Dress Shopping Question

nerdwife

Now that the wedding is less than a year away (okay, full disclosure: it's a year from yesterday. but still!), I am planning to start going dress shopping soon (Thanksgiving weekend, so over a month from now). Definitely going with me are my mom, my sister, and my closest friend. 

The question I have is this: who else did you/should I invite? Is this one of those things that it's okay to not invite people to or is this one of those times you should be sucking it up to make people happy/prevent hard feelings and/or drama? 

I really don't want a big crowd or want people who just don't know my style - I feel like my mom already wants me to go with a more, let's say, decorated dress than I would like, but I know my sister and close friend will back me up on my choice, so I want them there. I don't think I need to invite my SIL (my oldest brother's wife), as she didn't have me at hers, so I can't imagine there would be hard feelings there. My FSIL (who is engaged to my brother) hasn't started dress shopping yet (to my knowledge - their wedding is after ours), but she has approximately a million friends (and also four biological sisters) and we aren't particularly close, so I doubt she'd have me along for that, so again, don't see those choices creating any drama.

But I'm wondering about FMIL and FSIL (FI's sister). I'm not even sure FMIL would want to participate in this (she didn't even want to see our venue, though that's another story that you are welcome to read about from that discussion), but I'm fairly positive FSIL would want to (she has said she is - and seems genuine - excited to "finally have a sister" and did ask to go tour a venue with us at the beginning). The problem is that I'm not crazy about her and I feel like it would be awkward to have her there since she only met my mom once and it's a small crowd. And, of course, I have to plan for the possibility that FMIL would decide to come, and that has potential to be awkward, as while I don't have a problem with her (well, outside of the previously mentioned drama), we're not close and I feel like dress shopping is kind of intimate? 

I also know my mom is so so looking forward to having this moment with me and I think she is already slightly disappointed that anyone else will be there - it seems she wants the moment to herself. Obviously, that's not what I want, so that's not what's happening, but I'm afraid if I tell her I'm inviting FMIL and FSIL, she'll feel like I'm somehow making it less special for her. At the same time, I'm afraid of hurting FMIL and FSIL's feelings and making them feel left out.

Thoughts? Am I overthinking this? If it's relevant, I am planning on having all sisters, including FSIL, as bridesmaids, though it's too early to have asked anyone.

tl;dr edit: Is it appropriate to invite FMIL and FSIL dress shopping, even if it's not what you necessarily want, because that's the thing to do/because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Or is this a time when I can say this is my thing and this is how I want to do it?

Maggie0829

My best advice for who to take with you dress shopping are people who will not try to push a dress on you that you do not like.  Also when you have a huge crowd with you all their opinions and suggestions will most likely leave you very confused.

So if I were you I would stick with your Mom, sister and friend.  If people get their feelings hurt that they weren't asked, then they will just have to get over it.  This is not the time to include people just because or because you are afraid someone will be disappointed.

[Deleted User]

nerdwife said:

Now that the wedding is less than a year away (okay, full disclosure: it's a year from yesterday. but still!), I am planning to start going dress shopping soon (Thanksgiving weekend, so over a month from now). Definitely going with me are my mom, my sister, and my closest friend. 

The question I have is this: who else did you/should I invite? Is this one of those things that it's okay to not invite people to or is this one of those times you should be sucking it up to make people happy/prevent hard feelings and/or drama? 

I really don't want a big crowd or want people who just don't know my style - I feel like my mom already wants me to go with a more, let's say, decorated dress than I would like, but I know my sister and close friend will back me up on my choice, so I want them there. I don't think I need to invite my SIL (my oldest brother's wife), as she didn't have me at hers, so I can't imagine there would be hard feelings there. My FSIL (who is engaged to my brother) hasn't started dress shopping yet (to my knowledge - their wedding is after ours), but she has approximately a million friends (and also four biological sisters) and we aren't particularly close, so I doubt she'd have me along for that, so again, don't see those choices creating any drama.

But I'm wondering about FMIL and FSIL (FI's sister). I'm not even sure FMIL would want to participate in this (she didn't even want to see our venue, though that's another story that you are welcome to read about from that discussion), but I'm fairly positive FSIL would want to (she has said she is - and seems genuine - excited to "finally have a sister" and did ask to go tour a venue with us at the beginning). The problem is that I'm not crazy about her and I feel like it would be awkward to have her there since she only met my mom once and it's a small crowd. And, of course, I have to plan for the possibility that FMIL would decide to come, and that has potential to be awkward, as while I don't have a problem with her (well, outside of the previously mentioned drama), we're not close and I feel like dress shopping is kind of intimate? 

