Wedding in the US or Europe?

Knottie1443143973

My fiance is from Eastern Europe; almost all of his family and close friends are there. Some of them are also pretty strapped financially, which makes it hard for them to travel to the States.

Meanwhile, my family and friends are all in the States. Most could technically afford to travel for a wedding, but it would definitely be a burden for them both in time and cost.

Obviously, we both want our loved ones around us on our special day, and so far we just haven't been able to think of a wedding location where one side doesn't feel like they are being unfairly treated. Help/thoughts??

justsie

Knottie1443143973 said:

My fiance is from Eastern Europe; almost all of his family and close friends are there. Some of them are also pretty strapped financially, which makes it hard for them to travel to the States.

Meanwhile, my family and friends are all in the States. Most could technically afford to travel for a wedding, but it would definitely be a burden for them both in time and cost.

Obviously, we both want our loved ones around us on our special day, and so far we just haven't been able to think of a wedding location where one side doesn't feel like they are being unfairly treated. Help/thoughts??

Have you thought about doing a destination wedding for all instead of just some? Choosing another location where everyone would travel, I mean it would probably cause some/many to be able to not come but it sounds like that will probably be an issue either way. I, personally, would take stock of who is most important to be at my wedding and choose a location that will allow the most people from that group to attend.

Jells2dot0

A true DW is where everyone has to travel to attend, so as PP mentioned, is there a location that may be easier for everyone to travel?

Also, consider the legalities. It may be very difficult for you to obtain a license to marry in your FI's home country as a non-citizen. So, that may rule that option out automatically!

Knottie1443143973

We are considering locations where everyone would have to travel, and there are some beautiful tempting spots in Western Europe... but it would still mean that my side has to travel a lot farther (ie, spend a lot more) than his side. I guess I should also mention that my parents are pretty much footing the bill, and I feel uncomfortable asking them to do so when they're not really planning the wedding THEY wanted for me. 

I love that polar bear! 

littlestmonkey

The legal constraints may make this decision for you. 

But assuming that's not an issue, then you're main concern seems to be being 'fair' to each side but given the distances here I'm not really sure you're going to be able to do this. Unless you go for Australia I'm not sure you're going to find somewhere equidistance between the two families, so that might not be a very good way to look at this. You said your family and friends could technically travel - do you know that it would be difficult for them or are you assuming? As someone who got married in Europe to an American, our experience was that a lot of people (more than we expected) were not only willing to travel but excited to and took the opportunity to travel further in Europe as well. This isn't always the case, but that was our experience. 

If you know that traveling would really be difficult for both your family and his family then one option might be for you to have a very small destination wedding with maybe just parents (and siblings) and then have 'at home parties' in each country to celebrate with everyone. I know "wedding tours" are generally frowned upon here (and in many instances I don't really understand the need) but I do think that might be a solution here. If neither side can genuinely travel to another continent then I don't see how you have a larger wedding that includes both sides - you could however party with both sides afterwards to celebrate. 

Jells2dot0

Knottie1443143973 said:

We are considering locations where everyone would have to travel, and there are some beautiful tempting spots in Western Europe... but it would still mean that my side has to travel a lot farther (ie, spend a lot more) than his side. I guess I should also mention that my parents are pretty much footing the bill, and I feel uncomfortable asking them to do so when they're not really planning the wedding THEY wanted for me. 

I love that polar bear! 

I can't bold because of mobile, but if your parents are paying, they absolutely get a say in where you get married. If they don't want to travel very far, then guess what? You either decline their offer to pay and hold the wedding where you'd prefer to have it OR you have the wedding somewhere within their comfort zone.

In addition, although the Euro-USD exchange rate has gotten better, it will be more expensive to have a wedding in a EU country. And the exchange rate in 2017 will be different, but who knows by how much! You really need to sit down with your parents and understand what they are willing to contribute (if they have already offered to pay) and how far they are willing to go.

CMGragain

This is how it works.  You plan a wedding in a convenient location for you.  You invite people.  They get to decide whether or not they will attend.  Don't try and second guess people.  It isn't about being fair to one side, or the other.
When my daughter was married in Maryland, we bent over backwards to make it easier for relatives from Iowa to attend, even offering to pay for hotel and airfare.  Guess what?  None of the Iowa relatives came.

LondonLisa

Residency requirements are very strict in the EU (although they vary from country to country). Since you are non-EU, think about if you want to go through the visa process to get a EU fiance visa and then live in that country from anywhere to 4 weeks to 6 months.

Knottie511757

CMGragain is spot-on. We went through this same issue last year. I am from USA and hubby is from Ireland. We got so consumed by trying to find the most fair options for everyone. We even did doodle polls and mass email surveys... looking back, we embarrassed ourselves. People didn't understand why we were obsessing out it, and although we thought we were worrying about being fair to everyone, we came across as being self-absorbed. See, as suggested above, people make decisions for themselves, and many will be more than happy to have a reason to travel. Many guests surprised us and took our Ireland wedding as an opportunity to take a trip they always dreamed of. We ended up asking ourselves, who is absolutely most important to us to witness our commitment to each other, if we could only pick two people each. We both said our parents. HIs parents couldn't' travel internationally for health, mine could. So, that made the decision. And, if for some reason neither of our parents could travel, we would have had two ceremonies, one for each family, and skyped each one to the other family.

londinium215

We had a similar issue - we live in the UK, where FH is from, but I'm from the US. We decided to get married here where we live because it's easier, and then are hosting a cocktail party a couple of weeks later in my hometown because I want to celebrate with my extended family and friends who won't be able to make it over.

[Deleted User]

Like a PP said, check into what the legal requirements are for you to get a marriage license in the area FI family lives since it would be different for you and FI since you are residents of the area, Also check with your local probate court paper work you would need when you come back to the states. Meaning, will you have to get the license translated or something else so that offices here would be able to recognize it as a marriage license since it would be in a foreign language. To have your name legally changed they will need to be able to recognize the marriage license.

Another thing to consider is, if your family travels over there, will there be a language barrier? Are your guests from the US going to be able to get around ok if they don't know the language. In some European towns where tourism is more popular, you can get around just fine without knowing the language. But if you are going to be in a more rural area, you may not run into as many people who speak English.

And unless you plan on doing a planning trip, how do you feel about not being able to go see your venue in person, or going to the florist in person, not knowing a hairstylist, etc? You would have to put total faith into either a wedding planner or your FI family.

If you want to do a church wedding over there, would the priest (or whatever the title is) be willing to do the ceremony without doing pre-marriage counseling? Some churches (even here in US) won't do them without them.

What about the logistics of getting your dress there? Depending on how big the dress is, the airline may not allow you to carry it on. How do you feel about having to check your dress & what if your suitcase doesn't make it there with you? And then you have to plan for how you will get the dress pressed when you get there because it will wrinkle during travel.

If traveling there doesn't end up making sense, maybe consider hiring someone to do video of your wedding with the understanding that it would be edited and back to you within say 1-2 weeks. Then plan a trip to his family to have a celebration of your wedding party with them. You can give his family a copy of the video & if they want, they can show it at the party. Also see if there is a way you can Skype the ceremony so they can watch at the actual time.

CMGragain

This is a very old post, and the last reply was more than three months ago.  Please do not resurrect old threads just to make a comment.

TrixieJess

Can we close the zombie @Jells2dot0

Jells2dot0

Absolutely. OP has not even logged in since February.