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Registering and Gifts

Living in Germany, wedding in the states

I don't know what to do. We won't be back to the states before the wedding, so no showers. We really actually need a lot of stuff, but registering just feels so complicated. Appliances on an American website have different voltage. I don't even know the big German department stores to register or if that's even a thing here. My sis suggested registering for gift cards, but that's basically asking for money, and I don't think I could even use them. American sheets don't fit on our European bed. We aren't taking a honeymoon, so a honey fund doesn't make sense, and I think it's slightly tacky anyway. We really need new kitchenware, and I'do r to register for that, but if people bring stuff to the wedding, we'll have trouble transporting stuff that big. And we can't do Amazon and ask people to ship internationally, that's rude. What do you all think? My gut says to put on the website something that indicates we aren't asking for tangible gifts due to our situation and tell them that their presence is present enough. People will hopefully figure it out without us pout blank asking for money. Any thoughts?

Re: Living in Germany, wedding in the states

  • I don't know what to do. We won't be back to the states before the wedding, so no showers. We really actually need a lot of stuff, but registering just feels so complicated. Appliances on an American website have different voltage. I don't even know the big German department stores to register or if that's even a thing here. My sis suggested registering for gift cards, but that's basically asking for money, and I don't think I could even use them. American sheets don't fit on our European bed. We aren't taking a honeymoon, so a honey fund doesn't make sense, and I think it's slightly tacky anyway. We really need new kitchenware, and I'do r to register for that, but if people bring stuff to the wedding, we'll have trouble transporting stuff that big. And we can't do Amazon and ask people to ship internationally, that's rude. What do you all think? My gut says to put on the website something that indicates we aren't asking for tangible gifts due to our situation and tell them that their presence is present enough. People will hopefully figure it out without us pout blank asking for money. Any thoughts?

    Personally, I wouldn't register for anything. Most guests will give cash at a wedding, especially knowing your situation. Use that to purchase what you need in Germany. You probably will still have some random gifts, but you can approach that on an as needed basis.  Remember not to mention anything on your invitations.
  • Thanks for the advice! I know what you mean with the last paragraph, but I have a hard time following the etiquette logic. Honestly, if people weren't expecting gifts they wouldn't register for them in the first place, because they hadn't expected anyone to go buy them a toaster, let one inform everyone where to buy the red one they really want. Making a verbal statement like "hey thanks for thinking of us, but we don't need much" vs "here is where you can buy all the glorious things I want to fill my home with right down to the mattress pad" are essentially the same thing. One statement answers the implied question, "what can we get for you to help you as you start a new life together?" negatively (oh we don't need
    much, it's too complicated, but thanks anyway) and the other positively ( we need a toaster, and knives and bedding and pots and pans....). I don't know why one is perceived as tacky because it goes against the cultural norm. I don't know. My fiancé is confused by the whole thing in the first place. Where he's from, it's presumptuous to sign up for presents assuming people will go out or their way to go buy you stuff, and the culture is to give money to a new couple, because everyone knows that's what they really need. I guess we all have different perspectives and since most of our guests are American, I'll respect the culture and just remove the registry from the website all together. I just wish sometimes our old world rules would catch-up with current day realities.
  • Sorry VicTim, that post was in reference to the one before yours. I haven't figured out how to use the quote feature thing. Posting in forums isn't exactly my forte!
  • You can register at German Amazon.  People will be able to ship to your German address for free for most stuff, and their website has an English beta version.  It's not perfect yet, but my parents shipped some Christmas gifts to me this year (living in Holland, German Amazon ships free to us as well), and they were able to get through the ordering process without a problem.

    If you don't register then people will more than likely just give you cash given your situation, but the German Amazon may be something to explore.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sorry VicTim, that post was in reference to the one before yours. I haven't figured out how to use the quote feature thing. Posting in forums isn't exactly my forte!
    @Knottie1448297048 - if you want to quote a person's response click the "quote" button that you see right below their post.  It will appear as a grey bock in your reply area.  Just know that sometimes the boxes can get wonky, but most times the grey quote will appear and then you click in the white area and type away.

  • Yeah, I tried that, but I didn't know how to just keep part of the post, and not the whole thing. I know, I'm illiterate. Thanks for the help though. I just had hashtags explained to me for the first time a couple weeks ago. Shame on me, I know. I'm a 31 year old dinosaur.
  • Thanks for the advice! I know what you mean with the last paragraph, but I have a hard time following the etiquette logic. Honestly, if people weren't expecting gifts they wouldn't register for them in the first place, because they hadn't expected anyone to go buy them a toaster, let one inform everyone where to buy the red one they really want. Making a verbal statement like "hey thanks for thinking of us, but we don't need much" vs "here is where you can buy all the glorious things I want to fill my home with right down to the mattress pad" are essentially the same thing. One statement answers the implied question, "what can we get for you to help you as you start a new life together?" negatively (oh we don't need much, it's too complicated, but thanks anyway) and the other positively ( we need a toaster, and knives and bedding and pots and pans....). I don't know why one is perceived as tacky because it goes against the cultural norm. I don't know. My fiancé is confused by the whole thing in the first place. Where he's from, it's presumptuous to sign up for presents assuming people will go out or their way to go buy you stuff, and the culture is to give money to a new couple, because everyone knows that's what they really need. I guess we all have different perspectives and since most of our guests are American, I'll respect the culture and just remove the registry from the website all together. I just wish sometimes our old world rules would catch-up with current day realities.
    So, the thing about registries.... you're not asking people to buy you things, you're telling them that should they choose to give you a gift, here's what matches your decor and what you really need.  These are the things that you'll most appreciate.  Of course, you'll be thankful for any gift, but grey towels will be more well-used than pink towels, your china pattern is such-and-such, and none of your current steak knives cut steak.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2015
    I would forgo the registry. People will get that you live abroad and can't take stuff back with you, and that shipping is expensive. If anyone gives a gift, it is likely to be cash.

    If anyone asks, you can let them know you didn't register since you live abroad, or that you are saving up for kitchen items. 

    P.S. To add onto @adk19 the registry also shouldn't be broadcast. You may have seen/heard of people listing their registry on their invitation or as in insert in the invitation envelope, which makes you think- isn't that asking for a gift? Yes, it is. Which is why registry info doesn't go on or near the invitation. Best spread by word of mouth. It can be placed on a wedding website, simply listed (We are registered at X), on a separate tab- guests can choose to look at it or not. 
    [Deleted User]
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