Is it rude that some of the wedding party didnt' give gifts?

[Deleted User]

I very much appreciate that our closest friends and family stood next to us on our wedding day, but I am curious if that also means they were exempt from gifts? I know money was not an issue but 3 of my 5 bridesmaids didn't send anything (one was married last year, too) and I'm just wondering if I'm in the wrong thinking it's rude that they didn't even send a card or say anything. I took care of a lot of their day-of obligations so they were only in charge of buying their dresses and shoes (personal choice, I didn't not pick anything specific for them to wear) and their makeup. Please let me know what you think, thank you!

SP29

No it is not rude they didn't give gifts.

Gifts are NEVER required, from anyone, at any time. It would be rude to expect gifts or to be put out because you didn't receive one. 

You choose your WP as people whom you would like to honour. Them being there and standing up with you should be gift enough. 

Just because you perceive your friends to be well off doesn't mean you know their finances. You don't know exactly how much they make, how much their rent or mortgage payment is, what they pay for their car, gas, groceries, if they have children in activities, etc. And maybe the reason why they are well off is because they budget well, and maybe buying shoes and a dress ate that budget up. It is not for you decide how someone else should, or if they can, spend their money.

Saying this, I think that a card is always a nice gesture that is easy and cheap to do. But there is nothing you can do about that now, so let it go. 

jacques27

Everyone is exempt from gifts.  Gifts aren't required and should not have been expected.  They are not rude, though you possibly are for bean counting.

Also, their outfits (and shoes and make-up - hair as well unless you wanted it styled a specific way) were the only thing that should have been required of them anyway - stop trying to martyr yourself by acting like you did them a solid for that.

jacques27

[Deleted User] said:

I very much appreciate that our closest friends and family stood next to us on our wedding day, but I am curious if that also means they were exempt from gifts? I know money was not an issue but 3 of my 5 bridesmaids didn't send anything (one was married last year, too) and I'm just wondering if I'm in the wrong thinking it's rude that they didn't even send a card or say anything. I took care of a lot of their day-of obligations so they were only in charge of buying their dresses and shoes (personal choice, I didn't not pick anything specific for them to wear) and their makeup. Please let me know what you think, thank you!

JIC since I forgot originally, though it appears they realized after two posts that they weren't going to get validated here.

SP29

Delete User already!

huskypuppy14

Do people not realize this is the etiquette board?

huskypuppy14

Shoes and makeup are never required only the dress.

AddieCake

Well, that was fast. 

drunkenwitch

Or maybe it cost so much to be in your wedding they had to choose between paying their rent or buying you a stupid toaster.

Heffalump

[Deleted User] said:

I very much appreciate that our closest friends and family stood next to us on our wedding day, but I am curious if that also means they were exempt from gifts?

No, it does not mean that.  Being exempt from something means that you were otherwise obligated to do it.  You can be exempt from paying income tax if your adjusted gross income falls below a certain number; some metered parking spaces are fee-exempt after 8 p.m. and on Sundays. 

No one was obligated to give you a gift, thus there is no such thing as an exemption.  The entire process is completely voluntary.

MyNameIsNot

If I were a bridesmaid and you expected me to pay to have my make-up done, I would consider that my gift to you. The dress is the only thing they should have had to pay for. 

Either way, gifts are never required. It's kind of sad that you feel the need to count up gifts. 

[Deleted User]

New record?