Eloping?

kayla2536

My fiance and I will be in Philadelphia (huge Eagle fans) Saturday, Dec 22nd - Christmas Eve. We have been engaged for almost a year (will be a year Christmas Eve) and are thinking about eloping but then having a big wedding on October 25th 2013. 



Darn, nevermind. City Hall isn't open on Saturdays. 

Any alternatives? 

Avion22

They day you get married is your wedding day.   If you elope, then you will be married.  The only way to have another "wedding" would be to get divorced in between.  

If you want to elope, then elope, and skip the big party later.  If you want the big wedding, then you should either wait until October, or re-schedule the big wedding for earlier if you don't want to wait that long.   

Summer2011Bride

Ditto PP. If getting married in Philly is important to you, then do that, but realize you have made a choice to make that your wedding and can't have a re-do or second wedding later next year. If you think you will regret not having friends and family with you on your wedding day, I would hold off until next year.

Can you do engagement pics in Philly instead so you can still incorporate it into your wedding somehow?

kayla2536

We could elope (which I don't think we can anyway, given city hall schedules and 3 day waiting period) and then just use the date in October as a party for our friends and family. 

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:bd4daf9d-b05a-48be-b606-9d724728d754">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]We could elope (which I don't think we can anyway, given city hall schedules and 3 day waiting period) and then just use the date in October as a party for our friends and family. 
Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

<div>If you do this, you can't wear a wedding gown or have bridesmaids/groomsmen or a first dance or anything associated with a wedding. Because you will have already had one. You don't get a do-over.</div>

Peavy

If you want a big wedding, then wait until October, or move the date up.  If you just can't wait and want to be married now, then do that.  But you need to choose one or the other.  You can't have both. 

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:c9c67df3-3eb7-49d3-9331-254e7283243b">Re:Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]What, exactly is the point of eloping if you want a big party with family and friends? I don't get it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Me neither.  If you want the big party with family and friends, why not just get married then and skip the City Hall thing?  If you need to get married at City Hall for insurance coverage or some other reason, that's your wedding-not the big party later.

kayla2536

Apparently I'm not good at getting my thoughts across here. 

Seems too many people are too concerned with etiquette and being traditional. 

Screw that. I'm not traditional. I don't care about proper etiquette. I care about my friends and family and love my fiance more than anything in the world. I'm going to stop asking for advice here because all I get is the "proper" thing to do. It's the end of the world (no pun intended!) if you go against the grain. 

At least that's what I've found, hopefully my experience will change. 

kayla2536

Plus I talked it over with some friends and family and they say go for it. They like the idea and totally understand. 

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:ee366129-da48-40db-bcf1-6d9c57c1eeae">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]Apparently I'm not good at getting my thoughts across here.  Seems too many people are too concerned with etiquette and being traditional.  Screw that. I'm not traditional.<strong> I don't care about proper etiquette. I care about my friends and family and love my fiance more than anything in the world.</strong> I'm going to stop asking for advice here because all I get is the "proper" thing to do. It's the end of the world (no pun intended!) if you go against the grain.  At least that's what I've found, hopefully my experience will change. 
Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

<div>If you care about your friends and family, then you really should concern yourself with proper etiquette.   It is possible to be "non-traditional" and still have a wedding that makes sense.  If you want to elope, then elope.  If you want a big wedding, then have a big wedding (now, or later).  You don't get more than one wedding day.</div>

PegLegTuna

People "renew their vows" ALL the time. I say if you want a special private ceremony for the two of you now, go for it. When you're ready for a big ceremony, have one! It's your relationship, your lives, and your memories. 

gmg75241

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:ee366129-da48-40db-bcf1-6d9c57c1eeae">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]Apparently I'm not good at getting my thoughts across here.  Seems too many people are too concerned with etiquette and being traditional.  Screw that. I'm not traditional. I don't care about proper etiquette. I care about my friends and family and love my fiance more than anything in the world. I'm going to stop asking for advice here because all I get is the "proper" thing to do. It's the end of the world (no pun intended!) if you go against the grain.  At least that's what I've found, hopefully my experience will change. 
Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

This!

