New York-Hudson Valley

Monster Of Honor

I am having issues with the Maid of Honor. She was upset that other girls had to start planning the wedding shower because she was not doing anything to get it done. Since then she has not talked to me. I will mention that I am her sister. Before the other girls started to plan she would throw in my face that she was doing so much for me and had no time for anything. Little did I know that nothing had been done until the other bridesmaids were asking me to give her a little push to start to get things together. I gave her a few months until it started to get too late.

This was 5 months ago. She will not talk to me. At the shower she looked to be forced into being there. No smile, no laughter, or talking to anyone. I have sent the sweetest messages to her, trying to be very loving and saying I miss you and love you hope you're doing well. All I get back is a "Thanks".

It is now less than 2 months before my wedding and she is still the same way. I am freaking out that she will ruin the speech she is supposed to give, and also just be at the wedding and not happy and ruin that day for me. All I can think about from my shower is how she sat there and was so unhappy. Many people have told me to remove her from the party. I feel she will bring down the whole day.

I am in desperate need of other brides input! PLEASE HELP! What would you ladies do!


Re: Monster Of Honor

  • Ugh, this is so tough. It's just so crazy how people turn into lunatics when weddings are being planned. I had a similar drama situation with dress shopping and my mom (she was annoyed that I wanted my step sisters and step mom to shop with us) and I was planning on writing her a very straight-forward e-mail until my fiance gave his input and said I really should just call her and talk to her because if I e-mailed her, she would have time to really mull over what she wanted to say and I really just needed to put her on the spot. I called her and read her the e-mail I was planning on sending her and we discussed everything very openly. It worked out well and she now understands where I am coming from. I made sure to kindly reiterate that it's my day and it isn't about her and made some valid points that she couldn't disagree with.

    In your situation, you may need to do the same thing. Put her on the spot and clear the air before she winds up getting drunk and causing a scene the day of the wedding lol. Ask her why she is acting the way she has been acting. Who knows, maybe there is some underlying issue that she is afraid to talk about. Or maybe she just really needs to be coerced into opening up to you.

    Hope this helps! Best of luck!
  • You have two choices as I see it.  You should talk to your mom about it as well -- not making a real big deal, but let her know that you and your sister have not spoken and you want to clear the air.  Maybe with her stepping in, it will help.  Moms are good negotiators in this case.

    The other choice?   LEAVE HER BE!!!  You can't force her to be nice.  You can't change her mind and you can't make her do the right thing.  Do keep her in your wedding, but have someone else do the speech as well.  Have a family member, such as an aunt, godmother, good cousin, or even mom stand up with her and the best man and let this person speak first, then the best man and then her.  Believe me, at that moment, she will be nice out of embarrassing herself, and she will be humbled.  Keep the status quo and enjoy your experience.  I think that confronting her will only make her more angry and she clearly is not a person you can reason with.  Don't let her dampen your spirits.  Good luck.
  • Talk to her and let her know how you feel. For what you are saying... I feel like there is another issue. Maybe she is upset for something else because 5 months is just too much.
    Wish you the best.
  • If you care about your relationship with her -- notwithstanding the wedding event -- you must talk to her. Make a date with her -- will she accept that  you want to make a date with her? Go somewhere neither of you have ever been, quiet and private where you can talk. Whatever she may blame you for, don't argue. Just make the date to uncover the problem; the solutions can come later. Good luck.
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