I also know my mom is so so looking forward to having this moment with me and I think she is already slightly disappointed that anyone else will be there - it seems she wants the moment to herself. Obviously, that's not what I want, so that's not what's happening, but I'm afraid if I tell her I'm inviting FMIL and FSIL, she'll feel like I'm somehow making it less special for her. At the same time, I'm afraid of hurting FMIL and FSIL's feelings and making them feel left out.

Thoughts? Am I overthinking this? If it's relevant, I am planning on having all sisters, including FSIL, as bridesmaids, though it's too early to have asked anyone.

tl;dr edit: Is it appropriate to invite FMIL and FSIL dress shopping, even if it's not what you necessarily want, because that's the thing to do/because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Or is this a time when I can say this is my thing and this is how I want to do it?

You want other people there to see you in various states of undress?  Judging where you're too skinny, too fat, need to shave your pits, etc?  If your in-laws seem put out after the outing, invite them to a future fitting.  They can see the dress you've ultimately chosen, or they can see the final three contenders and help you pick.  It seems like a first fitting where you might hate everything, be feeling bloated and ugly after inhaling turkey for three days, might not be the best time to have a huge audience.

thisismynickname2

First, binge-watch Say Yes to the Dress. Then decide. 

FWIW, I bought my dress by myself. Two women for whom I was a bridesmaid each ultimately choose their dresses with only their respective mothers present, although I did go to one bridal appointment with one of them. My mom and I were the only ones present for when my sister chose hers. 

I just think it's such a personal choice that having too many opinions is absolutely the last thing anyone needs. There are other ways to include your in-laws that don't involve spending potentially hours and hours and multiple days and appointments trying on dresses. I really like the idea of inviting FMIL to a fitting after you've chosen! 

climbingsingle

I brought my mom, my MIL, and my two best friends. It was important for me to invite my MIL. I knew she wanted to be included, and because she has only two sons, I knew that it meant a lot to her to be included on that end of things. But really, this is more what you're comfortable with. I didn't feel steamrolled in any way. I know what I like, and I have no problem voicing that. My one best friend was adamant about me trying on a certain style of dress that I knew I would hate. I tried it on anyway just to shut her up. Other than that, we had a great time. 

nerdwife

adk19 said:

nerdwife said:

Now that the wedding is less than a year away (okay, full disclosure: it's a year from yesterday. but still!), I am planning to start going dress shopping soon (Thanksgiving weekend, so over a month from now). Definitely going with me are my mom, my sister, and my closest friend. 

The question I have is this: who else did you/should I invite? Is this one of those things that it's okay to not invite people to or is this one of those times you should be sucking it up to make people happy/prevent hard feelings and/or drama? 

I really don't want a big crowd or want people who just don't know my style - I feel like my mom already wants me to go with a more, let's say, decorated dress than I would like, but I know my sister and close friend will back me up on my choice, so I want them there. I don't think I need to invite my SIL (my oldest brother's wife), as she didn't have me at hers, so I can't imagine there would be hard feelings there. My FSIL (who is engaged to my brother) hasn't started dress shopping yet (to my knowledge - their wedding is after ours), but she has approximately a million friends (and also four biological sisters) and we aren't particularly close, so I doubt she'd have me along for that, so again, don't see those choices creating any drama.

But I'm wondering about FMIL and FSIL (FI's sister). I'm not even sure FMIL would want to participate in this (she didn't even want to see our venue, though that's another story that you are welcome to read about from that discussion), but I'm fairly positive FSIL would want to (she has said she is - and seems genuine - excited to "finally have a sister" and did ask to go tour a venue with us at the beginning). The problem is that I'm not crazy about her and I feel like it would be awkward to have her there since she only met my mom once and it's a small crowd. And, of course, I have to plan for the possibility that FMIL would decide to come, and that has potential to be awkward, as while I don't have a problem with her (well, outside of the previously mentioned drama), we're not close and I feel like dress shopping is kind of intimate? 

I also know my mom is so so looking forward to having this moment with me and I think she is already slightly disappointed that anyone else will be there - it seems she wants the moment to herself. Obviously, that's not what I want, so that's not what's happening, but I'm afraid if I tell her I'm inviting FMIL and FSIL, she'll feel like I'm somehow making it less special for her. At the same time, I'm afraid of hurting FMIL and FSIL's feelings and making them feel left out.

Thoughts? Am I overthinking this? If it's relevant, I am planning on having all sisters, including FSIL, as bridesmaids, though it's too early to have asked anyone.

tl;dr edit: Is it appropriate to invite FMIL and FSIL dress shopping, even if it's not what you necessarily want, because that's the thing to do/because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Or is this a time when I can say this is my thing and this is how I want to do it?

