Time between the ceremony and the reception

MyNameIsNot

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then. 

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first. 

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures. 

So who is cooking if they are sitting around, slamming Manhattans?

Their maid/cook who is replaced every week.


ETA - my family does cocktail hour.  Not as formal as the Gilmore's, but we definitely have cocktail hour before dinner.

Mine too. We start drinking and eat some cheese and crackers while dad is at the grill. Sometimes there's hummus. 

madamerwin

scribe95 said:

We didn't have a cocktail hour per se. The reception started as soon as people got there from the church. Most immediately went to the bar and stood and mingled with music until dinner was served. It was all in one place. Which to me makes it the reception. Cocktail hours I have been to are all in a different space.

The bolded is what I consider cocktail hour, and I think of cocktail hour as part of the reception itself, regardless of where it is held. Our ceremony and reception were all held in one location, and the first hour of the reception was cocktail hour. But I guess it's all just semantics.

aurianna

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie1440620369 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

 If I were your guest I would assume you had a cash bar.

 aurianna said:

You would be making your guests kill a half hour of time where they'd have to leave the site, go into a crowded bar (definitely crowded if your guest list is large), pay for their own drinks, then walk back to where they just were.

I'm not advocating for extra time between the ceremony and reception, but OP said "guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar". 

There was no specific mention of a cash bar. You know what they say about assumptions...

OP said:  The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.

Your argument makes no sense.  If it was a hosted bar, it would be part of the cocktail hour and this whole conversation would be null and void.  Who do you allege is paying for the unhosted 30 minuted bar tab, be it at the reception bar or another bar at the resort.

And my comment, when taken in context, meant that if I went to the reception hall, and was charged for my first drink (because it was during the unhosted 30 minute gap) I would assume the rest of the event would also be a cash bar.  You can say what you want about those who make assumptions; and I'll say what I want about people who host their guests improperly.

I'm so confused what you are arguing.

OP said guests could go to bar.
I said guests won't want to pay for drinks.

OP suggested that there will be a cocktail hour
I said guests would rather go to a cocktail hour and have their drinks paid for then walk to an outside bar and pay their own.

OP never said she was having an open bar, but I went ahead under the assumption that she is because she should. And if she doesn't, then my comments talking about guests wanting free drinks at cocktail hour would be jarring to her and maybe she'd realize it's something she should be providing.

Who's assuming what now?

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie numbers added the bolded: You would be making your guests kill a half hour of time where they'd have to leave the site, go into a crowded bar (definitely crowded if your guest list is large), pay for their own drinks, then walk back to where they just were.

I'm not advocating for extra time between the ceremony and reception, but OP said "guests would have the opportunity to go to the bar". 

There was no specific mention of a cash bar. You know what they say about assumptions...-------------------------------------
This was my response to Knottie #s:
OP said:  The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.

Your argument makes no sense.  If it was a hosted bar, it would be part of the cocktail hour and this whole conversation would be null and void.  Who do you allege is paying for the unhosted 30 minuted bar tab, be it at the reception bar or another bar at the resort.

And my comment, when taken in context, meant that if I went to the reception hall, and was charged for my first drink (because it was during the unhosted 30 minute gap) I would assume the rest of the event would also be a cash bar.  You can say what you want about those who make assumptions; and I'll say what I want about people who host their guests improperly.

----------------------------------------------

I'm so confused what you are arguing.

OP said guests could go to bar.
I said guests won't want to pay for drinks.

OP suggested that there will be a cocktail hour
I said guests would rather go to a cocktail hour and have their drinks paid for then walk to an outside bar and pay their own.

OP never said she was having an open bar, but I went ahead under the assumption that she is because she should. And if she doesn't, then my comments talking about guests wanting free drinks at cocktail hour would be jarring to her and maybe she'd realize it's something she should be providing.

Who's assuming what now?




Just to clarify, knottie #s called you and I out for assuming the 30 minute gap would not be hosted. I agree with you on all points . Her use of boxes is misleading.

Edited because the boxes were just too confusing!

SP29

Ditto what Maggie said. Cocktails to me means snacks and drinks prior to a meal. For the purpose of mingling and welcome. Can happen anywhere.

Our cocktail hour was in the same place as our reception. 

The last time we had dinner at my mom's she had cocktail hour. It was yummy! Apps and sangria! My mom was still in and out of the kitchen, but by then most of the stuff was ready and we were just waiting for stuff to come out of the oven. 

OP- Yes, your cocktail hour needs to start immediately post ceremony. There should be no gap. Your guests should not have to wait for the reception to start because you want pictures done. 

aurianna

"Just to clarify, knottie #s called you and I out for assuming the 30 minute gap would not be hosted. I agree with you on all points . Her use of boxes is misleading. Edited because the boxes were just too confusing! "

----
Now I can't even get a box.



Thank you! I was confused!

There's pretty much zero reason for a host to pay for guests to bar hop for half an hour then have a 1hr cocktail hour vs just having a 1.5 hour cocktail hour. And the former isn't even feasible unless the bars are being closed to the rest of the public...

I think it's a safe assumption to make that the gap isn't hosted.
As far as what they say about assuming... this isn't so much an assumption as it deductive reasoning.
If a person is to deduce absolutely nothing on their own based on the information given, people would just be sitting around dumbly with their mouth's hanging open waiting to be told things...