Be non-traditional. Yes from reading ALOT of posts on the knot since joining, there are some that dont think this is good etiquette but since you said you family and friends agree with you, I dont see how etiquette comes to play here.You are not lying to anyone and everyone understands. More and more people are doing this. I was married in court 6months prior to my actual wedding. No issues. Considering people came and was able to eat and drink to their heart's content, they did not have a problem with my marrying early. Some people care about those minor things and some dont. Like you said, if your people dont mind, then go for it. Its your day but if you let others dictate how it should go, then it is no longer your day but theirs. Good luck and have a good day :)

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:e102afb9-1f56-4c59-a390-ecba9fc004c3">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]Plus I talked it over with some friends and family and they say go for it. They like the idea and totally understand. 
Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

<div>I have news for you. Of course they're not going to tell you to your face that this is a rude plan. But I guarantee they're thinking it.</div>

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:41d5d25c-05ca-434e-816b-bed0f580810e">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloping? : This! Be non-traditional. Yes from reading ALOT of posts on the knot since joining, there are some that dont think this is good etiquette but since you said you family and friends agree with you, I dont see how etiquette comes to play here.You are not lying to anyone and everyone understands. More and more people are doing this. <strong>I was married in court 6months prior to my actual wedding.</strong> No issues. Considering people came and was able to eat and drink to their heart's content, they did not have a problem with my marrying early. <strong>Some people care about those minor things</strong> and some dont. Like you said, if your people dont mind, then go for it. Its your day but if you let others dictate how it should go, then it is no longer your day but theirs. Good luck and have a good day :)
Posted by gmg75241[/QUOTE]

<div>Does your husband know that you consider the actual day you became his wife a "minor thing" and the day your wore a big dress and had a party your "actual wedding"?</div><div>
</div><div>I don't know when this started, but it's becoming more and more popular to care more about having a party and attention than about marrying your soul mate and beginning a life together. This is ridiculous, disgusting and probably part of why the majority of marriages will fail - no one seems to think about what it means to actually get married anymore. And that makes me sad. </div>

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:ee366129-da48-40db-bcf1-6d9c57c1eeae">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]Apparently I'm not good at getting my thoughts across here.  <strong>Seems too many people are too concerned with etiquette and being traditional.  Screw that. I'm not traditional. I don't care about proper etiquette. </strong>I care about my friends and family and love my fiance more than anything in the world. I'm going to stop asking for advice here because all I get is the "proper" thing to do. It's the end of the world (no pun intended!) if you go against the grain.  At least that's what I've found, hopefully my experience will change. 
Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I agree with PPs about etiquette and tradition being totally different things but I can see where you would get confused. Traditionally, people gave a rat's ass about their manners and other people. Something else that seems to have died. And again, makes me sad. </div>

PegLegTuna

Just think it's ironic that the people on here ranting about manners and etiquette are actually being kind of rude themselves...

OP: You know your family, friends, and situation. We don't, apart from what you've told us. I think, even with the somewhat hostile tones at times, there's been some solid advice as well as a wide range of opinions. I hope you found your answer! Best of luck with your decision :-) 

gmg75241

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:90cc51cb-b46a-4286-a359-3ff6e945e947">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloping? : Does your husband know that you consider the actual day you became his wife a "minor thing" and the day your wore a big dress and had a party your "actual wedding"? I don't know when this started, but it's becoming more and more popular to care more about having a party and attention than about marrying your soul mate and beginning a life together. This is ridiculous, disgusting and probably part of why the majority of marriages will fail - no one seems to think about what it means to actually get married anymore. And that makes me sad. 
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

Actually, HE was the one who said he didnt want the courthouse nuptials to be acknowledged until the actual wedding day 6 months later. He even wants us to celebrate our anniversaries on the wedding day rather than the day we went to court to do it.

Furthermore, we have been together for over 10 years so whether we were married or not, we were soulmates apparently. Marriages fail for reasons other than because they wanted a wedding.

And yes, getting married TO US was minor since we have been together for forever. At that point it was just writing on a paper TO US because regardless of if we were married or not, we would still be together with our wonderful children and home.

So  please unless you know my background/and or history, please refrain from questioning anything dealing with me or my marriage. Thank you and have a blessed day.