You want other people there to see you in various states of undress?  Judging where you're too skinny, too fat, need to shave your pits, etc?  If your in-laws seem put out after the outing, invite them to a future fitting.  They can see the dress you've ultimately chosen, or they can see the final three contenders and help you pick.  It seems like a first fitting where you might hate everything, be feeling bloated and ugly after inhaling turkey for three days, might not be the best time to have a huge audience.

Haha wellll I did not consider that right after Thanksgiving might not be an opportune time for dress shopping, so thanks for pointing that out. Generally speaking though I'm not particularly self-conscious about my body and know what style dress is flattering on my body type (and intend to try that style on). Also, I figured they'd only be sitting outside and not in my dressing room, though please let me know what the dress shopping is actually like and how much of me will be showing throughout the process - I feel like I should be prepared for that!

But this is really more of an issue with just wanting this intimate/special moment with the people closest to me and wanting support in choosing a dress that looks good and also suits me specifically, not so much about being self-conscious.

To your suggestion that they come to a final fitting - that's what my mom was invited to for SIL, so I was thinking that's a possibility as well.

Thanks!

ThxSugar

Hey date twin! I took everyone (my mom, my sister, FMIL, FSIL, and FMIL'S BFF) shopping with me the first time. But I made it explicitly clear that I had no idea what I wanted, was trying on things just to get an idea, and I was not planning on buying anything. It was basically a trip just so everyone could meet. We had a great time basically playing dress up. My sister made it her goal to find the ugliest dress in the store for me to try on, lol. It fulfilled their want to go with me and it gave me time to try on a variety of styles. Later I went shopping on my own and found my dress alone. Going alone was great because I could really narrow in on what I wanted and be brutally honest with the consultant.

Penguins1987

Just a word on Thanksgiving-- I went for mine 2 days after, and they measured me up a full size larger than they normally would. (I'm not just talking street to bridal size, I mean I was so bloated for real, haha)

Go before or wait a week or two. You have time!

climbingsingle

nerdwife said:

adk19 said:

nerdwife said:

Now that the wedding is less than a year away (okay, full disclosure: it's a year from yesterday. but still!), I am planning to start going dress shopping soon (Thanksgiving weekend, so over a month from now). Definitely going with me are my mom, my sister, and my closest friend. 

The question I have is this: who else did you/should I invite? Is this one of those things that it's okay to not invite people to or is this one of those times you should be sucking it up to make people happy/prevent hard feelings and/or drama? 

I really don't want a big crowd or want people who just don't know my style - I feel like my mom already wants me to go with a more, let's say, decorated dress than I would like, but I know my sister and close friend will back me up on my choice, so I want them there. I don't think I need to invite my SIL (my oldest brother's wife), as she didn't have me at hers, so I can't imagine there would be hard feelings there. My FSIL (who is engaged to my brother) hasn't started dress shopping yet (to my knowledge - their wedding is after ours), but she has approximately a million friends (and also four biological sisters) and we aren't particularly close, so I doubt she'd have me along for that, so again, don't see those choices creating any drama.

But I'm wondering about FMIL and FSIL (FI's sister). I'm not even sure FMIL would want to participate in this (she didn't even want to see our venue, though that's another story that you are welcome to read about from that discussion), but I'm fairly positive FSIL would want to (she has said she is - and seems genuine - excited to "finally have a sister" and did ask to go tour a venue with us at the beginning). The problem is that I'm not crazy about her and I feel like it would be awkward to have her there since she only met my mom once and it's a small crowd. And, of course, I have to plan for the possibility that FMIL would decide to come, and that has potential to be awkward, as while I don't have a problem with her (well, outside of the previously mentioned drama), we're not close and I feel like dress shopping is kind of intimate? 

I also know my mom is so so looking forward to having this moment with me and I think she is already slightly disappointed that anyone else will be there - it seems she wants the moment to herself. Obviously, that's not what I want, so that's not what's happening, but I'm afraid if I tell her I'm inviting FMIL and FSIL, she'll feel like I'm somehow making it less special for her. At the same time, I'm afraid of hurting FMIL and FSIL's feelings and making them feel left out.

Thoughts? Am I overthinking this? If it's relevant, I am planning on having all sisters, including FSIL, as bridesmaids, though it's too early to have asked anyone.

tl;dr edit: Is it appropriate to invite FMIL and FSIL dress shopping, even if it's not what you necessarily want, because that's the thing to do/because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Or is this a time when I can say this is my thing and this is how I want to do it?

