Bridal Shower 4 Months Before Wedding?

Knottie1432695986

I'm getting married in June 2016 and my maid of honor lives out of state. She is helping to plan my plantation themed bridal shower with my matron of honor but will only be able to make it in town in February before our wedding due to finances. I want her to be able to make it to one of the pre-wedding events, especially since she is helping to plan it, but I also know that typical etiquette says you should only have your bridal shower about 2 months prior to the wedding. Is this an outdated rule? Is it acceptable to have your bridal shower 4 months before your wedding? Thanks!

mileybangerz

Knottie1432695986 said:

I'm getting married in June 2016 and my maid of honor lives out of state. She is helping to plan my plantation themed bridal shower with my matron of honor but will only be able to make it in town in February before our wedding due to finances. I want her to be able to make it to one of the pre-wedding events, especially since she is helping to plan it, but I also know that typical etiquette says you should only have your bridal shower about 2 months prior to the wedding. Is this an outdated rule? Is it acceptable to have your bridal shower 4 months before your wedding? Thanks!

What is a plantation theme?

Knottie1432695986

We live in the south where there are some big plantation homes. It's just a bridal shower at one of these homes.

LD1970

My shower was December 7 for a March 28 wedding. As long as all the shower invitees are definitely being invited to the wedding, it's fine.

justsie

Knottie1432695986 said:

We live in the south where there are some big plantation homes. It's just a bridal shower at one of these homes.

I wouldn't call it plantation themed though, if all it is is being hosted at a big home. I live in the south as well and if I heard Plantation theme I'd think it was something more racist, ie Paula Deen. 

I agree with PP's on their answers.

southernbelle0915

My shower was in March for a July wedding. We had a lot of OOT VIPs and that was just when it worked for everyone to be in town.

Ditto PPs about a 'plantation' theme sounding like slavery/racism. What about 'southern tea party' or something?

Knottie1432695986

Oh don't worry. The invitations will actually say "Bridal Tea". I was just noting it would be at a plantation. I guess I should have originally said the location would be at a plantation and not the theme itself.

thisismynickname2

When engagements are 1-2 years or longer these days and people are spread all over creation, I certainly don't side-eye any timing of pre-wedding events like showers or bachelorette parties. As a PP said, as long as everyone invited to an event is invited to a wedding (and you're also not planning/hosting your own parties) it's all good.  

Just keep in mind you're not supposed to use gifts received at the shower until after the wedding, so 4 months or longer is a long time to have to store stuff.  

OliveOilsMom

I had an end of Oct shower for a March wedding.  It was done to avoid any bad weather over the winter spoiling the event.  Turns out, it snowed anyway  

The one thing about having a shower early.  You should either not use any of the gifts or be prepared to replace it, so that you can return the gifts to the giver, in case your wedding does not happen.

MyNameIsNot

Knottie1432695986 said:

Oh don't worry. The invitations will actually say "Bridal Tea". I was just noting it would be at a plantation. I guess I should have originally said the location would be at a plantation and not the theme itself.

A bridal tea is actually different from a shower. A bridal lunch/tea is given when the bride does not want gifts. Your invitation should say bridal shower.

Please call it a southern mansion. Everyone knows what that is, and it doesn't evoke bad images. I live within 10 miles of a number of old southern mansions that now function as event venues. They smartly market themselves as southern mansions, not plantations, despite the fact that many of them were, in fact, plantations. 

Knottie1432695986

Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it. And I do agree that sounds more appropriate.

MandyMost

I think I would side-eye a shower being held more than 6 months away from the wedding date, but 4 months out because of OOT guests seems totally reasonable to me. 

And ditto everyone else on 2 key points:

• "Southern Mansion" sounds charming and fancy, "Plantation" sounds racist
• "Bridal Tea" means you don't expect gifts, "Bridal Shower" means you do. If you're planning on opening gifts at the party, it's a Bridal Shower. 

SP29

4 months is fine. As long as all guests invited to the shower will be invited to the wedding, you are good. 

My bridal tea (that is what the invitation said, although everyone brought a gift anyway) was 6 months before my wedding. I lived OOT at the time and was getting married in my hometown. I didn't arrive in my hometown until 1.5 weeks ahead of the wedding (which was Boxing Day). I was in town to visit and do some wedding planning at the end of July before the wedding and my MOH wanted to throw a tea, so that is when it happened.