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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Looking for priest to perform wedding ceremony outside of church in Youngstown, OH
Hi- I am getting married in Youngstown, OH in September and we are planning an outdoor ceremony. It is important to my family that we have a Catholic ceremony, however it is my understanding that at priest will no officiate a wedding outside of a church. Can anyone recommend a retired priest or someone willing to perform the ceremony. Any other alternative suggestions welcome as well.
Thanks!
Thanks!
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Re: Looking for priest to perform wedding ceremony outside of church in Youngstown, OH
You'll have to decide for yourself which matters more to you: outdoor wedding or Catholic wedding.
Keep in mind, if you do not marry in the church, you will no longer be able to receive communion.
If this is something you're doing to appease your family, you need to be honest with them.
If you think about it makes sense. Except for last rights, every other sacrament is done in the church. Why would the sacrament of marriage be any different?
Both DH and I were raised Catholic, but are not longer practicing. We are not anti-Catholic or anti religion in general. We just do not attend church unless it's a wedding, funeral or a holiday we are around family.
We wanted a beach wedding and found a former priest who now officiates weddings. It made our parents happy a Catholic officiated. We didn't really care there was some religious components. It is NOT recognized by the Catholic church and we were fine with that. (we got married in NJ, so not much help for you).
Like Holy said, you need to ask yourselves some questions. Do you want to be a good Catholic? Do you plan on raising your kids Catholic? If yes, then you should go through the proper steps of the sacrament. That includes getting married in a church.
If you are only doing this to make your parents happy, then be honest with them. Tell them you do not want to be a good Catholic. It's the adult thing to do.
Please understand that regardless of who officiates, this will NOT be a Catholic ceremony. It may have some undertones of Catholic prayers and readings, but it will not follow a Mass protocol because it cannot. Nothing replaces a Catholic ceremony.
To be honest, as a Catholic with two married children, such an idea would not placate me. While my daughter married in a full nuptial Mass, my son married in a secular courtyard ceremony. They are two completely different people. Their ceremony was a reflection of who THEY are as couples. It should NOT be based on what parents want or expect. A retired priest, in my opinion, is no different than a secular officiant. It may take on a more prayerful or spiritual atmosphere, but it has NO significance to the church, or your standings in it.
My friend who had the ceremony was in very good standing with her church and she and her FI had a lot of hoops to jump through to be able to have their wedding outside.
It's not that it's outside is the issue for the Catholic church. It's the lack of a altar. That is why the Pope can say masses outside, because there is an altar (I forget the correct term, but you can't just throw up a table and call it an altar).
To me that is just a man made excuse. No one will ever convince me that Jesus or God him/herself would make a couple get married in a building. Buildings do not make churches. People do. People can be anywhere.
The Catholic church says god created the sky, the sun, the grass, the trees, the flowers, etc. And yet the Catholic church wants you to believe god would rather you get married in a man made structure? I don't buy it. At all.
I've been to Mass in quite a few odd places. I've been to Mass on a cruise ship. I've been to Mass in several convention centers, hotel ballrooms, school auditoriums, etc. I've been to a mass outdoors where the "altar" was a rock. (Granted, the rock was quite large). Neither the cruise ship nor the convention center had a real altar ... it was often just a table that the venue had available. Those venues were out of necessity. When it was at a convention center, we had over 3,000 people there from across the country for a conference. A large convention center was the only option. When we were on a cruise, the ballroom on the cruise ship was the only option. When we were outdoors, we were on a pilgrimage and were visiting ruins in Greece. Again, where we were was the only option. All of these scenarios were exceptions to the rule ... I'd say it accounts for < 3% of the Masses I've attended in my lifetime (I'm 36).
People don't opt to have a Mass outside just because it's pretty; it's done when the physical church isn't really a viable option.
The key point is that a Catholic wedding location is not about the physical venue, but about the fact that the physical church is where the community of faith gathers to worship and celebrate most of the sacraments. If I were to go to St John's down the street and say that I wanted to get married there because I liked how it looked better than how it looked at my church, there would be raised eyebrows. My husband & I got married at the church we were attending at the time. I had been involved there for many years (he had just moved to Houston, so it was new for him) and it was incredibly special to know that it was our spiritual home. I dreamed of coming to Sunday Mass with my children one day at that church and saying that's where their mom & dad got married. We have since switched parishes for various reasons and have not been able to have children yet, but I had strongly hoped that I would be able to say that one day.
I hope this all helps!
If I can attend mass for 20 months in a public middle school cafeteria, I think they can figure out how to a sacred place outside, not in a man made building.