You want other people there to see you in various states of undress?  Judging where you're too skinny, too fat, need to shave your pits, etc?  If your in-laws seem put out after the outing, invite them to a future fitting.  They can see the dress you've ultimately chosen, or they can see the final three contenders and help you pick.  It seems like a first fitting where you might hate everything, be feeling bloated and ugly after inhaling turkey for three days, might not be the best time to have a huge audience.

Haha wellll I did not consider that right after Thanksgiving might not be an opportune time for dress shopping, so thanks for pointing that out. Generally speaking though I'm not particularly self-conscious about my body and know what style dress is flattering on my body type (and intend to try that style on). Also, I figured they'd only be sitting outside and not in my dressing room, though please let me know what the dress shopping is actually like and how much of me will be showing throughout the process - I feel like I should be prepared for that!

But this is really more of an issue with just wanting this intimate/special moment with the people closest to me and wanting support in choosing a dress that looks good and also suits me specifically, not so much about being self-conscious.

To your suggestion that they come to a final fitting - that's what my mom was invited to for SIL, so I was thinking that's a possibility as well.

Thanks!

My salon had a private dressing room, and I believe most salons do. At least the ones I've been to! I only came out to show the dress to my group when I was ready. The consultant saw me in various states of undress though - you have to expect that. 

ryanandjoe4

I took my MIL and a girl that by the time the wedding came around she didn't even come to the wedding and we are not friends anymore... It doesn't bother me we had a good time, and I found my dress.. as a bonus my MIL surprised me by paying for some of the dress as I was paying for it, so I wouldn't stress to much, some people may not want to go if they express that they wished they could have gone say "Well I have about 3 fittings before the wedding I will let you know when they are, your welcome to come!"

nerdwife

ThxSugar said:

Hey date twin! I took everyone (my mom, my sister, FMIL, FSIL, and FMIL'S BFF) shopping with me the first time. But I made it explicitly clear that I had no idea what I wanted, was trying on things just to get an idea, and I was not planning on buying anything. It was basically a trip just so everyone could meet. We had a great time basically playing dress up. My sister made it her goal to find the ugliest dress in the store for me to try on, lol. It fulfilled their want to go with me and it gave me time to try on a variety of styles. Later I went shopping on my own and found my dress alone. Going alone was great because I could really narrow in on what I wanted and be brutally honest with the consultant.

Penguins1987 said:

Just a word on Thanksgiving-- I went for mine 2 days after, and they measured me up a full size larger than they normally would. (I'm not just talking street to bridal size, I mean I was so bloated for real, haha)

Go before or wait a week or two. You have time!

Oh no, that's stressful! But the reason we're doing it Thanksgiving weekend (and generally don't have a ton of time to go on an introductory type shopping day) is to accommodate my sister, who is in college and will be home. The next time she'd be available is Christmastime, and she'll only be home a short while before she goes on study abroad, so while I doubt we'll find something on our first try and will need to go somewhere then, I didn't want to first start then - seems like too much pressure to do so much running around that time of year, plus she'll be worried about packing and being ready for it. 

I do know I have time, but I figured considering the restraint of working around her schedule (which I'm not upset about it - I want her there and she wants to be there, so this is fine) and considering I'm the kind of person that likes to see all options before I make a big purchase/decision, I wanted to start on the earlier side. So the plan was basically to start Thanksgiving weekend, then try again at Christmastime, and then, if still no luck, try again when my sister comes back (the study abroad program is for January to early February, so thankfully she won't be gone until May).

Thanks again! And if I'm feeling not confident and gross on my first try post-Thanksgiving, I will definitely keep in mind that it's just a turkey-fueled illusion. I cannot believe that didn't occur to me - or any of them!

PrettyGirlLost

I invited my 2 sisters, my SIL who had never been a part of a wedding before and was very, very excited, my mother- who can be the most critical of anyone, and my MIL.  I had no issues with having "that" many people present- no one was giving unsolicited opinions, and if I asked someone for an opinion they were objective.  I took the trip as an opportunity to scare my sisters, who had never done the MOH thing. . . "So if I buy this huge ball gown that I have on you guys will have to come into the bathroom and lift it up off the ground so I can pee. . . "  You should have seen their faces, lol!

Also, no one saw me in any state other than fully dressed; the only person in the back helping me dress and undress was my consultant.  So that being said, I'd advise you not to wear a thong, and get a good strapless bra for the day.

