Wedding Etiquette Forum

Celebration Party

13

Re: Celebration Party

  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
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    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    MyNameIsNot
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
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    I also don't compare these parties to birthday parties or graduation parties. With these parties you are celebrating one event multiple times.  When you have a birthday party you celebrate your birthday and you are done.  But then you don't turn around and have a second birthday party a month or so later because some people couldn't attend the first party.  Same with graduation parties.  You don't hear (or at least I don't) about people having multiple graduation parties. You have one and those that can make do and those that can't, oh well.

    But for some reason with weddings, people think that they need to have multiple parties in different locations so those that can't make it to the first one can attend the second or even the third.
    Agree. Another reason I dislike this idea.
  • littlepep said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    Mm. Disagree. I don't care if you want to host your own birthday or graduation party, as long as you are hosting properly. Don't ask me to bring food to your birthday party, but if you are hosting drinks and snacks, hell yeah I'll come party with you. 

    And really, anything can be seen as "about you" - housewarming, birthday, going away party, etc. 
    agreed. I have a birthday party every year, the adult way: I buy a lot of liquor and snacks, put together a kickass dance playlist, and invite all my friends over to drink with me. I never expect presents or anything, and no one seems to have a problem with it. I would do the same type of thing if I threw a party like this. 
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  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    littlepep said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    Mm. Disagree. I don't care if you want to host your own birthday or graduation party, as long as you are hosting properly. Don't ask me to bring food to your birthday party, but if you are hosting drinks and snacks, hell yeah I'll come party with you. 

    And really, anything can be seen as "about you" - housewarming, birthday, going away party, etc. 
    agreed. I have a birthday party every year, the adult way: I buy a lot of liquor and snacks, put together a kickass dance playlist, and invite all my friends over to drink with me. I never expect presents or anything, and no one seems to have a problem with it. I would do the same type of thing if I threw a party like this. 
    Yep! I do the same. I feed people and give them plenty drinks. No one brings gifts. Well, except my mom ha. 
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    charlotte989875SP29NotATotalBetty
  • I will 100% agree that a celebration of marriage does not hold the same level of "must attend" as a wedding itself. I *would* equate it to "Jon's 30th Birthday Bash"- it is just that, a party. I also understand what Banana is saying regarding time and children. I also agree that no one is going to cry them self to sleep because they weren't invited to a wedding ;)

    While the party host is free to invite whomever they want, I would agree that those from OOT are less likely to attend, and in general, the host may not get the turnout they desired. Which is fine too, but I don't think it makes it "wrong" that a couple would want to host a party for their friends and family.

    Perhaps I am thinking of a different style of party. This party would not be similar to a wedding reception. Sure, if you've got some cash, maybe you would rent a venue or rent out a room at a restaurant, or host drinks and apps at a bar (I recently attended a baby shower that was hosted at a restaurant- very well hosted and YUMMY, but a bit overkill IMO), but this doesn't have to be formal. It could also be a party at the couples' home. I would not expect (and likely not invite) someone from OOT to attend "Our first party as Mr. and Mrs. at our house". Guests would include friends and family, maybe some coworkers, that I would choose to invite to a large party for any other reason. This to me is much different from a wedding tour of receptions. 
    kimmiinthemittenpoodledoodleooo
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2015
    littlepep said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    Mm. Disagree. I don't care if you want to host your own birthday or graduation party, as long as you are hosting properly. Don't ask me to bring food to your birthday party, but if you are hosting drinks and snacks, hell yeah I'll come party with you. 

    And really, anything can be seen as "about you" - housewarming, birthday, going away party, etc. 
    agreed. I have a birthday party every year, the adult way: I buy a lot of liquor and snacks, put together a kickass dance playlist, and invite all my friends over to drink with me. I never expect presents or anything, and no one seems to have a problem with it. I would do the same type of thing if I threw a party like this. 
    Even if no one has a problem (or mentions the problem), it's still poor etiquette to throw a party in your own honor. 

