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I'm only moderately furious.

So first of all, hello, I've never posted here before but I'm currently engaged, getting married in September and I've been lurking pretty consistently since I became engaged..

Anyway as I stated I'm pretty livid. My Fiance and I were invited to a wedding for two of our friends that had recently moved out of town, about two hours away. We obviously accepted, and when the time came drove two hours to the town that they lived in, paid for a hotel room to stay in, normal wedding costs etc. etc.

The Ceremony and reception were fine, Cash bar, but seriously fine.
However!! After the reception my fiance and I were talking to the officiant, who happened to be an acquaintance of ours, and he informed us that the entire wedding was basically a sham, because they aren't married...Excuse me!?!? They had an entire wedding ceremony where they exchanged vows, were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Whatever, and gave speeches on how happy they were that we were all there to celebrate their union, blah blah blah.  Apparently, they had some last minute financial issues that required that they not be legally married yet???? We received our invitations a year before the wedding, you mean to tell me a year wasn't long enough to finalize your finances?? And even if it wasn't, you should at least inform people of this ahead of time! I basically drove for two hours and spent a substantial amount of money to watch these two people go on a really fancy date....I'm pretty furious. Especially considering that I feel like they had the pretend wedding in order to get money to assist in their financial crisis. I really could have used that vacation time for something way more important.. I just really needed to vent, Thank you.

Re: I'm only moderately furious.

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    So first of all, hello, I've never posted here before but I'm currently engaged, getting married in September and I've been lurking pretty consistently since I became engaged..

    Anyway as I stated I'm pretty livid. My Fiance and I were invited to a wedding for two of our friends that had recently moved out of town, about two hours away. We obviously accepted, and when the time came drove two hours to the town that they lived in, paid for a hotel room to stay in, normal wedding costs etc. etc.

    The Ceremony and reception were fine, Cash bar, but seriously fine.
    However!! After the reception my fiance and I were talking to the officiant, who happened to be an acquaintance of ours, and he informed us that the entire wedding was basically a sham, because they aren't married...Excuse me!?!? They had an entire wedding ceremony where they exchanged vows, were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Whatever, and gave speeches on how happy they were that we were all there to celebrate their union, blah blah blah.  Apparently, they had some last minute financial issues that required that they not be legally married yet???? We received our invitations a year before the wedding, you mean to tell me a year wasn't long enough to finalize your finances?? And even if it wasn't, you should at least inform people of this ahead of time! I basically drove for two hours and spent a substantial amount of money to watch these two people go on a really fancy date....I'm pretty furious. Especially considering that I feel like they had the pretend wedding in order to get money to assist in their financial crisis. I really could have used that vacation time for something way more important.. I just really needed to vent, Thank you.
    These "friends" are taking gifts under false pretenses, which summed up in one word equals fraud.  I'd be stopping payment on any check issued to them.  Will you ever really know if or when they ever actually marry?
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    I hope you crossed them off your friends list. 
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    A coworker that was being relocated had to legally marry her fiancée before their NYE wedding because due to HOUSE ARREST he couldn't move out of state unless they were married. She is pretending they aren't married even though she legally changed her last name and is still expecting people to drive to Michigan during peak snow season on NYE when they could be out doing other things... People are just rude and care only about themselves.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Yeah, I'd stop payment on that check if they haven't cashed it yet (if you gave them one, that is).Someone I know recently had a sham ceremony. Her "husband" isn't divorced from his first wife yet.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Yeah, how on earth can you be financially ready to have a wedding but not be married?  I'm really thinking someone must still be married to someone else and the divorce didn't go through yet or something.

    Either way, that's ridiculous.  I would rather the surprise PPD (although that's rude too) than find out that the couple wasn't married at all.  Stupid fake weddings.

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    Since weddings cost a lot of money and it doesn't seem to make sense to have a party if you're in big debt all I can guess is one of them receives some sort of benefits (possibly from an ex spouse or other situation) that will end if/when they marry so they decided to not officially marry. They wanted to have their cake and eat it too
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    I've been to two weddings now like this.  One friendship never recovered.  The icing on the cake was when we went out on a couples date a few months ago, and the couple who did the sham wedding told me and SO how important it was to have a "real" wedding, and that it "didn't mean as much" unless all of your friends and family were present.  They said this knowing we probably will elope, and knowing we knew they had only finally signed their license previously that month--nine months after their "wedding."  


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    I'd be livid, too. Why do people think they are entitled to a wedding? I can honestly say that some of the things I've seen posted on these boards just blow my mind. I'd have never thought of them in a million years.
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    It had something to do with closing on a house, which again, I understand, but geez, let someone know, and unfortunately I can't cancel the check because I very stupidly gave them cash...I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this is completely ridiculous.
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    AddieCake said:

    Yeah, I'd stop payment on that check if they haven't cashed it yet (if you gave them one, that is).Someone I know recently had a sham ceremony. Her "husband" isn't divorced from his first wife yet.