My advice is to invite as many or as few people as you want to.  Only you know your family dynamics.

nerdwife

ThxSugar said:

Hey date twin! I took everyone (my mom, my sister, FMIL, FSIL, and FMIL'S BFF) shopping with me the first time. But I made it explicitly clear that I had no idea what I wanted, was trying on things just to get an idea, and I was not planning on buying anything. It was basically a trip just so everyone could meet. We had a great time basically playing dress up. My sister made it her goal to find the ugliest dress in the store for me to try on, lol. It fulfilled their want to go with me and it gave me time to try on a variety of styles. Later I went shopping on my own and found my dress alone. Going alone was great because I could really narrow in on what I wanted and be brutally honest with the consultant.

PS - yay date twin! I'm so excited! And I don't know where you live (obvs haha), but the weather here (NY/NJ) was so beautiful yesterday that it gave me hope for next year!

(and to anyone wondering about why I'd care about weather, ideally we would have an outdoor ceremony on a beautiful 75 degree day like it was yesterday, but the ceremony is at the venue and we can get married right in the reception room if we are not so lucky)

lyndausvi

 My mom (who paid) and my sister went with me.  Both mom and me were from OOT and staying at sister's house.    We left my DH at my sister's house to babysit my 5 year old niece. Ha. 

My MIL lived 5 hours away.  It never occurred to me to invite her as I had only meet her once just a few months before.  We did go to her a few days after I found the dress and I showed her a picture.

I fucking HATE shopping in general.  I shop for a purpose and know what I want.   My mom and sister know this so it was probably better it was just the 3 of us.   I went in saying I "want, x,y and not a or b".  When the sales person brought me only a's and b's I would just leave.   Thought process was "stop wasting my fucking time. I DO NOT WANT A 15 FOOT TRAIN FOR MY BEACH WEDDING.". Plus I only had 3 days to find something. 

  Walked into the 3rd place, saw my dream dress on the wall. Tried it on.  The sample fit.  Boom, ordered.  Then went to lunch.

Every place I went has private changing area, but I really didn't care who saw my body. I worked on a boat at the time and wore a bikini everyday.    I went shopping in a thong because, well (1) I didn't think and (2) I didn't even have a pair of non-thongs with me.   I'm sure the sales people who helped me rolled their eyes.  Oops, sorry.      

 Word from the wise, think about your undergarments when shopping.

ThxSugar

nerdwife said:

ThxSugar said:

Hey date twin! I took everyone (my mom, my sister, FMIL, FSIL, and FMIL'S BFF) shopping with me the first time. But I made it explicitly clear that I had no idea what I wanted, was trying on things just to get an idea, and I was not planning on buying anything. It was basically a trip just so everyone could meet. We had a great time basically playing dress up. My sister made it her goal to find the ugliest dress in the store for me to try on, lol. It fulfilled their want to go with me and it gave me time to try on a variety of styles. Later I went shopping on my own and found my dress alone. Going alone was great because I could really narrow in on what I wanted and be brutally honest with the consultant.

PS - yay date twin! I'm so excited! And I don't know where you live (obvs haha), but the weather here (NY/NJ) was so beautiful yesterday that it gave me hope for next year!

(and to anyone wondering about why I'd care about weather, ideally we would have an outdoor ceremony on a beautiful 75 degree day like it was yesterday, but the ceremony is at the venue and we can get married right in the reception room if we are not so lucky)

Our weather was perfect too. I called FSIL and, pretending to sob, cried "The wedding is Ruined!!" She knew I was just pretending but played along. I told her the weather was so beautiful today (yesterday) so that meant it was going to be Super Shitty next year, lol. We had a good laugh and then talked about how it wouldn't matter because the venue has an excellent weather contingency plan.

Your last post confused me. Are you saying you can't go shopping alone b/c you want your sister there when you find your dress and she has a small window of time? That seems like unnecessary stress if you are already freaking out about people going with you. Your sister doesn't have to be there, you can always face time with her if you need her (though I think that woulf be rude to your bridal consultant) or send her pictures. She will be there at least once, does she have to go every time?

nerdwife

ThxSugar said:

ThxSugar said:

Hey date twin! I took everyone (my mom, my sister, FMIL, FSIL, and FMIL'S BFF) shopping with me the first time. But I made it explicitly clear that I had no idea what I wanted, was trying on things just to get an idea, and I was not planning on buying anything. It was basically a trip just so everyone could meet. We had a great time basically playing dress up. My sister made it her goal to find the ugliest dress in the store for me to try on, lol. It fulfilled their want to go with me and it gave me time to try on a variety of styles. Later I went shopping on my own and found my dress alone. Going alone was great because I could really narrow in on what I wanted and be brutally honest with the consultant.

