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Creepy Bride of the Day



A Maryland preacher’s daughter was a virgin when she got married and she has the doctor-endorsed purity certificate to prove it.

Brelyn Bowman presented her father, Pastor Mike Freeman, with a “certificate of purity” at her lavish wedding earlier this month. The diploma-sized document was signed by her doctor and certified that her hymen was intact.

“This was my way to honor him,” the bride said on Good Day DC. “He was so excited because it's not nothing he required. He didn't ask.

The newlywed said her new husband, Timothy Bowman, was also a virgin when they tied the knot on Oct. 10. Before their first date, they talked about how they both wanted to hold off on sex until marriage.

Brelyn Bowman said she took a virginity pledge when she was 13 years old, promising to herself and her parents that she would only have sex with her future husband. Faith has always been a huge part of her life, the bride said. Her dad is the pastor of Spirit of Faith Christian Center in Temple Hills.

Her sister inspired her to draw up the purity certificate, the bookend to the virginity pledge, she said.

“My sister, who was a virgin when she got married, did the same thing. And she was an example for me, so now I can be an example for others,” she said.

The white and gold certificate, presented to Freeman just before their father-daughter dance, stated that the bride’s hymen was still intact.

Critics quickly pointed out that the hymen, a layer of tissue that partially covers the vagina, does not correlate to virginity. The tissue can wear away before a woman has sex, and some women who have had penetrative sex may still have unchanged hymens.

“Your value as a person has nothing to do with your hymen or how many people you've had sex with,” one user commented on an Instagram of the certificate. “This is just sick.”

Others pointed out the double standard: Women are encouraged and expected to keep their virginity until they are married while such pressures are lesser, if not nonexistent, for men.

“And where is her husband's certificate? Was he supposed to get some sort of evidence to present to his Mother?” another commenter asked.

The Bowmans, who dated for three years before they tied the knot, said they fought off regular urges to have premarital sex before their wedding.

“I can’t count them on my fingers!” Brelyn Bowman joked of the times she wanted to have sex. “It’s not that we didn’t want to have sex. We were created that way, so we wanted to.”

The couple relied on support from each other and their families to stick to their promise.

“We believe that if you value yourself, you can do it,” Brelyn Bowman said, before clarifying that the now-married couple is “no longer waiting.”

“We are no longer waiting,” she clarified.

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Re: Creepy Bride of the Day

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    I mean, it's weird as frak, but whatever floats your boat, right? I don't think it's "sick" or insulting to anyone. It was obviously important enough to her to go get her doctor to float some fingers up her vajayjay and be like, "you good."
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    I think this is so creepy. I read this story earlier. I cannot even begin to imagine presenting my father with a certificate of my virginity. ICK. 
                                 Anniversary
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    I'm pretty sure my dad would rather I was an actual prostitute and not tell him about it than present a virginity certificate to him.
    I almost spit out my drink as I read this. Too true. 

    Count me in the camp of this is way creepy and very inappropriate. 
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    Anyone see last week's episode of "how to get away with murder"???

    Spoiler alert...


    A character gets a doctor's note saying hey hymen is in tact to prove she's not screwing her adopted brother. Still less creepy...
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    Anyone see last week's episode of "how to get away with murder"??? Spoiler alert... A character gets a doctor's note saying hey hymen is in tact to prove she's not screwing her adopted brother. Still less creepy...

    Ummm...I'm ADDICTED to that show. And the whole time I was thinking, "so inappropriate."

    Sidenote: I used to work for a non-profit that specializes in women's care. We used to tell parents daily that we could not confirm their daughter was a virgin. For all the reasons PP's have listed. Ugh.

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    I mean, it's weird as frak, but whatever floats your boat, right? I don't think it's "sick" or insulting to anyone. It was obviously important enough to her to go get her doctor to float some fingers up her vajayjay and be like, "you good."
    Yeah, sorry.  I think this is gross and inappropriate as fuck.  I mean, I get that some people want to save sex for marriage.  More power to them.  What I find to be repulsive is that this story implies that she felt like her dad had to "sign off" on this.  This woman felt like she had to medically prove to her dad that she kept her promise to him?  Furthermore, why is a woman promising her father her virginity?  I get that a dad wants his best for his daughter and that for many Christians it is important no not have sex before marriage ... but shouldn't that promise be between her & her God and not her & her dad?  Is this girl some sort of property that daddy has to sign off on before ownership of her can be transferred to her husband?

    Also - really?  The hymen?  What if this woman's hymen was no longer intact because she used tampons?  Or because practiced gymnastics?  Would that make her any less "pure"??

    Lastly - the final comment about "if" you value yourself infuriates me.  THat implies that a woman who chooses to have sex before marriage doesn't value herself. 

    yuck.