    OP, I suggest you take some time to think about these comments. Although your plan is not an etiquette violation, it does have the ability to put some people off or cause some hurt feelings. You seem surprised that people wouldn't make this party a priority or really want to attend it. You don't want to be surprised when some of your friends and family share the sentiment with posters here. 


    PrettyGirlLostlc07
  • Dear TTTC 2016

    This board hosts a tough crowd, but I think your question is simple.  You are having an intimate ceremony with very close family only. No one is going to change your mind on that. You will take them out to dinner afterwards to have a meal and break bread as a family. That also sounds great.

    You want to host a party so that other can join you in celebrating your newly-wed status. That's cool too. Now here's the main point - When is it appropriate to have that. 

    I think you should space this party event out. 3-4 months after the wedding. The reason is because technically it's not part of the wedding.  And if you envision it as part of the wedding, you might want to re-evaluate if you are having the type of wedding you actual want. 

    I support the "Come party with the newlyweds angle" - but not the "Come celebrate our marriage party angle"

    I know it seems the slightly distinction but it is important that your extended friends and family know you want to see everyone and chat with them and eat with them, because YOU want to seem them as newlyweds, not because you want them to come and see you as a newlywed.

     This will lead to some questions and hurt feelings about why you didn't just have the bigger event wedding to start out with. And I think that's what the ladies are being sensitive about. 

    Have your party, host it well, make it about all the people you invite and enjoy their company because that's why i think you're doing this. You are making a major change in your life, and you want to see your social group afterwards to catch up, because it's a major deal.

    TTTC2016SP29
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    littlepep said:


    lc07 said:


    pinkcow13 said:

    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!

    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 

    Mm. Disagree. I don't care if you want to host your own birthday or graduation party, as long as you are hosting properly. Don't ask me to bring food to your birthday party, but if you are hosting drinks and snacks, hell yeah I'll come party with you. 

    And really, anything can be seen as "about you" - housewarming, birthday, going away party, etc. 

    I don't get your last point. . .all of those events *are* about you- your birthday, your house, you leaving. That's why technically you shouldn't host them in your own honor.

    Well except maybe the housewarming, I have no idea how those parties are supposed to go, no one has them in my circle.

    I enjoy weddings, which is the ceremony and the reception, and I'd rather attend an actual wedding than a celebration party after the fact. I agree with others that I view those parties the same as I'd view a birthday party or other random party.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    lc07SP29
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    But isn't that what a wedding is? I mean yea the reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony, but at the end of the day, if the couple paid for their own wedding, they essentially threw a  party to celebrate their marriage. It just happened to all be the same day, you know? 

    I just feel like if OP wants to do this, it's fine. She's not breaking any etiquette rules, and she's properly hosting the event. It's their money, and if this is how they want to spend it . Some people will not get it and will not attend, that's their choice. 

    For the record, I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple parties. I mean, where is the rule that you shouldn't celebrate your birthday, graduation, etc. on more than one day? 
    The reception being a thank you to guests attending the ceremony makes it a pass for me. I'm not a big fan of lots of spotlight couple stuff at receptions but I'm probably in the minority on that. 

    Miss manners limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime and is not approving of adult birthday parties every year. "This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." FWIW, I personally don't mind birthday celebrations each year, graduations, going away parties, etc as long as the guest of honor isn't the one hosting and throwing the party.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    But isn't that what a wedding is? I mean yea the reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony, but at the end of the day, if the couple paid for their own wedding, they essentially threw a  party to celebrate their marriage. It just happened to all be the same day, you know? 

    I just feel like if OP wants to do this, it's fine. She's not breaking any etiquette rules, and she's properly hosting the event. It's their money, and if this is how they want to spend it . Some people will not get it and will not attend, that's their choice. 

    For the record, I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple parties. I mean, where is the rule that you shouldn't celebrate your birthday, graduation, etc. on more than one day? 
    No, that's not what a wedding is. The wedding is an invitation to the ceremony to witness and event, followed by a reception thanking the guests for attending the ceremony. The notion that a reception is intended to celebrate the marriage is off base. 

