XP Making my family happy

Knottie02556609

Sorry I've already made a post similar to this but here is another one where i think i explain what i was trying to say a bit better.

I am getting married January 2017.  I am Mexican and my FI is white. My family wants something totally different for my wedding. They want me to invite a lot of people so I can have a big wedding and celebrate which is nice right? The problem is I cannot afford to invite a lot of people and still have a wedding at a nice venue where my family and I can relax ( not have to clean,cook, set up) which they are use to doing for all the big family parties my family has had. However, that is not what I want because things end up getting too stressful. So, my venue provides basically everything I would imagine, they are going to do the set up, clean up , coordinate my event, provide tables, chairs, glassware, dinner, and drinks. This is something that my family is not use to. They usually just throw parties together at like a community hall or backyard nothing wrong with that but its more work than what I want on that day. So basically some of my family members are upset that I want to do things different. I'm scared they are going to talk bad about me and say I am "Americanized" and do not want to have a mexican wedding. I am okay with having some mexican traditions in my wedding like some songs in spanish which is also something they aren't happy about they would prefer a banda or mariachi and i am having a DJ. Its kind of stressful because I want my family to be happy for me, but i know since i am doing things a little different they might get upset. 

I am having a small guest count of 75 guest.. So my wedding will not be a big one but I am okay with that I just want it to be pretty with my closest family members....which is another thing I have a huge family and I cannot afford to invite everyone but everyone already thinks they are invited... and then my family just invites more people which is not ok since my venue is $90 per person and they need a final head count 10 prior to the event so i cannot just have some random people show up, but then if i tell my family that they are gunna get butt hurt even though i am paying for every guest that i invite outta my pocket....

SO CONFUSED .. sorry about the bad grammar i'm kinda just rambling .. 

Thanks for the advice in advance

holyguacamole79

Knottie02556609 said:

Sorry I've already made a post similar to this but here is another one where i think i explain what i was trying to say a bit better.

I am getting married January 2017.  I am Mexican and my FI is white. My family wants something totally different for my wedding. They want me to invite a lot of people so I can have a big wedding and celebrate which is nice right? The problem is I cannot afford to invite a lot of people and still have a wedding at a nice venue where my family and I can relax ( not have to clean,cook, set up) which they are use to doing for all the big family parties my family has had. However, that is not what I want because things end up getting too stressful. So, my venue provides basically everything I would imagine, they are going to do the set up, clean up , coordinate my event, provide tables, chairs, glassware, dinner, and drinks. This is something that my family is not use to. They usually just throw parties together at like a community hall or backyard nothing wrong with that but its more work than what I want on that day. So basically some of my family members are upset that I want to do things different. I'm scared they are going to talk bad about me and say I am "Americanized" and do not want to have a mexican wedding. I am okay with having some mexican traditions in my wedding like some songs in spanish which is also something they aren't happy about they would prefer a banda or mariachi and i am having a DJ. Its kind of stressful because I want my family to be happy for me, but i know since i am doing things a little different they might get upset. 

I am having a small guest count of 75 guest.. So my wedding will not be a big one but I am okay with that I just want it to be pretty with my closest family members....which is another thing I have a huge family and I cannot afford to invite everyone but everyone already thinks they are invited... and then my family just invites more people which is not ok since my venue is $90 per person and they need a final head count 10 prior to the event so i cannot just have some random people show up, but then if i tell my family that they are gunna get butt hurt even though i am paying for every guest that i invite outta my pocket....

SO CONFUSED .. sorry about the bad grammar i'm kinda just rambling .. 

Thanks for the advice in advance

First off, if you are going to post the same topic on multiple boards, it's more appropriate to post "XP" in the title.

Sit down with your parents and have a firm heart-to-heart.  Let them know that you are thankful for the close-knit family and how they are willing to host many other events.  Let them know that you & your FI have chosen to have a wedding that will be held at x venue and things will be taken care of.  Let them know that you will be setting a guest list and that you want them to respect your decisions regarding whom you will invite.  