All of the altars that the Pope used during the masses outside of standing churches all were consecrated altars. They didn't just throw up a table and call it an altar. It had to have used the correct stone or materials, plus must have been consecrated.
Since you need a consecrated altar to received sacraments, they make you do them in a church.
I didn't pick the beach just because it's pretty, anymore than my sister picked her beautiful Catholic church (family church, parents got married there too). I feel more connected to God outside. Really. I feel more of connection to him looking at the trees, flowers, sky, etc that he created then inside a building.
We were on pilgrimage in Greece and were quite literally in the middle of nowhere visiting ruins. The priest may have said a blessing prior to the Mass which may have "counted" as consecrating it, but I was not aware of it. Likewise, when we were on a Caribbean cruise with our church, our pastor said Mass on the cruise ship while we were at sea. I think we were in one of the "lounges" that they use in the evening for entertainment. Again, they used whatever the cruise ship provided.
When I hear references to consecrating an altar, I think of what happens when a new church is built and the bishop comes for the official consecration. It's quite an elaborate ordeal. Also, most altars have a relic of some sort built into them. This is an explanation provided by a super-conservative priest (he makes me look like a raging liberal! http://wdtprs.com/blog/2015/06/ask-father-relics-consecrated-altars-and-liceity-of-mass/
The situations I mentioned above were definitely out of the norm, however.
Ordination of Catholic priests is also a sacrament. While older priests may not have a congregation, they never retire. They are priests for their lifetime.
OP, I still want to know why having an outdoor ceremony is so important to you!
There are probably lots of good Catholics out there who have weddings in churches when their personal preferences would have been to have them elsewhere. It's really no one's business why they would have preferred to have them elsewhere but let the Church make the decision for them where the wedding would be. They don't have to justify why they would have preferred to get married somewhere else. And nobody else owes you an explanation for why getting married wherever is important to them.
And I disagree with your statement regarding "good Catholics". If, by "good" you mean "faithful", then that bride would not consider it as she would already understand the tenets and requirements to having a sacramental marriage.
And I disagree with your statement regarding "good Catholics". If, by "good" you mean "faithful", then that bride would not consider it as she would already understand the tenets and requirements to having a sacramental marriage.
Just because it's important to her family for the OP to have a sacramental Catholic marriage doesn't mean it's important to the OP or her FI. If it was, she wouldn't even be thinking about getting married any other way, let alone asking about it on an Internet forum. And it's not up to her family whether or not she gets married in a Catholic ceremony-this is one of the few areas of wedding planning where paying does not confer a say. If they refuse to attend a non-Catholic ceremony, that's their choice and the OP will have to accept that.
We're always telling posters that when it comes to the ceremony, this is the one part of a wedding that is strictly up to them and not to make it a religious ceremony if they don't actually share those beliefs, because it's disrespectful to that religion to marry in its ceremony or house of worship if you don't believe in its teachings.
If a sacramental Catholic wedding isn't the kind of wedding the OP (and presumably her FI) wants, then she'll have to accept that the Catholic Church won't consider it a valid sacramental marriage. It might be nice if they did, so there aren't so many couples asking how to have a wedding that has personal meaning and significance for them in a non-Catholic ceremony while trying to stay Catholic. That the Church is so strict about the weddings it allows is its privilege. Fair enough.
But no one owes anyone else a defense of why whatever kind of wedding she does want is important to her simply because she's Catholic and the ceremony she'd rather have isn't. It's totally reasonable to just tell the OP, "I'm sorry, but the only way to have a Catholic wedding is to marry in a Catholic church in a ceremony that follows the Catholic Church's rules and traditions" if that's the position you (generic) want to take. But if it is, then why an outdoor wedding is important to her is not your (again generic) business.
They were having a wedding for 350 people, the groom was not from the same city as the Bride originally and most of his family was from out of country. The bride and groom lived in the bride's city as they met at work. The bride's church is very small and would not hold all the people on their guest list. They petitioned the Bishop to hold the ceremony at the same place as the reception with the priest that she has known since she was a child. The venue had a beautiful outdoor location that would fit everyone and had an area if it rained. She was in good standing so the request was taken under consideration and granted.
There were special circumstances in this case, but it was still a lengthy process and if she had not been a regular church member, it would not have happened.
http://www.ohioweddingminister.com
If being in good standing with the Roman Catholic Church is not of concern, I highly recommend Father Stephen. He can offer a ceremony that will feel Catholic outside the church, but you will not be in good standing with RCC afterwards. GL!
