Moms and Maids

How large is too large?

In college I was in a circle of four very close friends; in graduate school I was in a group of five. We always did everything together and referred to ourselves as a clearly defined "us."

Now that I'm one of the first brides in either group, I feel like the easiest thing would be to ask all 7 of these close friends to be bridesmaids... It just isn't clear to me who I would leave out, and I can easily see feelings being hurt and relationships ending over this. I also have a very close cousin and my fiancé has a sister I would like to include. Is that unwieldy and just way too large? Help please!

(For what it's worth, my fiancé can match my number pretty easily regardless of what I decide. He can go up to 9 and as low as necessary.)

Re: How large is too large?

  • Don't ask your FI to match the number of people on his side. They do not have to be even.
    I had 9 and maybe some people side-eyed but I didn't care. I hosted everyone correctly and I err-ed on the side of not hurting feelings. My bms were crazy different heights/weights/skin tones/hair color/style in general so I was relieved to just tell them a dress color(coral:meaning anything from light pink to orange). Other than that and asking them to be ready for pictures at noon I didn't require anything else- "sober" wouldn't have flown with my corwd.

    *Luckily your friends know each other but for Lurkers just remember not to try and force your bridesmaids (sometimes 10 strangers) to be best friends.


    lc07short+sassy
  • You can include however many BMs you like; OR it might make things easier to just have a MOH or no bridal party at all.

    There are other ways to include your friends in the ceremony as well, like reading, etc...
  • You have to think of your bridal party as a line item in your budget. For every member you need a bouquet/bout, a thank you gift, and a seat for them and a guest at your RD. So, if you were to have 7 on each side that is 14 attendants gifts and flowers, PLUS 28 seats at your RD. Before you ask, make sure you can fit that comfortably in your budget – especially if someone else is paying for the RD!
    lnixon8poodledoodleoooMairePoppy
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I had 9 bridesmaids... it was awesome. Everything from bridesmaid dress shopping to my bachelorette party to getting ready for the wedding was so much fun because I had all my friends and close family members with me. It's a big group but to me, it was more important to include everyone rather than have a more manageable number; when it comes down to it, the quantify of your wedding party or having even sides, etc. does not matter. If there is someone you want in your bridal party, then ask them.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    MesmrEwe
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your sides do not need to be even. Please don't have your FI ask extra people just to match your number. Your BP should consist of your very best friends, not filler people. 

    And this is just my experience, but I prefer a smaller BP. My first wedding 10 years ago, I had 7 bridesmaids. They were all my very best friends at the time, but it was a lot to organize. Dresses, fittings, bouquets, gifts. The second time around, I decided to have just a MOH, and I'm so happy I did that. 
    InLoveInQueensMesmrEwe
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In addition to the good advice above, I'll mention that I was once recently a BM in a party of 9 'maids and 8 GMs. The couple could afford the bouquets and RD expenses. We were given the option to get different style dresses from one particular designer, so that worked out well. We were invited to the bride's house to get our hair and makeup professionally done at a reasonable cost (and they fed us at the house too, very important). 
    The couple got a bus to cart us to the church and reception.
    Honestly? It was a ton of fun! Most of us already knew each other pretty well and despite the very long day (after getting ready was factored in) it was one of the most fun times I've had.

    I think a large party is only as "weildy" as you make it. You really have to go with the flow in getting dresses, getting ready for the day, etc. 

    ________________________________


  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In college I was in a circle of four very close friends; in graduate school I was in a group of five. We always did everything together and referred to ourselves as a clearly defined "us." Now that I'm one of the first brides in either group, I feel like the easiest thing would be to ask all 7 of these close friends to be bridesmaids... It just isn't clear to me who I would leave out, and I can easily see feelings being hurt and relationships ending over this. I also have a very close cousin and my fiancé has a sister I would like to include. Is that unwieldy and just way too large? Help please! (For what it's worth, my fiancé can match my number pretty easily regardless of what I decide. He can go up to 9 and as low as necessary.)

    Ask who you want in your WP.  Are you close with your FI's sister?  If not, I would probably leave her off your side.  If your FI wants her to stand up, she can do it on her side.  I had 6 BMs and my H had 3 GM.  So sides don't have to be even.  Just ask your nearest and dearest (and this goes for FI too) to be in your WP.
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have four which to me is too many, but my SIL had 10 and that was excluding some people! It's all relative to what you want. Lots of people have large bridal parties so I wouldn't worry about it.

    Plus, if you haven't figured it out already, at every stop along the way someone, somewhere will be side-eying your choices.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your side and your FI side are completely separate things.  They don't have match up number wise.  So ask who you want and let your FI ask who he wants.

    And really 9 BMs is only too large if your budget cannot afford it.  Do you see all these people standing up there with you?  Are you only asking some so as to not cause hurt feelings?  Stop right now and state who you want in your wedding.  If you start saying "well I have to include such and such because if I don't her feelings will be hurt"  you have reached the point where you should stop including people.  

    [Deleted User]GamersElope16
  • My best friend recently went to a wedding with 12 bridesmaids and an additional 8 'honored girls' (??) BMs did the normal thing, honored girls all had matching dresses (in a different color than BMs), all walked down the aisle, had hair/makeup done for them, and had tiny bouquets - they did not stand throughout the wedding however. 
    THAT is too many.
    lc07
  • what @kmmssg said! I have a very defined group of 7 friends. And I also wanted to include my sister and DH's sisters, but unfortunately I just couldn't afford that many bouquets, or that many seats at my RD. I ended up going with my high school bestie (also in the group) and the siblings for a total of four instead of having an overly large wedding party. Costs definitely should be a factor!

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My best friend recently went to a wedding with 12 bridesmaids and an additional 8 'honored girls' (??) BMs did the normal thing, honored girls all had matching dresses (in a different color than BMs), all walked down the aisle, had hair/makeup done for them, and had tiny bouquets - they did not stand throughout the wedding however. 
    THAT is too many.

    AND imagine how the 'honored girls' felt knowing they were not good enough to be BMs!  Talk about 2nd tier! 
    InLoveInQueensMesmrEwelc07
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