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Registering and Gifts

Traveling for Shower

So I live in Texas and will be traveling to Pennsylvania (where FI & I grew up, and where most of our extended family live) for the shower.  The wedding will be held there too.  When I was up for Thanksgiving, my mom expressed concern about either a.) I will have gifts to open but not be able to get it to Texas in a soon enough manner for us to start using them, or b.) people will buy online and ship to our Texas address and there won't be anything for me to open at the shower.

What would you prefer?  Or is there some compromise or happy medium that we aren't thinking of?
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Re: Traveling for Shower

  • I'm guessing you're not planning on traveling from TX to PA by car? 

    A couple of ideas:
    • See if there will be anyone (guests, family, etc) that would be willing to transport some stuff for you
    or...
    • Have your mom (or whoever does your shower invites) state that, due to the distance, you would prefer to have larger items shipped directly to you, but ask them to put a picture of their gift in a card they bring to the shower so that you can know who sent what and thank them in person. A lot of gifts that are shippped directly registries don't come with any of the senders information, so you'd probably be asking around to find out who the thank you card should go to anyways.
    Some people who don't shop online may still bring things, but hopefully it would cut down on the amount of larger items you have to get back to TX.


  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So I live in Texas and will be traveling to Pennsylvania (where FI & I grew up, and where most of our extended family live) for the shower.  The wedding will be held there too.  When I was up for Thanksgiving, my mom expressed concern about either a.) I will have gifts to open but not be able to get it to Texas in a soon enough manner for us to start using them, or b.) people will buy online and ship to our Texas address and there won't be anything for me to open at the shower.

    What would you prefer?  Or is there some compromise or happy medium that we aren't thinking of?
    The people attending your shower will likely know that you're coming in from out of state.  That said, people will still likely bring you gifts that you'll need to have shipped to you in Pennsylvania.  You'll just have to ship them somehow.  

    Regarding question a ... just to confirm, you're referring to gifts received at the wedding, right?  Because you technically shouldn't start using gifts received at the shower until after the wedding.  Regarding wedding gifts, I wouldn't worry about getting them with enough time to start using them.  I mean, if you get married on a Saturday and someone gets them shipped on Wednesday, you'll get them within a week.  So that's ~10 days without those new gifts.  If you're on a honeymoon, you probably won't notice it.  I would definitely find a way to coordinate with FedEx / UPS / USPS to see where / when gifts will be delivered to your home and who will sign for them.  
  • I'm guessing you're not planning on traveling from TX to PA by car

    A couple of ideas:
    • See if there will be anyone (guests, family, etc) that would be willing to transport some stuff for you
    or...
    • Have your mom (or whoever does your shower invites) state that, due to the distance, you would prefer to have larger items shipped directly to you, but ask them to put a picture of their gift in a card they bring to the shower so that you can know who sent what and thank them in person. A lot of gifts that are shippped directly registries don't come with any of the senders information, so you'd probably be asking around to find out who the thank you card should go to anyways.
    Some people who don't shop online may still bring things, but hopefully it would cut down on the amount of larger items you have to get back to TX.


    To bolded:
    -I do not.  I've only ever flown, and it's a 24 hour drive.  I cannot do that at all.  Too much for me, even with stops.

    -I like the second option a lot.  I'll bring this one up the next time I get to talk to her.  It was her, my FMIL and FSIL/MOH who got together to plan it, but I don't think there are really any solid plans.  I also know that my bedroom hasn't really been touched other than to tidy it up a little more than how I left it when I moved, so maybe if I don't get everything shipped right away, my parents will be okay with me storing things in there.
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    JediElizabeth

  • So I live in Texas and will be traveling to Pennsylvania (where FI & I grew up, and where most of our extended family live) for the shower.  The wedding will be held there too.  When I was up for Thanksgiving, my mom expressed concern about either a.) I will have gifts to open but not be able to get it to Texas in a soon enough manner for us to start using them, or b.) people will buy online and ship to our Texas address and there won't be anything for me to open at the shower.

    What would you prefer?  Or is there some compromise or happy medium that we aren't thinking of?
    The people attending your shower will likely know that you're coming in from out of state.  That said, people will still likely bring you gifts that you'll need to have shipped to you in Pennsylvania.  You'll just have to ship them somehow.  

    Regarding question a ... just to confirm, you're referring to gifts received at the wedding, right?  Because you technically shouldn't start using gifts received at the shower until after the wedding.  Regarding wedding gifts, I wouldn't worry about getting them with enough time to start using them.  I mean, if you get married on a Saturday and someone gets them shipped on Wednesday, you'll get them within a week.  So that's ~10 days without those new gifts.  If you're on a honeymoon, you probably won't notice it.  I would definitely find a way to coordinate with FedEx / UPS / USPS to see where / when gifts will be delivered to your home and who will sign for them.  
    I was unaware of any etiquette on when to use gifts, so thank you for including it.  Basically everyone that I would imagine to be at the shower knows I live with FI now, so I don't know why I'm worried or confused or whatever.  Thank you for the feedback.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm guessing you're not planning on traveling from TX to PA by car

    A couple of ideas:
    • See if there will be anyone (guests, family, etc) that would be willing to transport some stuff for you
    or...
    • Have your mom (or whoever does your shower invites) state that, due to the distance, you would prefer to have larger items shipped directly to you, but ask them to put a picture of their gift in a card they bring to the shower so that you can know who sent what and thank them in person. A lot of gifts that are shippped directly registries don't come with any of the senders information, so you'd probably be asking around to find out who the thank you card should go to anyways.
    Some people who don't shop online may still bring things, but hopefully it would cut down on the amount of larger items you have to get back to TX.