NYCMercedes

Um, excuse me. Cmg, you cannot tell people to refrain from questioning you when you have opened up yourself by posting. We can question you all we want. I am horribably offended by your dismissal with your "thank you and have a blessed day".

gmg75241

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:1ed93d9b-6201-4169-8bf7-c3cf4db189db">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, excuse me. Cmg, you cannot tell people to refrain from questioning you when you have opened up yourself by posting. We can question you all we want. I am horribably offended by your dismissal with your "thank you and have a blessed day".
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

Um, excuse me, you should not be offended by a post that was not concerning you. And considering I NEVER question anyone else in ANY of the posts I have made, I believe I deserve the same respect. I NEVER point anyone out nor do I disrespect anything anyone has to say. I gave my opinion to the original poster so no I dont believe I should be questioned about what I have done with my wedding or my husband has chosen to do.

Reason being...............................this post is not about me but SOMEONE ELSE who wanted opinions. Thats why I say refrain because people take the posts and change the intentions of the original posters when they nitpick someone else post inside the original post.It makes it about them rather than the person who originally started the post.

And like I always say, NOT AS A DISMISSAL, but how I end everything I do.....Have a good day.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:ee366129-da48-40db-bcf1-6d9c57c1eeae">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]Apparently I'm not good at getting my thoughts across here.  Seems too many people are too concerned with etiquette and being traditional.  Screw that. I'm not traditional. I don't care about proper etiquette. I care about my friends and family and love my fiance more than anything in the world. I'm going to stop asking for advice here because all I get is the "proper" thing to do. It's the end of the world (no pun intended!) if you go against the grain.  At least that's what I've found, hopefully my experience will change. 
Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think that this whole response comes off as terribly childish and immature. If all you get from TK forums is "the proper thing to do" and you instead want validation for your rude ideas then why did you post here?</div><div>
</div><div>It's definitely not the end of the world to go against the grain.There are many brides on here that have had weddings that don't follow the 'traditional' ceremony/dinner/dance criteria that most people do nowadays. However, you cannot have 2 weddings simply because you can't wait until October to get married.</div><div>
</div>

kayla2536

I can be polite and have manners without following "proper wedding etiquette." It is 2013 now and we do not need to follow in the footsteps of everyone in history before us. Our wedding will be casual and laid back. Not snooty, "proper," traditional and up-tight as many weddings that I have been to  seem to be. 

Many of you seem to have missed the part that the reason for him and I considering eloping was because we wanted it to be an extremely personal and intimate thing, just like our relationship. Too many people seem to be concerned with throwing huge elaborite expensive parties to impress and make other happy - that is not us. 

The idea would have been to elope and then throw a party for family and friends to celebrate with us. Not exactly a seccond "wedding," as I acknowledged earlier I apparently didn't get my thoughts across clearly. No sarcasm intended there. 

I still want to do it but my fiance is kind of 50/50. He has a large family and I don't want it to be something he regrets so we are going with a "normal" wedding. I put normal in quotes because it will be more like a party with a very, very brief ceremony then a fun party and after party once the reception ends. 

kayla2536

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:bd9a0009-cd6d-4781-b21d-5e59238980fd">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloping? : I have news for you. Of course they're not going to tell you to your face that this is a rude plan. But I guarantee they're thinking it.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>All of you seem to be calling me greedy and rude for considering eloping and telling me that the party isn't important about getting married, it's about my fiance and I committing to spending our lives together.

Well, I have news for you: the wedding should be about US and not making others happy necessarily. While I do not want to be rude, it is about us and not the XXX number of people in our family. We are personal, intimate, keep to ourselves people. 

</div>

kayla2536

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:501eb9e6-e620-4ea4-b8a3-584b6ee0e716Post:41d5d25c-05ca-434e-816b-bed0f580810e">Re: Eloping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloping? : This! Be non-traditional. Yes from reading ALOT of posts on the knot since joining, there are some that dont think this is good etiquette but since you said you family and friends agree with you, I dont see how etiquette comes to play here.You are not lying to anyone and everyone understands. More and more people are doing this. I was married in court 6months prior to my actual wedding. No issues. Considering people came and was able to eat and drink to their heart's content, they did not have a problem with my marrying early. Some people care about those minor things and some dont. Like you said, if your people dont mind, then go for it. Its your day but if you let others dictate how it should go, then it is no longer your day but theirs. Good luck and have a good day :)
Posted by gmg75241[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>THANK YOU. </div>

kayla2536

I also find it ironic that I get many more responses and 'advice' when I post something that is "rude/improper/non-traditional" and actually goes outside of the norm.