PS - yay date twin! I'm so excited! And I don't know where you live (obvs haha), but the weather here (NY/NJ) was so beautiful yesterday that it gave me hope for next year!

(and to anyone wondering about why I'd care about weather, ideally we would have an outdoor ceremony on a beautiful 75 degree day like it was yesterday, but the ceremony is at the venue and we can get married right in the reception room if we are not so lucky)

Our weather was perfect too. I called FSIL and, pretending to sob, cried "The wedding is Ruined!!" She knew I was just pretending but played along. I told her the weather was so beautiful today (yesterday) so that meant it was going to be Super Shitty next year, lol. We had a good laugh and then talked about how it wouldn't matter because the venue has an excellent weather contingency plan. Your last post confused me. Are you saying you can't go shopping alone b/c you want your sister there when you find your dress and she has a small window of time? That seems like unnecessary stress if you are already freaking out about people going with you. Your sister doesn't have to be there, you can always face time with her if you need her (though I think that woulf be rude to your bridal consultant) or send her pictures. She will be there at least once, does she have to go every time?

Haha that's awesome. I know it seems like the weather was good this year so it won't be next year, but let's pretend the opposite is true. Thanks!

I was just explaining why I couldn't do the one day of having people meet each other and messing around since we're on a schedule with my sister's availability. It never really occurred to me to go alone - I personally would want others' opinions, plus my mom, sister, and close friend all specifically asked to go with me. I know my mom in particular would be devastated if I did it without her, and since I want advice anyway, I have no problem with having these three with me. My question was more about having additional people there that I might not want, not that I don't want others there at all.

It does seem like it could be stressful to work around my sister's schedule, which is why we're starting sooner rather than later. But it's too important to both of us that she's there for me to not work around her. I suppose worst case scenario, she can come back from college on a non-break weekend (she goes to school a two hour drive from my mom's, which is where the dress shopping is taking place, so it's not like she'd have to fly in), but I'm hoping to not do that to her if we can avoid it. 

My mom did mention that it might not be worth even asking my friend or sister to come the first time since who knows how long it will take to find a dress and maybe they don't want to go to a million places, but since they both specifically asked to come, I wanted to give them the option (and they both excitedly agreed). Also, I have heard stories of girls finding dresses on their first trip, and I would hate for that to happen without them.

nerdwife

lyndausvi said:

 My mom (who paid) and my sister went with me.  Both mom and me were from OOT and staying at sister's house.    We left my DH at my sister's house to babysit my 5 year old niece. Ha. 

My MIL lived 5 hours away.  It never occurred to me to invite her as I had only meet her once just a few months before.  We did go to her a few days after I found the dress and I showed her a picture.

I fucking HATE shopping in general.  I shop for a purpose and know what I want.   My mom and sister know this so it was probably better it was just the 3 of us.   I went in saying I "want, x,y and not a or b".  When the sales person brought me only a's and b's I would just leave.   Thought process was "stop wasting my fucking time. I DO NOT WANT A 15 FOOT TRAIN FOR MY BEACH WEDDING.". Plus I only had 3 days to find something. 

  Walked into the 3rd place, saw my dream dress on the wall. Tried it on.  The sample fit.  Boom, ordered.  Then went to lunch.

Every place I went has private changing area, but I really didn't care who saw my body. I worked on a boat at the time and wore a bikini everyday.    I went shopping in a thong because, well (1) I didn't think and (2) I didn't even have a pair of non-thongs with me.   I'm sure the sales people who helped me rolled their eyes.  Oops, sorry.      

 Word from the wise, think about your undergarments when shopping.

Yes, I have realized that I should wear different underwear on dress shopping day(s) - let's hope I actually remember that on the day of. I don't actually own a strapless bra (I have never been able to find a comfortable one) - is this something that is definitely necessary? If so, can someone please recommend a good, comfortable one? 

lyndausvi

nerdwife said:

lyndausvi said:

 My mom (who paid) and my sister went with me.  Both mom and me were from OOT and staying at sister's house.    We left my DH at my sister's house to babysit my 5 year old niece. Ha. 

My MIL lived 5 hours away.  It never occurred to me to invite her as I had only meet her once just a few months before.  We did go to her a few days after I found the dress and I showed her a picture.

I fucking HATE shopping in general.  I shop for a purpose and know what I want.   My mom and sister know this so it was probably better it was just the 3 of us.   I went in saying I "want, x,y and not a or b".  When the sales person brought me only a's and b's I would just leave.   Thought process was "stop wasting my fucking time. I DO NOT WANT A 15 FOOT TRAIN FOR MY BEACH WEDDING.". Plus I only had 3 days to find something. 

