My FI and I are just getting started with the planning. We believe we have a venue (yay!!) which everyone has said was the first step. We have recently been talking about the guest list.. A couple has come into question that I feel should be invited, I have known them since I was 5, the husband is now my boss and mentor. He has been amazing at helping me get my foot in the door for my career. Unfortunately there was some drama between him and my future Father in law. They no longer speak after being friends for about 10 years. When the FI and I were talking I mentioned I felt it important to invite them knowing what had happened, he agreed and said if it is important to you than I am ok. The future father in law has recently told my FI that he would rather have someone who is not invited do to a different falling out than this couple. He did say he would be ok if they came he is an adult and would just focus on us.... But if he didn't come then he wouldn't have anything to worry about. I am torn about what to do, I feel strongly they should be invited but don't want to ruffle any feathers with my future in laws or my FI. He stands by his dad, and also has ill feelings about this couple because of that happened with his dad but has said if I believe they are that important then they should be invited. Should I just take that as it is and stop over thinking the situation? Any advice on the subject would be greatly appreciated. I knew the guest list would be difficult but I didn't realize it would hit this fast.
Re: Guest list conundrum
I think you're overthinking this. Just invite them.
All of that said, OP, you are doing this ALL backwards. I'm not sure who told you the venue is the first step but they were incorrect. The first step is the guest list, then you pick a venue.
He's already told you he can act like an adult for one day. Unless he's given you some reason to think this is not true, take him at his word. If this other guy is your boss and mentor, I'll go out on a limb and assume that he is also mature enough to act like an adult for an evening.
Invite him and just don't seat them near each other. Unless there are less than 20 people in the room, they'll have no reason to even speak to each other if they don't want to. And even if they do, two adults can have brief niceties without it being an incident.
I agree, then. Your FFIL gets no say.
You have a relationship with this couple that exists without your FFIL. You've known this man from the time you were basically in kindergarten. How does your mom feel about it? I'd imagine she has some sort of relationship with him, be it business or what not. This is your boss and mentor. Are you inviting other colleagues? Sometimes this could pose professional consequences.
FI is in a tough situation. This man has had some problems with his dad, but at the same time, should be grateful for how he has treated his future wife.
This man knows there is bad blood between him and your FFIL. He may be just as uncomfortable about the situation. Frankly, even if invited, I would be willing to bet he doesn't come. He's done a lot to help you, and sounds like he has your best interest at heart. These men are important to you and should be able to act like adults on your wedding day.
I would still invite him. If he plans on coming, seat him with your side of the family or your colleagues, far away from your FFIL. If you think it will help (and only if it will help), maybe even approach your FFIL and say "thanks for being okay with me inviting my boss. I know it's a hard subject, and I appreciate you being understanding of how he has played a major role in my life. thank you for being a good father."