As I mentioned on your other post, my mom's family is Mexican, so I can somewhat relate.  Just be calm and let them know how you will be hosting your wedding.

Knottie02556609

Hey thanks for responding again. Also thank you for letting me know about the XP I am new to this so I am not really sure how to do anything on here lol maybe i should delete the other post, but i liked the responses so I'm not sure

levioosa

Knottie02556609 said:

Hey thanks for responding again. Also thank you for letting me know about the XP I am new to this so I am not really sure how to do anything on here lol maybe i should delete the other post, but i liked the responses so I'm not sure

You can't delete a post, and trying to delete it is seen as very rude.  It's okay, just post XP in the title for any future posts that are on more than one board.  I answered you on your other post.  

OliveOilsMom

You are new, so you may not know that deleting a post is rude.  So please, don't do it!

I think you articulated your problem in your other post well.  I answered you there as well.  I think you received very good advice in that thread.  Most of which was, decline your parents wedding and plan the wedding you want.

If you are afraid of people just showing up, spread through word of mouth that this is an Americanized wedding and a set head count is required by the venue prior to the event, so you will not be able to accommodate any extra guests day of the wedding.

[Deleted User]

OP I feel your pain. I'm also accused of being "whitewashed" or "Americanized" by the fam. Get used to it now, and get your responses in order because so far after 4 years of being with the same guy, it hasn't ended yet.

Morbidity aside, get someone on 'your side.' Mine is my mama. Whenever there's a culture thing, I distract her from taking over by letting her take charge of something: in our case, no one is allowed to bring outside alcohol--you know, 'cuz it's usually pretty illegal, which is convenient because we WANT a dry wedding. So, we're making sure that whatever place we book doesn't serve and that even the alcoholic cousin doesn't try to sneak it in (as he did at the last family wedding...).

In your case, maybe mama would get the task of telling everyone the importance of RSVP-ing on time. And, while she's doing that, she can tell them what small Mexican details you've managed to incorporate.

Be proactive and tell them the small details that you did include from your culture rather than the things you aren't doing. It's saved my hide for several occasions now.

santiago2615

kelelizalowe said:

OP I feel your pain. I'm also accused of being "whitewashed" or "Americanized" by the fam. Get used to it now, and get your responses in order because so far after 4 years of being with the same guy, it hasn't ended yet. Morbidity aside, get someone on 'your side.' Mine is my mama. Whenever there's a culture thing, I distract her from taking over by letting her take charge of something: in our case, no one is allowed to bring outside alcohol--you know, 'cuz it's usually pretty illegal, which is convenient because we WANT a dry wedding. So, we're making sure that whatever place we book doesn't serve and that even the alcoholic cousin doesn't try to sneak it in (as he did at the last family wedding...). In your case, maybe mama would get the task of telling everyone the importance of RSVP-ing on time. And, while she's doing that, she can tell them what small Mexican details you've managed to incorporate. Be proactive and tell them the small details that you did include from your culture rather than the things you aren't doing. It's saved my hide for several occasions now.

I have also been accused of being too "Americanized" I am having  "white" wedding according to some of my family, but it doesn't bother me what they think. I have my mom on my side and she is helping me spread the word on things my side of the family is not used to when it comes to weddings. They were so confused when they received our STD because it is not something they are used to. She also helped me spread the word that we are having an adult only wedding . 75% of my first cousins have children. I wish I could afford to have everyone, but we cannot not. Yes, I got some snark from 2 cousins about them not being able to come because of this, but that's why I am giving them plenty of time to find a sitter. I am dreading when RSVPs come in because I know I will have to call and ask them for their RSVP or have to remind them the invitation was only for the guests listed; not their kids.

You'll never be able to please everyone. Just make sure your guests are properly hosted and have a wonderful wedding day!