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60th Birthday Party Help
My sister and I are planning a 60th birthday party for our wonderful mother. We have decided on an afternoon "cake and punch" style open house in their church fellowship hall. We want to open the event up to as many people as possible without worrying about RSVP and food.
We are going to do a cake, some cookies, and non-sweet snacks that are TBD (probably pretzels and chips and dip).
I know we can't say "no gifts" but I want to phrase this in a way that discourages gift giving but encourages people to stop by to celebrate with us.
We are reaching out to friends and family and asking them to write a letter/card sharing favorite memories and stories. The goal is to get 60 letters for 60 years and give them to her all at once (in private, not at the event). Otherwise, we don't want this to sound like a huge gift grab.
The event is also a surprise so I can't ask my mom for her wonderful advice. So, what do I call this event without it sounding like a funeral (celebration of her life) or a "birthday party"?
We are going to do a cake, some cookies, and non-sweet snacks that are TBD (probably pretzels and chips and dip).
I know we can't say "no gifts" but I want to phrase this in a way that discourages gift giving but encourages people to stop by to celebrate with us.
We are reaching out to friends and family and asking them to write a letter/card sharing favorite memories and stories. The goal is to get 60 letters for 60 years and give them to her all at once (in private, not at the event). Otherwise, we don't want this to sound like a huge gift grab.
The event is also a surprise so I can't ask my mom for her wonderful advice. So, what do I call this event without it sounding like a funeral (celebration of her life) or a "birthday party"?
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Re: 60th Birthday Party Help
Let them bring gifts. Don't purposely try to discourage it.
I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my mother. I did have invites and made people RSVP though and it was an excursion so it was per person and important everyone be there on time vs. open house style.
Call it a birthday celebration open house telling people to stop by any time between X and Y if you don't want to call it a party. 1) They'll realize it isn't a typical party with events, and 2) Most people will probably bring a little something, but not a full blown gift.
But really, what's so bad about them bringing a gift? I didn't mention gifts one way or another and really it hadn't occurred to me that people might bring them because after a certain age in adulthood birthday gifts just aren't usually done except by very immediate family or they'll consist of a birthday card and maybe a bag of their favorite candy or similar. But they did bring gifts. And when I talked to my mother immediately after I asked if she was cool with that gift thing because I thought it might have embarrassed her (the group sort of collectively decided without me to do the "open up everything in front of everyone" thing which I wasn't prepared for) or because she is at the point where she doesn't want "stuff" but she was downright giddy about the gifts. And I don't think anyone felt pressured to do it or thought it was a gift grab (admittedly, I didn't ask). It's not like you're doing it for her 57th birthday or her 63rd. Most people "get" the milestone birthday thing and don't assume it's a gift grab. They assume the birthday person has great kids who want to do something nice and they are happy to celebrate.
re: the letters. My dad participated in something like this for his cousin when he turned 70. Everyone was asked to write a letter about a special memory they had of him. They compiled everything into a book and presented it to my dad's cousin at his birthday celebration. It was extremely touching!
Ditto Jacques. People might bring gifts, it happens. I don't think anyone will go overboard.
You may be able to discourage gifts by the wording of the invite. "You are invited to a Surprise Birthday Party for April's Mom" sounds more of a gift giving occasion. But saying "Please join us for an Open House in Honor of April's Mom's 60th Birthday." Then listing date, time range, and location.
I would also put a "shh" it's a surprise line in there somewhere, so someone doesn't accidentally spoil the surprise.
Then in a separate insert, I would make a mention of the letter idea, maybe even provide the invited guests with the paper to write the letter on as well.
'There is no greater gift than love and friendship.
We would like to assemble a memory scrapbook for mom. If you'd like to contribute, please send a note with your memories, good wishes or a photo. We hope to present this special gift at her birthday celebration.'
That makes it clear that gifts aren't expected. Those who want to buy gifts will do so, no matter what you write on the invitation.
We threw a 70th birthday party for my dad. No mention of gifts. A few people brought some, but not many. His family and friends flew and/or drive from 10 different states. Why? Because they wanted to celebrate with their friend/family member.
Gifts are not the main focus of whether people can to attend or not. It's about celebrating with the birthday person. It's wanting to spend time with the other guests.
Just like weddings they will either bring them or not.
I think once you're an adult, the obligation to bring presents to birthday parties kind of dissolves. If I do bring a gift, it's usually a bottle of wine or something simple.