     
    The bolded is what creeps me out. Talk about an Oedipus complex.  You can't commit your virginity to your mother or your FH or yourself?  And what about the lack boundaries?  What other parts of her marriage has she committed to her father first?  If saving herself for marriage was important to her, it should be something her FH also cherishes or respects and should be something special to him, not her dad.  *shudder*
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    As someone who believes in saving sex for marriage and is half of a married couple that has only ever had sex with each other, I think this is really weird. Giving it to her H, I can sort of get on board with that. I mean, that was something H and I talked about before marriage. But giving that to her dad?!?! No way would I ever do that and I'm sure my dad would be so embarrassed.

    And then of course there's the whole issue with not everyone having a hymen and many women breaking theirs doing active things.
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    As someone who believes in saving sex for marriage and is half of a married couple that has only ever had sex with each other, I think this is really weird. Giving it to her H, I can sort of get on board with that. I mean, that was something H and I talked about before marriage. But giving that to her dad?!?! No way would I ever do that and I'm sure my dad would be so embarrassed. And then of course there's the whole issue with not everyone having a hymen and many women breaking theirs doing active things.
    If that's something a woman & her husband (or wife) agreed upon, then what's wrong with just a verbal "hey, baby - you're my first"?  If you can't trust your partner to be honest and not need proof, then what kind of relationship is it?
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    In STT we had a dad setup a private beach dinner with his daughter.  She must have been 12 or so.  
    Anyway, it was a purity dinner.   Yep, the 12 year old got a purity ring and took a virginity pledge.  


    I would say 90% of the beach dinners were for couples.  Getting engaged, celebrating an anniversary or birthday.  Stuff like that.  That was the first purity dinner they had done.  

     DH was a little grossed out having to cook that dinner.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    As someone who believes in saving sex for marriage and is half of a married couple that has only ever had sex with each other, I think this is really weird. Giving it to her H, I can sort of get on board with that. I mean, that was something H and I talked about before marriage. But giving that to her dad?!?! No way would I ever do that and I'm sure my dad would be so embarrassed.

    And then of course there's the whole issue with not everyone having a hymen and many women breaking theirs doing active things.

    If that's something a woman & her husband (or wife) agreed upon, then what's wrong with just a verbal "hey, baby - you're my first"?  If you can't trust your partner to be honest and not need proof, then what kind of relationship is it?


    ----boxes----

    Oh I agree. I still think it's weird. I'm just saying that if she so wanted to do this, I could sort of understand giving it to her husband, but certainly not her dad. And I think it's kind of sexist because the guy doesn't have to/has no way to "prove it."

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    As someone who believes in saving sex for marriage and is half of a married couple that has only ever had sex with each other, I think this is really weird. Giving it to her H, I can sort of get on board with that. I mean, that was something H and I talked about before marriage. But giving that to her dad?!?! No way would I ever do that and I'm sure my dad would be so embarrassed.

    And then of course there's the whole issue with not everyone having a hymen and many women breaking theirs doing active things.

    If that's something a woman & her husband (or wife) agreed upon, then what's wrong with just a verbal "hey, baby - you're my first"?  If you can't trust your partner to be honest and not need proof, then what kind of relationship is it?
    ----boxes----

    Oh I agree. I still think it's weird. I'm just saying that if she so wanted to do this, I could sort of understand giving it to her husband, but certainly not her dad. And I think it's kind of sexist because the guy doesn't have to/has no way to "prove it."



    ---- Box -----
    But I don't get why she feels the needs to prove anything to anyone. She (and anyone else) should be confident in her word. Was she afraid that someone would doubt her? Or did she want to show it off?
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    As someone who believes in saving sex for marriage and is half of a married couple that has only ever had sex with each other, I think this is really weird. Giving it to her H, I can sort of get on board with that. I mean, that was something H and I talked about before marriage. But giving that to her dad?!?! No way would I ever do that and I'm sure my dad would be so embarrassed.

    And then of course there's the whole issue with not everyone having a hymen and many women breaking theirs doing active things.

    If that's something a woman & her husband (or wife) agreed upon, then what's wrong with just a verbal "hey, baby - you're my first"?  If you can't trust your partner to be honest and not need proof, then what kind of relationship is it?
    ----boxes----

    Oh I agree. I still think it's weird. I'm just saying that if she so wanted to do this, I could sort of understand giving it to her husband, but certainly not her dad. And I think it's kind of sexist because the guy doesn't have to/has no way to "prove it."

    ---- Box -----
    But I don't get why she feels the needs to prove anything to anyone. She (and anyone else) should be confident in her word. Was she afraid that someone would doubt her? Or did she want to show it off?

    ----box-----

    I don't know. I certainly felt no need to prove it to my H. He took me at my word, and I took him at his. And I didn't bleed our first time and he still has never questioned it. (Actually, I'm not even sure he's aware that women are "supposed to" their first time.)
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    Perhaps she should have done this instead!image
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    H and I were also virgins when we married, but yeah, this is creepy.  And I also didn't need any certificate for H either.  He knew me for 10 years, he trusts me, and he knew I wouldn't lie about something stupid like that.  We didn't need to prove it to each other.

    I find the daddy-daughter virginity pledges creepy in general.  Yes, as a christian parent, I *hope* my children will follow the morality I believe and wait until marriage.  But I don't need them to promise or prove that to me!  That's between them, God, and their future spouse!  I also wouldn't think any less of them if they made different choices, by the way.

