Wedding Invitation Etiquette - For Couples Getting a Divorce

[Deleted User]

Hello!

Since I've sent out my Save the Date cards, I have two couples that I invited that have announced they are getting a divorce. 

Both couples have children and the Save the Dates were addressed to "The (Last Name) Family".

How do I address the invitations? I don't want to make anyone feel that they've been dis-invited but I also don't want to step on any toes.

Help! 

Thank you in advance

holyguacamole79

kacocacola said:

Hello!

Since I've sent out my Save the Date cards, I have two couples that I invited that have announced they are getting a divorce. 

Both couples have children and the Save the Dates were addressed to "The (Last Name) Family".

How do I address the invitations? I don't want to make anyone feel that they've been dis-invited but I also don't want to step on any toes.

Help! 

Thank you in advance

Are you and your FI equally close to both of them? My experience is that you're usually closer to one. In that case, you should be fine extending the invite to just him / her.

[Deleted User]

Are they divorced, separated, has one of them moved out?  If they are still living together all as a family without a divorce, I'd still send one invitation to the whole family, Jane and Jon Smith, Cassie and Ellen.  If one of them has moved out and you're closer to that person and only want them to come with whoever they choose as a date, Jon Smith and Guest, Cassie and Ellen.

glasgowtolondon

If they are completely separated (not living together etc), then you don't need to invite both unless you want to. It might be preferable to the couple not to have to do social engagements together depending on how amicable the split is. I guess if its family though you might want both, like and aunt/uncle or something, in which case just invite them.

In terms of wording I would probably include the kids on the invitation of whoever they are mainly living with. That seems right to me, but I'm no invitation wording expert.

SP29

If Jane is your friend and you invited her and John because they were married, it would be fine to invite only Jane now.

If you are friends with both Jane and John, send them each a separate invitation. 

I agree as far as children go, I'd include them on the invite of the person they are mainly living with. If you ARE friends with both, you could always ask them what they prefer (as many couples equally share the children), or let one know, "I've included the children on Jane's invitation". 

[Deleted User]

Thank you for the replies!

As far as I know they are both still living together, but in the process of separating/divorce.

One couple is an uncle/aunt - the uncle is my blood relative, but they have been married for close to 20 years. They are the ones I am most concerned with using the right etiquette for the invites. 

The other couple, I think I should be okay just inviting my cousin and her kids, and leaving her ex out of it. 

SP29

If aunt and uncle are amicable, you could send one invitation to them, but do not use "and" to separate their names. Place each name on a separate line. "And" signifies the two names are a couple (married or not). 

Jane Smith
John Smith

Adults are usually only listed on the outer envelope, with children included on the inner envelope. Children are listed on separate lines. 

huskypuppy14

SP29 said:

If aunt and uncle are amicable, you could send one invitation to them, but do not use "and" to separate their names. Place each name on a separate line. "And" signifies the two names are a couple (married or not). 

Jane Smith
John Smith

Adults are usually only listed on the outer envelope, with children included on the inner envelope. Children are listed on separate lines. 

Actually "and" signifies that they are married. Separate lines are for couples who are not married. People not in relationships are given separate invitations.

However, for this situation, I agree with SP29.

My uncle and his wife (married almost 20 years) do not have a good relationship, but they live together and are married, so I addressed the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Family. My uncle came with two of his children. I knew his wife wouldn't attend, but it was appropriate to invite her. 

OP, can you ask your parents what you should do? Would they have a better idea of what your uncle would prefer?

SP29

huskypuppy14 said:

SP29 said:

If aunt and uncle are amicable, you could send one invitation to them, but do not use "and" to separate their names. Place each name on a separate line. "And" signifies the two names are a couple (married or not). 

Jane Smith
John Smith

Adults are usually only listed on the outer envelope, with children included on the inner envelope. Children are listed on separate lines. 

Actually "and" signifies that they are married. Separate lines are for couples who are not married. People not in relationships are given separate invitations.

However, for this situation, I agree with SP29.

My uncle and his wife (married almost 20 years) do not have a good relationship, but they live together and are married, so I addressed the envelope to Mr. and Mrs. Jones and Family. My uncle came with two of his children. I knew his wife wouldn't attend, but it was appropriate to invite her. 

OP, can you ask your parents what you should do? Would they have a better idea of what your uncle would prefer?

This is what I was formally taught too. But I was googling it yesterday, and apparently "and" has expanded with current social norms to include unmarried but living together couples. 

Knottie1436436203

There are a couple of options you could go with, depending on which route you feel the most comfortable.