa

lyndausvi said:

marie2785 said:

BaileySanders said:

The staff takes care of clean up and break down, now that I'm thinking of it, we may have to stay to make sure everyone is out. I have to double check whe, the coordinator leaves. If the trip was 8 hrs or less I'd wait til the next day but it's going to be a long drive. I work overnights and have a day job, so being to tired won't be a problem. Its a short wedding, ceremony at 6, reception ends at 10. We'll sleep till about 12 ish. Hair and make up at 3, photgrapher at 4 guests arrive at 530. I want to be at the venue by 5 to help organize things. MOH and bridesman have offered to help get things set up (signs centerpieces and favors) of we wait until the next day we will have lost a day and we think it's super romantic to watch the sunrise on our way to our honeymoon.

Hopefully you're a calm person. I had 10 hrs set aside to sleep the night before my wedding and I thought I'd be fine. I slept about 3 of them before waking up, puking from nerves and going to Starbucks to distract myself. And this was AFTER taking a xanax.  After our wedding and reception husband and I went back to the hotel room and fell asleep promptly. I still had hairpins in my hair when I woke up the next day.  

I recommend playing it by ear--you may be totally fine and sleep great, but plan for being nervous and not sleeping well/being stuck at the venue late/etc. 

assuming she is getting married close to home her drive takes them on I-10 to get to FL.  Trust me, you do NOT want to be sleepy and tired driving over those 18-something miles of swamps between Baton Rouge and New Orleans with no way to get off.  That ride sucks. Many people have lost their lives on that strip do to be tired.

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I'm a safety girl.

I'm with Lynda.  Safety trumps romance.  

[Deleted User]

I appreciate the concern ladies thank you. We work overnights so being up all night is not an issue with us. we will, however be extra cautious and we will play it by ear the night of. Didn't factor swamps into anything. 

lyndausvi

It's not that you are not use to working overnights.  It's more of the emotional toll of getting married and socializing.  It's frankly exhausting.   Regardless if the wedding was during the day or at night.

Glad you might play it by ear.

aurianna

BaileySanders said:

I appreciate the concern ladies thank you. We work overnights so being up all night is not an issue with us. we will, however be extra cautious and we will play it by ear the night of. Didn't factor swamps into anything. 

And if you stop at a motel in the middle of the night be very vigilant.
Friends of mine were driving to Florida and got too tired and stopped at a motel in the Everglades. And two armed men followed them into their motel room (everything turned out ok but it could have not).

PrettyGirlLost

aurianna said:

BaileySanders said:

I appreciate the concern ladies thank you. We work overnights so being up all night is not an issue with us. we will, however be extra cautious and we will play it by ear the night of. Didn't factor swamps into anything. 

And if you stop at a motel in the middle of the night be very vigilant.
Friends of mine were driving to Florida and got too tired and stopped at a motel in the Everglades. And two armed men followed them into their motel room (everything turned out ok but it could have not).

Uh. . . how did everything turn out ok?!

You can't just leave us hanging!

aurianna

PrettyGirlLost said:

aurianna said:

BaileySanders said:

I appreciate the concern ladies thank you. We work overnights so being up all night is not an issue with us. we will, however be extra cautious and we will play it by ear the night of. Didn't factor swamps into anything. 

And if you stop at a motel in the middle of the night be very vigilant.
Friends of mine were driving to Florida and got too tired and stopped at a motel in the Everglades. And two armed men followed them into their motel room (everything turned out ok but it could have not).

Uh. . . how did everything turn out ok?!

You can't just leave us hanging!

Heh. I didn't want to unnecessarily freak anyone out...

So they were bringing their stuff in from the car and still had a trip left, when all of a sudden someone came in their room (Maybe only one was armed, come to think of it).
They asked for their purse and wallet.
My friend gave them his wallet. His girlfriend didn't have her purse (it was in the car) and told them she didn't have it. That's when the guy with the gun told her to get on the bed.
So then my friend told them that wasn't going to happen and he actually lunged at the guy with the gun... and promptly got pistol whipped. But the fact that he was fighting back scared off the guy without the gun who ran. And then I guess the fact that his buddy left him alone made the guy with the gun reevaluate (I guess he wasn't willing to kill my friend in order to rpe his gf). So he ran away too with the wallet.

So they were ok. He needed stitches (and the out-of-network insurance costs left him with like a $2k hospital bill) but they were both ok and now he has a badass scar on his forehead.

PrettyGirlLost

Holy.Shit! O.o

[Deleted User]

Well shit...I think I'll risk the gators. FI is a big dude, and he's a Texan...he'll be armed. We are very cautious, almost paranoid when we travel at night. Im glad your friends are ok.

aurianna

Heh. I'm sure it was a pretty isolated incident.
But always good for caution!

redwoodoriginal

BaileySanders said:

I appreciate the concern ladies thank you. We work overnights so being up all night is not an issue with us. we will, however be extra cautious and we will play it by ear the night of. Didn't factor swamps into anything. 

Yeah, i work overnights and was still wiped out when my wedding ended. Last thing I ever want to do is drive at night when I'm up all day without napping. I think you're overestimating your night driving skills after an all day event. None of my coworkers (even those working nights for 20+ years) do night roadtrips b/c.. safety and state of mind.