If parents are in an invalid marriage, their children can be baptized in the Catholic Church provided the following conditions are met:
"That the parents, or at least one of them, or the person who lawfully holds their place, give their consent;
"That there be a well-founded hope that the child will be brought up in the Catholic religion. If such hope is truly lacking, the baptism is, in accordance with the provisions of particular law, to be deferred and the parents advised of the reason for this.
"An infant of Catholic parents, indeed even of non-Catholic parents, may in danger of death be baptized even if the parents are opposed to it" (Code of Canon Law 868).
http://www.catholic.com/quickquestions/if-parents-are-in-an-invalid-marriage-can-their-children-be-baptized-in-the-catholic-----------
A priest friend once said that a child should never be denied grace through baptism. However, if a couple is not validly married in the church, I imagine the priest / deacon baptizing the child would likely talk with them regarding their role as parents and what they will be promising to do during the rite of baptism.
Our pastor was very concious of the mixed marriage couples at our church and took care in reaching out to the non-Catholic partners, paid special homage to them whenever their children received a new sacrament. He was a typical strict Irish Catholic priest who didn't mess around with the rules, but he was also a good Shepherd.
That said, I am no longer a practicing Catholic, but I hate to see inaccurate information put out there.
If parents are in an invalid marriage, their children can be baptized in the Catholic Church provided the following conditions are met:
"That the parents, or at least one of them, or the person who lawfully holds their place, give their consent;
"That there be a well-founded hope that the child will be brought up in the Catholic religion. If such hope is truly lacking, the baptism is, in accordance with the provisions of particular law, to be deferred and the parents advised of the reason for this.
"An infant of Catholic parents, indeed even of non-Catholic parents, may in danger of death be baptized even if the parents are opposed to it" (Code of Canon Law 868).
http://www.catholic.com/quickquestions/if-parents-are-in-an-invalid-marriage-can-their-children-be-baptized-in-the-catholic-----------
A priest friend once said that a child should never be denied grace through baptism. However, if a couple is not validly married in the church, I imagine the priest / deacon baptizing the child would likely talk with them regarding their role as parents and what they will be promising to do during the rite of baptism.
Woah woah- it's official cannon law that it's cool to baptize babies even when their parents are opposed to it? That's messed up. I hope priests don't actually do this.
In the Virgin Islands for example, they were happy to do destination weddings. As long as you follow all the rules (pre-cana, etc.)
I went to a Catholic wedding in Austria. The bride is from Austria. However, they were married in the states for immigration reason. They had to go through all the normal steps to have a Catholic wedding. Their priest at home and the one in Austria were in contact to make sure everything was done properly.
Note- in Austria you want to have a religious ceremony, you also have to have civil one. So regardless if they got married in the states first or not, they would have had 2 ceremonies. 1 civil and 1 catholic.
If parents are in an invalid marriage, their children can be baptized in the Catholic Church provided the following conditions are met:
"That the parents, or at least one of them, or the person who lawfully holds their place, give their consent;
"That there be a well-founded hope that the child will be brought up in the Catholic religion. If such hope is truly lacking, the baptism is, in accordance with the provisions of particular law, to be deferred and the parents advised of the reason for this.
"An infant of Catholic parents, indeed even of non-Catholic parents, may in danger of death be baptized even if the parents are opposed to it" (Code of Canon Law 868).
http://www.catholic.com/quickquestions/if-parents-are-in-an-invalid-marriage-can-their-children-be-baptized-in-the-catholic-----------
A priest friend once said that a child should never be denied grace through baptism. However, if a couple is not validly married in the church, I imagine the priest / deacon baptizing the child would likely talk with them regarding their role as parents and what they will be promising to do during the rite of baptism.
Woah woah- it's official cannon law that it's cool to baptize babies even when their parents are opposed to it? That's messed up. I hope priests don't actually do this.
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Let me be more clear. If parents bring a child to be baptized and they are in a marriage not recognized by the church, the priest would likely counsel them regarding what their role is as Catholic parents. If a bossy grandmother showed up with the child against the wishes of the parent, then the priest would say that the parent needs to be involved.
ETA: I assume that last bit of Canon law is troubling you. Note that it refers to the child being in danger of death. That said, the priests I know would not do that with an infant whose parents strongly opposed baptism.
Some larger or well known city cathedrals may also allow non-parishoners to marry, but will often have limitations on dates and times.
The bottom line is that if you wish to marry in a Catholic ceremony and are not currently a member of a parish, it is best to do your homework and speak directly to the parish priest.