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

thisismynickname said:

scribe95 said:

It can be done but there really is no point. Basically the reception has started then. 

It's interesting that you say this, because maybe we're just working with different semantics. I consider cocktail hour part of the reception. Like, I'm on a huge Gilmore Girls binge-watching trip right now. When Lorelai and Rory go to the grandparents' house for "Friday Night Dinner" they always start with cocktails in the sitting room before dinner begins. It's their cocktail hour. They're there for dinner but cocktails simply come first. 

And anyway, I would find it weird if I was ushered from a ceremony to a table to sit down and eat a meal. I don't think it's in human nature to do that. After a church ceremony, people congregate in the lobby and parking lot and talk to people. After a secular ceremony, people start talking and congregating anywhere after the couple has retreated down the aisle. People are going to mingle and it's herding cats to expect otherwise. Hosting that mingling time with drinks and munchies just makes a lot of sense to me... and I was happy to mingle with guests during mine rather than be taking a million more formal pictures. 

So who is cooking if they are sitting around, slamming Manhattans?

Their maid/cook who is replaced every week.


ETA - my family does cocktail hour.  Not as formal as the Gilmore's, but we definitely have cocktail hour before dinner.

Oh I know. I'm familiar enough with the show to know that the grandparents are loaded.

When we have parties and dinners we also have apps and drinks prior to dinner, but I wouldn't call it a cocktail hour, since at least one of us has to actually be cooking the dinner we intend to serve and thus can't socialize much outside the kitchen.  But people walk in and out of the kitchen and we all chat and eat and drink.

ChloEm33

Knottie60949501 said:

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held.  I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm.  I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests.  The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.  Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

I appreciate all of the advice and comments.  I've only ever been involved in two other weddings and the situations were completely different, so I had no reference point to go off of.  We will be starting the cocktail hour immediately following the reception.

Just a suggestion for future discussions- don't be rude or mean to the people who are simply looking for some advice.  They might not have any experience what so ever in planning or participating in a wedding. And it's hurtful when you feel judged and ridiculed for asking a question. 

Heffalump

Knottie60949501 said:

I appreciate all of the advice and comments.  I've only ever been involved in two other weddings and the situations were completely different, so I had no reference point to go off of.  We will be starting the cocktail hour immediately following the reception.

Just a suggestion for future discussions- don't be rude or mean to the people who are simply looking for some advice.  They might not have any experience what so ever in planning or participating in a wedding. And it's hurtful when you feel judged and ridiculed for asking a question. 

I don't see where anyone was rude or hurtful here--help me out?

Mostly, I would just like to add that I wish my ILs would do cocktails before dinner.  They're nice enough people, but easier to take after a G&T. 

Maggie0829

Knottie60949501 said:

Knottie60949501 said:

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held.  I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm.  I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests.  The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.  Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

I appreciate all of the advice and comments.  I've only ever been involved in two other weddings and the situations were completely different, so I had no reference point to go off of.  We will be starting the cocktail hour immediately following the reception.

Just a suggestion for future discussions- don't be rude or mean to the people who are simply looking for some advice.  They might not have any experience what so ever in planning or participating in a wedding. And it's hurtful when you feel judged and ridiculed for asking a question. 

FFS!  Are you kidding me?  Please point out where someone was rude or mean to you.  Seriously, where are you seeing this because I can't find anything.  People gave you advice.  No one, at all, was mean to you.

kimmiinthemitten

I didn't see anything rude either.  Don't confuse honest opinions without emoji's as rudeness.  You asked a direct question and received direct answers.

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie60949501 said:

Knottie60949501 said:

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held.  I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm.  I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests.  The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.  Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

I appreciate all of the advice and comments.  I've only ever been involved in two other weddings and the situations were completely different, so I had no reference point to go off of.  We will be starting the cocktail hour immediately following the reception.

Just a suggestion for future discussions- don't be rude or mean to the people who are simply looking for some advice.  They might not have any experience what so ever in planning or participating in a wedding. And it's hurtful when you feel judged and ridiculed for asking a question. 

No one was rude or mean at all. . . we simply answered your question.  The tone you choose to read into posts is your issue.

How you feel is your issue too.

lyndausvi

Knottie60949501 said:

Knottie60949501 said:

Our ceremony will start at 5pm and will be right next door to where the reception will be held.  I am torn between having the cocktail hour start right after the ceremony or having a half hour space and starting it at 6pm.  I hate to keep my guests waiting but I also want to be able to take some quick pictures and then enjoy most of the cocktail hour with our guests.  The ceremony/reception is at a ski resort where probably about 40-50% of our guests will be staying and there are a few bars located on the resort within walking distance.  Should we have cocktail hour start right away at 5:30 or would it be ok for it to start at 6pm?

I appreciate all of the advice and comments.  I've only ever been involved in two other weddings and the situations were completely different, so I had no reference point to go off of.  We will be starting the cocktail hour immediately following the reception.

Just a suggestion for future discussions- don't be rude or mean to the people who are simply looking for some advice.  They might not have any experience what so ever in planning or participating in a wedding. And it's hurtful when you feel judged and ridiculed for asking a question. 

aurianna

OP you're definitely making the right choice

lnixon8

It doesn't feel good being to be wrong...doesn't mean people correcting your thinking WHEN YOU ASKED FOR ADVICE are "hurtful"