    If she wants to throw a party just to throw a party, she's not breaking any etiquette rules. Throwing a party to celebrate her marriage is the same as throwing her own engagement party. It's not huge in the scheme of etiquette breaches, but it isn't in line with etiquette either. 
    lc07PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    But isn't that what a wedding is? I mean yea the reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony, but at the end of the day, if the couple paid for their own wedding, they essentially threw a  party to celebrate their marriage. It just happened to all be the same day, you know? 

    I just feel like if OP wants to do this, it's fine. She's not breaking any etiquette rules, and she's properly hosting the event. It's their money, and if this is how they want to spend it . Some people will not get it and will not attend, that's their choice. 

    For the record, I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple parties. I mean, where is the rule that you shouldn't celebrate your birthday, graduation, etc. on more than one day? 
    So agree with this. It's still a party about your life event (marriage). 

    I think you have a party for whatever you want as long as it's hosted. I don't see anything wrong with saying hey it's my birthday or hey i finally graduated! Come have food and drinks on me! Especially once you're married. It's all our money anyway so what's the difference between me "hosting" or my husband?

    While I personally wouldn't host a second marriage party, as long as the OP is hosting her guests properly, I see no issue. 
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
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    littlepep said:

    So agree with this. It's still a party about your life event (marriage). 

    I think you have a party for whatever you want as long as it's hosted. I don't see anything wrong with saying hey it's my birthday or hey i finally graduated! Come have food and drinks on me! Especially once you're married. It's all our money anyway so what's the difference between me "hosting" or my husband?

    While I personally wouldn't host a second marriage party, as long as the OP is hosting her guests properly, I see no issue. 
    It's because it's the same as saying "I'm throwing a party to Celebrate ME!!!!" and these events are gift giving events whether you want or expect gifts. It's tacky at best. 
    loro929
  • pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    But isn't that what a wedding is? I mean yea the reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony, but at the end of the day, if the couple paid for their own wedding, they essentially threw a  party to celebrate their marriage. It just happened to all be the same day, you know? 

    I just feel like if OP wants to do this, it's fine. She's not breaking any etiquette rules, and she's properly hosting the event. It's their money, and if this is how they want to spend it . Some people will not get it and will not attend, that's their choice. 

    For the record, I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple parties. I mean, where is the rule that you shouldn't celebrate your birthday, graduation, etc. on more than one day? 
    The reception being a thank you to guests attending the ceremony makes it a pass for me. I'm not a big fan of lots of spotlight couple stuff at receptions but I'm probably in the minority on that. 

    Miss manners limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime and is not approving of adult birthday parties every year. "This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." FWIW, I personally don't mind birthday celebrations each year, graduations, going away parties, etc as long as the guest of honor isn't the one hosting and throwing the party.
    Honestly, this is kind of ridiculous to me. So, if I graduate, get engaged, married, and have a birthday in the same year, I can only celebrate 3 of these events? And I'm sorry, I will continue to celebrate my birthday every single year for as long as I want. 

    We always say that invitations are not subpoenas. I do not find anything wrong with a friend inviting me to their birthday celebration every year, whether it is hosted or whether it is at a bar or restaurant. At the end of the day, if I can't go or don't want to, I just won't. And as long as they don't throw a hissy fit because I didn't attend, I wouldn't think my friend is childish or indulgent.

    Maybe this is more of a know your crowd thing? In my crowd, we celebrate birthdays each year and we know they are not gift giving events. And life event celebrations are celebrated and not frowned upon (unless of course there are other etiquette breaches of course!).
    Or maybe it's a case of we don't have to live-and-die by the arbitrary rules of Miss Manners on every single aspect of our lives. Don't be rude, don't break basic etiquette. After that, it's no one's damn business how often I celebrate my birthday or how many parties I throw in my lifetime.
    pinkcow13TTTC2016SP29InLoveInQueens
  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    But isn't that what a wedding is? I mean yea the reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony, but at the end of the day, if the couple paid for their own wedding, they essentially threw a  party to celebrate their marriage. It just happened to all be the same day, you know? 