    I'm pretty sure that's much worse. To each their own, but I wouldn't agree to marry someone who was still legally married to someone else.
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    It had something to do with closing on a house, which again, I understand, but geez, let someone know, and unfortunately I can't cancel the check because I very stupidly gave them cash...I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this is completely ridiculous.

    That's just weird. I own a house with my boyfriend. We're not married. We both own the house. One of the pages our lawyer gave us to sign she explained was, "so if you get married, you'll both own the house. Oh, wait, you're both on the paperwork right now. Um, how to explain this. If you both marry Different People, they'll own the house, too."
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    adk19 said:

    It had something to do with closing on a house, which again, I understand, but geez, let someone know, and unfortunately I can't cancel the check because I very stupidly gave them cash...I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this is completely ridiculous.

    That's just weird. I own a house with my boyfriend. We're not married. We both own the house. One of the pages our lawyer gave us to sign she explained was, "so if you get married, you'll both own the house. Oh, wait, you're both on the paperwork right now. Um, how to explain this. If you both marry Different People, they'll own the house, too."
    It was more like not being able to close due to one of them having poor credit.
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    The spouse with the good credit should be able to apply for the loan without listing the other as a Co-applicant. When my mother worked in real estate they did it all the time. The only thing is (in OK it varies by state) that if they purchased the house that way and were legally married, the spouse not listed on the mortgage would still be entitled to half of any equity in the home, since purchase after marriage makes it joint marital property. Of course, if they did get legally married soon afterwards the whole thing really wouldn't matter, since both are entitled to whatever equity was built on the home after the date of marriage.

    The only thing I can think of is if the spouse with poor credit was needing to file bankruptcy. When filling Chapter 7 (in OK anyway) you have to qualify based on your income, and the entire household must be listed. If Sue makes $10k a year and has a mountain of debt, she can qualify. If she is married to Joe, who makes $70k per year, she has to divulge that and she no longer qualifies. In that case all that they would have needed was to file for bankruptcy before before the date of the wedding. You don't have to have the case closed out completely.


    Either way, that sucks for you. I am sorry :(
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    The spouse with the good credit should be able to apply for the loan without listing the other as a Co-applicant. When my mother worked in real estate they did it all the time. The only thing is (in OK it varies by state) that if they purchased the house that way and were legally married, the spouse not listed on the mortgage would still be entitled to half of any equity in the home, since purchase after marriage makes it joint marital property. Of course, if they did get legally married soon afterwards the whole thing really wouldn't matter, since both are entitled to whatever equity was built on the home after the date of marriage.

    The only thing I can think of is if the spouse with poor credit was needing to file bankruptcy. When filling Chapter 7 (in OK anyway) you have to qualify based on your income, and the entire household must be listed. If Sue makes $10k a year and has a mountain of debt, she can qualify. If she is married to Joe, who makes $70k per year, she has to divulge that and she no longer qualifies. In that case all that they would have needed was to file for bankruptcy before before the date of the wedding. You don't have to have the case closed out completely.


    Either way, that sucks for you. I am sorry :(

    BOXBOXBOXOBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX

    To the bolded - but wouldn't that mean that the only income used to qualify for the loan would be that of the spouse with good credit? Actually asking as I'm not 100% positive (we haven't started the house process yet), but if H and I were in that situation and I was the only applicant and therefore only my income was used to determine the loan amount, the amount we'd get approved for wouldn't buy us a damn thing in our area (H makes a little less than I do). If that was the situation for the couple in the OP, they may not have been able to get the house they'd put in an offer for if only one of them were on the application. Again, could be misinformed!

    Anyway OP, I agree that sucks and I would be SUPER pissed. My relationship with the couple would certainly be changing, to say the least.


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    edited November 2015

    The only thing I can think of is if the spouse with poor credit was needing to file bankruptcy. When filling Chapter 7 (in OK anyway) you have to qualify based on your income, and the entire household must be listed. If Sue makes $10k a year and has a mountain of debt, she can qualify. If she is married to Joe, who makes $70k per year, she has to divulge that and she no longer qualifies. In that case all that they would have needed was to file for bankruptcy before before the date of the wedding. You don't have to have the case closed out completely.

    In regards to bankruptcy, in Canada you can have one spouse file bankruptcy without the other filing or divulging their income information. Married or not.
    Payments depend on income, not whether you qualify. There are also consumer proposals {I work in a Bankruptcy Trustee's office}
    Also ... your credit is shot after filing bankruptcy or proposal.
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