    To bolded:
    -I do not.  I've only ever flown, and it's a 24 hour drive.  I cannot do that at all.  Too much for me, even with stops.

    -I like the second option a lot.  I'll bring this one up the next time I get to talk to her.  It was her, my FMIL and FSIL/MOH who got together to plan it, but I don't think there are really any solid plans.  I also know that my bedroom hasn't really been touched other than to tidy it up a little more than how I left it when I moved, so maybe if I don't get everything shipped right away, my parents will be okay with me storing things in there.
    Maybe I'm weird, but something about this seems a bit odd.  Saying to someone, "hey, come to this shower, but don't bring your gift to the shower ... have it shipped to the bride..  Oh and print a picture of what you got her so she has something to open" just seems a bit presumptious.  If you're concerned about gifts being shipped / transported back for the shower, maybe just have a bridal tea so it's not a gift giving event?

    Also, FWIW, whenever we received a gift from our registry, the guests electronically signed it.  And BB&B identified the purchaser as well.
    charlotte989875[Deleted User]MyNameIsNot
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm guessing you're not planning on traveling from TX to PA by car

    A couple of ideas:
    • See if there will be anyone (guests, family, etc) that would be willing to transport some stuff for you
    or...
    • Have your mom (or whoever does your shower invites) state that, due to the distance, you would prefer to have larger items shipped directly to you, but ask them to put a picture of their gift in a card they bring to the shower so that you can know who sent what and thank them in person. A lot of gifts that are shippped directly registries don't come with any of the senders information, so you'd probably be asking around to find out who the thank you card should go to anyways.
    Some people who don't shop online may still bring things, but hopefully it would cut down on the amount of larger items you have to get back to TX.


    To bolded:
    -I do not.  I've only ever flown, and it's a 24 hour drive.  I cannot do that at all.  Too much for me, even with stops.

    -I like the second option a lot.  I'll bring this one up the next time I get to talk to her.  It was her, my FMIL and FSIL/MOH who got together to plan it, but I don't think there are really any solid plans.  I also know that my bedroom hasn't really been touched other than to tidy it up a little more than how I left it when I moved, so maybe if I don't get everything shipped right away, my parents will be okay with me storing things in there.
    Maybe I'm weird, but something about this seems a bit odd.  Saying to someone, "hey, come to this shower, but don't bring your gift to the shower ... have it shipped to the bride..  Oh and print a picture of what you got her so she has something to open" just seems a bit presumptious.  If you're concerned about gifts being shipped / transported back for the shower, maybe just have a bridal tea so it's not a gift giving event?

    Also, FWIW, whenever we received a gift from our registry, the guests electronically signed it.  And BB&B identified the purchaser as well.
    Not just odd, it's rude.

    It's the honoree's obligation to get the gifts home from the shower. Pushing the cost of shipping onto the guests is not ok. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm guessing you're not planning on traveling from TX to PA by car

    A couple of ideas:
    • See if there will be anyone (guests, family, etc) that would be willing to transport some stuff for you
    or...
    • Have your mom (or whoever does your shower invites) state that, due to the distance, you would prefer to have larger items shipped directly to you, but ask them to put a picture of their gift in a card they bring to the shower so that you can know who sent what and thank them in person. A lot of gifts that are shippped directly registries don't come with any of the senders information, so you'd probably be asking around to find out who the thank you card should go to anyways.
    Some people who don't shop online may still bring things, but hopefully it would cut down on the amount of larger items you have to get back to TX.


    To bolded:
    -I do not.  I've only ever flown, and it's a 24 hour drive.  I cannot do that at all.  Too much for me, even with stops.

    -I like the second option a lot.  I'll bring this one up the next time I get to talk to her.  It was her, my FMIL and FSIL/MOH who got together to plan it, but I don't think there are really any solid plans.  I also know that my bedroom hasn't really been touched other than to tidy it up a little more than how I left it when I moved, so maybe if I don't get everything shipped right away, my parents will be okay with me storing things in there.
    Maybe I'm weird, but something about this seems a bit odd.  Saying to someone, "hey, come to this shower, but don't bring your gift to the shower ... have it shipped to the bride..  Oh and print a picture of what you got her so she has something to open" just seems a bit presumptious.  If you're concerned about gifts being shipped / transported back for the shower, maybe just have a bridal tea so it's not a gift giving event?

    Also, FWIW, whenever we received a gift from our registry, the guests electronically signed it.  And BB&B identified the purchaser as well.
    Not just odd, it's rude.

    It's the honoree's obligation to get the gifts home from the shower. Pushing the cost of shipping onto the guests is not ok. 
    I agree.  When I have attended showers knowing the bride would need to travel, I compromised.  I shipped, for example, a crockpot to the bride's home address.  For the shower, I bought and wrapped a ladle and serving spoon.  I enclosed a card that expained that these utensils would go well with the crockpot being delivered to her home.

    In this way, the bride had a "little something" to open that would be easy to pack into a suitcase.  
  • I think most guests will be smart enough to know you are traveling and figure it out. If not I think the return to the store and have it shipped to your house is a great idea. Definitely bring or plan on getting an extra suitcase to take some stuff back with though. I think your mom adding a note about shipping would be a bit rude and kind of presumes your guests are idiots (which I'm guessing they aren't).

    Also technically yes you aren't supposed to use shower gifts until the wedding but we definitely broke this rule and I think our guests were glad we did, they liked hearing about how we used them. The thing is we were prepared to replace them if for some reason the wedding didn't happen. So as long as you can give the person back the item new then I think it's okay to use them. 


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