Invite officiant to reception?

[Deleted User]

We have our venue! I'm relieved to have found a place that can accommodate 100% guest attendance (plus spares for singles who may be in relationships by the time our wedding rolls around), offers indoor/outdoor ceremony options, cocktails & dinner & hosted bar affordable for us... everything onsite in one beautiful location  

I'd appreciate your thoughts on inviting officiants to the reception. What is the proper etiquette? In our situation this will be a wedding commissioner for a non-religious (and brief) ceremony. 

We're not opposed to inviting them to the reception, if that is required. However, this person will essentially be a stranger to us, although they will of course be playing a very important part.

Opinions welcome! If it makes a difference, we're inviting close friends and family only (i.e. not co-workers or parents' friends we don't know). I definitely don't want to be rude to the person marrying us!

lyndausvi

Our officiant specifically told us NOT to invite him.  Which we had no plans on inviting him anyway.  To me he was nothing but a vendor (an expensive one at that).   He did pop into our RD open house.

Had we had gotten married in a house of worship or had someone of the clergy or friend perform the ceremony we would have.

holyguacamole79

A&B567 said:

We have our venue! I'm relieved to have found a place that can accommodate 100% guest attendance (plus spares for singles who may be in relationships by the time our wedding rolls around), offers indoor/outdoor ceremony options, cocktails & dinner & hosted bar affordable for us... everything onsite in one beautiful location  

I'd appreciate your thoughts on inviting officiants to the reception. What is the proper etiquette? In our situation this will be a wedding commissioner for a non-religious (and brief) ceremony. 

We're not opposed to inviting them to the reception, if that is required. However, this person will essentially be a stranger to us, although they will of course be playing a very important part.

Opinions welcome! If it makes a difference, we're inviting close friends and family only (i.e. not co-workers or parents' friends we don't know). I definitely don't want to be rude to the person marrying us!

Is the officiant participating in the rehearsal? The last few times I've been in weddings, the DOC ran the rehearsal and the officiant wasn't even there.

Since in your case, the officiant is essentially a vendor, so you should be fine not inviting him. If he will be involved in the rehearsal and your budget allows for it, it's a simple and nice gesture to invite him.

Our officiant was a family friend, so we definitely invited him.


ETA: I have no idea why, but I answered this thinking you meant the rehearsal dinner and not the reception.

Still, I don't think it's necessary to invite him/her.

[Deleted User]

Good question! We haven't planned a rehearsal yet, so that's something to consider. The venue (restaurant in a heritage building) has event staff/coordinators, so I could ask them what they usually do for rehearsals. Our wedding party will only be my sister as MOH and FI's brother as BM, so at least there's a small number of people to wrangle.

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

Our officiant specifically told us NOT to invite him.  Which we had no plans on inviting him anyway.  To me he was nothing but a vendor (an expensive one at that).   He did pop into our RD open house.

Had we had gotten married in a house of worship or had someone of the clergy or friend perform the ceremony we would have.

We would *love* to have a friend/family member perform the ceremony. I can't quite figure out if people can become marriage commissioners (in Canada) for a single wedding... research!

Iamnowmrsjms

OP, we had the same type of ceremony you will be having (short, non-religious).
While I didn't mail our officiant a formal invitation, I did email him prior to tell him, "let me know if you'll be staying for the reception so we can have a place and meal for you." He said he had a family obligation after, so he would not attend, which was fine.

I looked at it this way, I'm providing a meal for my other vendors, why wouldn't I do the same for him, if he wanted to stay?

[Deleted User]

Iamnowmrsjms said:

OP, we had the same type of ceremony you will be having (short, non-religious).
While I didn't mail our officiant a formal invitation, I did email him prior to tell him, "let me know if you'll be staying for the reception so we can have a place and meal for you." He said he had a family obligation after, so he would not attend, which was fine.

I looked at it this way, I'm providing a meal for my other vendors, why wouldn't I do the same for him, if he wanted to stay?

