I spent one really exciting year planning my wedding. I had every detail figured out, spent all my free time designing and diy-ing, and counted down the days with so much anticipation. Then my grandfather passed the week before my wedding, and all the final details kind of fell to the wayside. I was struck with grief and couldn't bring myself to continue planning the wedding. A friend who had never officiated a wedding before was our officiant, and I had planned to work with her more in the weeks leading up to make sure our ceremony was everything we wanted, but that never happened. Our ceremony was short, casual, and kind of awkward (we didn't even have "I do's" because she forgot to write them into the ceremony and I never really got the chance to talk to her about it), and our timeline was all screwed up, leaving a lot of awkward waiting time during the reception (most people left before we even cut the cake... oh, and we forgot to purchase a cake topper, anyway).
At the end of the day, I'm really stoked to be married and our day was BEAUTIFUL, despite all the flaws... but I can't help but feel sad that the planning is over and I can't go back and fix those few last-minute details. In addition to the fact that my mourning period was kind of cut short, and now all those feelings about my grandfather are coming back up to the surface. I guess wedding planning was kind of my way of dealing with life's stress for a few months, and now I don't really have that outlet anymore. Life feels so bittersweet these days. I'm coming up on my first married holiday season, but it's also my first holiday season without my grandfather.
I don't really know what the point of this post is... I just feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it right now.