Wedding Invitations & Paper

Uh Oh... Sent Save The Dates But...

My fiancé and I recently sent out save the dates for our October 2016 wedding, as quite a few guests will be needing to make travel arrangements. We plan on inviting everyone we sent save the dates to, however-There is ONE person we don't quite want to invite anymore... This is someone I was once very close with-childhood best friends-But we speak less than once a year at this point. I invited her because I have always pictured her there on my wedding day-but now I am rethinking this. I have messaged her twice on facebook about some wedding stuff (she doesn't respond to my texts, and if she does it's several days to a week later-and she doesn't answer when I call), and both facebook messages are marked as read, yet she hasn't responded to either... Is it totally out of the question for me to not send her an invitation when the time comes if I still have not her from her by then?

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Re: Uh Oh... Sent Save The Dates But...

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    My fiancé and I recently sent out save the dates for our October 2016 wedding, as quite a few guests will be needing to make travel arrangements. We plan on inviting everyone we sent save the dates to, however-There is ONE person we don't quite want to invite anymore... This is someone I was once very close with-childhood best friends-But we speak less than once a year at this point. I invited her because I have always pictured her there on my wedding day-but now I am rethinking this. I have messaged her twice on facebook about some wedding stuff (she doesn't respond to my texts, and if she does it's several days to a week later-and she doesn't answer when I call), and both facebook messages are marked as read, yet she hasn't responded to either... Is it totally out of the question for me to not send her an invitation when the time comes if I still have not her from her by then?

    Yes, you still need to invite her.  

    What type of messages are you sending her regarding your wedding?  Focus on maintaining the friendship outside of your wedding.  
    [Deleted User]ILoveBeachMusicSTARMOON44Heffalump
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So since she hasn't tried to sleep with your FI or stole money from you or assaulted you or any of your other guests, then there is no reason to not invite her.  Send her the invite.  If she comes, great.  If not, oh well.  But the fact that you haven't talked to her in awhile is not enough reason to uninvite someone from your wedding, because in the end you will come off looking like the nut.

  • Looks like she's invited to your wedding!

    I guess the upside here (if you want to look at it that way) is that since she is ignoring your messages she might not want to come after all. And if she does then you'll say thank you for coming, she'll tell you she loves your dress...not much more is required unless you feel otherwise. Don't stress about this one.
                 
    [Deleted User]Username100108Heffalump
  • YOU sent her the STD.  YOU take the responsibility, and invite her to your wedding, as you had promised when you sent the STD.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    While I agree with PP's I also wanted to add -change your username, this is an open, public forum.
    image
    spockforprez
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2015
    If you sent her a save-the-date, then you need to follow through with an invitation regardless of how close you are to her or how often you have contact with her.

    Edited to add: OP, please don't use your real name in your screen handle.
  • I probably should've made it more clear... Her and I have not been close for quite some time now. I'm not considering NOT inviting her simply over facebook messages. lol
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  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I probably should've made it more clear... Her and I have not been close for quite some time now. I'm not considering NOT inviting her simply over facebook messages. lol
    Doesn't matter.  You sent her the STD, and now you have to invite her.  It's your bad for sending a STD to someone you weren't close to.  


    image
    CMGragainSTARMOON44
  • Look at it this way: if she's still not answering your FB messages by then, she's probably not taking the time to come to your wedding. Invite her. You won't look bad, and you'll probably get the same result.
    holyguacamole79spockforprez
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Did you sleepwalk to your desk to write her address, and then trip with a stamp and have it fall into the postbox? 

    You purposefully invited her, you need to own it now. There is no way to "uninvite" her without being incredibly rude. A StD = an invitation.


    **********************

    That's hysterical! I do have to say that some of my friends who take Ambien have done far stranger things than that! 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I probably should've made it more clear... Her and I have not been close for quite some time now. I'm not considering NOT inviting her simply over facebook messages. lol
    So if you haven't been friends for a while, why are you messaging her on Facebook about wedding stuff?
    This! What on earth could you possibly need to discuss with her about your wedding? 

    I was barely talking about my wedding in person with my best friend 9 months in advance. If I'd messaged her then, she would have thought I was nuts and ignored it. 

    If you aren't close, you shouldn't have sent an STD. It's too late now. You've invited her. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    So let me get this straight?    So you haven't been close in for quite some time now.   So in your infinite wisdom you FB chat her about the wedding AND send her a STD.  Really? Yet in the few weeks from sending out the STD you decided you do not really want her after all?    
    Is that right?

    News Flash an STD is like an invite.  You should send her and invitation.  

    However, you will not be arrested if you choose not to send her one.  You might look like a jerk or maybe even an asshole, but you will not be arrested or fined.  You still have 8+ months before invites go out, I would cross this bridge when you get to it.


    LURKERS:  This is why you do not jump the gun and send out STD's to everyone and everyone in your life.   STD are not even necessary in a lot of case.  If you choose to do them, proceed with caution.  
     






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    wink0erin
  • I probably should've made it more clear... Her and I have not been close for quite some time now. I'm not considering NOT inviting her simply over facebook messages. lol
    So if you haven't been friends for a while, why are you messaging her on Facebook about wedding stuff?
    This! What on earth could you possibly need to discuss with her about your wedding? 