    I just feel like if OP wants to do this, it's fine. She's not breaking any etiquette rules, and she's properly hosting the event. It's their money, and if this is how they want to spend it . Some people will not get it and will not attend, that's their choice. 

    For the record, I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple parties. I mean, where is the rule that you shouldn't celebrate your birthday, graduation, etc. on more than one day? 
    The reception being a thank you to guests attending the ceremony makes it a pass for me. I'm not a big fan of lots of spotlight couple stuff at receptions but I'm probably in the minority on that. 

    Miss manners limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime and is not approving of adult birthday parties every year. "This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." FWIW, I personally don't mind birthday celebrations each year, graduations, going away parties, etc as long as the guest of honor isn't the one hosting and throwing the party.
    Honestly, this is kind of ridiculous to me. So, if I graduate, get engaged, married, and have a birthday in the same year, I can only celebrate 3 of these events? And I'm sorry, I will continue to celebrate my birthday every single year for as long as I want. 

    We always say that invitations are not subpoenas. I do not find anything wrong with a friend inviting me to their birthday celebration every year, whether it is hosted or whether it is at a bar or restaurant. At the end of the day, if I can't go or don't want to, I just won't. And as long as they don't throw a hissy fit because I didn't attend, I wouldn't think my friend is childish or indulgent.

    Maybe this is more of a know your crowd thing? In my crowd, we celebrate birthdays each year and we know they are not gift giving events. And life event celebrations are celebrated and not frowned upon (unless of course there are other etiquette breaches of course!).
    Or maybe it's a case of we don't have to live-and-die by the arbitrary rules of Miss Manners on every single aspect of our lives. Don't be rude, don't break basic etiquette. After that, it's no one's damn business how often I celebrate my birthday or how many parties I throw in my lifetime.
    You hit the nail on the head, that's what I feel about some of the etiquette out there.
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    GlamQueenBridekimmiinthemitten
  • I am also for more parties, as you know ;)

    As long as you aren't lying to me or trying to trick me, and the party you are throwing is properly hosted, I'm in if I can make it!
    spockforprez
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    pinkcow13 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    lc07 said:
    pinkcow13 said:
    Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is. As long as the couple is not lying to their guests and properly hosting them, I say go for it! I personally would not be offended if I got invited to a celebration of someone's marriage. I love parties!  That's what the OP is doing, essentially throwing a party. I don't see how this is much different from a birthday, graduation, or ugly sweater party. I mean if they want to do it this way you don't have to "get it", kwim?

    If I was close enough to the couple, I would happily attend. And maybe UO here but while the ceremony is the most important part, let's be real, some ceremonies suck. Especially if I'm not close to the couple, or I don't even know them. I would much rather just be invited to the celebration party (because, parties).

    I think the OP is totally fine in doing this. She's not being rude in anyway, so I say party away!
    For me, it's like throwing your own birthday party or graduation party or anything where you are the guest of honor. You (general) just shouldn't throw a party to celebrate yourself or your accomplishments. That's what rubs me the wrong way. Every anniversary party I have ever been invited to has been hosted by someone other than the couple whose anniversary it is. 
    But isn't that what a wedding is? I mean yea the reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony, but at the end of the day, if the couple paid for their own wedding, they essentially threw a  party to celebrate their marriage. It just happened to all be the same day, you know? 

    I just feel like if OP wants to do this, it's fine. She's not breaking any etiquette rules, and she's properly hosting the event. It's their money, and if this is how they want to spend it . Some people will not get it and will not attend, that's their choice. 

    For the record, I personally don't see anything wrong with multiple parties. I mean, where is the rule that you shouldn't celebrate your birthday, graduation, etc. on more than one day? 
    The reception being a thank you to guests attending the ceremony makes it a pass for me. I'm not a big fan of lots of spotlight couple stuff at receptions but I'm probably in the minority on that. 