  Walked into the 3rd place, saw my dream dress on the wall. Tried it on.  The sample fit.  Boom, ordered.  Then went to lunch.

Every place I went has private changing area, but I really didn't care who saw my body. I worked on a boat at the time and wore a bikini everyday.    I went shopping in a thong because, well (1) I didn't think and (2) I didn't even have a pair of non-thongs with me.   I'm sure the sales people who helped me rolled their eyes.  Oops, sorry.      

 Word from the wise, think about your undergarments when shopping.

Yes, I have realized that I should wear different underwear on dress shopping day(s) - let's hope I actually remember that on the day of. I don't actually own a strapless bra (I have never been able to find a comfortable one) - is this something that is definitely necessary? If so, can someone please recommend a good, comfortable one? 

I didn't take a strapless either.  I ended up not even wearing a bra for my wedding.  I'm even a D-DD.   I had a corset dress and those puppies were going no where.

My favorite strapless is one from VS.  It has convertible  straps so I can wear it with different styles.   Or it can be worn strapless.  So far it's the best one I've found.

climbingsingle

I also didn't bring a strapless bra, and I ended up not wearing a bra with my dress. 

ryanandjoe4

climbingwife said:

I also didn't bring a strapless bra, and I ended up not wearing a bra with my dress. 

I had bra cups put in so I didn't have to wear a bra as well..

nerdwife

Not having to wear a bra on my wedding day = heaven. Very much looking forward to that. But can I try on dresses without a bra or is that not cool (and maybe gross)?

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

nerdwife said:

lyndausvi said:

 My mom (who paid) and my sister went with me.  Both mom and me were from OOT and staying at sister's house.    We left my DH at my sister's house to babysit my 5 year old niece. Ha. 

My MIL lived 5 hours away.  It never occurred to me to invite her as I had only meet her once just a few months before.  We did go to her a few days after I found the dress and I showed her a picture.

I fucking HATE shopping in general.  I shop for a purpose and know what I want.   My mom and sister know this so it was probably better it was just the 3 of us.   I went in saying I "want, x,y and not a or b".  When the sales person brought me only a's and b's I would just leave.   Thought process was "stop wasting my fucking time. I DO NOT WANT A 15 FOOT TRAIN FOR MY BEACH WEDDING.". Plus I only had 3 days to find something. 

  Walked into the 3rd place, saw my dream dress on the wall. Tried it on.  The sample fit.  Boom, ordered.  Then went to lunch.

Every place I went has private changing area, but I really didn't care who saw my body. I worked on a boat at the time and wore a bikini everyday.    I went shopping in a thong because, well (1) I didn't think and (2) I didn't even have a pair of non-thongs with me.   I'm sure the sales people who helped me rolled their eyes.  Oops, sorry.      

 Word from the wise, think about your undergarments when shopping.

Yes, I have realized that I should wear different underwear on dress shopping day(s) - let's hope I actually remember that on the day of. I don't actually own a strapless bra (I have never been able to find a comfortable one) - is this something that is definitely necessary? If so, can someone please recommend a good, comfortable one? 

I didn't take a strapless either.  I ended up not even wearing a bra for my wedding.  I'm even a D-DD.   I had a corset dress and those puppies were going no where.

My favorite strapless is one from VS.  It has convertible  straps so I can wear it with different styles.   Or it can be worn strapless.  So far it's the best one I've found.

This.  Go to VS and get fitted for a strapless bra, that way it will actually fit without you having to constantly pull it up.  The one I have is in their bombshell line, it's convertible,  and it's the most comfortable bra I have.

ryanandjoe4 said:

climbingwife said:

I also didn't bring a strapless bra, and I ended up not wearing a bra with my dress. 

I had bra cups put in so I didn't have to wear a bra as well..

So did I, but in order to try dresses on and get an idea of what they'd look like once the cups were in, I wore a strapless bra dress shopping.

CMGragain

The fewer people with you, the better, IMHO.  I bought my own dress by myself, many years ago.  Daughter and I went shopping together for hers.  It took a piece of cheesecake for her to decide.

lnixon8

nerdwife said:

Not having to wear a bra on my wedding day = heaven. Very much looking forward to that. But can I try on dresses without a bra or is that not cool (and maybe gross)?

Def not gross! Just be aware that the attendant will see your boobs.

lnixon8

OP I would think about how far people are traveling for this and what you will do if you don't find a dress that day. I HATED my first time shopping (my mom and I) and was glad I didn't ask a bunch of people to drive just to witness me having a panic attack. Your besties might not mind but I would feel bad asking my MIL if I didn't get the dress...and then what? Every time I go shopping I invite the all of them?