    SaveSave
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    weird! Savings yourself, totally fine, presenting your dad with a certificate - not fine!

    and anyone else get hung up by this: “This was my way to honor him,” the bride said on Good Day DC. “He was so excited because it's not nothing he required. He didn't ask.

    nails on a chalkboard!

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    I mean. My husband and I waited to have sex until we were married. That was a commitment that we chose to make when we first started dating. But I think this is SUPER weird. I didn't have a father figure in my life, so I'm just guessing here, but I think most dads would rather have their eyeballs plucked out with a spoon than know this about their daughters. It does creep me out.

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    My daughter is 13 and making her confirmation this year. The church wants the kids to sign a chastity pledge in front of their parents at a retreat. I think I am going to feel a little uncomfortable. My daughter said "I won't even let you see me naked in the shower mom, what are they thinking I am going to do at 13!"
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    monkeysipmonkeysip member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2015
    debbeau said:
    My daughter is 13 and making her confirmation this year. The church wants the kids to sign a chastity pledge in front of their parents at a retreat. I think I am going to feel a little uncomfortable. My daughter said "I won't even let you see me naked in the shower mom, what are they thinking I am going to do at 13!"
    I would find that a little strange too.  If the retreat leaders want to have the girls sign a chastity pledge for themselves, for them to keep, that's fine.  But I wouldn't expect them to sign it in front of their parents and make some big event out of it.  I honestly don't even know if those kinds of things (chastity rings, chastity pledges, etc.) really work anyway.  Talking about chastity is important, but those other things just seem like gimmicks.

    ETA:  These things really need to be internalized to work.  In the heat of passion, when you're feeling desire for your boyfriend/girlfriend, you're NOT thinking about some pledge card you signed or a ring you're wearing.  You're not even really thinking much about what your parents or church leaders would think.  You really need to have a strong personal belief if you have a real chance of living by it.

    SaveSave
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    monkeysip said:
    debbeau said:
    My daughter is 13 and making her confirmation this year. The church wants the kids to sign a chastity pledge in front of their parents at a retreat. I think I am going to feel a little uncomfortable. My daughter said "I won't even let you see me naked in the shower mom, what are they thinking I am going to do at 13!"
    I would find that a little strange too.  If the retreat leaders want to have the girls sign a chastity pledge for themselves, for them to keep, that's fine.  But I wouldn't expect them to sign it in front of their parents and make some big event out of it.  I honestly don't even know if those kinds of things (chastity rings, chastity pledges, etc.) really work anyway.  Talking about chastity is important, but those other things just seem like gimmicks.

    ETA:  These things really need to be internalized to work.  In the heat of passion, when you're feeling desire for your boyfriend/girlfriend, you're NOT thinking about some pledge card you signed or a ring you're wearing.  You're not even really thinking much about what your parents or church leaders would think.  You really need to have a strong personal belief if you have a real chance of living by it.
    I went through the "True Love Waits" program when I was 12 or 13, at church.  It had a bunch of classes (including a super awkward one, that was co-ed, where the guy leading the class, who was a doctor and a dad of one of the boys in the class, asked the for all the girls who had started their periods to raise their hands), and then a ceremony at the end where our parents gave us a ring.

    It definitely didn't work for me, I "charmed the one eyed snake" soon after high school graduation.  
    Married 9.12.15
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    https://media.giphy.com/media/OuPqBhUGz0k12/giphy.gif

    Nope totally sexist, I rode horses since I was 3.. I am assuming I wouldn't have had one if it was checked at 29..
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    Oh geez....why is it anyone's business who is or isn't a virgin?
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    doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2015
    I hate how our society made "virginity" a thing and then such a big deal.  I think that in the long term, it can be very harmful to the people who were taught that that is what they need to be.  My parents never said much but I was raised in the LDS church and given a CTR ring (it is in the shape of a shield and the letters stand for Choose The Right, I believe).  I remember thinking I wanted to wait until marriage, back when I still thought I believed in the whole religion and wasn't even allowing myself to process my attraction to girls.  I was a child and, in my opinion, should not have been taught these things as facts, by the people I trusted.  Also, if a girl is sexually abused, does that make her "unpure"?  Sorrynotsorry, but fuck that.  Like the student Elizabeth Smart speaking out about what abstinence-only "education" teaches kids, that if they have sex they are like "a chewed-up piece of gum" and how badly that messed with her head after her sexual assault.  Someone wrote an article about the whole "no sex until marriage" thing and I think she put everything better than I can: http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge
    Yes, the father-daughter thing takes it to a whole new level of grossness and that she felt the need to "prove" it, while men can't/don't have to just makes my blood boil.
    Also, regarding if "virginity pledges" have any effect, I remember reading quite a few statistics that say it does jack shit.  Teenage pregnancy rates, the amount of the population with STIs, etc. are all the same if not more, because they are not taught how to protect themselves.  
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