    Miss manners limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime and is not approving of adult birthday parties every year. "This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." FWIW, I personally don't mind birthday celebrations each year, graduations, going away parties, etc as long as the guest of honor isn't the one hosting and throwing the party.
    Honestly, this is kind of ridiculous to me. So, if I graduate, get engaged, married, and have a birthday in the same year, I can only celebrate 3 of these events? And I'm sorry, I will continue to celebrate my birthday every single year for as long as I want. 

    We always say that invitations are not subpoenas. I do not find anything wrong with a friend inviting me to their birthday celebration every year, whether it is hosted or whether it is at a bar or restaurant. At the end of the day, if I can't go or don't want to, I just won't. And as long as they don't throw a hissy fit because I didn't attend, I wouldn't think my friend is childish or indulgent.

    Maybe this is more of a know your crowd thing? In my crowd, we celebrate birthdays each year and we know they are not gift giving events. And life event celebrations are celebrated and not frowned upon (unless of course there are other etiquette breaches of course!).
    Or maybe it's a case of we don't have to live-and-die by the arbitrary rules of Miss Manners on every single aspect of our lives. Don't be rude, don't break basic etiquette. After that, it's no one's damn business how often I celebrate my birthday or how many parties I throw in my lifetime.
    You hit the nail on the head, that's what I feel about some of the etiquette out there.
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • edited November 2015
    Jen4948 said:
    pinkcow13 said:

    Or maybe it's a case of we don't have to live-and-die by the arbitrary rules of Miss Manners on every single aspect of our lives. Don't be rude, don't break basic etiquette. After that, it's no one's damn business how often I celebrate my birthday or how many parties I throw in my lifetime.
    You hit the nail on the head, that's what I feel about some of the etiquette out there.
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.
    particuliersylpheJediElizabethadwkslittlepep
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    Jen4948 said:
    pinkcow13 said:

    Or maybe it's a case of we don't have to live-and-die by the arbitrary rules of Miss Manners on every single aspect of our lives. Don't be rude, don't break basic etiquette. After that, it's no one's damn business how often I celebrate my birthday or how many parties I throw in my lifetime.
    You hit the nail on the head, that's what I feel about some of the etiquette out there.
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.

    Since you apparently didn't notice that the folder this thread is in is titled "Etiquette," it's really arrogant and out of place for you to demand here "Give me a freaking break" because you don't respect the rules of etiquette and don't plan to follow them.  You get no breaks.
  • edited November 2015
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    pinkcow13 said:

    Or maybe it's a case of we don't have to live-and-die by the arbitrary rules of Miss Manners on every single aspect of our lives. Don't be rude, don't break basic etiquette. After that, it's no one's damn business how often I celebrate my birthday or how many parties I throw in my lifetime.
    You hit the nail on the head, that's what I feel about some of the etiquette out there.
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.

    Since you apparently didn't notice that the folder this thread is in is titled "Etiquette," it's really arrogant and out of place for you to demand here "Give me a freaking break" because you don't respect the rules of etiquette and don't plan to follow them.  You get no breaks.
    Show me the source. You're the one who said these rules weren't composed by Miss Manners, so show me the source of the party rule. Where did it come from? You don't get to just scream etiquette and assume no one's going to challenge you on it because it's an etiquette board. Being an etiquette board doesn't mean that we all have to blindly follow asinine rules (and yes, I will continue to say it's asinine to disapprove of the number of parties an adult can host in his/her lifetime). And I repeat, give me a freaking break.
    particuliersylphe
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2015
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.

    Since you apparently didn't notice that the folder this thread is in is titled "Etiquette," it's really arrogant and out of place for you to demand here "Give me a freaking break" because you don't respect the rules of etiquette and don't plan to follow them.  You get no breaks.
    I can understand @GlamQueenBride's reluctance to believe that this bit of etiquette is meaningful advice. The only thing I could find about it online was: 
    "Perhaps you are confused by Miss Manners’s rule that limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime. This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." (via WaPo)

    I really don't understand how parties could be overtaxing, or appear childishly indulgent - particularly if you host everyone properly, and you don't expect anything like gifts. And why only three per adult lifetime? Assuming an 80 year life expectancy, that's one major party every 20 years. And statistically, most of us would use up two the first decade or two, if we have a graduation party and a wedding.

