Just Engaged and Proposals

Engaged two months, and I'm still hating my ring.

My FI proposed to me two months ago, and it was amazing and perfect in every way. Except the ring. It's my FMIL's engagement ring, and its my FI's family tradition for the ring to be passed from the groom's mother to bride, and has been going on for 4 generations at least, possibly more.

The thing is, its horrible, in my opinion, its not my style at all. I'm not into antique jewellery, I'm not a fan of gold on my skin tone, and I'm not a lover of diamonds, and is is all of those things, and its very fussy in my opinion; I've managed to scratch myself on it three times already. I've been trying to love it, or even like it, for the past two months, and I really just can't. I look at it and cringe.

Had FI picked it himself, I would have had no real issue telling him I didn't like it, if I'm being honest. But it's his mother's ring and his grandmother's ring, and I'm scared of offending both of them as well as FI. FMIL and I don't get on very well at the best of times, and are just beginning to start a real relationship, and I know if I reject this ring, it'll be a massive step-back in that relationship. But I also know I can't wear it for the rest of my life.

Re: Engaged two months, and I'm still hating my ring.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I think you should tell your fiancé how you feel.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I agree with PP, this is the man that is going to be your husband so you should be able to tell him how you feel. Did you let him think you were okay with the ring before he proposed, or had you discussed it at all?
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  • Sorry but I say get over it and quick. Plenty of people don't wear their e-ring for any day other than their anniversary once they're married. Just put up with it till then.
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    poodledoodleooo
  • Sorry but I say get over it and quick. Plenty of people don't wear their e-ring for any day other than their anniversary once they're married. Just put up with it till then.
    Why? She has a right to dislike something she didn't pick out and to pick something else out for herself that she pays for and wears. I think that's a lot better than just lying to her Fi and his family about her feelings about the ring.
    InLoveInQueens
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    I think you should tell your fiancé how you feel.
    Yes, this is something the two of you should discuss.  Did you know about this tradition before hand?

    Also, I think compromise can be important seeing that this is a family tradition.  Would you be willing to wear the ring for your engagement, and buy a wedding band that you love and wear exclusively after that?  If not, it's your and your FI's choice, but with that comes consequences, such as hurting your FMIL's feelings like you said.
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    thisismynickname2

  • AddieCake said:
    I think you should tell your fiancé how you feel.
    Yes, this is something the two of you should discuss.  Did you know about this tradition before hand?

    Also, I think compromise can be important seeing that this is a family tradition.  Would you be willing to wear the ring for your engagement, and buy a wedding band that you love and wear exclusively after that?  If not, it's your and your FI's choice, but with that comes consequences, such as hurting your FMIL's feelings like you said.
    I did know about the tradition beforehand, but was under the impression that FMIL intended it to be for FBIL's girlfriend, since they've been together longer than FI and I, and FMIL likes her more than me.

    justsie said:
    I agree with PP, this is the man that is going to be your husband so you should be able to tell him how you feel. Did you let him think you were okay with the ring before he proposed, or had you discussed it at all?
    He actually already knew that I don't really like this style of ring, and that I'm not fond of diamonds. We actually looked at engagement rings together a few months before he proposed, so he knew what I actually liked.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    veeteea said:

    AddieCake said:
    I think you should tell your fiancé how you feel.
    Yes, this is something the two of you should discuss.  Did you know about this tradition before hand?

    Also, I think compromise can be important seeing that this is a family tradition.  Would you be willing to wear the ring for your engagement, and buy a wedding band that you love and wear exclusively after that?  If not, it's your and your FI's choice, but with that comes consequences, such as hurting your FMIL's feelings like you said.
    I did know about the tradition beforehand, but was under the impression that FMIL intended it to be for FBIL's girlfriend, since they've been together longer than FI and I, and FMIL likes her more than me.

    justsie said:
    I agree with PP, this is the man that is going to be your husband so you should be able to tell him how you feel. Did you let him think you were okay with the ring before he proposed, or had you discussed it at all?
    He actually already knew that I don't really like this style of ring, and that I'm not fond of diamonds. We actually looked at engagement rings together a few months before he proposed, so he knew what I actually liked.
    Is FBIL planning on proposing?  If so, maybe you could pass the tradition back to him at that time and then you can get the style of ring you like after.
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    InLoveInQueenswink0erin
  • veeteea said:

    AddieCake said:
    I think you should tell your fiancé how you feel.
    Yes, this is something the two of you should discuss.  Did you know about this tradition before hand?

    Also, I think compromise can be important seeing that this is a family tradition.  Would you be willing to wear the ring for your engagement, and buy a wedding band that you love and wear exclusively after that?  If not, it's your and your FI's choice, but with that comes consequences, such as hurting your FMIL's feelings like you said.
    I did know about the tradition beforehand, but was under the impression that FMIL intended it to be for FBIL's girlfriend, since they've been together longer than FI and I, and FMIL likes her more than me.

    justsie said:
    I agree with PP, this is the man that is going to be your husband so you should be able to tell him how you feel. Did you let him think you were okay with the ring before he proposed, or had you discussed it at all?
    He actually already knew that I don't really like this style of ring, and that I'm not fond of diamonds. We actually looked at engagement rings together a few months before he proposed, so he knew what I actually liked.
    Is FBIL planning on proposing?  If so, maybe you could pass the tradition back to him at that time and then you can get the style of ring you like after.
    Not that I'm aware of, but that would be perfect if he was. I'll have to find out.
  • So your FI knew you didn't like the ring and didn't want it but gave it to you anyway? Why is this?
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    InLoveInQueensredoryx
  • justsie said:
    So your FI knew you didn't like the ring and didn't want it but gave it to you anyway? Why is this?
    I'd never actually seen the ring until he gave it to me, I've never seen FMIL wear it, I don't think it still fits her, so he didn't know I didn't like this particular ring. He gets me stuff a lot that I don't think I'm going to like and then love, and I'm pretty certain he thought it was going to be one of those things.
  • I agree with PPs that you should talk to him. I would suggest that you want a simpler (safer?) ring, and that you feel uncomfortable wearing diamonds (I assume ethical?). Maybe you can design something together for him to give you before the wedding - you get a wedding band and a new e-ring too?

    TBH in my circle of jewellery nuts, upgrading/changing your e-ring is quite common. Sometimes you don't love the way something turns out, and (imo) at the end of the day its just jewellery. It's the thought that counts - you're still getting married with or without this ring, so you may as well have one you like!
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  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz mod
    Moderator 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    You need to have a talk with FI. I know that it can be easier said than done, but you both need to be honest with one another. Just out of curiosity, can we see a picture of it?
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Everything that PPs said. I'd try to get a really wonderful wedding ring that you can wear after the wedding. If FMIL didn't even wear it, that says something...
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  • Do talk to him but soften the blow.  Talk about how honored you are but that this ring doesn't really suit you.  Ask him for suggestions. Don't just demand a new ring. 
    Knottie1442677185
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