Moms and Maids

FMIL vent

Hi all. 
Just needed a place to vent for a minute.  Our wedding is in 5 days!! and my FMIL from the start seems to have missed the point that the wedding is about her son and I (I'd also include our immediate families in there as well).  She obsesses about what time her hair/make-up will start/end, what her dress will look like, how we will fit in pictures with her 2nd cousins and her aunts, etc -- all family my FI hasn't seen for 7 years.  A common discussion point is also what her older son, and dare I say favorite child, did for his wedding 7 years ago.  He is also the father to her grandson so, again he can do no wrong.

I know that I can't change her but it would be great to hear what others have done to tune out an FMIL like this.

Re: FMIL vent

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The way you deal is turn a deaf ear whenever she starts.  Do you have a favorite happy song?  If so, whenever she starts talking about the things above that irritate you just start singing it to yourself in your head.  It will block her out but keep a smile on your face because you are singing your favorite happy song :)

    SP29
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Oh and keep reminding yourself that in just 5 days you won't have to hear her talk about her hair, makeup, dress, pictures, etc any more!

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited November 2015
    Hi all. 
    Just needed a place to vent for a minute.  Our wedding is in 5 days!! and my FMIL from the start seems to have missed the point that the wedding is about her son and I (I'd also include our immediate families in there as well).  She obsesses about what time her hair/make-up will start/end, what her dress will look like, how we will fit in pictures with her 2nd cousins and her aunts, etc -- all family my FI hasn't seen for 7 years.  A common discussion point is also what her older son, and dare I say favorite child, did for his wedding 7 years ago.  He is also the father to her grandson so, again he can do no wrong.

    I know that I can't change her but it would be great to hear what others have done to tune out an FMIL like this.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    It sounds like she's excited about all of it.  Yes, it can be annoying when you have  an overbearing anyone, but you only have 5 more days of questions.  

    How often do you see her/chat with her?  Email her a timeline for the day and ask for a list for the photographer, and then try to bean dip the rest of the questions.

    ETF formatting
    image
    SP29
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi all. 
    Just needed a place to vent for a minute.  Our wedding is in 5 days!! and my FMIL from the start seems to have missed the point that the wedding is about her son and I (I'd also include our immediate families in there as well).  She obsesses about what time her hair/make-up will start/end, what her dress will look like, how we will fit in pictures with her 2nd cousins and her aunts, etc -- all family my FI hasn't seen for 7 years.  A common discussion point is also what her older son, and dare I say favorite child, did for his wedding 7 years ago.  He is also the father to her grandson so, again he can do no wrong.

    I know that I can't change her but it would be great to hear what others have done to tune out an FMIL like this.

    You have 5 days, so pretty much everything should be done.  For things that need to be communicated to FMIL, have your FI do it.  Keep as much distance to FMIL as you can this week.  The less you interact with her this week, the less she can get on your nerves.  If you were farther out, I'd suggest that FMIL get her hair done separately to lessen your interactions further. 

    FMIL probably just wants to look her best for the wedding, so think of her worries in a positive sense.  If you start knit picking at every action of FMIL, she will become a BEC to you and that will not help you in your long term relationship with her. 

    As for the picture stuff, just provide a list of Must Have photos to your photographer (if you haven't already).  Then also let your photographer know that if they have time to get these other photos that FMIL wants.  Most of these extended family photos could be done at the reception venue after dinner.  Also, give your photographer a heads up that FMIL may be a little pushy about getting these extra photos done.  S/he has probably dealt with similar pushy relatives and will know how to combat her.

    All that favorite child stuff will continue forever.  It will even happen if you end up having children yourselves.  "Oh, well, when little Johnny was 2 months, he could walk already."  Your response should always be something simple and non-combative - "Well, children all reach goals at different times. So no need to compare the children."

    MairePoppySP29
  • Thank you everyone!! I think I have most everything covered on this list.


    Now just to try and stay positive and focus on a great day ahead with close friends and family.
  • Two words - Bean Dip!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    Update: true to form it was all about her this weekend but we made it about us and ignored her. The wedding was a huge success!

    Congrats!
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Update: true to form it was all about her this weekend but we made it about us and ignored her. The wedding was a huge success!

    Congratulations and best wishes!
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