    Not trying to snark, I'm just really confused as to why this became etiquette to begin with, and why we should continue to follow it. I really wonder how it could damage relationships, or have any negative social repercussions at all.



    (eta because sometimes words get forgotten)
    SP29spockforprezKnottie18169567littlepep
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.

    Since you apparently didn't notice that the folder this thread is in is titled "Etiquette," it's really arrogant and out of place for you to demand here "Give me a freaking break" because you don't respect the rules of etiquette and don't plan to follow them.  You get no breaks.
    I can understand @GlamQueenBride's reluctance to believe that this bit of etiquette is meaningful advice. The only thing I could find about it online was: 
    "Perhaps you are confused by Miss Manners’s rule that limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime. This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." (via WaPo)

    I really don't understand how parties could be overtaxing, or appear childishly indulgent - particularly if you host everyone properly, and you don't expect anything like gifts. And why only three per adult lifetime? Assuming an 80 year life expectancy, that's one major party every 20 years. And statistically, most of us would use up two the first decade or two, if we have a graduation party and a wedding.

    Not trying to snark, I'm just really confused as to why this became etiquette to begin with, and why we should continue to follow it. I really wonder how it could damage relationships, or have any negative social repercussions at all.



    (eta because sometimes words get forgotten)
    Exactly. To arbitrarily decide this is etiquette so it must be followed is short-sighted at best. We don't even have a source for it, other than Miss Manners, and it makes no sense. This is a perfect example of people blindly following what they think is a rule and judging others who treat it for what it is - an arbitrary statement of judgment with no purpose or origin.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.


    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.

    Since you apparently didn't notice that the folder this thread is in is titled "Etiquette," it's really arrogant and out of place for you to demand here "Give me a freaking break" because you don't respect the rules of etiquette and don't plan to follow them.  You get no breaks.
    I can understand @GlamQueenBride's reluctance to believe that this bit of etiquette is meaningful advice. The only thing I could find about it online was: 
    "Perhaps you are confused by Miss Manners’s rule that limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime. This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." (via WaPo)

    I really don't understand how parties could be overtaxing, or appear childishly indulgent - particularly if you host everyone properly, and you don't expect anything like gifts. And why only three per adult lifetime? Assuming an 80 year life expectancy, that's one major party every 20 years. And statistically, most of us would use up two the first decade or two, if we have a graduation party and a wedding.

    Not trying to snark, I'm just really confused as to why this became etiquette to begin with, and why we should continue to follow it. I really wonder how it could damage relationships, or have any negative social repercussions at all.



    (eta because sometimes words get forgotten)
    I agree. Etiquette is about treating your guests equally, fairly, and generally not being rude. 

    I don't see how hosting more than 3 parties in your adult lifetime is a violation of any of that? 

    And what is the definition of a party? A dinner party? House party? So one should not invite friends over for dinner because it voids the 3 party quota if one had already graduated, gotten married and had a baby? What about Halloween and Christmas parties? Can Christmas only be celebrated once, or do social groups take turns hosting so as not run over their quota?
    GlamQueenBride
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers


    Jen4948 said:




    Jen4948 said:

    News flash: the rules aren't "arbitary" or composed by Miss Manners.  When she gets asked for etiquette advice, she issues it based on etiquette rules that already exist.

    No one is going to send you to jail or fine you for not observing etiquette, but you do run the risk of damaging relationships with other people when you choose not to, and that could have all sorts of long- and short-term repercussions.



    Give me a freaking break. As everyone has said, don't be rude, but subjective rules of etiquette are not set in stone, sorry to say. Who came up with the limit on parties in your lifetime? What is the source on that, besides Miss Manners? Please tell me because it's asinine and anyone who chooses to disrupt a friendship over it as you suggest is asinine as well.

