Open house a few months after reception

LB59270

Hi everyone,

I am in dire need of some advice! My future mother-in-law wants my fiance and I to send letters (basically apologizing, I think?) to the relatives/friends who will not be invited to our wedding or reception and to extend an invitation to an open house at a later date that she and my father-in-law will be hosting. While I would love to invite everyone to our wedding, it is not financially possible (student loan debt, my fiance and I are also paying for 95% of the wedding) and this seemed like a good compromise. How can we (tactfully) go about honoring the request of my in-laws??

levioosa

LB59270 said:

Hi everyone,

I am in dire need of some advice! My future mother-in-law wants my fiance and I to send letters (basically apologizing, I think?) to the relatives/friends who will not be invited to our wedding or reception and to extend an invitation to an open house at a later date that she and my father-in-law will be hosting. While I would love to invite everyone to our wedding, it is not financially possible (student loan debt, my fiance and I are also paying for 95% of the wedding) and this seemed like a good compromise. How can we (tactfully) go about honoring the request of my in-laws??

Do not send an apology letter.  You have nothing to apologize for.  While it looks like your parents or in-laws are contributing, so they have some sort of say, steer clear of doing a repeat reception.  You can throw a "celebration of marriage" party, but it is not your reception, and it shouldn't have any traditional "wedding reception" trappings (i.e. first dance, cake cutting, garter toss, etc).  @CMGragain is great with wording for celebration of marriage invites.  

artbyallie

Your fiancé should be the one communicating with MIL that you will not be sending out letters. Marriage announcements after the wedding are acceptable. If MIL wants to host an unrelated event herself, she can plan and send invitations for it.

Jen4948

If your FILs want to host a party for their relatives and friends who won't be invited to the wedding, they can do that, but they should issue the invitations themselves.

You should not send out any "apology letters" because you do not owe anyone an apology that you are not inviting them to your wedding (providing you invite all couples together and don't split up minor siblings).

JediElizabeth

Not only do you not owe anyone an apology, as PPs have said, but it may be more insulting to receive a letter like that. Depending on the person and the interpretation, even with the most gracious wording, it may come off as rubbing it in their face that they're not invited.

I'd definitely push back against this. People will understand that they're not invited, and will not expect any kind of letter about it.

MesmrEwe

This is what Chivarees are for... 

But really, no apology letter - REALLY!  As long as you didn't send STD's to these people, which would be a bigger etiquette blunder, there is no reason that you need to apologize to anyone.  If your FMIL wants to throw any party after the fact to celebrate - more power to her, she can plan/organize/send invites, just let you know when to show up.  If she'd like for the people not invited to get an announcement after the fact (you could print these up and have her put them in the mailbox the AM of your wedding), that's o.k. too!  But apology, just, no...

aurianna

LB59270 said:

Hi everyone,

I am in dire need of some advice! My future mother-in-law wants my fiance and I to send letters (basically apologizing, I think?) to the relatives/friends who will not be invited to our wedding or reception and to extend an invitation to an open house at a later date that she and my father-in-law will be hosting. While I would love to invite everyone to our wedding, it is not financially possible (student loan debt, my fiance and I are also paying for 95% of the wedding) and this seemed like a good compromise. How can we (tactfully) go about honoring the request of my in-laws??

Just wanted to make sure... you say wedding OR reception.
Everyone you're inviting to one is getting invited to the other, right?

LB59270

Yes. I just included both; my mind has a tendency to split the two up since they are not at the same location.

LB59270

levioosa said:

Do not send an apology letter.  You have nothing to apologize for.  While it looks like your parents or in-laws are contributing, so they have some sort of say, steer clear of doing a repeat reception.  You can throw a "celebration of marriage" party, but it is not your reception, and it shouldn't have any traditional "wedding reception" trappings (i.e. first dance, cake cutting, garter toss, etc).  @CMGragain is great with wording for celebration of marriage invites.  

This is a great idea. I'll have to look into it!

LB59270

Jen4948 said:

If your FILs want to host a party for their relatives and friends who won't be invited to the wedding, they can do that, but they should issue the invitations themselves. You should not send out any "apology letters" because you do not owe anyone an apology that you are not inviting them to your wedding (providing you invite all couples together and don't split up minor siblings).

My line of thought was: "In the thirteen years I have been best friends with my fiance, and I have only met you once or twice, we won't be extending an invitation (and vice versa for him)." We are inviting all immediate family and a few relatives.

LB59270

MesmrEwe said:

This is what Chivarees are for... 

But really, no apology letter - REALLY!  As long as you didn't send STD's to these people, which would be a bigger etiquette blunder, there is no reason that you need to apologize to anyone.  If your FMIL wants to throw any party after the fact to celebrate - more power to her, she can plan/organize/send invites, just let you know when to show up.  If she'd like for the people not invited to get an announcement after the fact (you could print these up and have her put them in the mailbox the AM of your wedding), that's o.k. too!  But apology, just, no...

No STD's have been sent. They will be going out in the new year, and I was trying to gain perspective on this before they were mailed. Another question answered!

AW3380

Is there any reason, other than budget restraints, that you do not want to invite the people your MIL wants you to send these letters to and invite to the open house?  If she has the means to host these people for a seperate event and if you do not object to them being invited if you had room in your budget (and not over the capacity of your venue), maybe suggest that she contribute to the extra cost of inviting the guests. 

SP29

AW3380 said:

Is there any reason, other than budget restraints, that you do not want to invite the people your MIL wants you to send these letters to and invite to the open house?  If she has the means to host these people for a seperate event and if you do not object to them being invited if you had room in your budget (and not over the capacity of your venue), maybe suggest that she contribute to the extra cost of inviting the guests. 

With the exception of MIL/FILs few close friends, I disagree with this, unless the OP and her FI would want these guests there. And from the OPs other posts, these are people the OP has met once or twice, so they don't sound like they are the ILs best friends. 

IMO, weddings are a more personal event, and just because they *could* afford to invite every person they've ever met, or every person who MIL is going to gush to about her son's wedding, doesn't mean they should. There is nothing wrong with MIL throwing a party of her own to invite all of her friends at another time and place. 

OP- I would not send any apology letters out. You have nothing to apologize for. If your ILs want to host an open house, "Come meet my new DIL!", they absolutely can- anyone can throw a party for any reason. But if this is the case, they should be sending the invitations (in which case they can invite anyone they want), because they are the ones hosting the party. 

CMGragain

Mr. and Mrs. John Groomsparents
announce the marriage of
Miss Bride's Full Name
to their son
Groom's First Middle
Date of marriage
City, State

This is a formal wedding announcement.  Your MIL may  send it as soon as you are married to anyone who wasn't invited to the wedding.  It is NOT an apology - that would be inappropriate.  The marriage announcement does not mean that anyone should bring or send you a gift.  It is a personal way of telling people who were not invited to the wedding

Mr. and Mrs. John Groomsparent
request the pleasure of your company
at an open house party
to celebrate the recent marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Date
Time
Address
City, State

This is a party invitation.  It makes it clear that you are already married and it invites people to a party.  It is sent by your MIL, since she is the hostess.