A bridesmaid and I have been friends since high school, and she’s always been a bit dramatic, but never done anything directly to me. Here is where we are at:
My sister is my MOH but young and in college, so bridesmaids have stepped in and taken over duties to help out. This bridesmaid offered to throw the bachelorette, and I was incredibly grateful, even when she insisted on throwing it at her house (doesn’t live around anything, but has a pool, and it was nice to offer) and didn’t ask for my input on much—that’s on me, I should have spoken up. But moving on.
2 weeks before, bridesmaid calls me upset that she can’t afford to front any of the reservation payments until the guests send her their money. The problem is that she made the RSVP date for 5 days before the event. I calm her down, and assure her that she will have everyone’s phone number and email by then, and can reach out if she hasn’t heard anything. I call my sister, who I know will reach out to our mom--someone who can get anything done under pressure--and explain that bridesmaid is upset, nothing is reserved, I feel uncomfortable getting involved, please help.
Mom calls bridesmaid and offers to front the money, people can just pay her back. Then bridesmaid gets weird. She starts pushing everything onto my sister, and is asking for my mom’s credit card number. Mom says she’ll talk to vendors directly (particularly, a limo/bus to take us to local wineries), bridesmaid seems miffed, but sends everything over and we’re rolling again. However, she can’t reserve anything until bridesmaid sends an itinerary, and then bridesmaid becomes incommunicado.
So we’re a week out, and nothing is reserved. The weather is looking like it will be nasty during the party. Since the pool would be out and we might be stuck with nothing to do (especially with nothing was reserved), and we live directly in the middle of a top 5 population U.S. city—she’s an hour outside of town—I texted her, verbatim: “Hey! Since the weather is going to be rocky, what if we moved the location to our house to be close to night out happenings? You could host from here and we’d be close to nightlife options should we decide to go that way. Either way, let me know! I’m excited!”
Done. I offered. It’s open ended. Now we had a plan either way. Then she calls me. And after she speaks for 5 minutes with no interruption (phone timer was ticking), she says: “Since you obviously don’t appreciate the hard work I have done, for the sake of our friendship, I need to back out of planning the bachelorette party.” This is 4 days before friends have taken time out of their lives to celebrate with me, some even flying in.
I ask for clarification, and she states: “had you just sent me the phone numbers when you brought it up, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.” So I’m more than a little taken aback, and tell her that I would love for her to still come and be a part of the day…and she interjects: “I really just need to separate myself from the situation.” Then she starts throwing blame at my mom and sister, claiming that: “when someone throws you a party, you should just let them do it.”
We hang up, and my heart just breaks. I’m hurt, crying, the whole bit. My friends, mom, sister, and even my fiance stepped in and threw me an amazing last minute bash. She doesn’t show up, and I’m thinking, ‘surely she’ll step down from being a bridesmaid, there is no way she’ll want to get ready and hang out with a bunch of my friends who know what she did.’ But I was wrong.
I didn’t hear from her until 3 weeks before the wedding, and she texts me asking about bridesmaid dresses (she is the only one who hasn’t gotten hers), and I don’t know what to do. Maybe she thinks that by staying in the wedding, she’s doing the right thing. But I don’t need any favors, much less pity from someone I considered a good friend that hurt me so badly.
I have searched all over the internet, and couldn’t find anything about a friend cancelling the bride’s bachelorette, and how to react if they want to still be in your wedding party. I know that if I ask her to step down, I’m the bad guy, and have to be ready to end the friendship. I think I am there, but need some advice and perspective. Should I just let it go and let her be a part of the day, or ask her to step down and come to the party as a guest? Does none of this matter in the long run?TL;DR: Bridesmaid throwing the bachelorette cancelled the party 4 days before the date. Seemed as though she was upset that other people were offering to help, and made the party all about her. Bride was hoping she would step down from bridal party, but she still plans on being a bridesmaid.