    Since you apparently didn't notice that the folder this thread is in is titled "Etiquette," it's really arrogant and out of place for you to demand here "Give me a freaking break" because you don't respect the rules of etiquette and don't plan to follow them.  You get no breaks.


    I can understand @GlamQueenBride's reluctance to believe that this bit of etiquette is meaningful advice. The only thing I could find about it online was: 
    "Perhaps you are confused by Miss Manners’s rule that limits major adult celebrations to only three in a lifetime. This is so as not to overtax one’s friends and appear childishly indulgent." (via WaPo)

    I really don't understand how parties could be overtaxing, or appear childishly indulgent - particularly if you host everyone properly, and you don't expect anything like gifts. And why only three per adult lifetime? Assuming an 80 year life expectancy, that's one major party every 20 years. And statistically, most of us would use up two first decade or two, if we have a college graduation party and a wedding.

    Not trying to snark, I'm just really confused as to why this became etiquette to begin with, and why we should continue to follow it. I really wonder how it could damage relationships, or have any negative social repercussions at all.

    Well, it's always been a rule that you don't host parties of any kind in your own honor-or if you do, you issue the invitations using "host-less" wording, so to speak: "The pleasure of your company is requested" etc. because otherwise it could appear that you are asking for gifts, which is never polite. It's also considered immodest. There is a loophole, which is that you can always throw a party without specifying a reason for it, and presumably your guests will be savvy enough to realize that it's a party to celebrate your birthday or whatever without you having to specify it.

    Yes, different circles and crowds of people have their own customs and make their own exceptions. That's one thing. I don't side-eye anyone for throwing their own birthday parties. But that's me-not etiquette in general.

    That said, I do side-eye people who snark in a public forum "Give me a freaking break" or whatever when it comes to etiquette in general. For one thing, Miss Manners, Emily Post, Crane's et al didn't write the rules. They were developed over a long period of time, and they didn't come into being to inconvenience you (generic). Nor is anyone going to fine you, throw you in jail, or otherwise punish you for not following the rules to the letter.

    But the rules exist for a reason: to help keep things on an even keel when you're dealing with more formal situations, or with situations that involve people who are not part of your "circle" or your "crowd." An Internet forum like TheKnot that has people from everywhere posting in it, especially in a folder labeled "Etiquette," promotes these rules for that reason: they smooth out the bumps in interactions with other people. And sometimes not following them can have very serious repercussions, such as damaged relationships and lost friendships. It's up to everyone individually to decide if they want to take that risk when they decide to do something that doesn't follow etiquette, but no one is entitled to a "freaking break" when they declare that they don't and won't follow etiquette-especially in a thread in an "Etiquette" folder in a public forum.
    poodledoodleooo
  • edited November 2015
    Jen4948 said:

    Well, it's always been a rule that you don't host parties of any kind in your own honor-or if you do, you issue the invitations using "host-less" wording, so to speak: "The pleasure of your company is requested" etc. because otherwise it could appear that you are asking for gifts, which is never polite. It's also considered immodest. There is a loophole, which is that you can always throw a party without specifying a reason for it, and presumably your guests will be savvy enough to realize that it's a party to celebrate your birthday or whatever without you having to specify it. Yes, different circles and crowds of people have their own customs and make their own exceptions. That's one thing. I don't side-eye anyone for throwing their own birthday parties. But that's me-not etiquette in general.

