Wedding Party

Bridesmaid love

KnotCat2016KnotCat2016 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
edited December 2015 in Wedding Party
No problems! I love life and know I did the right thing. 

Now for the fun creative of uneven side photos :-)

Re: Bridesmaid love

  • I wouldn't worry about even sides. They're not required.

    If you asked someone to be your bridesmaid, regardless of how awkward you felt about it, then you can't unask them. It's a friendship-ending, relationship-damaging move. Nor can you replace them, because that's a slap in the face to both the old and the new bridesmaid.

    That's part of why we don't advise asking anyone earlier than six to eight months before the wedding. Relationships can change. And it's also not appropriate to "add" someone long after you've asked everyone else.

    That said, you should never feel obligated to ask anyone to be your bridesmaid, no matter how much drama it might cause if you don't. No one is entitled to be a bridesmaid-not a sister, FSIL, cousin, niece, daughter, BF, or whomever. And this is one of the few areas of wedding planning where paying does not give anyone else a say. It's strictly up to you.

    Honestly, although I think you would have been perfectly justified in asking this other woman to be your bridesmaid when you asked everyone else, I think the ship has sailed for that. But you should not have asked your FI's brother's wife if you don't feel close to her. You had no obligation to do so no matter how much drama it caused with your FI's family. But asking her to step down will cause drama - and it will be justified. I'm sorry, but you can't politely ask her to step down-especially to be replaced.
  • You've kind of answered your own question here - don't be that bride. Simple.

    What you are proposing is hurtful at best, I'm not sure why you would consider doing that to someone you say you adore. Please take a moment to consider how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. I'm thinking hurt and probably humiliated would be the top two contenders. I doubt I'd feel like humbly stepping down and remaining a cheerleader for your happiness. There is no good way to do this, so just don't.

    Also, why are so many people concerned about even sides?? Do your guests take a head count?
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    So I had a perfectly even bridal party (4 and 4) and wanted to add one more woman but my fiance only has four close male friends. Well, after making fun of huge wedding parties, I saw a woman whom I adore that was on my short list at one point as a bridesmaid but was decided as a non-contender because it would cause possible drama with my soon - to -be family in law because I would have asked one of the groomsmen's wives that I became close to and not my fiance's brother's wife, who I am not so close with. I asked her to stand up feeling awkward but it now makes the wedding party uneven even though my fiance was on board at the time when I decided to spontaneously ask her, but now it throws everything off. I feel she'll be totally okay if I ask her to humbly not be part of it, however, she'd be such a great fun addition and a cheerleader for my happiness and willingness to make the engagement a fun one! Everyone says it's tacky to take pack the invitation which I agree, but is it okay to do if it could possibly cause fiance family drama?

    At the end of the day, it's really my decision I feel. But I don't want to be THAT bride :-)
    You asked her.  You cannot un-ask her.  This would be horribly rude!  No wiggle room on this one.
    Who told you there should be even sides at the altar?  Not true at all.   You seem to be more worried about how your bridal party will look than you are about people's feelings.  Not very nice.
  • edited November 2015
    If you truly care about arbitrary numbers more than this supposedly 'adored' friend, you should do her a favor and tell her so point-blank. If you actually care about not hurting her feelings you will get over your number fixation instead.

    ETA: And how hurtful for her that you're on here talking about how you 'accidentally' added her. Ouch. I'm sure she'd love to know that's how you feel.
    InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • Kicking her out would not be tacky. It would be horribly mean and humiliating. And no matter how you try to sugar coat it, you would be kicking her out. She would know that you did it because you care more about even sides than about her. The chances of your friendship surviving that kind of hurt are pretty slim. If she even read what you had written here, you'd probably lose her as a friend. No one wants to be included in your friends as a space filler or a cheerleader. 

    Even sides do not matter. Someone else's opinion that you should ask a SIL that you aren't close to don't matter. You ask your nearest and dearest, your FI does the same. End of story. 
  • If you kick her out of your WP, you will probably not only impact your relationship with this BM, but you will also impact your FI's relationship with this GM. 

    Put up with the family drama.  All you need to say is that you picked your nearest and dearest to be in the WP.  This is your FI's family, so if he really wanted his SIL to stand up in the WP, he can ask her to stand on his side!

  • ........You had a short list for your bridesmaids? 
    InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]Heffalump
  • I can't get passed "a cheerleader for my happiness" without throwing up a little.

    Wait, are cheerleaders required at weddings now? I seriously csn not keep up with all the latest trends. Can they cheer in their bridesmaids dresses or is s separate outfit required?

  • JCocco219JCocco219 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2015
    When you choose your WP, you are choosing the people that mean the most to you and have been important people in your life and who you wish to have standing by your side on your day.  It is not who is your best "cheerleader" or who can i ask to make my numbers even.  I see so many posts about asking and un-asking people to be in your WP, it is rude and tacky.  
    Asking people to be in my WP was probably one of the easiest parts of wedding planning, it was a no brainer! I just dont get it!
    End of rant! lol
  • Everyone is absolutely 100% accurate and I can't believe I didn't know who I was.

    I freaking love my wedding party and I usually live with no regrets and I clearly made a fool of myself over something in my heart I was already happy with! Societal norms really short circuited my brain and I'm glad wonderful brides like all of you brought me back to reality!

  • You've made a great decision, here's to uneven sides!
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