    I was barely talking about my wedding in person with my best friend 9 months in advance. If I'd messaged her then, she would have thought I was nuts and ignored it. 

    If you aren't close, you shouldn't have sent an STD. It's too late now. You've invited her. 

    Because OMG I need to share everything about my wedding with everyone and everyone has to care!

    Seriously, I have friends who I go months without talking to because life is busy yo and when we do talk it's like no time has passed.  I don't think any of us would have friends if we defined friendship as "response time to my facebook messages about a one day event."  And if you talk "less than once a year" why would you use that less than once a year opportunity to send not one, but two messages about your wedding?  That seems pretty boring and self-centered.  And lots of people don't respond to things asap.  If I'm on break at work and checking things on my phone, I'll read things, but don't like using my phone to respond.  And sometimes I forget to go back, because life.

    Not responding to your Facebook message is not a good enough reason to not send a promised invitation.  You should have put more thought into the invite list BEFORE sending the save the dates.  It's not her fault you decided after the fact that the status of your relationship with her (that you are 50% responsible for maintaining) no longer makes the cut for you. 

  • Excellent new username, OP. Great way to get your point across.

    What is sarcasm font again?
    Maggie0829MairePoppyHeffalumpwink0erin
  •  I will 100% never recommend anyone ask a question on here. I simply asked for advice on something, without explaining the entire situation, and just about every response was incredibly rude. As current or former brides to be, I was really hoping some of you would actually be able to help, especially knowing how stressful wedding planning can be, instead of just jumping down my throat and being so quick to judge. Thank you for being adults and being so rude so quickly. <3
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  • I wonder what response you thought you would get when you suggested doing something so rude? A pat on the back?

    Seriously, calm down and realise that people are just trying to stop you from treating someone poorly.
                 
    [Deleted User]MyNameIsNotwink0erinYogaSandy
  • Again, my bad for not posting every detail of the situation in my first post. Thanks anyways.
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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    To be honest, I can't really see what additional details you can provide that change this short of:

    1.  She slept with your fiance
    2.  You are worried she may assault you or a guest
    3.  Due to some extreme situation, you have cut your guest list to immediate family only and will no longer be hosting the same event you set out to.
    image
    STARMOON44[Deleted User]wink0erin
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2015
     I will 100% never recommend anyone ask a question on here. I simply asked for advice on something, without explaining the entire situation, and just about every response was incredibly rude. As current or former brides to be, I was really hoping some of you would actually be able to help, especially knowing how stressful wedding planning can be, instead of just jumping down my throat and being so quick to judge. Thank you for being adults and being so rude so quickly. <3
    Honest, not rude. People didn't tell you what you wanted to hear - that it was okay to be rude to your (ex?) friend. When you sent that STD, you asked her to set aside that day for your wedding, meaning asking for time off from work, not accepting other invititions and making travel arrangements, if applicable. That obligates you to follow through with an invitation.
    Again, my bad for not posting every detail of the situation in my first post. Thanks anyways.
    Most likely, any details you might provide wouldn't make a difference. Kimminthemitten, see post above, pretty much summed it up. If your friend has done any of those things after you sent the STD, you may cut her out of your life and your guest list.
                       
    kimmiinthemittenlyndausvi
  • LOL Okay. Just keep going. Please. This is entertaining for me at this point. My mind's made up on what I'm going to do. At this point, you're all just beating a dead horse. Troll away...
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  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    LOL Okay. Just keep going. Please. This is entertaining for me at this point. My mind's made up on what I'm going to do. At this point, you're all just beating a dead horse. Troll away...

    So why post? 
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    MairePoppy[Deleted User]Heffalumpwink0erin
  • LOL Okay. Just keep going. Please. This is entertaining for me at this point. My mind's made up on what I'm going to do. At this point, you're all just beating a dead horse. Troll away...

    So why post? 

    My mind was not made up when I originally posted this. I was simply asking for advice on how to handle the situation. I did not need the sarcastic comments from everyone. It's outrageous how much time people have to post on here... If it's not supportive, or constructive, or positively put, it doesn't need to be said. Period.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The advice you were given was constructive. You were told why you must follow a STD with an invitation. The few exceptions were explained to you. 

    And if you think it's outrageous to post here, why are you here?


                       
    [Deleted User]
  • :D This was my very first post and the fact that not one, but several of you had to post the same smart ***ed comments is what's outrageous. And you're still going on... lmao
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  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2015





    LOL Okay. Just keep going. Please. This is entertaining for me at this point. My mind's made up on what I'm going to do. At this point, you're all just beating a dead horse. Troll away...

    So why post? 

    My mind was not made up when I originally posted this. I was simply asking for advice on how to handle the situation. I did not need the sarcastic comments from everyone. It's outrageous how much time people have to post on here... If it's not supportive, or constructive, or positively put, it doesn't need to be said. Period.

    >>>>>boxes<<<<<

    So, like a child, being told one thing in a way you didn't like is affecting you so much you're going to go take it out on someone else by being rude to them?

    Good luck, if smart-assed comments on anonymous internet boards have that much power over you...
    MairePoppylevioosaspockforprez
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