To elope or not...

Knottie1443202486

my fiance has about 10-15 people he plans on inviting to the wedding, but, i have almost 30-40 i want to invite. the problem is most of my family don't approve of my happiness or my fiance and i don't get along with them entirely. i want the ceremony and the whole shebang but i don't want to be stressed out leading to my day. once the invitations/ announcements go out i already know i'll be getting a lot of negative and unsupportive comments from my family. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? what did you end up doing? 

Their are several reasons they don't like him but, my grandmother (she raised me & is super religious) she hasn't voice her dislike of him specifically but she has a habit of being nice to him and then talk about him behind his back and she does it with everyone, I feel if I invite her and my aunt and uncles they may do the same thing before, during, and after. My dad's side of the family have no problem with my fiance at all they love him. I just to be stressed and miserable at my own wedding. My fiance doesn't mind if we elope or not since he only has a small list of who he plans to invite.

I guess my biggest issue is dealing with my mother's side of the family

Maggie0829

How about you just not invite your Mom's side?  Why would you want to invite people that you know do not like your FI or support your decision to marry him?

mileybangerz

Knottie1443202486 said:

my fiance has about 10-15 people he plans on inviting to the wedding, but, i have almost 30-40 i want to invite. the problem is most of my family don't approve of my happiness or my fiance and i don't get along with them entirely. i want the ceremony and the whole shebang but i don't want to be stressed out leading to my day. once the invitations/ announcements go out i already know i'll be getting a lot of negative and unsupportive comments from my family. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? what did you end up doing? 

Their are several reasons they don't like him but, my grandmother (she raised me & is super religious) she hasn't voice her dislike of him specifically but she has a habit of being nice to him and then talk about him behind his back and she does it with everyone, I feel if I invite her and my aunt and uncles they may do the same thing before, during, and after. My dad's side of the family have no problem with my fiance at all they love him. I just to be stressed and miserable at my own wedding. My fiance doesn't mind if we elope or not since he only has a small list of who he plans to invite.

I guess my biggest issue is dealing with my mother's side of the family

What does your grandmother's religion have to do with it?

CMGragain

You are not obligated to invite anyone to your wedding.  Invite the people you want to invite.  Do be aware that if you do not invite Grandma, there will be consequences.  Are you willing to live with that?
You cannot change people.  Grandma and your aunts and uncles will probably gossip before and after your wedding, but I'm guessing that they will behave themselves while they are in public.  Only you can decide what is the best way to deal with your family.

CMGragain

Knottie1443202486 said:

my fiance has about 10-15 people he plans on inviting to the wedding, but, i have almost 30-40 i want to invite. the problem is most of my family don't approve of my happiness or my fiance and i don't get along with them entirely. i want the ceremony and the whole shebang but i don't want to be stressed out leading to my day. once the invitations/ announcements go out i already know i'll be getting a lot of negative and unsupportive comments from my family. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? what did you end up doing? 

Their are several reasons they don't like him but, my grandmother (she raised me & is super religious) she hasn't voice her dislike of him specifically but she has a habit of being nice to him and then talk about him behind his back and she does it with everyone, I feel if I invite her and my aunt and uncles they may do the same thing before, during, and after. My dad's side of the family have no problem with my fiance at all they love him. I just to be stressed and miserable at my own wedding. My fiance doesn't mind if we elope or not since he only has a small list of who he plans to invite.

I guess my biggest issue is dealing with my mother's side of the family

You cannot control people.  They will not magically change into your perfect family just because it is your wedding day.  What do YOU do when they say these things?  Do you speak up, or do you sit passively and let them dis your FI?

My wedding day was not enjoyable for me.  My mother and FMIL were fighting and saying terrible things about each other, many of which were true.  My FMIL refused to stand in the receiving line, and spent the reception crying in a corner, telling anyone who would listen that her son was making the worst mistake of his life.
I never stopped smiling.  I ignored both of them.  Lots of guests were very sympathetic.  We got married, and moved 1100 miles away from both of them.  They didn't get to see their grandchildren very often.  We have been happily married 39 years.  I won.

JediElizabeth

I feel like you're looking to elope to avoid drama, which is not going to happen. Understand that if you elope, feelings will be hurt and there will be personalities to deal with afterwards. If you don't elope, you will have to decide on the guests you want there, and you will have to deal with those consequences. Either way, the wedding itself is not the problem, your family is.

Personally, I don't think you should exclude your FI's family or your dad's side of the family just because your mom's side is not supportive. I would think of planning a small wedding (maybe 30 guests max) and inviting only a select number of people from your family who are supportive, or who you couldn't imagine not being at your wedding.

TL;DR: Don't let a small minority's opinions dictate your decisions. Plan the wedding you want, and decide whether or not they're invited based on how they treat you and your FI.

redoryx

scribe95 said:

Honestly I need to know what their issues are first. It might be that they are legitimate and you just refuse to listen. I'm not saying this is so but it wouldn't be the first time a person's family warned them from a bad suitor. 

My response will be different depending on what is going on.

Yes. I'm someone who can say that my family had serious issues with my ex -- it took me awhile to see it and it caused a lot of tension in the meantime but they were right and I finally broke up with him.

Again, OP, that might not be what's going on but it's hard to know without more details.

MesmrEwe

redoryx said:

scribe95 said:

Honestly I need to know what their issues are first. It might be that they are legitimate and you just refuse to listen. I'm not saying this is so but it wouldn't be the first time a person's family warned them from a bad suitor. 

My response will be different depending on what is going on.

Yes. I'm someone who can say that my family had serious issues with my ex -- it took me awhile to see it and it caused a lot of tension in the meantime but they were right and I finally broke up with him.

Again, OP, that might not be what's going on but it's hard to know without more details.

^^^^  This...

Right now without the specifics I'm leaning towards - you're going to have drama whether you elope or have everyone there, at the end of the day it's going to cost roughly the same, may as well have those surrounding you that you want on that day.  It's unfair to your GM to exclude her if you're excluding your Mom's side.  If you choose to elope - is she able to travel and you could have her as your MOH...  But really, the drama is going to be there, it's whether you choose to buy into an active role in it or "these people are who they are <annoyed eye roll>, I don't like it but there's only so much I can do without creating more drama...  How's the bean dip?"

ryanandjoe4

I agree with the maybe the family is trying to tell you something view point.

I didn't invite one whole side of my family because they are nothing but drama, and I honestly do not like them. have not heard one thing about it, and honestly do not care what they say. Why would you want to invite people that are just going to be nasty that day, and cause drama. Just know that this will be something that will cause hurt feelings, and you will have to say that you do not want them there because of the rude remarks that they make, just like your actions cause consequenses so do theirs..