I like this approach. FWIW, the officiant will be the only "vendor." I'm a gardener and have 16 months to plan out centrepieces - which will be enjoyable for me and not an exhausting DIY effort! We checked with the venue and this is fine. At the moment, professional photography isn't in the budget. I'd love it to be, but it's a choice we've discussed vs. the venue, food & beverage we'd like to provide. Might be able to re-worke finances in other areas to allow for it. We'll be using an iPod & sound system for music (not DJ). Event staff and coordinators are employees of the venue - am I missing other vendors? Entirely possible  

Jen4948

If your relationship with your officiant goes beyond "vendor" then I would invite them and their SO to the reception. If you have no relationship with them beyond their being your officiant, then I think it isn't necessary to invite them and their SO to the reception.

charlotte989875

We invited our officiant and his wife who we paid to perform the ceremony and for the use of the church. We didn't have a "relationship" with him, but we did do three sessions of premarital counseling. They declined because of other obligations, but we would have loved to have them at the rehearsal dinner or the reception.

luckya23

We invited our minister to the reception, but he didn't attend.  He did come to the RD, however.  DH's family are involved in that church, but I only met him for our pre-marriage counseling.

JoanE2012

Iamnowmrsjms said:

OP, we had the same type of ceremony you will be having (short, non-religious).
While I didn't mail our officiant a formal invitation, I did email him prior to tell him, "let me know if you'll be staying for the reception so we can have a place and meal for you." He said he had a family obligation after, so he would not attend, which was fine.

I looked at it this way, I'm providing a meal for my other vendors, why wouldn't I do the same for him, if he wanted to stay?

We did not invite our officiant to the reception - he was a paid vendor.  The reason why the DJ and photographer got a meal was because they were there for a much longer period of time (and required a meal as part of their contract).

SP29

Agree with Jen4948.

If your officiant is merely a vendor, then you aren't require to invite them to the reception.

If you have some sort of relationship (i.e. they are your church pastor, or a family friend) then I would invite them (and their SO, if they have one).

Our officiant was a friend of my grandparents, so we invited him and his wife. They declined, but did attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. 

downtondiva

We invited our officiant to the reception, even though we didn't have any relationship with him beyond that. He came by the cocktail hour but didn't stay for the rest. It's nice to invite them, but you don't absolutely have to.

Iamnowmrsjms

downtondiva said:

We invited our officiant to the reception, even though we didn't have any relationship with him beyond that. He came by the cocktail hour but didn't stay for the rest. It's nice to invite them, but you don't absolutely have to.

THIS
I said that I invited my officiant, but it was a nicety, since he traveled two hours for our ceremony.  I didn't say it was a requirement, or rude not to.
You don't HAVE to invite him/her, but it's a nice gesture, if your budget and venue space allows.

cupcait927

You don't have to invite them. We did invite ours, but she had also worked a wedding in the afternoon, then drove an hour to our ceremony with no chance to eat in between. I didn't want her driving an hour back home after working all day with no dinner, so we invited her. She is a lovely woman and definitely appreciated the gesture.

thisismynickname2

PPs have it covered. I did invite my officiant (just a vendor) and his wife via casual email ("let me know if you'd like to stay for dinner") and they accepted. We sat them with some family. Considering they drove into the city from the burbs at mealtime to do the ceremony I'm not surprised. They later complimented how nice everything was.
It's definitely nice of you to do but not required.

[Deleted User]

Thanks everyone! Great to have the feedback.

NicRen17

I invited my pastor and his family (wife and 2 girls) to the reception. Not only is he our church pastor but his girls were significant to the reason we joined the church and had him perform the ceremony. I am very happy that they not only came to the wedding but they did attend the reception and we had a ball!

madamerwin

We invited our officiant and his wife, but that's because he is my dad I think if we had hired someone with whom we had no relationship, we probably would have extended an invite anyway out of courtesy, but I definitely don't think it's required.

However, if you have a rehearsal, I think you should invite your officiant (and SO if applicable) to the rehearsal dinner. Though not sure what etiquette has to say about that.

AddieCake

We invited our officiant b/c he was the husband of a woman I taught with. Initially, we were not planning on inviting her, but then I felt weird not doing so b/c we ARE friends, but we were trying to limit the work friends to mostly people in my department to avoid hurt feelings.