My second time shopping I did buy my dress with my Mom and MOH; then asked them plus another friend to come to final fitting. It was a short appointment, people felt included, and (selfishly most important) 3 sets of eyes learning hwo to do the bustle and one videotaping it was really helpful the day of the wedding.

ryanandjoe4

lnixon8 said:

nerdwife said:

Not having to wear a bra on my wedding day = heaven. Very much looking forward to that. But can I try on dresses without a bra or is that not cool (and maybe gross)?

Def not gross! Just be aware that the attendant will see your boobs.

agreed, they are boobs. I am sure the consultant has seen them before..

ryanandjoe4

lnixon8 said:

OP I would think about how far people are traveling for this and what you will do if you don't find a dress that day. I HATED my first time shopping (my mom and I) and was glad I didn't ask a bunch of people to drive just to witness me having a panic attack. Your besties might not mind but I would feel bad asking my MIL if I didn't get the dress...and then what? Every time I go shopping I invite the all of them?

My second time shopping I did buy my dress with my Mom and MOH; then asked them plus another friend to come to final fitting. It was a short appointment, people felt included, and (selfishly most important) 3 sets of eyes learning hwo to do the bustle and one videotaping it was really helpful the day of the wedding.

My MOH recorded it helps sooo much!

marie2785

All but 1 store I went to restricted brides from bringing more than 3 people. One store flat out said they'd ask people to leave, and I watched them do it to one bride who brought about 7 people! The store was TINY though, so it made sense. You couldn't fit more than 3 people in their viewing areas, and when brides bring huge crowds it can get loud, and overwhelming for everyone in the store. 

So honestly...you probably don't want anyone else outside of who you already listed. 

nerdwife

ryanandjoe4 said:

lnixon8 said:

nerdwife said:

Not having to wear a bra on my wedding day = heaven. Very much looking forward to that. But can I try on dresses without a bra or is that not cool (and maybe gross)?

Def not gross! Just be aware that the attendant will see your boobs.

agreed, they are boobs. I am sure the consultant has seen them before..

My concern was not about the attendant seeing my boobs - that's fine. I just meant whether it's frowned upon as non-hygienic. Very happy to forego the bra!

nerdwife

lnixon8 said:

OP I would think about how far people are traveling for this and what you will do if you don't find a dress that day. I HATED my first time shopping (my mom and I) and was glad I didn't ask a bunch of people to drive just to witness me having a panic attack. Your besties might not mind but I would feel bad asking my MIL if I didn't get the dress...and then what? Every time I go shopping I invite the all of them?

My second time shopping I did buy my dress with my Mom and MOH; then asked them plus another friend to come to final fitting. It was a short appointment, people felt included, and (selfishly most important) 3 sets of eyes learning hwo to do the bustle and one videotaping it was really helpful the day of the wedding.

Fortunately, with the exception of my sister (who we're working around), everyone lives in the same county and not particularly far from the dress places we're planning to go to (FI and I met at a county-wide high school, so thankfully our families actually live in the same general area). 

I am concerned about the fact that it may take 10 stores to find a dress - I know those three people want to be there for all attempts and I am definitely cool with that. They're also the closest people to me on earth and have witnessed some of my lesser days, so even if it goes poorly, it should be fine. Of course, the same isn't true for FMIL and FSIL, so this is a good point. I feel like FMIL for sure doesn't want to go to every attempt (okay, well almost for sure - I'm not a mind reader), but not sure about FSIL. And there is always the possibility I find it relatively quickly (a girl can dream).

But I think I like the idea of inviting them to a fitting. Then they can feel included without all the hassle and I can do my dress shopping with only the people I really want there.

And to the mention of the bustle - great point and idea. I'm not sure about having a train, but if I do, then I will definitely get that on camera. Thanks!

lyndausvi

nerdwife said:

ryanandjoe4 said:

lnixon8 said:

nerdwife said:

Not having to wear a bra on my wedding day = heaven. Very much looking forward to that. But can I try on dresses without a bra or is that not cool (and maybe gross)?

Def not gross! Just be aware that the attendant will see your boobs.

agreed, they are boobs. I am sure the consultant has seen them before..

My concern was not about the attendant seeing my boobs - that's fine. I just meant whether it's frowned upon as non-hygienic. Very happy to forego the bra!

unless you are lactating or have some other form of secretion from your nibble,  it's just skin like other parts of your body.