60th Birthday Party Help

AprilH81

My sister and I are planning a 60th birthday party for our wonderful mother.  We have decided on an afternoon "cake and punch" style open house in their church fellowship hall.  We want to open the event up to as many people as possible without worrying about RSVP and food. 

We are going to do a cake, some cookies, and non-sweet snacks that are TBD (probably pretzels and chips and dip).

I know we can't say "no gifts" but I want to phrase this in a way that discourages gift giving but encourages people to stop by to celebrate with us.

We are reaching out to friends and family and asking them to write a letter/card sharing favorite memories and stories.  The goal is to get 60 letters for 60 years and give them to her all at once (in private, not at the event).  Otherwise, we don't want this to sound like a huge gift grab.

The event is also a surprise so I can't ask my mom for her wonderful advice.  So, what do I call this event without it sounding like a funeral (celebration of her life) or a "birthday party"?

STARMOON44

Call it a birthday party? People who want to will bring gifts no matter what you call it, may as well be informative. Throwing your mother a milestone birthday party isn't a gift grab.

JoanE2012

I'd call it a 60th birthday celebration!  Unless you're looking for quirky or fun sayings?  I don't really have advice on the gift issue - no matter what you say, people are going to bring gifts.  

jacques27

Let them bring gifts.  Don't purposely try to discourage it.

I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my mother.  I did have invites and made people RSVP though and it was an excursion so it was per person and important everyone be there on time vs. open house style.

Call it a birthday celebration open house telling people to stop by any time between X and Y if you don't want to call it a party.  1) They'll realize it isn't a typical party with events, and 2) Most people will probably bring a little something, but not a full blown gift.

But really, what's so bad about them bringing a gift?  I didn't mention gifts one way or another and really it hadn't occurred to me that people might bring them because after a certain age in adulthood birthday gifts just aren't usually done except by very immediate family or they'll consist of a birthday card and maybe a bag of their favorite candy or similar.  But they did bring gifts.  And when I talked to my mother immediately after I asked if she was cool with that gift thing because I thought it might have embarrassed her (the group sort of collectively decided without me to do the "open up everything in front of everyone" thing which I wasn't prepared for) or because she is at the point where she doesn't want "stuff" but she was downright giddy about the gifts.  And I don't think anyone felt pressured to do it or thought it was a gift grab (admittedly, I didn't ask).  It's not like you're doing it for her 57th birthday or her 63rd.  Most people "get" the milestone birthday thing and don't assume it's a gift grab.  They assume the birthday person has great kids who want to do something nice and they are happy to celebrate. 

labro

I don't have a lot of great advice on the gifts thing because I just think people will bring them if they're going to bring them.

re: the letters. My dad participated in something like this for his cousin when he turned 70. Everyone was asked to write a letter about a special memory they had of him. They compiled everything into a book and presented it to my dad's cousin at his birthday celebration. It was extremely touching!

OliveOilsMom

Ditto Jacques.  People might bring gifts, it happens.  I don't think anyone will go overboard. 

You may be able to discourage gifts by the wording of the invite.  "You are invited to a Surprise Birthday Party for April's Mom" sounds more of a gift giving occasion.  But saying "Please join us for an Open House in Honor of April's Mom's 60th Birthday."  Then listing date, time range, and location. 

I would also put a "shh" it's a surprise line in there somewhere, so someone doesn't accidentally spoil the surprise.

Then in a separate insert, I would make a mention of the letter idea, maybe even provide the invited guests with the paper to write the letter on as well.

AprilH81

Thanks everyone!  I think we will use the "birthday celebration" along with the open house style party.  I just don't want someone to not show up because they can't afford a gift and they think it is expected, that was my concern about not seeming gift grabby.

MairePoppy

How about something like this:

'There is no greater gift than love and friendship.
We would like to assemble a memory scrapbook for mom. If you'd like to contribute, please send a note with your memories, good wishes or a photo. We hope to present this special gift at her birthday celebration.'

That makes it clear that gifts aren't expected. Those who want to buy gifts will do so, no matter what you write on the invitation.

lyndausvi

AprilH81 said:

Thanks everyone!  I think we will use the "birthday celebration" along with the open house style party.  I just don't want someone to not show up because they can't afford a gift and they think it is expected, that was my concern about not seeming gift grabby.

I think you are overthinking this.    

We threw a 70th birthday party for my dad.  No mention of gifts.  A few people brought some, but not many.   His family and friends flew and/or drive from 10 different states.  Why?  Because they wanted to celebrate with their friend/family member.

Gifts are not the main focus of whether people can to attend or not.   It's about celebrating with the birthday person. It's wanting to spend time with the other guests.

Just like weddings they will either bring them or not.

holyguacamole79

We are actually invited to a surprise 60th birthday party tomorrow night (we can't make it).  I don't have the invite on me, but it was very generic about celebrating her.  If we were to attend, I wouldn't feel obligated to bring a gift.  

I think once you're an adult, the obligation to bring presents to birthday parties kind of dissolves.  If I do bring a gift, it's usually a bottle of wine or something simple.