    That said, I do side-eye people who snark in a public forum "Give me a freaking break" or whatever when it comes to etiquette in general. For one thing, Miss Manners, Emily Post, Crane's et al didn't write the rules. They were developed over a long period of time, and they didn't come into being to inconvenience you (generic). Nor is anyone going to fine you, throw you in jail, or otherwise punish you for not following the rules to the letter. But the rules exist for a reason: to help keep things on an even keel when you're dealing with more formal situations, or with situations that involve people who are not part of your "circle" or your "crowd." An Internet forum like TheKnot that has people from everywhere posting in it, especially in a folder labeled "Etiquette," promotes these rules for that reason: they smooth out the bumps in interactions with other people. And sometimes not following them can have very serious repercussions, such as damaged relationships and lost friendships. It's up to everyone individually to decide if they want to take that risk when they decide to do something that doesn't follow etiquette, but no one is entitled to a "freaking break" when they declare that they don't and won't follow etiquette-especially in a thread in an "Etiquette" folder in a public forum.
    First of all, I couldn't possibly care less if you side-eye me or not for posing a legitimate question/challenge about this so called etiquette faux pas when you have yet to provide a source. If Miss Manners didn't write this rule, then show me who did. You refuse to do that, which only leads me to believe that you, like the rest of us, have no idea where it originated or what anal-retentive person so obsessed with his/her friends' numbers of parties came up with it. So if there's no source and no legitimate reason, choosing to blindly follow it and side-eye others for it would be, in my view, considered poor etiquette. And yes, I will repeat for eternity "give me a freaking break" and I will side-eye anyone who blindly follows so-called "rules" that have no purpose and no origin other than arbitrary commentary instead of using their own common sense  in deciding how many parties a grown adult can host with his/her own money.
    switSwoo00
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:

    Well, it's always been a rule that you don't host parties of any kind in your own honor-or if you do, you issue the invitations using "host-less" wording, so to speak: "The pleasure of your company is requested" etc. because otherwise it could appear that you are asking for gifts, which is never polite. It's also considered immodest. There is a loophole, which is that you can always throw a party without specifying a reason for it, and presumably your guests will be savvy enough to realize that it's a party to celebrate your birthday or whatever without you having to specify it. Yes, different circles and crowds of people have their own customs and make their own exceptions. That's one thing. I don't side-eye anyone for throwing their own birthday parties. But that's me-not etiquette in general.

    That said, I do side-eye people who snark in a public forum "Give me a freaking break" or whatever when it comes to etiquette in general. For one thing, Miss Manners, Emily Post, Crane's et al didn't write the rules. They were developed over a long period of time, and they didn't come into being to inconvenience you (generic). Nor is anyone going to fine you, throw you in jail, or otherwise punish you for not following the rules to the letter. But the rules exist for a reason: to help keep things on an even keel when you're dealing with more formal situations, or with situations that involve people who are not part of your "circle" or your "crowd." An Internet forum like TheKnot that has people from everywhere posting in it, especially in a folder labeled "Etiquette," promotes these rules for that reason: they smooth out the bumps in interactions with other people. And sometimes not following them can have very serious repercussions, such as damaged relationships and lost friendships. It's up to everyone individually to decide if they want to take that risk when they decide to do something that doesn't follow etiquette, but no one is entitled to a "freaking break" when they declare that they don't and won't follow etiquette-especially in a thread in an "Etiquette" folder in a public forum.
    First of all, I couldn't possibly care less if you side-eye me or not for posing a legitimate question/challenge about this so called etiquette faux pas when you have yet to provide a source. If Miss Manners didn't write this rule, then show me who did. You refuse to do that, which only leads me to believe that you, like the rest of us, have no idea where it originated or what anal-retentive person so obsessed with his/her friends' numbers of parties came up with it. So if there's no source and no legitimate reason, choosing to blindly follow it and side-eye others for it would be, in my view, considered poor etiquette. And yes, I will repeat for eternity "give me a freaking break" and I will side-eye anyone who blindly follows so-called "rules" that have no purpose and no origin other than arbitrary commentary instead of using their own common sense  in deciding how many parties a grown adult can host with his/her own money.
    Two things: Why am I supposed to care about whether or not you care less about being side-eyed?

    And with an attitude like yours, why should I or anyone else in this forum give you a source for our positions when, if you stop your childish name-calling of us as "anal-rententive" or any other juvenile and immature name, you can find out for yourself in the same places we do if you bother to take the trouble.  Lowering yourself to the level of name-calling inspires no one here to want to do your homework for you.  Do it for yourself.
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